AHS Freakshow Roars Back With Escargot & Siamese Twins Singing Fiona Apple

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After a disappointing pilot, fans will be very pleased with episode two of AHS: Freak Show. Now let’s get to it:

1. The strongest highlight of the second episode was Danny Mott, a poor little rich boy with severe psychopathic tendencies. Let’s go to the McMansion where the Motts live. The young WASP plays with his fork during dinner time, not speaking a word and exuding apathy. Mother doesn’t seem to budge as she knows Danny will have a breakdown. Not one fluid conversation seems to exist between this mother and son. The setting feels like an intimate dinner date at an upscale restaurant. That extravagant dinner table isn’t utilized much for dinner parties, I assume. Incest vibes, for sure. Mother rings the bell and dinner is served. What’s for dinner? Snails.

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J’adore escargot! Like, totally, what you had in Paris that one night in the Marais, remember, Danny? Also, can we just talk about the bottle pacifier filled with cognac? It’s even engraved with Danny’s name. Brilliant! So, Danny is an alcoholic with mommy issues that describes the girls his mother has introduced to him as “smelly cows.” Not the ladies man, are you, Danny?

“I want to be a thespian!” Danny screams. Well, okay then. Or maybe he just wants to go back to Paris and be famous? Oh snap! That popcorn at the freak show wasn’t good enough for Danny. Mother is walking on eggshells now because she knows that no matter how many trips Danny may take to Europe, his crazy condition will only worsen, or perhaps he’ll do something stupid because the cognac filled his body. Danny wants some more St. Petersburg in his life. Paris was so last year.

Danny wants to join the circus and Jimmy totally doesn’t think he’s a freak; i.e.-he has no physically freakish attributes. But what does “freak” even mean? There’s no doubt about it: Danny is a lunatic with a Darren Criss haircut and he is quite freaky if you ask me. 

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2. In “Massacres and Matinees” (Episode 2), Bette and Do, the Siamese twins played by Sarah Paulson, shined like nobody’s business with their fabulous rendition of a childhood favorite of mine: “Criminal” by Fiona Apple! I would pay to see this IRL. Will the twins later have a reality show titled “Bette and Dot’s BFF”? Because if so, please sign me up. Literally all young males in attendance are moshing to it! It’s pretty chill that young men are moshing to “Criminal”! Such an empowering song, may I confess…

3. I’m really enjoying Twisty the sadistic clown in this outlandish mansion filled with giant teddy bears, equestrian sights, and chaise lounges. It’s all a binge-TV watching girl could ask for. Twisty bops Danny with a massive kingpin against the head and he falls over amidst his Tibetan rug. Twisty walks away and Danny musters up the courage to follow Twisty’s footsteps back to his dungeon.

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4. The arrival of Angela Bassett is beyond surreal. Previously a star of some freak show in Chicago, Desiree, our latest freak, a hermaphrodite with three breasts, makes her debut appearance at Elsa’s. Her husband, Dell, transported her in a caravan and brought her to Elsa’s playground. Hit and run? Something wicked this way comes…Interesting business this couple seemingly plots. Watching Angela Bassett’s performance last season reminded us all why Angela Bassett is Angela Badass. There’s more to come next week.

For next week’s episode, audiences will be introduced to Emma Roberts’ eye-rolling freakiness and Danny’s involvement with Twisty will only get weirder. Will Jimmy go to extremes just to defend his fellow freaks? What song are the twins going to sing next episode? I wanted to see more Desiree, the Bassett character I’ve been so excited for, but we’re all guaranteed there will be plenty for this season. It’s Angela Bassett for freak’s sake! Will Danny recruit more accomplices for Twisty or capture more prisoners? Danny is my favorite villain thus far….

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I just want to say I am so happy that this show is picking up its pace. That pilot was too slow….Slow as a snail…Dead snails. Escargot! Now, I’m hungry for more.