A Night at Brooklyn Bowl With Kate Nash

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When Kate Nash opens her mouth, words fall out: “I got an amazing bunny rabbit for my birthday. She’s called Fluffy. She’s like my best friend. We found out that she had cancer. Then I had a conversation with someone about being vegetarian, and they were like, ‘You should be vegetarian.’ I was like, I like eating meat. But then it popped into my brain that if I didn’t eat animals, maybe Fluffy would be okay. I was being OCD, like, if I didn’t do this, then something bad would happen. So I stopped eating meat. She’s had the operation now, but I’m still doing it. But if anyone ever says to me, ‘I’m thinking of going vegetarian,’ I’m like, No, no, no. Don’t go vegetarian. My favorite thing is cheeseburgers.”

The quality of mind on display in this soliloquy—inspired by a basket of fried chicken delivered to a corner booth at Williamsburg’s Brooklyn Bowl, where Nash is about to prove she knows her way around a strike—should be recognizable to anyone who has heard Made of Bricks, the 22-year-old musician’s award-winning, platinum-selling debut album. There’s the same idiosyncratic logic, voluble bigheartedness, quirky enthusiasm and talent for turning even the dreariest minutiae into a compelling yarn. image

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Nash’s sophomore offering, this month’s My Best Friend Is You, contains all of these traits plus an extra splash of attitude. The young Brit returns to the themes behind Made of Bricks’ lead single “Foundations”—about a romance that’s over in all but appearance—and delves even deeper into the dark side of relationships, despite being in a good one herself. She sings about jealousy, cheating boyfriends and, in “Mansion Song,” delivers a rant about sex that channels Ani DiFranco by way of Ozzy Osbourne (“I can get fucked and be fucked like the best of men,” she sneers). Groupies inspired “Mansion Song,” says Nash, explaining, “I don’t like to see people sell themselves short. I had this one girl confess to me while crying that she gave someone a blow job in the toilets. You should fuck people ’cause you feel good about yourself, not because you feel bad.” image

On “Do-Wah Doo,” the album’s lead single, Nash takes aim at mean girls, a group with whom she’s had considerable experience. “I was locked in a cupboard by evil girls when I was 17,” says Nash, recalling one of her more scarring run-ins. “I hate people who are mean in a really subtle way because you can never say anything. But this was so blatant. Literally, these girls were making my life miserable. I was at school and I was shut in this cupboard. I rang my best friend to get me out. He was really skinny and nerdy, so he got locked in as well. We just sat there.” But knowing Nash, she probably used that time to tell her friend one hell of a story.

Photography by Zoey Grossman Hair and Makeup Jordan Long @ excLusive artists ManageMent.

Saturday Night, Sunday Morning with Kristen Wiig

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People expect Kristen Wiig to be funny. She has, after all, been a standout on Saturday Night Live for the past five seasons, embodying dozens of indelible, hilarious characters every week, including Penelope, the petty underminer, the Target Lady, Suze Orman and Nancy Pelosi. She’s the woman who stole her everyscene in Knocked Up and Whip It, and does so again in this month’s MacGruber. She’s the woman who will next star in a film she co-wrote, which is being produced by Hollywood’s reigning comedy king Judd Apatow. But despite these credentials, when people meet Wiig, their expectations aren’t always met: when she’s playing herself, Wiig isn’t that funny.

“When I was living in L.A., I would be out and people would be like, ‘Oh, you’re funny? Do something funny.’ People expect that,” Wiig says. “But it’s what I do for a living. I’m definitely a silly person around people that I know very well, but I’m not the kind of person who shushes everybody in the room to tell a story. I’m just not good at it. Certain people are engaging and they do voices and you’re hanging on every word even though they’re not really saying much. I’m not like that at all. I’m a good listener. I like to talk about real stuff. I think people would be surprised at how quiet and sometimes socially awkward I can be. I’m just a normal person, you know?”

I didn’t. But, over a cup of coffee in the lobby of Midtown Manhattan’s London Hotel, I’m going to learn. Here are the things the 36-year- old actress reveals during our hour-long conversation: she draws portraits and buildings in pen and ink; she tries to give handmade birthday cards; she only drinks one coffee a day; she’s a vegetarian; her boyfriend thinks she’s messy, but she keeps her dressing room pristine; she’s polite and thoughtful. Here are the things she’s saving for work: jokes, voices and quips of any kind. Wiig barely relays any anecdotes. Especially at the beginning of this interview, she rarely answers questions with more than a sentence or two. Sometimes we talk in circles. To wit:

BB: A screenplay that you wrote, which Judd Apatow is making into a film, is going into production. Tell me about that. I wrote it with my friend Annie [Mumolo].

And when does that start? It’s kind of starting now. We’re sort of in production, I think. That’s a big deal. No. [Laughs.]

It doesn’t feel different than other stuff? No, it totally does. I don’t know. I just won’t believe it until I’m actually on set shooting.

So it does feel like it’s on a larger scale? Larger, as opposed to… ?

The other movies you’ve done. Yeah, because it’s my first starring thing.

Are you trying not to think about it like that? Yeah. It’s my first starring role. It is different. It’s weird.

How is it weird? It’s weird because sometimes I just think to myself, I can’t believe this is happening.

If I weren’t trying to demonstrate that Wiig, the woman who has appeared on televisions across the country singing and dancing with a huge, fake forehead and tiny, tiny hands, is as shy as she insists, the above exchange would have been edited down to this: “We’re in production, but I just won’t believe it until I’m actually on set shooting. It’s my first starring role. It’s weird because sometimes I just think to myself, I can’t believe this is happening.” Note that six questions were required to elicit a three-sentence response from Wiig, who, as Judy Grimes, the “just kidding” lady, can rattle off something like 50 clauses in under a minute—in response to zero questions.

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There’s a stereotypical story about people who become comedians: The comic is wrestling with some deep, dark, childhood trauma, and uses comedy as a way to process his or her pain. This same pain gives the comedy its necessary edge, the measure of truth that all great jokes need to burn the way they should. Comedians like this are perpetually engaged in a complex performance about themselves. Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Robin Williams and Sarah Silverman, for example, are their own best material. But this creation myth doesn’t fit Wiig. As an improv specialist—before starting at SNL, she was part of L.A.’s famous improv group, the Groundlings—rather than a stand-up comedian, Wiig is not her own best source material. Other people are—usually people who are so outlandish and outsize they seem not of this earth. (Even when Wiig impersonates a real person, like Kathie Lee Gifford, she doesn’t think of her that way: “When I do her, I don’t think, I’m doing Kathy Lee Gifford. I think, I’m doing this character.”) This kind of comedy isn’t a way of exorcising one’s demons; it’s a way of getting out of one’s own skin. Do you consider comedy a way to access parts of your personality that aren’t easily accessed in real life? Like, do you get easily embarrassed? Oh, I get so easily embarrassed! That’s very true. I do. You obviously don’t get embarrassed when you’re… No, because I’m not myself. I’ve never been myself on the show. I’ve never shown up to the Weekend Update desk going, Hi, this is Kristen. It’s like two different people to me.

So, yes, while Judy Grimes spits out 1,000 words a minute, Kristen Wiig does not. And maybe that’s why Kristen Wiig likes to play characters like Judy Grimes so much.

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Wiig’s characters come from anywhere and everywhere. “Some of them were inspired by things I see, family members or just a situation that might be funny,” she says. “Penelope is based very loosely on someone I know. I was like, really? You’re going to one- up that? I’m getting a massage in two days and you’re going to say that you’re getting one tomorrow? She did that a couple of times and I completely exaggerated it and turned it up a thousand.” Other characters spring from zanier sources. “You’re sitting with the writers and sometimes you have no idea what you’re going to write,” Wiig explains. “You’re just kind of joking around and trying to make each other laugh. Then, one of us says something stupid and we’re like, ‘Should we write that?’ Then, sometimes we’re like, ‘Why are we writing this? That’s so dumb.’ Those are my people.” Despite her love, and obvious talent, for comedy, Wiig thinks of herself as an actor, not a comedian. “I love performing and improvising and doing comedy every week,” she says. “At the same time, when I think about films that I want to do, they’re not all comedies. Obviously, I don’t get a lot of scripts where I’m a drug addict. I don’t get a lot of ‘serious’ scripts, but the ones I get are exciting. The non-comedic roles that I’ve done have been so fulfilling.” Up next, however, are more comedies. First is MacGruber, based on the SNL spoof of MacGyver, starring her castmate Will Forte. “When they were writing the script they were like, ‘Let’s go fucking balls out.’” Wiig says. “And they did. It’s so good.”

After that, she intends to focus on the Untitled Kristen Wiig Project, the Judd Apatow-produced film that will be directed by Freaks and Geeks creator Paul Feig. It’s Wiig’s first screenplay and, contrary to websites claiming its name was Bridesmaids, the film has little to do with weddings. “There is a wedding involved,” she says, “but it’s more about a friendship. We [Wiig and Annie Mumolo, who will also star in the film] started writing this movie almost four years ago, before there were all of these movies about weddings. Then, all of a sudden, there were so many in one year. We were like, Uh-oh.”

If the film is as big of a smash as some of Apatow’s previous productions (Superbad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall), Wiig could conceivably become a movie star. It’s too bad, then, that fame is the part of her job Wiig likes least. “Fame is sort of the downside to what I do. It doesn’t interest me at all. Acting and being in the public, to me, are two different things,” she says. Then, simultaneously sighing and smiling, because she’s self-aware enough to feel awkward carping about any part of her life, she says, “It’s really hard, to be honest. I’m such a private person.”

Photography By Kate Orne Styling By Julie Matos Hair by Harry Josh @ Harryjosh.com, Makeup by Hung Vanngo @ The Wall Group, Manicurist Christine Marshall for m2m, photo assistants Justin Tellian, Harry Fellows and Aaron Knapp, fashion assistant Amber Stolec Henley by Inhabit, Bra by Jenna Leigh, Dress by Jillian Lewis. Location Nu Hotel.

Links: ‘Battlefield Earth’ Apologizes for Sucking; Bacon Addictive as Well as Fatty

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● Sofia Vergara has been cast in The Smurfs. Unfortunately she will play a live action character, so Papa Smurf will never get his hot Latina girlfriend. [Hollywood Reporter] ● “Let me start by apologizing to anyone who went to see Battlefield Earth.” Long overdue mea culpa from the screenwriter of the worst movie ever. [NYPost] ● In his new memoir Hitch-22 Christopher Hitchens talks, a lot, about all of the gay prep school sex he had as a teen. [Gawker]

● “I cannot bear the cameras,” and other grand pronouncements from Lady Gaga, in Vanessa Grigoriadis definitive feature on the pop star. [New York] ● Not news exactly, but satisfying all the same: Katy Perry gets slimed. [Perez] ● Bacon and cheesecake and other fatty foods as addictive as cocaine– if harder to jam up your nose. [CNN]

Shopping with Crispin Glover

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Crispin Glover has a reputation for playing creepy fellows, from the mincing George McFly in Back to the Future and the villain in Charlie’s Angels to the rat-obsessed recluse in Willard and the Knave of Hearts in Tim Burton’s gloriously trippy, box-office behemoth, Alice in Wonderland. Adding to his rep for the bizarre is his infamously unhinged 1987 appearance on David Letterman, as well as his self-directed releases, It Is Fine. Everything Is Fine! and What is It?, both of which feature hyper-sexualized performances by handicapped actors and people with Down syndrome.

The 45-year-old actor, who carts 50-pound suitcases filled with heavy film reels around the world, performing and screening his self-financed movies, is finishing up the screenplay for his third feature, which will co-star his father. While trolling the high-end boutiques on Madison Avenue, Glover is polite, inquisitive and searching. He drops Noam Chomsky and William Buckley into conversation while pondering the omnipresence of propaganda and the ethics of appearing in an article about shopping. You see, despite his cultivated weirdness, the guy really digs a nice suit.

image Barneys New York 660 Madison Avenue I very rarely go shopping. I’m actually very particular, so I’m lucky if I find one thing I like at a store. I do almost all of my shopping exclusively on eBay. I’ve bought two Bentleys and an old Jaguar on eBay. But I have a jacket that I love from Barneys. I’ve had it relined a number of times. I do care about my clothes and I’m somehow more comfortable being a little elegant. At the same time, if I’m doing day-to-day work, I wear simple black clothes—they look relatively elegant, and they stay pressed.

image Ermenegildo Zegna 663 Fifth Avenue I don’t like denim. I wore jeans in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, but I feel like if someone looks good in denim, they will look better in something else. It has come to mean something in this culture and ultimately worldwide. It is associated with a rebellious quality. Rebellion is something I can identify with, but denim has become the opposite in my mind—it’s become conformist. I prefer dark stripes. They have a lot of that here, and a fine-wale corduroy suit I might buy.

image John Lobb 680 Madison Avenue I don’t do reptiles, but they have a lot of beautiful shoes here. When I was filming Alice in Wonderland, which was all CGI, I shot on a greenscreen in a green outfi t. I wore a long wig, an eye patch and a scar. I had stilts, so I’m very tall in the film. There was something about the green itself. I think people really, genuinely reacted to it. It was a totally unreal-world green, like that neon, strange green. That was probably my favorite professional experience. I really enjoyed working with Tim Burton. He obviously has the sensitivity of a genuine artist who knows what it’s like to be interfered with in an unpleasant manner, artistically.

image Souen 28 East 13th Street I started macrobiotics when I was 19, so I’ve been eating at this place for a long time. Macrobiotic diets are based on indigenous eating habits, which means that if you’re at the North Pole, whale blubber is acceptable, but in the tropics, you’d eat fruits. It’s kind of Japanese-biased because the guy who created it was Japanese. I started because I wanted to lose weight for Back to the Future. I went off it when I first bought property in the Czech Republic, but I could see that it wasn’t good for my health. The woman who works for me at the property only speaks Czech, so I found a macrobiotic Czech cookbook. You can usually find a vegan place everywhere, and if you can’t, you can always find an Indian place and order chana masala.

Did you know Tim Burton before appearing in Alice and Wonderland? I had known him in the early and mid-‘80s.

Just from being around and working? There was some kind of meeting. I hadn’t talked to him in about 20 something years. When I heard there was interest I thought maybe there would be a weeks worth or two weeks worth of work. I did not think it would interfere with the touring I was doing. But when the offer came in it was for basically almost the whole run of the film we shot in the US. I got the sense from the casting director that she had suggested this and he picked up on it. It’s interesting that something that was from all these years before ended up turning into probably my favorite experience I’ve had in the profession.

Did you have a relationship with the book when you were growing up? Well, it’s such a famous book. I think I’ve read parts of it. In this culture, it’s impossible to not be familiar with it.

Have you read it since? I got in on my Iphone actually. I’ve been reading a lot on Kindle on my Iphone. I’ve been reading other things.

Like what? Well I’m working on the screenplay for the next film that I want to make. I have been reading a lot of screen writing books. I’ve also been reading Noam Chomsky’s Media Control and a book he recommended reading called Propaganda. I noticed that Chomsky has very eloquently, in an academic sense, spoken about the very things that I have been emotionally reacting. My first film is very much a reaction to the controls that have happened in corporately funded and distributed film within the last 30 years, which I have found personally frustrating. There are business interests that have extreme control in what comes forth to the public. Of course, I’m saying this as I’m standing here, looking at wracks of clothing, which I really don’t do. Sometimes I go look at things. I buy things on Ebay. Yet, at the same time, when I’m touring around with my films, I’m very aware that on many levels I’m the salesman. I mean ultimately I’m putting forth art that I believe in, but on some level, there’s a sales element to art. I need to fund my films. When I was acting initially, monetary elements were the last thing to come to mind. As I’ve had significant outlay of my money in my own movies, I have had to investigate, How do I recoup on these things?

And what’s the answer. Do you have a backer? No. I’m the backer.

So when you’re doing all this touring with What Is It and Everything Is Fine, the tour is paying you for having made those movies in the first place? Ultimately, the touring is paying me back. What has allowed me to do the films is my acting in other peoples’ movies. I had many years where I had a lot of money out on the film. The first film, What is It, cost between $150 and 200,000 and I started shooting that in ’96 and I premiered it in Sundance in 2005. In 2001, we shot the sequel, Everything Is Fine, and we shot that before completing the first one. That one we premiered in Sundance in 2007. And that one cost approximately 200,000 to have a 35 mm print. So from ’96 to 2007, I had approximately somewhere between $350 to 400,000 dollars out, doing nothing but waiting to be finished. That’s a lot of money to be sitting on. I haven’t even calculated the interest rate. So acting in other people’s movies is a way for you to finance your own? Well, yes. At the same time, they’ve worked well with each other. Working on something like Alice and Wonderland with Tim Burton was great. He obviously has the sensitivity of a genuine artist that knows what it’s like to be interfered with in an unpleasant fashion artistically. He lets you think about things and play with things. You end up getting really good results from that. You feel free to explore something. I genuinely appreciated that. Every single on of the actors was excellent to work with and it was a great part. The whole production was well put together. It was a great character, too. I was very, very surprised about it. When the offer came in, I was in Australia and I heard there was interest in me.

Do you watch yourself in films? I haven’t watched all of them. If they don’t send me the DVD and there’s not a premier for it and all of that it’s like I’m involved in other things. When I first started working, video-assist was not the norm, and they didn’t really want actors to watch themselves, for whatever reason. I remember in the first couple of films I did want to see, just to make sure everything was okay, and I did watch myself, which was actually confidence boosting. But I don’t like to go over and look at the video monitor. I remember on Charlie’s Angels there was fighting involved which isn’t, of course, the “norm” for me, but there is an acting element with the body that is differentiated and there were a couple times when it was helpful to watch myself for very specific technical reasons. On the whole though I avoid looking. I’ve done it enough now that generally I can feel if something is really working or not. I generally try to do as many takes as I can and I’ll try to peak and go past the peak, because you don’t really know where you’ve peaked until you do a worse take. Sometimes the first take will be the best and sometimes it will be a few takes and sometimes you’ll even experiment. But I noticed when we were working on Alice in Wonderland that Tim Burton actually shot less than I was expecting, which was interesting. Part of it, I’m sure, is just experience with him knowing exactly what he wants. I’m used to people shooting more actually.

What is your regular day? People keep asking me about it. When I was here in New York last time Peter Travers asked me about it. He was doing a video thing, and it was weird because I started saying, “Well I have many different lives that I lead” and he didn’t seem to want me to be saying that.

What did he want you to say? I think he wanted a short, crisper thing. I was going to say, Sometimes I live in the Czech Republic, sometimes I live in Los Angeles, sometimes I’m touring and sometimes I’m acting in other people’s films, but each one of those are different. I was going to go into that but he said, “No, no, what do you do when you’re not doing anything?” And I said, Nothing! He was a nice guy, but I didn’t know what he was asking. If I’m in Los Angeles… I just had a koi pond with streams put in my back yard, something I’ve wanted to do for years. And I like to garden, for relaxation purposes. Sometimes I’m doing production work when I’m in L.A.

Do you hang out with other movie people when you’re in L.A? No. I live a relatively solitary life. In a certain way, my most social times are when I’m out touring and working. Most of my friends have actually moved out of Los Angeles. I don’t know a lot of people. My socializing, with going on dates or having a girlfriend or whatever, usually that’s in Los Angeles. A weird element of the Czech Republic is that, other than a woman who has worked on the property since 1976 and a couple other people who worked at the Chateau, I don’t know anybody there. When I’m there for more than two weeks in a row, there’s a little bit of a social depletion there. I know some people in New York, as well. It’s kind of like people I talk to on the telephone or something. I go out to some things. I’m invited to certain things. Every once in a while, I’ll go to a party or event. I’ve really found that, since about 2006, it’s been pretty much work.

You’re content with that? I have a social life. I’ll have a girlfriend, or not. I mean…Yeah. It would not make sense for me to have a family at this point because I really do travel too much. I kind of feel like the point of marriage is to have children. I know there are people who want to get married because of commitment, which I understand. Personally, I am not about that element. For me, if I were to get married, I would feel like it would be to have a kid.

You’re working on your third screenplay right now? I’ve actually written many, many screenplays. It would be the third….

That you would make into a film. It would seem likely that it would be the third film that I will have made into a feature film.

Is it done or are you still rewriting? I am in process of it. I sent it to my father actually this year on father’s day. It was an outline.

Did he like it? There are certain things my father didn’t like.

Did you take his notes? He and I will be the predominant characters in the movie and I do want him to be happy. There were things that he came up with that were actually good. Then, there were certain things where… I would be open to even going away from the basic content, if I felt that there was a superior concept that was suggested. He actually came up with some good deep structure elements, but for the most part, it was psychological elements for the characters. Those things had not been fleshed out. I had put things together so that I could mainly start building sets. I also don’t want to start building sets until I completely know that what I’m going to do is what I’m going to do. Because, you don’t want to spend a whole bunch of money on a set you don’t really need. I’m funding these films myself so.

Do you think people will be going to movie theaters in 40, 50 years? I think that the Vaudeville element will retain. When I go in and have these forums, question and answer periods, people get a lot out of that. And there will always be people in there teens or early twenties who want to get out of the house or go somewhere that’s air conditioned. I think that kind of entertainment will stay. I tend to go to with my films to single screen old vaudeville theaters, nice art deco venues. Many metropolitan centers have at least one such place. You can tell they have a niche and it’s something very specific and it’s needed. Certainly, the day of the single screen movie theater is done. The Cineplex is the main element of mass marketed, corporately funded and distributed media. Then, of course, there will be home entertainment. I do have great concern about piracy. I don’t quite understand why copyright mechanisms are not being more lobbied by the film industry.

How so? It doesn’t make sense to me that people don’t understand that this multibillion dollar industry is going to be wiped out. Look at the way it’s ravaged the recording industry. There is not an understanding within the studios. Because they are not being aggressive about it, the same exact thing that happened to the recording industry is going to happen.

It’s interesting, because musicians now make their money on tour, which is what you’re doing. That’s part of why I’m doing what I’m doing, but I don’t see how the industry at large can do that.

Is touring a lot different than being is someone else’s film? There’s a different kind of energy that goes into goes into touring than goes into acting in the film. I have been performing the live aspect of the show since 1993 so that’s kind of autonomous. There’s the performing of the live show, which there is a full amount of energy that goes into that. I introduce the film. The film plays. I can eat or rest while that’s happening. Then I do a 45-minute to an hour – usually it’s closer to an hour– Q-and-A session. That doesn’t take that much energy, but it takes something. Then I have a book signing after it and that actually is the most tiring part.

Why? Because, I don’t just put my head down. People sometimes come from far away. I make it so I can genuinely talk to the people and I keep it private. I make it so it’s not just like a line where I’m manufacturing this thing. I had a sold out audience in Chicago at the Music Box Theater which is a 750 seat theater. I think I was there until 3:30 or 4:30 in the morning. The kind of energy that goes into a film is different because it’s a first time thing and you want everything to be as perfect as possible for those moments on screen. It’s a different kind of tension. In a certain way, I’m more relaxed with film. Also, late last year, I had a certain debt. I funded both of these films. If anything goes wrong on the tour or if there’s a monetary issue it’s on me. My New Year’s resolution this year is to do more art history projects and tour more leisurely. The previous year was to tour aggressively. That was my New Year’s Resolution and I did.

So you keep your New Year’s Resolutions? I do. That’s something I stick with. There were a number of years where I wouldn’t go out for New Year’s while I was editing. I tried to make it the strike of midnight for the year to be what it is that I wanted to accomplish that year.

Right. It’s like kissing the person you’ll be with all year, but this way, you’re like, “I’m with this movie.”

Exactly. I would literally be doing something at the stroke of midnight having to do with the film when I knew that that was what the year was about. Then, there was a time where I was like, “Now, I want to be more social.” So I did go out instead.

Photography by Mark Squires. Suit by Ermenegildo Zegna, Grooming by Anthea King for Mark.

For more for Crispin’s favorite spots check out the BlackBook Guides on your iPhone.

Mark Rothko, the Gif

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Yesterday, The Daily What linked to a hypnotic gif of Piet Mondrian‘s work (a Pongdrian as it were). This got us thinking that there’s a number of artists whose work would make for purty, little animated sequences. After the jump, gifing Mark Rotho (a Githko?).

Gif Created on Make A Gif

Gif Created on Make A Gif

Links: Lady Gaga + Quentin Tarantino; Heidi Montag’s Psychic as Batty as You Imagined

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● In awesome potential collaboration news, Quentin Tarantino wants to work with Lady Gaga. And some dogs who dress like her. [Daily Express, Buzzfeed] ● Charlotte Bronte was a babysitter: Famous author’s dayjobs. [Lapham’s Quarterly] ● “I personally only like high-class escorts.” Thus spoke Karl Lagerfeld. [Vice]

● At least one of his leading ladies is willing to come back for more: Charlotte Gainsbourg may appear in the next Lars Von Trier film. [Playlist] ● Heidi Montag’s new manager, a psychic, is as bonkers as you would have hoped: “Heidi is very connected to Native American energy.” Riiight. [Movieline] ● “As a movie, Greenberg lacks drama and appeal (it is the least enjoyable film of Ben Stiller’s career), but its story of a destructive narcissist and his compulsive antagonism mirrors the petty jealousies and incestuous dynamics behind Baumbach and Hoberman’s hatred.” Film critic Armond White, almost banned from a number of Greenberg screenings, goes after the film in his review. [NY Press]

Links: Leonardo da Vinci, Action Hero; Serving Whale Will Land You in Jail

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● Apparently “let me socialize that” is new Wall Street slang for “let me see what people think.” No wonder these guys lost all our money. [WSJ] ● Hollywood will try to turn Leonard da Vinci into an action hero. [The Playlist] ● The Beatrice is going to become a tapas restaurant. [Gawker] ● Watch Nirvana and the Smashing Pumpkins play Crisco twister. [Daily What] ● If Ruth Reichl and Anthony Bourdain had a twitter account, it would be Ruth Bourdain. [Kottke]

● What it’s like playing the fat girl in movies? [Jezebel] ● A restaurant in Los Angeles gets busted for illegally serving whale. [Gakwer] ● Take a peak inside the graphic novel version of Pride and Prejudice and Zombie. [Pop Candy] ● Judy Dench will write a memoir. [NY Times]

Links: Hilary Duff Author; Betty Draper Barbie

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● Marion Cotillard introduces American women to “forehead tittaes,” the secret to French women’s allure. [Vulture] ● Hilary Duff following in Lauren Conrad’s glorious footsteps, will write a novel (or pay someone to do it for her). [E!] ● Battlestar Galactica gets turned into the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” video. [Buzzfeed] ● Lady Gaga says she’s not having sex and sparks a trend: celibate celebrities. [Daily Beast]

Mad Men inspires a new Ken and Barbie. [NYTimes] ● Ian McEwan’s new novel Solar reduced to 700 words. [Guardian] ● “How to write a romantic comedy in 10 easy steps.” [Uproxx]

Links: ‘Tron’ Trailer; Foster Wallace’s Dictionary; Heidi Montag’s Funny?

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● The Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne will make a second film, and he wants Justin Timberlake to appear in it. One imagines the results will look something like this. [Billboard] ● There’s a new Tron trailer out, and it looks pretty dope. [EW] ● The University of Texas acquires David Foster Wallace’s archive, which includes his annotated books and dictionary. Words he circled include gravid, abulia and valgus. [Ransom Center] ● Precious‘ Gabourey Sidibe will appear in the Showtime series The Big C, which stars Laura Linney as a woman with cancer. [E!]

● Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell perform “Lazy Sunday” for Jimmy Fallon. [Buzzfeed] ● Did Stanley Kubrick think Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman ruined Eyes Wide Shut? [Inside Movies] ● Heidi Montag somehow convinces Ron Howard to let her make fun of herself in a Funny or Die spot about credit card debt. [Ad Freak] ● Lots and lots of abandoned mattresses. [Hilobrow]