Top 5 Super Sassy Sartorially-Slaying Femme Fatales

Today’s meltdown alert: The X-Men: Days of Future Past trailer looks all kinds of transcendently incredible. Mostly because of Ororo Munroe, better known as Storm (miscast by Halle Berry if I do say so myself, damnit) rocking the pixie cut. It’s not as immaculate as the cartoon Storm’s mohawk circa the ‘70s, but it’ll do. Also, everyone’s dream BFF Jennifer Lawrence is in the movie. So there’s that. In related news, I think I’ll name my next cat Ororo. Anyway, I’ve had a major affinity for the super sass sartorial-slaying femme fatale since I was like seven. Which brings me to needing to take a walk/strut down Girl Power lane.

The new trailer:

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Sorry Sarah Michelle. It’s all about 1992’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Shout out to the casting director for being amazing. Kristy Swanson plays Buffy, who transforms from vapid cheerleader boasting the best one-liners ever to a backflipping vampire slayer, all the while clad in a cheerleader uniform, a puffy prom dress, and/or lots of high-waisted denim/oversized flannels. Also, there’s my dream man Luke Perry, David Arquette, Hilary Swank (as a pre-Oscar trophy valley girl!), and the dude that plays Pee-wee Herman. The fashion is so good, right up there with the looks in another ‘90s gem, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.

I can’t even deal with this behind-the-scenes video.

Bonus:

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
Xena: Warrior Princess changed my tween life. I totally mastered her iconic war cry/squeal, the “yee-yee-yee!!!” high-pitched thing. And I used a frisbee as an attempt to copy her weapon which I’d like to point out is very creative for a kid. Also, let’s discuss Xena’s outfit. YAS! There’s just something about a breastplate and metal mini-skirt that I really appreciate. Someone, PLEASE cast Lucy Lawless in something ASAP.

The Xena iconic battle cry:

SABLE BOMB
While y’all were predictably obsessed with Pam Anderson, I was crushing on/wanting to be WWF Diva Sable. The badass bombshell’s catwoman-rivaling catsuits and the occasional high braided ponytail was everything. I loved her so much. When hearing her intro music, which involves the cracking of a whip and a lion growl, I’d lose my gay mind. And don’t get me started on those “evening gown matches” in which the winner must rip off opponents gown. Then there’s the iconic bikini tournament, which Sable won but later was unjustly disqualified. Because apparently the WWF doesn’t consider pasties a bikini top. You’re forever my winner, Sable.

STORM
My ultimate superhero diva forever will be Storm, specifically the Fox Kid’s version. I’m still upset that my Storm action figure lost her arm in a battle with Skipper. I’m also forever haunted by the moments when Storm would freak out because of claustrophobia and soaring too high in the sky.

THE YELLOW RANGER
My everything. The original yellow ranger. Totally my first crush. RIP to the actress behind the yellow suit, Thuy Trang, who was killed in a car accident (at 27!) in 2001. <3