CBS Really, Really Concerned About “‘Puffy’ Bare Skin Exposure”

The 55th Annual Grammy Awards will air this weekend, and millions across the country will likely tune in to watch the most prestigious award show where almost no awards are actually given out. And although attire at the Grammys does tend to be a bit more revealing and performances more brazen than, say, the Oscars or the Tony Awards, CBS is pretty concerned about what people will be wearing.

In short, perhaps worried about the headline-making attire of the likes of Jennifer Lopez (which was more than a decade ago, you guys), CBS called for a moratorium on tight-fitting or short items that revealed too much boob, butt or bulge. As the memo reads:

“Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.”

Naturally, this led to lots of gross comments and fat jokes (sigh) on Twitter, but CBS’s alarmism is kind of amusing. There are the awkward descriptions and stumbling-over-itself when describing what needs to be covered, the all-caps alarmism. You can almost hear the Internet issuing a resounding, “Ha, good luck with that, nerds.” For real though, these things never work. They issued the same warning last year, but that didn’t stop the sartorial provocateurs.

But it’s also weird that CBS is so hysterical over potential side-boob when the network has pulled some pretty gross affronts to decency and morality itself, and recently. There’s the almost cartoony-racist 2 Broke Girls, the gross and objectifying Super Bowl ads that ran on the network just last week (GoDaddy, anyone?) and not to mention the network employed abusive lagoon creature Charlie Sheen for years. As the kids say, CBS, check yourself before you tell other people to check themselves, or whatever. 

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