Some poet once proclaimed “1” to be the loneliest number. 1,000 can be bad as well. Finding yourself alone in a club, especially as a holiday approaches, can feel like being on a desert island: water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Some scholars proclaim that you can never find your significant other in a club. On that I must disagree. If you are there, and you like it there, chances are good that that special someone you would like to be talking turkey with tomorrow, is nearby. I believe the same is true at the art opening, or the movie, or the museum. If you like it, I bet there’s someone there who might like you.
Despite my face made for radio, and the lint in my pockets, I have always managed to find companionship—if not for life, certainly for a night. It must be my charming personality. How to identify, communicate, and get to first, second, or third base with that person is the hard part for many. For those looking for that homerun long after the baseball season I can point you in the right direction. For those eating alone—or worse among friends tomorrow—I give you Marni Kinrys. Her expertise lies in helping men find women. Marni has a website which will tell you all about how to do it. Sorry ladies, she isn’t here for you, but you can always watch Sex And the City (again), for pointers. (Editor’s Note: Ew, Steven Lewis!)
I think it was Kurt Vonnegut once observed, “When you go anywhere in your life, you’re generally surrounded by people that are like yourself.” What he meant was that if you go to a movie with Matt Damon in it, chances are that there’s someone there in line who you might find a relationship with because they’re going to that Matt Damon movie too, or an art opening. The chances are at that opening your other is there, and it’s just a matter of being open, and being able to put out the right signals, and receive or read the right signals correctly. I’d like you to talk about that. Guys always ask about the signals a woman gives, but who gives a shit about what signals she’s giving that she’s interested? The only signal that you need is the one that says, “You’re interesting, I want to find out more about you.” It’s not the other person until it is about the other person. Until you get in a relationship and compromise becomes a huge factor in maintaining that relationship—that’s when it’s about both of you. In the very beginning, it’s about what you want.
So it is a little bit selfish in the beginning, you don’t have to be as polite. You see if you want it and there’s a time for politeness after the person is interested in you. Exactly, and I’m not trying to be a dick. I always say, you are allowed to ask for whatever you want, as long as you’re not a jerk, being manipulative, or being dishonest. You have free range to ask anybody for whatever you want, open your eyes and see that there is a plethora of options around you. The only difference between a successful guy with women and an unsuccessful guy is that slight confident mentality. It’s the difference between, “There’s so many women here I want to approach,” and the other guy who says, “Oh my god there’s so many women here, I can’t approach any of them and they don’t want to talk to me.”
I’m not an attractive guy by most standards, but I’ve always been surrounded by beautiful women. I’ve even married a couple, but I’ve never used a line. No matter if I walked up to a woman and startled mumbling, they would say, “Oh, that’s his opening pick up line, it’s kind of cute he’s mumbling to me.” Is every single first interaction a first line? Yes, of course. I always say to guys that there’s no right thing to say, there’s the right way to say it, but that’s exactly what you were saying. I come have guys come up to me and say, “Banana, banana, banana,” and it may make me want to jump on them because I’m totally attracted, or make me want to run in the opposite direction.
So one of the techniques, which has always worked for me by the way, is to be surrounded by women who are your friends, and therefore women feel a little bit more disarmed or friendlier or safer, around you because you have that woman as a friend. So having a wingwoman is an incredible way to meet people? Definitely. That’s how I initially started my business. No matter what, if you walk in with two women you will be seen as the guy who is not going to go home and rape you. They’re thinking: that guy hangs out with attractive girls so there must be something interesting about him. No matter what, people are superficial, and they believe that people who are more attractive have a higher value, even though that’s not true at all. So having wing girls with you, a female friend, does unbelievable things for a guy.
Tell me at what point do you approach sex? Does it matter? Does it vary from person to person? Let’s face it, when I’m with a girl I’m not talking about sports with her. I want to get into her pants, that’s the bottom line. Whether it’s a long term relationship or not, I’m trying to get laid. What is the best way to move from being a friend to I want to fuck you? It’s taking your intentions and taking the lead. Women are ridiculously sexual and sensual, and if sex if offered in the right way, most women will take that opportunity. It does depend on whether they consider you relationship material, so I always say, ask whatever you want. If you see someone at the club that you want to have sex with, you’re not even thinking longer term, your immediate intention is that you’re totally attracted to her, and would love to her sex with her in the bathroom. You’re allowed to go up to a woman and say it in a confident manner, and really ask that woman to go into the bathroom with you, and be a part of a humbling new experience. The only thing is that she will only respond favorably to that request if she feels safe and secure.
Alright. So in other words, the best approach is an honest and forward approach because women in this day in age still want you to be the aggressor? I don’t know about the word “aggressor” because that just sounds like a girl thing. The thing is, I admire men and I feel sexy around men, and feel attracted to men who hold onto their masculine side. And masculine doesn’t mean aggressive, strong, or abrasive. But I love when he makes the first move, when the man is in his most masculine state because that allows me to be in my most feminine state, and when I’m in my most feminine state, that’s when I feel the most turned on.
What are the best pick up lines you’ve heard? I hate pick up lines. I can have ten men in front of me and they can all say pick up lines but, and they know this too, they’re going to have a different response from each individual, there’s no magic sentence someone can say to make me want to instantly take off my underwear, and have sex with them on the floor. Give me a little advice. I’m a stranger in a strange city and I don’t want to raid the mini bar alone. First step, go to the lobby or hotel bar and scout for others flying solo, male or female, doesn’t matter. You are just looking for a partner to go out with at this point. Tell them you guys are going to go out for a fun night. Trust me, if a person is at a hotel by themselves, 8 out of 10 times they will be up for some sort of interaction and social outing. Second, go somewhere social that you know you will be comfortable. If you aren’t into clubs, don’t go to a club. But if you are, go. I usually suggest a local bar. They are typically busy and filled with people who are up for new experiences.Third, start interacting with others. If you have a hard time doing this you can introduce some sort of game between you and your new friend. For example: Guess her name. It’s a game where you both guess which half of the alphabet the first letter of her name falls into. If you are right, you get a beer, and vice versa. This game is meant to get you in a fun mood, and gives you a reason to approach. When you approach with a “reason” you will appear more confident and more attractive to women. Plus, it makes the approach a hell of a lot easier. Fourth, start pulling others into your game. You are up for a fun night, so make it memorable. Be a leader and gain the attraction of others in the bar. Whether or not you meet a woman, you will enjoy your night. Which are better pick up joints, clubs or lounges? Depends on what you want from the night and it depends who you are. The only thing about clubs, bars and lounges is that when people are out at those places they have a heightened level of superficiality. Why? Because, on a night out people are looking for experiences, fantasy, something exciting. I would say lounges are better for getting dates, and possible one-night stands. Just be cautious, that a woman you meet at a lounge may have higher expectations of what will happen next. Clubs are better for crazy make out sessions, and stupid mistakes that you may want to forget once morning comes. To prepare for both, pull together a good outfit and get ready for fun. Be open to experiences and taking risks. Continue to push yourself. Clubs, bars and lounges are a great place for practice. Try not take it all so seriously and just have fun. How do you spot a winner in a gal or guy? As a woman, I spot a winner by the way they feel to me. A winner is someone that is extremely comfortable with who they are and understands that everything is an option for them. It’s almost 2011 is the guy still doing the asking? Yes. Most women expect a man to ask them for a date, sex, drink etc. I wish it were not that way but there are still too many egos that fear being bruised. I’m a woman who likes to go after what she wants. I initiated with my husband by asking him for his phone number. Lucky for me, his ego was in tact and he was confident enough to be open to it. Check out the help me eyes.