10 Things Wendy Williams Taught Me

I wish I could say Wendy Williams was my spirit animal, but she’s too fucking fabulous to even go there. I am not worthy. She’s a pearl; I’m costume jewelry. Other Wendy-related wishes/my bucket list: to be blessed enough to be on The Wendy Williams Show panel as a sassy “pop culture expert,” which would involve us together serving several cups of truth tea, which would mostly translate to shading Gwyn Paltrow (Wendy is not a fan, because she “takes herself too seriously” aka Gwynnie is basically just so vomit-inducing kinds of awful) and Kris “THAT WOMAN!” Jenner. Another wish: to have a tour of Wendy’s walk-in wig closet. This scenario visits my dreams often, which probably has something to do with my late night ritual of cuddling my cat/laptop whilst hardcore amounts of LOL-ing occur due to Wendy’s ‘Hot Topics’, which, FYI, is so much better than porn, late night Soul Cycle/Tracy Anderson sessions (Wendy would NEVER fuck with those messes), and other de-stressers. I enjoy Wendy’s “come close” moments on ‘Hot Topics,’ which is when the camera literally comes closer/zooms in on her beautifulness as she whispers some hot piping truth tea about [insert pop culture mess here].

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here. I’m living for the Tori Spelling drama as of late.) Someone give me a budget and I’d be so down to produce an infomercial advertising the ways in which Wendy can lift all clouds of depression. She’s loud, she’s proud (especially of her Jersey roots), and, I’ll say it again, she’s fucking fabulous — I also would like to interview her stylists who’ve got a serious penchant for colorful, form-fitting dresses (I was really into Wendy’s recent Easter Sunday look), and whom she constantly shouts out and features on her after show. Oprah might’ve given away small countries to her audience, but Wendy calls her audience her co-hosts! (She’s so genuinely nice and real and etc!!!!!) Sure, she isn’t the most PC — she’s gotten shit from like every damn “community” there is, but that’s just another reason why I am obsessed with her. I mean, she doesn’t call it the “tell it like it is” show for nothing. There’s also the iconic and quite addicting intro song which blasts as Wendy makes her grand entrance (before sashaying SO CUTELY in her heels to her seat and using her note cards as a napkin when she’s not feeling the excessive lipstick).

Another highlight is when the self-professed “girl’s girl” demands her celeb guests to give the audience some “shoe cam” (a camera which zooms in on often times especially sparkly shoes) — my favorite always being Whoopi Goldberg’s quirky kicks, specifically the light-up ones. Perhaps the best bit is her crazy ass audience who perpetually queen out for Queen Wendy. I dare you to try not to smile as her audience/“co-hosts” greet Wendy back with her signature “how you doin?!” at the show’s start complete with the double wrist flips. I’m not sure why I haven’t been up in that audience yet, living my dream out loud. Sigh. Until then, I’d like to thank Wendy Williams for making me very happy in addition for teaching me a slew of imperative life lessons. Which brings me to today’s Hot Topics! I mean, the Fan Out: What I’ve Learned from Wendy edition.

WENDY TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE

There was a time when I attended some fancy event where I would meet Kelly Rowland (she’s lovely) and be too afraid to approach Jennifer Lopez. On that immaculate evening, I also met Wendy fucking Williams. But this was long before ‘Hot Topics’ would change my existence, so, no, I did not faint. I interviewed her briefly about her beauty tips, in which she revealed THIS:

“Chapstick and Aquaphor. But you know, I don’t wear a lot of makeup in my own life anymore, because I get so done up for the show. So now I have an appreciation for sunglasses and Chapstick… and a wig, of course!”

(She also told me that I have a beautiful smile.) P.S. She wore THIS.
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WENDY TAUGHT ME TO EDUCATE MY PALATE

Wendy’s always discussing what she made her beloved hubby and son for dinner on the after show, often using magazine tear-outs of recipes — she’s just like us y’all. But what really fascinates me is her affinity for a can of sardines. In this fantastic clip, you’ll find Wendy in her (fabulously decorated) office as she squeezes out the sardine juice into a plastic cup, spills aforementioned juice on seat (*huff* “there’s nothing worse than sardine juice on your couch”), spices up the sardines with a bottle of Red Hot sauce (which, sorry, Sriracha, is my favorite condiment,) pepper and something else but my eyes hurt as I paused the video and tried to zoom in. Oh well. She graciously reveals to her audience that sardines are a “safe fish” with “like no mercury at all” and “loaded in omega three and fatty acids.” Wendy recommends not paying attention to their “cute little sardine faces” and then makes her best cute little sardine face.

WENDY TAUGHT ME HOW TO REMAIN CALM, COMPOSED AND CUNTY WHILST DESTROYING THAT THING CALLED “OMAROSA”

This will be the best ten minutes of your life. My personal highlight is part two at 4:00 in which a standing ovation for Wendy obviously ensues.

PART 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOIC9L9TYe8

PART 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7LbxWsNBzY

WENDY TAUGHT ME THAT EVEN BARBARA WALTERS SOMETIMES NEEDS TO TAKE SEVERAL SEATS

I’ve hated Barbara Walters ever since she tried to come for the princess of pop aka Britney. Well, really, Barbs sat down with Justin Timberlake in an interview in which he’d essentially destroy and defame Britney right after their breakup for some promo for his shitty album, and, DARE I SAY IT, NOW VERY DATED “CRY ME A RIVER” SONG/VIDEO. Anyway, Barbara scares me. But she does NOT scare Wendy as seen in this clip. Barbara’s consistent shade had me grinding my teeth in fury, and Wendy does NOT play that. You’re my hero, Wendy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKE096tyspw

WENDY TAUGHT ME INNOVATIVE WAYS TO WIPE AWAY MY TEQUILA TEARS

Try it:
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WENDY TAUGHT ME TO ALWAYS REMEMBER TO SAY “ALLEGEDLY” WHEN GOSSIPING TO AVOID LAWSUITS

I counted four “allegedly”s in under a minute and a half.

WENDY TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE A DRAMATIC EXIT LIKE NO OTHER
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WENDY TAUGHT ME A WHOLE NEW VOCABULARY/WAY OF LIFE

Getting “turnt up” is so last season. It’s all about “dipping it ‘n’ doing it.”

Before she reads ridiculous celeb quotes from her note cards: “I’ll read. And then I’ll READ.”

When she’s all like “I feel bad even reporting this news,” but…. “It’s my duty.”

When she educates us: “I’m gonna break it down for you.”

Also, “clapation” is my ultimate Wendy-ism.

WENDY CONFIRMS THAT IT’S OKAY TO LOL AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY TAKE A MAJOR TUMBLE

WENDY CONFIRMS THAT IT’S ALSO OKAY TO SPIT OUT YOUR COFFEE/FALL OUT OF YOUR SEAT DUE TO LOLING

A must watch on all accounts. “I’m gonna break it down.”

IN SUMMARY, IF SOMEONE DOESN’T GET ME ON THE WENDY WILLIAMS SHOW ASAP, SOMEONE’S GONNA DIE! (ALLEGEDLY.)

Top 5 Super Sassy Sartorially-Slaying Femme Fatales

Today’s meltdown alert: The X-Men: Days of Future Past trailer looks all kinds of transcendently incredible. Mostly because of Ororo Munroe, better known as Storm (miscast by Halle Berry if I do say so myself, damnit) rocking the pixie cut. It’s not as immaculate as the cartoon Storm’s mohawk circa the ‘70s, but it’ll do. Also, everyone’s dream BFF Jennifer Lawrence is in the movie. So there’s that. In related news, I think I’ll name my next cat Ororo. Anyway, I’ve had a major affinity for the super sass sartorial-slaying femme fatale since I was like seven. Which brings me to needing to take a walk/strut down Girl Power lane.
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The new trailer:

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Sorry Sarah Michelle. It’s all about 1992’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Shout out to the casting director for being amazing. Kristy Swanson plays Buffy, who transforms from vapid cheerleader boasting the best one-liners ever to a backflipping vampire slayer, all the while clad in a cheerleader uniform, a puffy prom dress, and/or lots of high-waisted denim/oversized flannels. Also, there’s my dream man Luke Perry, David Arquette, Hilary Swank (as a pre-Oscar trophy valley girl!), and the dude that plays Pee-wee Herman. The fashion is so good, right up there with the looks in another ‘90s gem, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.

I can’t even deal with this behind-the-scenes video.

Bonus:
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XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS
Xena: Warrior Princess changed my tween life. I totally mastered her iconic war cry/squeal, the “yee-yee-yee!!!” high-pitched thing. And I used a frisbee as an attempt to copy her weapon which I’d like to point out is very creative for a kid. Also, let’s discuss Xena’s outfit. YAS! There’s just something about a breastplate and metal mini-skirt that I really appreciate. Someone, PLEASE cast Lucy Lawless in something ASAP.

The Xena iconic battle cry:

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SABLE BOMB
While y’all were predictably obsessed with Pam Anderson, I was crushing on/wanting to be WWF Diva Sable. The badass bombshell’s catwoman-rivaling catsuits and the occasional high braided ponytail was everything. I loved her so much. When hearing her intro music, which involves the cracking of a whip and a lion growl, I’d lose my gay mind. And don’t get me started on those “evening gown matches” in which the winner must rip off opponents gown. Then there’s the iconic bikini tournament, which Sable won but later was unjustly disqualified. Because apparently the WWF doesn’t consider pasties a bikini top. You’re forever my winner, Sable.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VbuyYupJ_g

STORM
My ultimate superhero diva forever will be Storm, specifically the Fox Kid’s version. I’m still upset that my Storm action figure lost her arm in a battle with Skipper. I’m also forever haunted by the moments when Storm would freak out because of claustrophobia and soaring too high in the sky.
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THE YELLOW RANGER
My everything. The original yellow ranger. Totally my first crush. RIP to the actress behind the yellow suit, Thuy Trang, who was killed in a car accident (at 27!) in 2001. <3
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Friendship Never Ends for One Writer’s Codependent Spice Girls Obsession

I’ll never forget and have yet to fully recover from my first breakup. Sure, it’s been nearly two decades. And I was a (not-fully-realized gay) tween. But you’d be perma-traumatized too if your spirit animal/other half/soul sis/etc. called it quits. It was May of 1998 and I had once again snuck downstairs onto my father’s computer to get my daily dose of inappropriate chat rooms and jamming the printer from my Xena: Warrior Princess print-a-thons. I was computer banned after my family blamed me for the Gateway 2000’s slew of Trojan Horses. But my other half always taught me to make my own rules, to believe in Girl Power! Pro platforms and anti-panties! To pinch Prince Charles’ bum! During my tween years, hearing AOL’s “You’ve Got Mail!” (actually, I learned how to customize it to be my own .WAV file, which meant mine was the opening platform-stomping/giggle bit of the Spice Girls’ iconic smash, “Wannabe”,) usually provided euphoria, but on this dark day, I squealed as if my hamster died. The AOL inbox subject line read: “Ginger Spice calls it quits!”

Yeah, the bitch broke up with me via email.

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I hid my Union Jack dress-clad Ginger Spice doll (still in its case!) behind Sean John hoodies in the corner of my closet. I discontinued my very own “e-newsletter” aka ‘The Spice Gazette’ complete with a typo-ridden (I WAS 12!) dramatic exit letter. And I went back to that grating “You’ve Got Mail!” sound default. In other words, this was my life:

But, as Scary Spice croons on the Spice Girls’ RIP Ginger tribute (“Goodbye”), “Look for the rainbow in every storm!” YAS BITCHES: ‘Twas a Spice World once again in 2007 with the gals’ worldwide reunion tour. All was right in the world. Especially the tour costumes designed by Roberto fucking Cavalli, apparently secured by the now fashion world heavyweight Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham.

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But then, heartbreak #2 happened. It started at the 2012 Olympics with the Spice Girls “surprise” performance, which resulted in a viral GIF of Scary, Baby, Ginger, Sporty bouncing around like school girls at recess whilst a resting-bitch-face Posh Spice strutted to the side away from them. Friendship never ends, Vicky?


Then there was the premiere of the short-lived Spice Girls musical, Viva Forever, in which Vicky passed on a group photo with her bandmates on the red carpet and opted to arrive late with her hubby and kids for a non-smiling family portrait. Mrs. Beckham officially put a high heel in my heart in January when confirming she’d NEVER reunite with the Spice Girls again via her Vanity Fair Italy cover story. I’m not so sure about this “first cut is the deepest” shit. Once again, I am bloody gutted.

C’mon Vic: give us what we want, what we really, really want. (And not those expensive fucking dresses, dammit.) Posh might want to forget about the BEST YEARS OF HER EXISTENCE, but I’m here to remind her why she’ll always be a Spice Girl. My heart is very forgiving. Come back to us. Please.

Okay. Here’s the best #TBT you’ll ever witness: The Spice Girls circa ‘94/95 (??) pre-fame and performing at a showcase. Posh’s vocals (and that Adidas t-shirt) slay!!!

Posh hasn’t smiled since Spice World. I wonder why???
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Here’s the ONLY time Victoria was on the cover of American Vogue. #FunFact
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She’s not that innocent. (POSH SPICE SOLO CAREER!!!!)

Um. Do we remember Posh for Rocawear?!
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Also, remembs when Posh was FUNNY?
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I’d like to thank Victoria for teaching me how to talk/sing/seduce with my hands.

Musician On the Rise: Lissie

Meet Lissie. Perez Hilton praised her ages ago, she’s been hailed by some as the new Stevie Nicks, and her full-length debut, Catching A Tiger, is a stark rejection of the Gaga-fied, auto-tuned pop world we live in. She is simple and authentic. She’s also interested in hedonism and claims to have no musical influences—pretty astounding for a young musician (the latter, anyway). We spoke to Lissie on the phone from Norway about her inspirations (don’t get those confused with influences), covering Kid Cudi, and being addicted to celebrity gossip.

Much of Catching A Tiger has this nostalgic, Midwestern feel to it. Now that you’re traveling so much, have you found yourself inspired to write while on the road? With the EP, I did have more influences of my younger years, of going to church and living in a blue collar town on the Mississippi River. Catching A Tiger is a lot about this break up I went through. And as I’m traveling and spending time away from loved ones, it leads my mind to think of concepts more – of this longing to be a good person and not care about what other people think. There’s more about that than about being dumped. I find the lyrics are more about being independent and being strong and having faith in myself and others. That kind of comes through having a job that requires you to take a risk and be separate from your comfort zone a lot.

When did you realize you could really sing? From the age of three, there’s home videos and something’s happening in the room, and there I am sitting on a rocking chair, humming to myself like an alien child. That was before anyone told me about singing. Even at seven or eight, people would come over and I’d make up a song and sing it to them and really get into it. And my mom would be like, Where is this coming from? When I was eight, I probably wanted to be Madonna or Janet Jackson, but I never really thought about it that way. It was just a part of me. It was how I expressed my feelings. When I got older, I realized I’m not really good at anything else, so I might try to do this as a job.

Was there one record that really spoke to you growing up? When I was eight, I got this microphone stand with lights on the base of it for Christmas. And I’d go in the basement and I loved Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation, the one cassette that I had. I would play it over and over again, sing along to it and dance. I went to a Neil Diamond concert when I was nine or ten, and I don’t think I was that into it. But I still remember it because we got to go on the stage and I was thinking, Wow, this is really cool. When I was in theater, I was Annie in the play at the age of nine. The environment of being in the dressing room or the smell of Aquanet — there were just certain things about the theater that just felt right. But when I was in high school, I went to Lilith Fair when I was 16 and that was a moment when I remember watching the Dixie Chicks. That was a moment when I was like, I have to do this.

Your cover of Kid Cudi’s “Pursuit of Happiness” went viral. Why did you choose to cover it? I was home last summer with my best friend Sarah. She was in the car and puts on the Kid Cudi album, and I felt like I had maybe heard it. I was like, I love this song, and we listened to it like five times. We were basically driving around Rock Island, and she was kinda drunk driving, which is so bad, I know. And we were smoking a blunt, which I don’t really do anymore, but it was this classic high school moment. The song was narrating our night. I googled the chorus when I got home and I started playing it on my acoustic guitar. I made it my own, changed the key, and showed it to my band. We started playing it live and that was that pretty much it. I ran into this guy, this jock, and he knew what it was because it was on the Kansas City basketball team’s blog, the last person I thought who would be a fan of mine.

Can you tell me about the creative process of Catching a Tiger? Well, that conversation will happen more as I move forward. To be honest with you, the EP just happened. Not by accident, but based on Bill Reynolds [from Band of Horses] and I hanging out and making music. I think I realized my sound through trial and error more than actual intention. Sometimes that’s how my process works. The best things I do happen on their own without me trying. If I try to make a big statement, it gets sort of convoluted because I put too much pressure on it. But moving forward, I need to find a balance.

In the past, you’ve said simplicity and being real is important to you. Why? It sounds sort of obnoxious when I say it, but I’m trying to be real. I lived in LA for five years, and I didn’t want to be mysterious. I don’t want people to feel I’m more interesting than them, or cooler. It’s about being myself and being okay with it, knowing that it might not always make me feel cool or mysterious. Well, fuck that. Life’s too short to worry about that.

Is authenticity and simplicity lacking in most mainstream music? As far as modern music, there is good music but, it’s a bit frustrating at times when popular songs are really hedonistic. I’m really into hedonism – getting drunk, having sex, having fun. Everyone needs to let loose and do that. But for example, I read Perez Hilton a lot. I’m addicted to celebrity gossip. It’s a guilty pleasure. He’s been doing a lot about bullying and young people killing themselves. And I sort of look at that and look at the music he champions. Shouldn’t music be about topics that are more about just looking good and having fun? Music should be about celebrating who you are and finding peace with who you are in this universe. If one of Black Eyed Peas’ songs come on, I can’t help tap my toes because of the beat. But they sing about True Religion jeans. These are jeans that cost two hundred dollars a pair. Why are we singing about it? Why is everything so vacuous?

There’s lots of to describe your sound. Who would you say is your biggest musical influences? Well, it’s weird. Because the stuff that I listen to that really moves me doesn’t necessarily influence what I sound like. When I was 14, Sarah McLachlan was a big influence. When I was 20, probably Liz Phair. Since then, it’s been the Grateful Dead. But the stuff that influences me is music that lets you go off in a place in your head and encourage your fans to befriend one another. I’ve got the Stevie Nicks comparison and that’s a huge compliment, but I wouldn’t say anyone really is an influence to me. I almost don’t listen to music, unless it’s the Grateful Dead. If I listen to artists that are in the same vein as me, I analyze what they’re doing and I feel like a jerk. It sort of ruins music for me.

Almost Famous Person Sky Ferreira Calls Famous People a Drag

People started making a big deal of Sky Ferreira’s age after Katy Perry posted a picture of her on Twitter. And not because Perry was tweeting about a 17-year-old girl most people hadn’t yet heard about, but because that 17-year-old girl was holding a bottle of Vodka between her legs, which were spread wide open. “I found it really funny, but my mom and PR, not so much,” says Ferreira as she looks back on the incident that, let’s face it, helped forward her career. Now, much is being made of the her beyond-her-years aura. She’s not much older than Justin Bieber, but magazines like Nylon, Dazed and Interview are pouncing on the Los Angeles native, transforming her into the new darling of art and fashion circles. Like most things these days, it all began online for Ferreira. A song posted on her MySpace page made people take notice, including the Swedish production gods Bloodshy & Avant. The duo behind Britney Spears’ “Toxic” began mentoring Ferreira, and produced “One,” the first single off her debut album out later this year. Here she is on her influences, being BFFS with Katy Perry, and why famous people are a drag

You recently moved from L.A. to NY. Why the move and where have you been spending your time? I needed a change. People my age move away to go to college, so I decided to move somewhere else and learn to be on my own. I’ve been working so much, I still can’t really give you a place. But I did find some pretty good clothing for my live show at The Reformation.

There’s a lot of people talking about your age and your getting into clubs with famous friends. I’m really not all that wild. Maybe on occasions. And when I go out it’s mostly just to see people I don’t get to see during the day because of this insane rehearsal schedule. It’s awkward how people get fascinated by the “who knows who” thing or whatever. I just like to be nice to everyone. P.S., famous people are a drag. They have to be careful of everything they do. Yawn.

Was the song “17” a response to the fascination about your age? It was a bit of an inside joke about me being 15 when I wrote it.

The Twitterverse went crazy when Katy Perry posted a racy picture of you and a bottle of vodka. How did you react? I found it really funny, but my mom and PR, not so much. I’d much rather avoid being part of the tabloid circuit in the future.

Speaking of Katy Perry, has she ever given you a great piece of career advice? We both do the same profession and it’s really nice having a friend on the same record label that can give me advice. At the moment, though, I just like to hang out with her and not really talk about work stuff. I’ll let everyone else bug her about that shit.

You mentioned to me once that you loved The Runaways. How do you relate to their story, and what did you think of the movie? I’ve loved the Runaways since I was 13. I was obsessed. I watched and learned and read everything about each member and Kim Fowley, who I almost worked with. At first I was pissed about them making Neon Angels a movie because I’m a selfish person. In my mind they were mine. Even though I was born about 30 years later. I’m glad they got the attention they deserved. I related to them as young women in the music industry and how people manipulate and take advantage of you because you are young and a girl.

Who else would you consider your major music influences? It seems like you avoided the Britneys and Christinas. I listen to tons of Madonna, Britney, Christina! I used to go through all my dad’s CDs. He was a big Elton John fan, so I learned all of his songs when I was like 9. Then I learned how to play them on the keyboard. I’d sit there playing for like hours till I learned “Candle In the Wind.” Then at 13, which was the same time I discovered The Runaways, I got obsessed with “Life on Mars?” But not The Ziggy Stardust Era! Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But you know how people love to drop that one interview? I don’t want to be another corny pop girl doing that shit. Anyway, it was the first time a song could make me cry. I used to think listening to it before I went to sleep would make me write a song just as great. It later became a habit that I still do until this day, except when I’m at someone’s house. That would just be weird if I started crying to David Bowie in the corner.

Do you consider yourself a rebel in a world dominated by Miley Cyrus? Not really. I’m just not quite sure what world I’m really in yet. I don’t feel like a pop princess, but I don’t feel quite “edgy indie band” either.

Tell me about your first official single, “One.” How did you get involved with Bloodshy & Avant [producers who have worked with Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Britney Spears]? I wrote some of the lyrics to “One” about two and a half years ago. I got to Sweden and they played me the track. Marit Bergman and I wrote the whole song within thirty minutes. It just came out naturally. It’s about being numb and wanting to feel love, happiness, sadness—anything, really. It’s kind of like the Tin Man wanting a heart. I wrote Bloodshy & Avant a letter right before my 15th birthday and told them to sign me. Then they did, kind of right off the bat

Who are you listening to right now? Shining Twins, Primary 1, and my favorite people, The Virgins.

What can we expect from the new album? This one is a dance record. I want to get all of the stupid fun shit out of the way while I’m young and it’s appropriate, so I don’t end up wanting to do it when I’m 40 and wearing a leather leotard with my ass hanging out.

Tell me about your songwriting process. What are you singing about? Observations I make of people. And I’m a big fan of numbers in case you haven’t noticed.

You filmed the “17” video with Cass Bird. How involved are you with the music videos and what can we expect from the “One” video? I like working with photographers for videos. “17” was done raw. It was dark, natural, and filmed beautifully. I wanted to base it off Christiane F, minus the heroin. I gave Cass a whole bunch of photos. I think it came out really well considering we started out with no budget, and EMI didn’t want to pay for it or even have it come out. Now it’s on MTV without the help of my label! Word! I had no idea who was going to do “One.” They had me speak to Sophie Muller and I love her work, but it didn’t seem right for this video. I based it off of young Jerry Hall and Brooke Shields, “Life On Mars?,” and, editing-wise, Marilyn Manson’s “The Dope Show,” and wanted it really clean-cut, something that wasn’t expected from me. I was shooting my album cover and my stylist was someone I met on a Rankin shoot. He spoke to Rankin about the song and then Rankin wanted to do the video. A week later we shot it in L.A. We make a good team.

Your career is about to launch. What do you want the world to know about Sky Ferreira? I’ll let the world discover it themselves. Can’t say. I don’t want to curse it.

Photo by Lisa Boyle.

Almost Famous Person Sky Ferreira Calls Famous People a Drag

By Alex Catarinella , June 29, 2010

People started making a big deal of Sky Ferreira’s age after Katy Perry posted a picture of her on Twitter. And not because Perry was tweeting about a 17-year-old girl most people hadn’t yet heard about, but because that 17-year-old girl was holding a bottle of Vodka between her legs, which were spread wide open. “I found it really funny, but my mom and PR, not so much,” says Ferreira as she looks back on the incident that, let’s face it, helped forward her career. Now, much is being made of the her beyond-her-years aura. She’s not much older than Justin Bieber, but magazines likeNylonDazed and Interview are pouncing on the Los Angeles native, transforming her into the new darling of art and fashion circles. Like most things these days, it all began online for Ferreira. A song posted on her MySpace page made people take notice, including the Swedish production gods Bloodshy & Avant. The duo behind Britney Spears’ “Toxic” began mentoring Ferreira, and produced “One,” the first single off her debut album out later this year. Here she is on her influences, being BFFS with Katy Perry, and why famous people are a drag

You recently moved from L.A. to NY. Why the move and where have you been spending your time? I needed a change. People my age move away to go to college, so I decided to move somewhere else and learn to be on my own. I’ve been working so much, I still can’t really give you a place. But I did find some pretty good clothing for my live show atThe Reformation.

There’s a lot of people talking about your age and your getting into clubs with famous friends. I’m really not all that wild. Maybe on occasions. And when I go out it’s mostly just to see people I don’t get to see during the day because of this insane rehearsal schedule. It’s awkward how people get fascinated by the “who knows who” thing or whatever. I just like to be nice to everyone. P.S., famous people are a drag. They have to be careful of everything they do. Yawn.

Was the song “17” a response to the fascination about your age? It was a bit of an inside joke about me being 15 when I wrote it.

The Twitterverse went crazy when Katy Perry posted a racy picture of you and a bottle of vodka. How did you react? I found it really funny, but my mom and PR, not so much. I’d much rather avoid being part of the tabloid circuit in the future.

Speaking of Katy Perry, has she ever given you a great piece of career advice? We both do the same profession and it’s really nice having a friend on the same record label that can give me advice. At the moment, though, I just like to hang out with her and not really talk about work stuff. I’ll let everyone else bug her about that shit.

You mentioned to me once that you loved The Runaways. How do you relate to their story, and what did you think of the movie? I’ve loved the Runaways since I was 13. I was obsessed. I watched and learned and read everything about each member and Kim Fowley, who I almost worked with. At first I was pissed about them making Neon Angels a movie because I’m a selfish person. In my mind they were mine. Even though I was born about 30 years later. I’m glad they got the attention they deserved. I related to them as young women in the music industry and how people manipulate and take advantage of you because you are young and a girl.

Who else would you consider your major music influences? It seems like you avoided the Britneys and Christinas.I listen to tons of Madonna, Britney, Christina! I used to go through all my dad’s CDs. He was a big Elton John fan, so I learned all of his songs when I was like 9. Then I learned how to play them on the keyboard. I’d sit there playing for like hours till I learned “Candle In the Wind.” Then at 13, which was the same time I discovered The Runaways, I got obsessed with “Life on Mars?” But not The Ziggy Stardust Era! Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But you know how people love to drop that one interview? I don’t want to be another corny pop girl doing that shit. Anyway, it was the first time a song could make me cry. I used to think listening to it before I went to sleep would make me write a song just as great. It later became a habit that I still do until this day, except when I’m at someone’s house. That would just be weird if I started crying to David Bowie in the corner.

Do you consider yourself a rebel in a world dominated by Miley Cyrus? Not really. I’m just not quite sure what world I’m really in yet. I don’t feel like a pop princess, but I don’t feel quite “edgy indie band” either.

Tell me about your first official single, “One.” How did you get involved with Bloodshy & Avant [producers who have worked with Kylie Minogue, Madonna, Britney Spears]? I wrote some of the lyrics to “One” about two and a half years ago. I got to Sweden and they played me the track. Marit Bergman and I wrote the whole song within thirty minutes. It just came out naturally. It’s about being numb and wanting to feel love, happiness, sadness—anything, really. It’s kind of like the Tin Man wanting a heart. I wrote Bloodshy & Avant a letter right before my 15th birthday and told them to sign me. Then they did, kind of right off the bat

Who are you listening to right now? Shining Twins, Primary 1, and my favorite people, The Virgins.

What can we expect from the new album? This one is a dance record. I want to get all of the stupid fun shit out of the way while I’m young and it’s appropriate, so I don’t end up wanting to do it when I’m 40 and wearing a leather leotard with my ass hanging out.

Tell me about your songwriting process. What are you singing about? Observations I make of people. And I’m a big fan of numbers in case you haven’t noticed.

You filmed the “17” video with Cass Bird. How involved are you with the music videos and what can we expect from the “One” video? I like working with photographers for videos. “17” was done raw. It was dark, natural, and filmed beautifully. I wanted to base it off Christiane F, minus the heroin. I gave Cass a whole bunch of photos. I think it came out really well considering we started out with no budget, and EMI didn’t want to pay for it or even have it come out. Now it’s on MTV without the help of my label! Word! I had no idea who was going to do “One.” They had me speak to Sophie Muller and I love her work, but it didn’t seem right for this video. I based it off of young Jerry Hall and Brooke Shields, “Life On Mars?,” and, editing-wise, Marilyn Manson’s “The Dope Show,” and wanted it really clean-cut, something that wasn’t expected from me. I was shooting my album cover and my stylist was someone I met on a Rankin shoot. He spoke to Rankin about the song and then Rankin wanted to do the video. A week later we shot it in L.A. We make a good team.

Your career is about to launch. What do you want the world to know about Sky Ferreira? I’ll let the world discover it themselves. Can’t say. I don’t want to curse it.

Photo by Lisa Boyle.

 

Moises de la Renta: Fashion Scion Gone Solo

Moises de la Renta could very well be a reality television icon by now. With Fashion God Oscar de la Renta as his father and a velvet rope lifestyle, he certainly fits the I-wish-I-was-him credentials. But Moises opted for a real (and respected) career in design/photography. And if his recently launched, painfully hip website for his bad ass womenswear fashion line MDLR is any indication, his career choice was wise. We met up to chit-chat for what I thought was drinks at the Thompson Hotel, but to my surprise, I was greeted by the man about town in a room full of models getting ready for their close-ups in an MDLR photo shoot featured on Whatswear.com. It was all lights, cameras, and action, mixed with plenty of cigarettes, blaring background noise of the sub-par performances of MJ’s classics from the previously aired BET Awards, sexy leather biker jackets complete with gilded MDLR zippers — and, in true rock star form, an Iggy Pop vs. David Bowie debate.

Let’s cut right to the chase. Why should people care about MDLR? I want to bring something a little different to the table. My aspiration is to show people almost a beautiful and glorious gloom — that it’s OK to be melancholy. I want to speak for the lady in the corner of the club, you know what I mean? She’s just chilling, doing her thing.

I’m going to need you to specify on the type of club girl though — not a Marquee girl, I hope. You’ve ever been to the Roxy in 1985? That type of girl.

What inspired you to start the line? The situation here is that, you know, it’s about having fun … creating. That’s all it is for me. What got me into this was really advertising, looking at old Jil Sander ads and stuff, and just looking through the magazines — that’s kind of what got me into photography. Inadvertently what made me get into fashion was that it was a way I could do photography. But it’s cool for me … it’s just a way I can create a world.

The newly launched MDLR website has a music section. What does music have to do with your collection? Music is definitely my inspiration — rock ‘n’ roll. The reason I came here to New York was listening to all that old time jazz — Iggy Pop and Patti Smith and all of that. It was good stuff when I thought that was how New York was gonna be … and it’s not. It’s a bunch of posers.

So is that why you chose DJ/model/musician/all things It-Girl Lissy Trullie to model for your look book? You know, Lissy Trullie to me — especially with her album, Self-Taught Learner, check that out, that’s good stuff. It’s exactly that — self-taught learner. That’s our generation. It’s just about doing your thing, going out there, not being scared, bringing something to the table. And just being you. That’s it, man.

MDLR captures the vibe from the youth of old downtown New York. Is New York an inspiration for you? New York is a young city. It’s always about the youth. This is where it all began. This is the city of liberation and freedom — creative freedom. I want to represent the independent woman — she’s cool, she’s chilling, doing her own thing, having a good time. She may go out on her own. She doesn’t need her girlfriends, she doesn’t need her guy to pay for the bill. She’s just an independent, modern woman just doing her thing.

But more geared to the pretty faces rocking vintage concert tees in the smokey basement of Lit than Sex and the City, right? Rock ‘n’ roll is a big part of my life. I just woke up and listening to Green Day’s Dookie, just a side note … But anyhow, it’s definitely for the girl who likes to have fun, for the girl who feels like a rock star even though she may not be. My clothes are just about having fun and being comfortable with oneself.

Speaking of a pre-Giuliani New York, what do you miss about it? New York used to be about coming together. It didn’t matter about how much money you had. I think there’s a little more of a commercialism. Obviously we do live in a time that is somewhat dictated by money, but at the end of the day, I think on the flip side of the recession is that it brought people together — it brought creative people together, and a lot more people are willing to collaborate. It’s more about just creating good things, man. It’s not really about the commercial appeal of making money, because there’s not really any money out there. So people just wanna have fun and have a good time, so I think that’s great.

So where do you party nowadays? I miss Beatrice … we want it to come back, but I don’t think it will. Jane’s cool … I’ve been hanging out a lot there. Chloe’s alright. Avenue is a cool little bar.

I’ve seen you prep it up and get all vintage rock star. How would you describe your personal style? Lots of black and jeans. I don’t know … comfortable American I suppose. I just like to be comfortable, so for me that means a nice pair of 511 skinny worn-in black jeans — it doesn’t really depend on my mood. Most of the time I’m wearing the same thing. I have five black jeans and who knows how many black tees.

Where do you shop? I like vintage stores. I like Tokio7, Barneys. I like What Goes Around Comes Around. And I like Jeffrey’s.

What Goes Around Comes Around and Jeffrey’s? That’s like saying you like Jessica Simpson and the Rolling Stones (which is totes cool in my book, by the way). (Laughing) No, Jeffrey’s is where I get my candles and all that Diptyque shit. Not clothing, but sometimes shoes.

Describe your perfect date. A bottle of red, St. Marks, some sushi. Maybe a film at the Angelika.

Favorite restaurant? Westville’s pretty cool. But I like to go to Cipriani’s. (laughing) Just joking. But I do like Da Silvano. I love it there … actually, I like Bar Pitti better — it’s lighter.

I’ve seen the Polaroids scattered all over your studio, and I know you enjoy shooting your interesting friends. What inspires your photography? Life and death. My favorite photographers are Annie Leibovitz, Bill Brandt and Irving Penn.

MDLR is a far cry from your father’s sophisticated feminine gowns. What does it take to be considered a rebel? I don’t really consider myself to be a rebel. But Stephen Hawking’s a rebel. Anyone who’s willing to challenge the current state of being is a rebel to me … anyone who stands up for change, stands up for others, for what’s right is a rebel.

So you’re a rebel in the making. Is there a fine line between making bold choices and trying too hard (a.k.a. a poser)? I hope one day I can change certain things about the fashion industry and maybe be a rebel myself. I don’t know, I just try and do my thing … that’s all. And hopefully, by staying true to myself, some changes will be made. And yes, there is always a fine line. If something’s not you, don’t rock it because the clothes pick the person, ya dig? So if you’re rocking an outfit that you don’t feel, you’re probably trying too hard and should throw on some jeans and a button down. Less is more anyway — simple is chic.

It’s your Fashion Week show. What music will you be playing, and who do you want front row center? I’d like Iggy Pop to be playing. They’re both great but Bowie bit a lot from Iggy when he first came to America and was trying to be all “raw” and “rock ‘n’ roll.” Iggy Pop is fucking raw power man, and Zombie Birdhouse is one of the best and most underrated albums ever, but so was Bowie’s Low. But Iggy still tops it in my book. It’d be cool and kind of a diss to be playing Iggy but have Bowie in the front row.

Taryn Manning Does It All

Taryn Manning is exhausted. Consider the slew of film auditions, big time fashion shows in support of her Williamsburg-friendly line Born Uniqorn, getting her party on with the likes of, you know, Paris Hilton and company, and now, the March 10 release of her electro pop funk of an LP A Million Trillion Stars. As the distinctive voice fronting brother/sister duo Boomkat, Taryn’s proving that the whole actress/singer/fashion designer thing doesn’t always have to conjure up J.Lo (and we’re thankful for that, as JLO jeans still haunt us). You’ve likely come across Manning’s fearless acting chops as the no-bullshit prostitute who rocked Bo Derek cornrows in Hustle & Flow. With all of Manning’s film roles, even as Britney Spear’s knocked-up BFF in the chic-flick Crossroads, Manning keeps it real, and equally as real in life–whether it’s on the silver screen, as heard through her throaty, soulful pipes, or through an e-mail. No publicist or puppet strings of any kind hold Manning back; she’s the all around real deal in the unfortunate Taylor Swift/Katy Perry world in which we live. We talked about her Large Marge nightmares, Lynne Spears requesting her MySpace friendship, and her regrets for turning down make-out sessions with Charlize Theron.

You have a whole lot going on. Who were you when you woke up this morning? Today I woke up and my hair and makeup girl came over and she did it for the day because I have two big auditions — not a cattle call, but parts that are, you know, really awesome. But it’s really competitive so when I go into these auditions I’m seeing other actors that are my contemporaries that I really admire. I take a lot of pride in my work so I always get my hair and makeup done. But right now, I’m with my music manager. The official release for A Million Trillion Stars is coming soon so I’m just working on all of that stuff. So today I’m more of the actress-singer but I’m very tired because I just did two amazing runway shows for my clothing line. One in Vegas was for the huge trade show, “Magic.” It’s just a time when everyone goes and everyone has a booth — all of the buyers come from all over the world to see all the lines at one time. I also had a huge fashion show at Tao. And I had a big, big, giant dinner that I hosted with my partner, Tara Jane. So, I went to Vegas, then the next morning at the crack of dawn, flew home for this amazing Elle magazine runway show that had my line and Russell Simmons’. Paris Hilton and Queen Latifah are good friends of mine and they came so it drew lot of press as you can imagine. But, today I’m the singer actress. I’m really tired today. Do you believe in R&R? I told my mom: “Mom, I don’t understand. I’m sleeping 8 hours but everyday I’m not feeling that good” and she actually said “Your adrenal glands are drained.” Having to be so on and up, like “Hey, how you doing? I’m Taryn!” to buyers who only speak Japanese or French and you’re trying so hard to have a conversation with them and it’s tough. But things are really good. I’m really happy with my life, and I’m really enjoying all of the endeavors. I remember seeing you rocking stars on your face for your first album, Boomkatalog One, and now your latest LP is called A Million Trillion Stars … coincidence, or do you have a big time penchant for stars? Yeah, I still do that when I play with Boomkat — I still love to put a star on my face. It’s just something I started doing when I was really young — I don’t know, but I’m definitely like Rainbow Brite and my friends call me Rainbow Brite. My clothing line is called Born Uniqorn, I have a unicorn tattoo, I have a tattoo of a ghetto blaster on me. I wear stars around my eyes. I’ve always just been kind of funky. It’s funny now seeing Lady Gaga wearing all of that space stuff. It’s cool, it’s on another level. I just like having that trademark to separate the actress Taryn from the singer Taryn. Now I’m in music mode because sometimes there’s the actor-turned-musician and musician-turned-actor. I’m not turned anything. I am a musician, I’ve been one my entire life. Me and my brother are, my father was, and I’m an actor. I’ve studied acting really hard, and went to a lot of schools for acting. So I believe I’m legitimately an all around little entertainer.

What can we expect from A Million Trillion Stars? The title came from a dream. Our first album was called Boomkatalog One because me and my brother have so many songs, so obviously we were gonna call the next albums Boomkatalog 2 and 3. But I didn’t always love that. I just didn’t know what to name it. It’s so eclectic and it’s been so long since I put out of a record and all of a sudden I had a dream. Do you know Large Marge from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure? She drove a truck and when Pee-Wee got in, they were talking and she looked over and her eyes would bug out of her head and she kind of turned demonic. So in my dream, she was giving me a ride in her semi. I was like, “I just don’t know what to name my record.” All of a sudden, she turned her head like in The Exorcist and her eyes bugged out of her head and she said “It’s called A Million Trillion Stars and if don’t name it that, I’ll kill you!” And I was like, “Yes, ma’am!” So I woke up, and that’s what I named it. It’s super cool and it speaks to me. So thanks Large Marge! But I never had a dream do that before where I’ve actually taken a lesson from it and used it. Do you find it a lot easier collaborating with your bro? We both respect each other and what we bring to the table. It can be hard sometimes hanging with your brother so often but we’re pretty close and he’s a really funny guy. And we’re the exact opposite, the Yin and the Yang. We’re two completely different breeds of humans which is good because I’m sort of the social kind of front person and he definitely goes home right after work and makes music — that whole mysterious artist sort of thing. So it’s a good match.

You were in will.i.am’s celeb-filled, pro-Obama “Yes We Can” video — how was being apart of something like that? That was really cool. Actually, I didn’t realize quite the impact it was gonna have at all. My friend is a really big club promoter in LA. She became very active when Obama became a candidate. She’s friends with will.i.am and she called all of her celebrity friends and I kinda just went and did it. It was really cool, there were awesome celebs in the studio. But I didn’t really know the impact it would have actually. It won an Emmy for I think best web something … some sort of award. But will.i.am is so intelligent. I believe that the video is another reason why Obama was elected. I really do.

Have any musical dream collabs? It’d be cool if Prince would write me a song. I love Prince. I’d love to work with Timbaland one day. I think he’s pretty cool. I love the way he like collaborates with offbeat artists like Nelly Furtado and Chris Cornell and sort of recreates an awesome sound for them. But Prince was my first concert when I was like five. He’s definitely a big influence for me.

Does it piss you off when other actors take a stab at singing who really aren’t that good or aren’t successful? Like Scarlett Johansson attempt at covering Tom Waits. Or do you think people are getting over that? Zooey Deschanel’s She & Him are pretty legit. It doesn’t piss me off. I’m definitely a supporter of any artist being an artist. I’m not someone who judges or is like “Oh gosh, here’s another actress trying to sing” because I get that sometimes and I don’t like the way it makes me feel. And you never know, a lot of these actors that are singing could have been singing before their acting. Or now having money or getting tired of the same outlet, they go on and explore their singing abilities. Not everyone has to have an amazing voice to be a singer. I’m not Whitney Houston by any respect but I love to sing, I love to write music. And I believe I have a lot to offer. Yeah, acting happened first but no one knows my history and upbringing and I don’t really care what people think. I decided lately that I’m gonna do it because I love it. I have fans and they like it. I definitely dream of it going to a bigger higher level so I can tour the world and reach further. You mentioned Scarlett. She’s got a pretty good voice … kind of dark and indie but that’s what she’s into. I mean, Joaquin Phoenix played Johnny Cash in Walk the Line, so he obviously has a musical side to him. He’s definitely a great actor too. I love him.

You’ve worked with two of the biggest music superstars – -Britney Spears and Eminem — who both had pretty public downfalls and now subsequent comebacks. Did you learn anything from them behind the scenes, and did they offer you any advice about super stardom? Are you afraid of becoming too big after seeing what happened to them? Eminem’s a very, very private person. You know, he doesn’t go places where you can be with him. After the 8 Mile premiere, he went home and didn’t wanna go to the after party. I don’t know much about him except he’s really nice, a big goofball — really funny. And every chance he had, he was writing lyrics in his notebook. To me, he represents a true artist that had all this inner dialogue that he wanted to get out on paper. Who knows? He could have been writing the soundtrack or a hit record. I mean, all his records were hits. It was very cool to be in that completely and cool of him to watch tapes of actresses and have a part in choosing me to play that role. Same with Britney — she saw the tapes too and chose me. And it makes me feel I’m on that level of talent. But I also think that I learned so much since I was young that I don’t think I would have any kind of public downfall. I don’t see that happening with me in particular. Britney’s been doing it since she was like 13. It’s kind of fair that she had a little bit of a meltdown. I mean, she’s been through a lot. I think she’s gonna be alright now. She’s an intelligent girl. But it was pretty incredible to work with them … definitely a highlight of career… so far. I’ll admit, I heart Crossroads and totes shed a tear (or two) after your character lost her baby … That’s funny you said that because Crossroads was on TV last night and my mom and my brother were watching it and I was like “Why are you watching that?!” But it got such a bad rap but it’s actually a sweet, little movie. And then I woke up to Britney’s mom requesting my friendship on MySpace … So, Crossroads was on last night and I woke up to “Lynne Spears wants to be your friend!” Tell me about you and your BFF’s line, Born Uniqorn. I hear LiLo’s a fan. Can us little people and recessionistas afford it? It’s very price-conscious right now. We’re keeping prices lower these days. It’s just cute and really for any girl. We try to make something for everyone to be honest. The more cleaner cut and the more simple bodies sell more than when we were trying to do something that’s kind of edgy. We really learned how to streamline our clothing line. What people wear on the East Coast can be kind of traditional; California is kind of funky. And Middle America is looking both East and West. We really had to perfect to make our sales continue to be big. We had to really sort of not style, not make the clothing for ourselves but make it for the masses. The spelling is not the traditional unicorn, it’s uniqorn — like “born unique.” It’s been a lot of fun and was just a hobby I did on my down time with my best friend of 17 years. It just kind of turned into something that got a little bit more serious and became another business of mine. I enjoy it thoroughly but it’s hard, hard work. I really hope that we can sustain it and make it happen for a long time. Should we expect to see you at the tents … er, at Lincoln Center, in the spring? We were asked to last year but we weren’t quite ready. Now we’ve done a couple so we feel like we can take on a New York Fashion Week. We’ve come a long way, but we feel like we’re really ready to keep going.

Who are your fashion icons? I definitely respect Kate Moss’ fashion sense. I think she always has the coolest outfits on–not trying too hard but always looks great. Nicole Richie’s whole … whatever happened to her was pretty amazing. I look for her for fashion ideas. I know a lot of it has to do with Rachel Zoe, but Nicole has a great frame to wear some of the things she wears. As for the classier kind of actresses — Nicole Kidman, Kate Winslet, and Cate Blanchett look great as far as the red carpet. But for more funky, Nicole Ritchie, Kate Moss, and also, I love Gwen Stefani. I wouldn’t dress like her but she wears whatever she wants, kind of out there, but I love it. I look up to her because of her music and her clothing line and she’s an actress–we have a lot in common.

Where do you like to shop in LA? Popkiller, Han Cholo, Shabon, and What They Wore.

And where do you like to head after a busy day for some grub? For breakfast, I like Hugo’s, and for lunch, La La’s. Some of my favorites for dinner are Ago, Madeo, and El Compadre. You’re making me hungry … Where do you go to get your music fix? Spaceland, Viper Room, Largo, and the Roxy.

Are there any film roles you would have died to play? There’s two roles I auditioned for that I wish I would have done. I sort of passed the one part to be in Monster to play Charlize Theron’s girlfriend, Christina Ricci’s part. But I didn’t want to play gay at the time. I don’t know why, I just was very ignorant and I didn’t know. But I would have done anything to play that role. I could care less now. But at the time, I was like 22 and I was scared. And I also auditioned for Million Dollar Baby and remember wanting that so bad. I know that’s kind of the role that I could do really well. Acting wise, every thing’s going well. I have a couple offers but they’re all pending. I don’t want to say what they are but I’m really excited about the record coming out and traveling a bit for that. What’s your take on trashy celeb blogs? I’ve read some stuff about myself that’s been hard to read — judging my looks or whatever, saying mean things about me like I’m not their type or they don’t like the way I talk or the way I sing. But there’s also been some really kind things that I appreciate. It’s a double edged sword. But it’s fine. You gotta be liked and disliked — that’s what makes the world go ’round; that’s what makes a superstar. You’ve gotta be controversial but you can’t be perfect. A lot of times, it’s just insecure people that just wish they were different people in their own lives who blog and spend time being negative. It’s pretty sad when people just sit on their computers and be negative. It’s a pretty sad quality of life but if that’s what floats their boat then so be it.

Fashion Week Gets DListed

Michael K of the hilarious “be very afraid” celebrity blog known as DListed knows fashion. In fact, he kills with his posts regarding “basement baby” Grace Jones wannabe Solange (“She’s down in her basement right now trying to recreate this shit using an old wooden salad bowl, placements and some busted ass V for Vendetta mask she bought on eBay.”), his penchant for Salma Hayek and her “chichis that will save the world,” and, of course, his classic obsession for Cynthia Nixon’s partner, who he refers to as “Rojo Caliente” (here’s why). Considering it’s New York Fashion Week, we sat down to get our all things fashion-y chit chat on with Michael K and dished about who will work it out this season and who will be a hot mess. Your blog is hilarious. Would you ever consider a career in comedy? A million thank yous, but comedy is not for me. I don’t even consider what I do comedy. It’s just diarrhea of the mouth, really. And Amy Winehouse hasn’t invented a drug cocktail strong enough for me to deal with the kind of stage fright I’d suffer from performing in front of a live audience. That’s too hardcore for me.

How are you preparing for NYC Fashion Week? Who do you expect to work it out, and more importantly, who do you expect to look a hot mess? The only show I’m trying to get into is She by Sheree or HEShe by Sheree as it should be called. It’s Sheree from The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Fashion Week debut. It’s going to be like a 100-car pile up. Broke-down wigs galore! I think broke-down messes come around when you least expect them to. It’s not something you can predict. Well, Vivica Fox and her crystal ball forehead could probably predict this, but I can’t. I’m just hoping there’s at least one nip slip, and I hope it comes from someone like Joan Collins.

What show would you rather go to: Charlotte Ronson (a SamRo + LiLo appearance?) or Michael Kors (a Posh + JLO appearance?) Charlotte Ronson, duh. I kind of have a girl crush on SamRo. So I want to see if the magic between us exists in real life or just in my warped, burnt-up brains.

Considering it’s a fall collection and looks are bulkier, are you looking forward to models biting the dust? I always look forward to models eating catwalk. But this season, I hope one model does something truly special. It’s kind of boring to just fall. In order to become an overnight YouTube sensation, you would need to bust off the catwalk and into Anna Wintour’s lap knocking her sunglasses off her face. That’s what I want to see.

What about celebs at after parties … Who’s gonna be the biggest mess? Lil’ Kim. Basically. I don’t even need to tell you why.

What’s your fascination with Rojo Caliente? Does she need an extreme make over? NO! People need extreme makeovers to look like her. She’s absolutely perfect and that’s the truth. I adore her, because she’s a butchie who doesn’t care and that turns me on. Not only could she carry me over the threshold, but she could build the damn threshold in a quick minute.

Do you prefer skinny bitches or voluptuous women? I’m a skinny bitch myself, but on chicks, I like to see magnificent chichis. Chichis that spill out like an overstuffed pillow. Tittays on Salma, Christina Hendricks and such … That’s what I prefer.

How do you feel about Lady Gaga’s head-turning look? It’s just kind of cheap to me. Like she threw that shit together with a bunch of crap from Michael’s. I felt like Dale Bozzio and the Snow Miser did it better. And plus, I saw a picture with a tampon string hanging out of her crotch and that just killed it for me.

Who would you rather have for a BFF: Naomi Campbell, Kate Moss, or Tyra Banks? They all do have a lot to offer — someone who will fight for you, maybe a few illegal substances, and some Oprah wannabe advice … Ty Ty! I am not equipped for a Naomi beatdown, and Kate seems like she’d just sit and sulk. Homegirl looks like a downer. Ty Ty, however, acts the fool and she doesn’t even know it. It would also be fun to tell her stories and watch her make it about her. You know, I can tell her about the time I pooped my pants in the third grade and she’d say, “Well, when I was modeling in Paris, I once pooped myself in Dior’s master bathroom …” Or something like that.

What will be the drug of choice this season? I’m just hoping it’s not dignity.

Katie Holmes had a good run with the whole baggy overall thing. When the hell did Casey from Dawson’s Creek really become a fashion icon? Fashion icon — Tom Cruise’s ass! She is the epitome of trytoohardy.

What’s the deal with Aubrey O’Day and “basement baby” Solange? Are they delusional or do they really think that shit is cute? Solange is trying to do some Japanese shit. She thinks she’s an anime character. I always like to joke that she makes that shit using things she finds in the basement, because Beyonce locked her down there. It’s probably the truth. And if you haven’t read her Twitter, you must. It explains everything. As for Aubrey, she’s a ho fo sho and I think she knows that. She plays it up.

What’s your favorite NYC hotspot? What about favorite restaurant? My favorite NYC hotspot is my couch. It’s always warm, because my ass is on it all the time. My favorite restaurant is Popeye’s on 14th between 5th and 6th.

Are you into the gay club scene or shitty gay bars? Fav neighborhood? My favorite neighborhood is the one I live in: LES. I like messy gay bars (Phoenix, Eastern Bloc, Boiler Room, The Cock, Nowhere, Trash on Fridays), but I haaate gay clubs. Too much gel. It’s just not for me.

Where do you get your shop on? Oak on Bond Street! I’m kind of obsessed. I go every weekend and I don’t know why. My body just magically drags me there.

I see that you have a bit of a Brit Brit obsession, as do I. Has the comeback helped out her style out all? Do you miss the Cheetohs, the pink wig, and the late-night gas station stops? Her style sucks now. She’s clean, the weave is combed, and I don’t like it. I miss her back-alley dumpster look. I liked the road kill weave, the day-shift hooker boots, and the ironic T-shirts that she didn’t find ironic. I miss that ho.

What trend do you wish would just end? Any trend you want to bring back? Dude scarves! My soul weeps every time I see a dude with a big ass picnic table around his neck thinking he’s the shit. You know what needs to come back? Neck dickies. I don’t know if that was ever a trend though. But wouldn’t you just love to stroll down the street in a neck dickie, some coochie cutters and British Knights? Yes.

Thoughts on the Sex and the City sequel? Are they too old to be rockin Manolos? It’s basically a Golden Girls movie. Samantha is up for Social Security soon. So yeah, they are too elderly for that mess.

Who can you always rely on for a fashion post? My muses Phoebe Price or Shauna Sand. Also, Solange, her lesser-known sister and Mischa Barton.

Photo: Brad Walsh