‘Everything I Do Is Wrong’ Milk Ads Pissing Off Women Everywhere

The California Milk Processor Board (responsible for the popular ‘Got Milk?’ ads) has launched a new series of pro-milk advertisements geared towards women with raging hormonal issues. Introducing “Everything I Do Is Wrong,” a slightly offensive new ad campaign meant to encourage milk consumption. Instead of slapping sexy milk mustaches on our favorite celebs, the ads show nervous men hoarding cartons of milk, hinting at their supposed crippling fear during womankind’s “that time of the month.” The tagline: “Milk can help reduce the symptoms of PMS.”

In addition to the already rankling ads, the interactive Everything I Do Is Wrong website provides more material for further humiliation. Complete with a marquis of “Pending Apologies,” a Mistake Verification System, and a Key PMS Indicators Index, the site greatly exaggerates the effects of PMS, as if men have to suffer the most from menstruation. I’ll admit, some of those pending apologies merited a small chuckle, but for the most part, it’s excessive.

Women everywhere are speaking out against these ads, labeling them “sexist” and “extra offensive.” Here’s a quick outline of my thought process while browsing the new ads:

First Thought: “Wow these are pretty offensive. Reducing us to hormonal female psychopaths is no way to get us to drink milk. In fact, that makes me want to rip the milk out of your hands and shove it up your hole.”

Second Thought: “Maybe I am a raging maniac with unwieldy emotional issues. I mean, the ads aren’t that bad. They’re kind of funny. And people should have a sense of humor about things that are meant to be a bit insulting. That’s why people like Family Guy and racist jokes, right?”

Third Thought: “Still, it’s incredibly insulting to target the female population by poking fun at an issue that’s already touchy for women. Every month, for one week, I already feel uncomfortable for biological reasons beyond my control. You’re really going to try to sell me your product by making fun of me for that? And then to paint men as helpless victims of my emotional outbursts—it’s just disrespectful to everyone.”

So yes, I concluded, these campaign ads are pretty offensive. The California Milk Processor Board should try a new approach to reach their target audience. Be smart, be funny, but don’t be sexist, or else I might unleash my crazy female hormones on you.

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