Lana Del Rey, My Jessica Rabbit 2.0

A big fucking deal happened to me yesterday morning: I woke up two hours BEFORE my alarm went off. I typically set 5-8 alarms and manage to sleep through all of them, so, yeah, like I said, a big fucking deal happened. In other words, thank you so much, Lana Del Rey. As you should know, the perpetually terribly sad siren’s insanely buzzed-about jam,“West Coast,” hit the web in the early hours, and nothing was the same, specifically my mind, which is now forever lost. I woke inexplicably at the foot of my bed and let out a yawn followed by a gay squeal before crawling to my window and onto the fire escape (did you like my pajamas aka floral swim trunks, construction workers?) to listen to the song whilst, of course, lighting a cigarette — because it’s what LDR would’ve wanted. On that note, don’t even get me started on those iconic promo billboards for her forthcoming LP, ‘Ultra Violence,’ featuring a flaw-free LDR dramatically biting on a cig. AKA you can find me taking a selfie later tonight in front of the billboard that y’all can apparently find off of the Morgan stop L train — perhaps at dusk complete with a cig pout whilst wrapping myself in a tattered American flag, because that’s what LDR would want too, right? I can’t wait.

Anyway. The song is all kinds of immaculate. I could talk for hours about her pipe’s major versatility. Like, how there’s moments where she’s all Jessica Rabbit 2.0 and then suddenly it’s like she sprinkled Xanax crumbs all up on her Coney Island icecream cone and decided to record a song. I’m so fucking obsessed. I’m probably on listen # 54 or so at the moment, and it’d be way more but I think it’s rude to not remove your earbuds when ordering coffee. The impressive thing is a new FEELING emerges with each listen! I don’t know what to do with myself! I’m so confused! My therapist is all about documenting these things called “feelings” but I lost my journal and I don’t like using iPhone “notes” because it’s not aesthetically pleasing. So, here you go therapist: my feelings (so far) via LDR GIFs.

The sassy drum intro got me feeling like

Verse #1, basically

“You got the music in you, don’t you?” (Yep. Ask Lindsay.)

And I’m suddenly so sad. (CHORUS.)

But then euphoric verse #2 got me like

In addition to

But then suddenly it’s becoming too much.

Have I lost my way?

It’s just that…

I’m unraveling.

I’m drowning in sad emojis.

I’m a fucking MESS.

I dare you to interrupt me. *Presses play again*

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