Charlie Sheen’s ‘Two and a Half Men’ Character to Be Killed Off

Finally, the brain trust at Two and a Half Men has pinpointed a creative way to explain Charlie Sheen’s character’s absence from the show. He died! Duh.

In the season premiere in September, it will be revealed that Charlie died somehow. Apparently the working method is “drove off a cliff.” So now you’ve got him safely at the bottom of a cliff, trapped in a mangled wreck. Then the problem becomes Ashton Kutcher’s entrance. Will he buy the Harper house? Will anyone watching the show care how Ashton Kutcher got there? If you’re already someone who watches that show on a regular basis, the battle for your mindpower is lost (or won, depending on how you look at it.)

To recap: Sheen was fired from the show during his drug-fueled public meltdown in March. Since then he’s been doing God-knows-what, traveling the country on his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour and putting out a low-rent web series, and his last goddess finally left him. His exorbitant $100 million suit against WBTV and Chuck Lorre will probably be handled in private arbitration, as an LA Superior Court judge decided against dealing with it. Rumors are circulating about Sheen’s possible return to television, as Radar Online reports that Sheen signed a deal with Lionsgate that’s actually managed to start a bidding war.

Meanwhile, Kutcher signed on to act in TAAHM in May. He’s expected to bring in a youthful audience culled from his 6.7 million Twitter followers, plus inject the stodgy sitcom with some coolness. If there’s one thing that still smacks of cool in 2011, it’s trucker hat-clad Ashton Kutcher.

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