The First Post This Year to Remind You About Taxes

Wesley Snipes is due to get out of prison this year, everybody! Soon action thrillers will be awesome again—he’s already signed on for The Expendables 3, Wikipedia would have us believe. But while one of the best blockbuster martial-arts actors of all time has learned his lesson about defrauding the IRS, you think you can still pull it off. That’s deterrence in action.

Yes, it’s the turn of February, so start panicking about remembering your TurboTax password. Or, you know, get a real accountant. You can probably pay him or her with the extra refund money you get as a result of not giving yourself a crash course in middle school math. Otherwise, you should have asked to be paid in cash, under the table, behind an abandoned factory, in Mexico.

Oh god. These jokes can’t keep the terror at bay: TAXES. You will have to get them done, somehow, though really how bad can it get if you don’t? There’s a good chance somebody already stole your Social Security number and filed. So that’s that taken care of. Now all you have to worry about is the Cayman Island account. Opening one, that is. 

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Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Lawrence Nod to ‘Silver Linings,’ Globes for ‘SNL’

Saturday Night Live returns this week with host Jennifer Lawrence, fresh off her Golden Globe Best Actress win for Silver Linings Playbook, and musical guests The Lumineers, but we’re not going to bother with them right now.

In the rapid-fire promo series for the episode, Lawrence talks to Jason Sudeikis about her films, gives the obligatory Hunger Games shoutout by shooting Bobby Moynihan with a bow and arrow and flirts with the cast member ("but it’s opposite day"). In a nod to Silver Linings, at one point, Sudeikis dons a garbage bag over a hoodie a la Bradley Cooper in the film.

The clips are all cute and all, but one sticks out above the rest—after Sudeikis congratulates Lawrence on her award, he offers her the advice, "Always bet on black." She responds that it’s from a Wesley Snipes movie (it is, Passenger 57, to be exact). Sudeikis doesn’t believe her. Is this an unconscious (or conscious and subtle) echo of Lawrence’s Golden Globes speech, where she referenced The First Wives Club by excitedly announcing, "I beat Meryl," leading a lot of humortless people on the Internet not well-versed in Diane Keaton’s finest works to believe that she was merely gloating. C’mon now. Anyway, watch. 

Is Johnny Depp Hollywood’s Sexiest Vampire?

The latest Tim Burton-Johnny Depp collaboration, Dark Shadows, won’t open until May 11, but today a featurette on the film hit the web, showing off some never-before-seen footage and giving us a glimpse into Collinwood, the mansion Depp’s movie family, and the characters played by a supporting cast that includes Michelle Pfeiffer, Chloe Moretz, Eva Green, and Jonny Lee Miller.

But despite the excitement another Burton-Depp collaboration — the pair’s eighth — brings, this isn’t the first time we’ve all been to the sexy vampire rodeo. Take a walk down memory lane with us, will you?

There’s, of course, Alexander Skarsgard’s Eric Northman on HBO’s True Blood, perhaps the hottest bloodsucker—sorry, Vampire Bill—to ever cower from the sun.

And naturally, we have Robert Pattinson’s Edward Cullen in the Twilight films, if you’re into that sort of thing. If not, he has enough brothers, sisters and fake vampire parents that one of them has got to get your blood boiling.

Whether it’s Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt who’s your favorite, it was impossible to walk out of Interview with the Vampire without hoping to end up with one of these fangers clamped onto your neck.

Wesley Snipes’ titular character in Blade might have only been half vampire, but he was all hunk.

Like your vampires more New Wave? Keifer Sutherland and company, in 1987’s The Lost Boys offer eternal evil and Wayfarers. It’s a winning combo.

He might not be the megastar he once was, but Colin Farrell’s flesh-eating neighbor from the recent Fright Night reboot can come over and borrow a cup of sugar from us any time.