Here’s How to Have An Alt, Artsy Valentine’s Day

 

Red rose petals, candelabras, chocolate hearts and giant teddy bears…yawn.

Year after year, Valentine’s Day touts the same ‘romantic’ goodies to couples confined by unimaginative capitalistic desires. But it doesn’t have to be the same pink-and-red picture of perfection in 2018 – which is why we’ve decided to search for the best of the alternative, artful options this V-Day. Whether you’re single and looking for something to distract your melancholy mind, or someone in a relationship looking to step outside the familiar with your beau, may we recommend…

 

Feasting While Basking In the Glory of Call Me By Your Name

Head over to Brooklyn’s Alamo Drafthouse if you’re looking for a quiet cry with Timothée Chalamet and Armie Hammer, as they fall in love in one of the year’s best films, Call Me By Your Name. And while you’re in the arthouse cinema, enjoy a four-course meal prepared by executive chef Ronnie New and bar manager Vincent Favella.
“When I first saw CMBYN, I was so taken with it and found it to be one of the most romantic movies I had ever seen,” explains NYC program manager Cristina Cacioppo. “I knew we would still be showing it around Valentine’s Day, so I spoke to our chef about creating a feast. Most scenes of the film take place before, during or after a meal, and having taken trips to Italy with my family, I was excited by all of the culinary possibilities.”
The four course menu includes soft boiled egg, roasted sardine, ricotta tortellini, and, of course, peach crostada with vanilla ice cream.
“We definitely had to include peaches in some form on the menu,” reckons Cacioppo. “But overall, I wanted to celebrate the setting of the film.”

 

 

Getting Mopey at a Smiths and Morrissey Tribute Concert

Over at Gowanus’ The Bell House, people will really let themselves get melancholy with a show by The Sons & Heirs, a Smiths & Morrissey tribute band called “Twice as fun as an actual Morrissey show” by Rolling Stone. The band has performed onstage with Smiths bassist Andy Rourke and Morrissey’s drummer Spencer Cobrin. Tickets available here.

 

Getting Smashed to How Stella Got Her Groove Back

There’s one obvious solution to the Valentine blues that you won’t often find in a polite guide to the best romantic spots in town: getting absolutely trashed to a rom-com. This is an activity just as pleasant alone as it is with a friend or lover, and, thankfully, the Alamo Drafthouse has stepped up to the plate once more with specialty cocktails accompanying a V-Day screening of How Stella Got Her Groove Back. 
Bar manager Vincent Favella created speciality Jamaican cocktails to accompany the film, including a ginger daiquiri called The Art of Seduction. His process of pairing drinks with films is simple and foolproof: “Wine for lovely movies. Beer and shots for bro movies. Cocktails for action films.”

 

 

Watching a Comedian Go Live on Tinder

You’re tired of unsuccessfully using dating apps – but you’re not tired of watching other people be unsuccessful before your very eyes. Which is why you should head over to Littlefield if you want a good V-Day laugh. Comedian Lane Moore will go through her Tinder account live and chat with and call men right in front of you. She’ll be joined by veteran standups Jon Friedman and Aparna Nancherla. Tickets here.

 

Checking out Animals’ Sex Lives at the Museum of Sex

If you’re feeling particularly raunchy, but don’t have anyone to sleep with or just want a break from routine, head over to Manhattan’s Museum of Sex. There’s currently an exhibition on display titled The Sex Lives of Animals, and it’s about exactly what you think (yes, there’s a statue of pandas fornicating.) Not into that? You could always just hang out in their room full of inflatable breasts.

 

Actress Greer Grammer Shares Her 5 Top Dream Dates For Valentine’s Day

Photo: John Salangsang/BFAnyc.com

Greer Grammer, known for her role as Lissa, on Awkward, is ready for Valentine’s Day. And now you will be too, with these 5 spots she recommends for top-notch dates. Hint: If you’re in L.A. (or Paris) this year, you’re in luck.

TEEN VOGUE CELEBRATES 2014 YOUNG HOLLYWOOD ISSUE WITH EMPORIO ARMANIPhoto: John Salangsang/BFAnyc.com

Disneyland – Well, that’s easy…it’s the happiest place on earth. Not only is it the happiest place on earth, but it’s my favorite place. I’ve been a Disney child my whole life and I’m always so happy there. Growing up I always wanted to go on dates there and be with my boyfriend there. It’s such a magical, fun place and can be so romantic and you can have so much fun with someone who’s important to you as your partner on the trip! (My boyfriend and I both have passes and go as often as we can).

Beach Day in Manhattan – I absolutely love Manhattan Beach.  I’m obsessed. There’s so much to do! So many great restaurants, shops, ice cream places and you can go to the pier, ride bikes on the boardwalk. Its definitely my favorite beach in SoCal.

Sports Game – I’m born and raised in Los Angeles so I’m a huge LA sports fan. I always grew up loving going to dodgers games, and I went to USC and the football games there are the best. I try and go now that I’m not a student there as much as I can. I also love hockey so I’m a huge Kings fans. When my boyfriend and I were both at USC we would try and grab nosebleed seats to the Kings games on a random day for a fun little date night. I went to USC so I love their football games–great, fun energy, positive atmosphere. Add some warm hot chocolate, bring a cozy blanket to cuddle up next to a date in, and you’ve got the perfect combo for watching the game! 🙂

The Magic Castle – Such a cool part of LA’s nightlife history. It’s a really exclusive magic club! I’ve never been, and have always wanted to go. It just seems like a really cool place, and it’s definitely something different to do for a date night.

Paris – It’s the city of love!  I mean, what woman hasn’t dreamed of being whisked away to Paris?!

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY Pre-Screen Actor's Guild PartyPhoto: John Salangsang/BFAnyc.com

Valentine’s Day for the Single Girl Who Doesn’t Give a Fuck

There are years that we can submit, even happily, to the pink-coated, stale-chocolate mess of a holiday that is Valentine’s Day. And, there are years that our hearts feel a little darker. Though that’s not to say bitter. Because being single on Valentine’s Day does not have to equate to Elle Woods throwing her chocolate at the TV–even if years of romantic comedies DID lie to you.

At the end of the day, we say a holiday to celebrate love marks a perfect opportunity to love the one you’re (always) with–yourself. Being your own best friend has never been so chic.

Spend the content to indulge in whatever vice it is you most enjoy…

For the chic stoner:

 The Crystal Cult’s Ombre Vape (and yes, they’re Swarovski)

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By now you know this is a BB fave, get your Foria here–for use, alone, obvi.

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For the Girl Who’s Fully Accepted Her Own Sweet Tooth:

tower of gilded macarons. You can pack a doggie bag when you hit up ’50 Shades of Grey’–we recommend the luxe seats at the movie theater on 84th and Broadway for optimal viewing pleasure.

tower of macarons

 

If you’ve never had a (seriously acclaimed) cookie from Levain, it’s safe to say you’re Valentine’s Day just got a lot better.

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For the girl who wants to check out for a hot min…Good thing Valentine’s Day has fallen on a Saturday this year!

Never has there been a better day to click your way to bliss. Try Priv for a massage in your living room or a private yoga class.

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The you in “love you” should always be, first and foremost, yourself. These are also cozy A.F.

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Nightie recommended for solo-mirror-Beyonce-dance-party situations.

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Finally, to set the mood…

When you’ve broken a sweat after dancing to Beyonce, you can curl up in this.

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And cast the room in a romantic glow…

This newly released Diptyque candle

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

A Date With Alli Simpson: How to Win the Teen Star’s Heart this Valentine’s Day

Alli Simpson likes her guys old-school romantic. That three-page-long handwritten letter she once received still counts as a memorable moment.

So, with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, (like tomorrow,) we’re chatting romantic dates that break the dinner-and-a-movie mold. Here are Alli’s picks for three dates to mix up your standard routine, complete with the must-have outfits to look good on each of them.

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1. Since I’m always craving the ocean, a picnic on the beach at night has to be one of my ultimate dates. To take your typical beach trip to the next level, I’d bring along lots of blankets for serious lounging too. Keep things extra cozy and cute in a pair of Rag & Bone skinny jeans, White Converse, a Blue-and-White Striped Sweater (my favorite one’s from GAP), and simple jewelry.

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Rag&Bone skinny jeans, Nili Lotan striped top, Converse, Catbird earrings, Minor Obsession charm bracelet

2. Being from Australia, I’m obsessed with all things beachy so any date with sun and sand is a good one! Near my home on the Gold Coast there’s a restaurant called BSKT CAFE right on the water. It’s the perfect little spot to settle in for a romantic breakfast. To soak up the morning sun and take in the gorgeous views, I’d wear my Michael Kors maxi skirt, cute sandals, a navy Rag & Bone felt hat, loads of dainty jewelry, and a plain white tied-up t-shirt.

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Michael Kors maxi skirt, James Perse T-Shirt, Rag & Bone wide-brim fedora, Loren Stewart bangle, Jimmy Choo sandals

3. Getting active is always a great way to spend a date. I live in L.A. now so I’d love to head out for a more outdoorsy adventure like a fun hike through the canyon. To scale the hills in style I’d bring along black leggings from Nike, a matching sports bra, nike runners, a baseball cap or headband, and a pair of Ray-Ban aviators.

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Nike leggings, Nike sports bra, Nike sneakers, Ray-Ban aviators, Nike Baseball cap

 

Peyton List’s Exclusive Top Five Valentine’s Day Movie Recommendations

Photo Credit: Sara Jaye Weiss

Peyton List shares the must-see movies on her Valentine’s Day viewing list, exclusively with BlackBook

1. The Wedding Singer

You can watch this one for the music and the clothes if you’re not that into celebrating love this year. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore are perfect 80s throwbacks in this rom-com that manages to be both super sweet and totally hilarious.

2. Rear Window

If you’re up for some Valentine’s Day viewing excitement, my go to is the master of suspense, Hitchcock. In Rear Window he gives us a romance between Grace Kelly and James Stewart but things get pretty claustrophobic as a horrifying secret is revealed.

3. Some Like It Hot

Valentine’s Day is also a good chance to celebrate your favorite girl crushes. I love Marilyn Monroe’s classic films… and this one is one of her most charming, funniest performances.

4. She’s The Man

Amanda Bynes in a twist on Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night brings a bit of silliness to romance, so it’s perfect Valentine’s day viewing with friends. (Also: Channing Tatum!)

5. Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!

Small-town girl, (old-school Kate Bosworth!) wins a date with hulky, muscly Josh Duhamel (babe)–and skinny, cute Topher Grace is the friend/underdog who’s always loved her.

 

 

The Basically Basic Guide to a Totally #Basic Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, so naturally it is time to contemplate suicide — or get some plans together for you and your loved one. The loved one being your boyfriend or girlfriend or best friend or dog. Whoever that partner in Valentine’s crime may be, it is important to get back to basics with things. When February 14th rolls around, you can bet that these quintessential New York spots will be basically filled with other basics just trying to get a good Instapic and a good buzz.

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MADISON SQUARE GARDEN 

Whether you’re heading to MSG to watch an All Star NBA practice or enjoy some soul jams, there is nothing more basic than getting dressed up just to trek to Penn Station with your beau on Valentine’s day.

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FREDS AT BARNEYS 

How basic is being able to pick out what you want to eat as well as what you want for Valentines day all in the same establishment? So basic!

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THE SMILE

You will feel so accomplished because you found this cute little gem in Soho that serves some delicious bites. You’ll Insta a pic, check the geotag, and realize the abundance of basics that did the exact same thing.

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BOWLMORE LANES

The only thing more basic than going on a date and enjoying a nice meal is going on a date and throwing around some balls. This is the perfect place to go if you don’t really feel like giving your date any attention — simply get your head in the game and knock down some pins.

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THE BUTCHER’S DAUGHTER

Being a vegetarian these days is becoming more basic than not being vegetarian. Having a Valentine’s date sans meat is kale-tastic and totally instagramable.

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WHISKEY BROOKLYN

Doing anything in Brooklyn that involves a specific liquor is just like going to Cafe Gitane and ordering avocado toast… it just always happens. What’ll make it even more basic is if you drink too much Whiskey and (after consulting your friends) text your ex.

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LADUREE SOHO

Do we even have to say anything? Fabulous overpriced sweets straight from Paris. It’s basically Valentine’s Day every day inside of Laduree.

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THE MET

Going to a museum on Valentine’s Day and gazing at the Romanticism paintings is so trying to be Blair Waldorf it’s sickening, but in all the best basic ways.

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SERENDIPITY 3

Settling for a box of chocolates is basic enough, but chowing down on an ice cream sundae takes that to an entire new level.

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WILLIAMSBURG CINEMA

Your sex life has been lacking and you think Valentine’s Day is the perfect date to finally spice things up. Get inspiration from the ultimate basic girl book turned blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey. Shockingly basic!

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Drinking-Buddies-Olivia-Wilde-Jake-Johnson

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CONTINENTAL

Maybe you’ve found yourself alone on Valentine’s Day and just need a date with a glass of something strong. How about you have five glasses of something for $10. Nothing more basic than a hopeless romantic getting drunk on cheap drinks.

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SUSHISAMBA

Something’s fishy and it’s not just that “co-worker” your date keeps texting. It’s the damn fatty tuna sashimi you’re scarfing down along with every other girl that moved to the city from Long Island after going to college in the midwest.

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THE RAINBOW ROOM

The view of the New York City skyline, the rich elegant decor, NBC… things are suddenly turning more basic than Allison Williams’ character on Girls.

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The Smith

When you eat at a restaurant that is named after one of the most common last names in America, your night is bound to turn basic quicker than you can snap a foodstagram of your glass of champagne.

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Cynthia Nixon asks, Do You Want Cheap Pink Chocolate Hearts, or Robust Women’s Health Rights?

Photo Credit: Matteo Prandoni/BFAnyc.com

Truth is, no one knows much about the third-century martyr St. Valentine, or how his name became synonymous with love—it may have something to do with old pagan rituals is about all a quick Google search can come up with. What we do know is that today, the holiday means spending a bunch of money on cheap candy and cheaper stuffed bears. (Or if you’re lucky, a fancy dinner.) But if there’s a woman in your romantic life, or if you’re that woman, then maybe it’s worth stepping back this Valentines Day, and putting that cuddly pink dollar somewhere important.

Here the ever-iconic actress and social activist Cynthia Nixon lays out why.

1. Because some members of Congress introduced 14 anti women’s health bills in only 14 days. The new Congress has only been in session for a few weeks, but some members have already begun pushing deeply unpopular measures that would restrict abortion nationwide, limit access to affordable birth control, and even defund Planned Parenthood. We know this isn’t what our elected officials should be spending their time (and our taxpayer dollars) on – and Planned Parenthood needs our help to fight back and hold these out of touch politicians accountable.

2. Because more than half of American women of reproductive age now live in a state where their access to safe, legal abortion is being restricted. Planned Parenthood and their allies are on the front lines of the fight to preserve access to the full range of reproductive care for millions of women: birth control, cancer screenings, sex ed, abortion – the list goes on. They are proactive advocates for a commonsense approach to women’s health and well-being, fighting back dangerous legislation in courtrooms and legislatures across the country.

3. Because some politicians are trying to send women back to the 1950s…and Planned Parenthood isn’t letting them. Politicians continue to try to insert themselves into women’s bedrooms and doctors’ exam rooms. With anti women’s health politicians trying to deny women access to abortion saying children born from rape can be “beautiful,” calling birth control irresponsible, or spreading lies about the safety of abortion, Planned Parenthood is helping set the record straight, and advocating for policies and politicians that will move women forward rather than taking them backward.

4. Because Planned Parenthood is an educator in a political climate where too often facts and science are ignored or twisted beyond recognition. Science, facts, and history are important to understanding what women are currently up against, especially in the context of how far we have come. Access to affordable birth control, for example, has given women the power to plan their families and their lives. Yet even now, women still make 78 cents to every dollar a man makes and 1 in 3 women report struggling to afford the cost of birth control at some point. Planned Parenthood provides resources – available online and in their health centers – about the full range of reproductive health care services. They also provide sex ed classes and guidance to schools and community organizations.

5. Because Planned Parenthood is elevating the conversation. Through Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and other social media, Planned Parenthood is working to create a space to break the silence, allowing women to share their stories and reduce the stigma around abortion. Planned Parenthood is further helping foster this conversation to spark change in popular culture through television, film and music to get people thinking critically and talking openly about these issues.

Please donate here. Your gift will make a lasting impact on the lives of women and their families.

52 Ways to Say I Love You

Photo: Sarah Bourque on Flickr

You’re probably bored with all this talk about Valentines Day. And that’s because we, as a culture, suck at saying “I love you.” Which sucks because love rules! So here are 52 savagely original ways to say “I love you.”

1. In a candlelit moment, softly whisper, “I’m not sorry”

Address your love’s shocked face by saying, “It’s because love means never having to say you’re sorry, and since I’m never not in love with you, I’m always not sorry.”

2. Pour a glass of wine on yourself at a romantic dinner

As the crowd stares, stand up like Scarface, point at the stain and shout, “Look, love makes even a stain look beautiful – Confucius said that!”

3. Get your favorite sports drink and use a Sharpie to put this on its label, “If what we feel were in here, it would be the greatest refreshment.”

If your love doesn’t instantly drink it up, explain, “Picasso said that love is the greatest refreshment in life.”

4. Dress up like Napoleon

Declare “Love conquers all!”

5. 3D Print a Figurine of Lloyd Dobler Standing In Front of a Cutlass Supreme with a Boombox in His Hands

Make sure that when your love touches the figurine, it begins playing, “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel

6. Buy Your Love a Second Class Ticket on the Titanic II

Buy yourself a first class ticket. Get the fabricators who make puppies for Jeff Koons to build a massive iceberg and plop it down in the middle of the course for the Titanic II’s maiden voyage. You know how the rest of the story goes…

7. Give Your Love a Bottle of Medicine that Expired Ages Ago

When your love wonders why you have chosen such a gift, sing Bon Jovi: “Your love is like bad medicine. And bad medicine is what I need.”

8. Out of the blue, scream, “You are so grossly different from everyone else!”

Respond to you love’s shock and awe with Shaw: “For love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.”

9. Buy your love a miniature globe

With your love observing, spin the globe while gazing into your love’s eyes and saying, “love makes the world go round.”

10. Douse a springtime plant in Chanel No. 5 and then throw it in an empty construction pit close to where you and your love are having dinner

On an after dinner walk, hand your love a pair of binoculars and direct your love’s gaze toward the plant; when the plant is detected by your love, recite this line of Flaubert: “You see, love is a springtime plant that perfumes everything with its hope, even the ruins to which it clings.”

11. Send your love an email with this subject line: “I want to eat your cake.”

In the body, explain: “No, Beyoncé fan, I’m not talking about recreating that scene from Girls. (Unless you want me to 😉 I was alluding to this sweet piece of proverbial wisdom: ‘If romance is the icing; love is the cake.’ What I mean is that I’m hungry for both from your ass: Cake, i.e., love, and icing, i.e, romance).

12. When your love is texting, grab your love’s phone and throw it against the wall

Shrug and say, “I did it because I love you –  and attention is the most basic form of love.’”

13. Take your love on one of those zero gravity flights

Float over and announce, “I brought you here because Einstein Said, ‘Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love,’ and now I know that’s true cuz I still love you.”

14. Hire a private investigator to uncover something new about your beloved that even your beloved doesn’t know

After revealing the information to your beloved and facing a look of disquietude, quote André Breton: “You see, love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.”

15. Buy your love some Clearasil, include a note saying, “you no longer need this.”

When your love’s face turns red, blame John Lennon, who said, “when you’re in love everything is clearer.”

16. Replace all of the doors and windows in your love’s apartment and house, and then keep them wide open and unlocked in advance of your love’s return.

When your love calls you up in a panic, quote Mignon McLaughlin: “Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before.”

17. Treat your love to an impassioned rendition of The World that I Know by“Collective Soul”

Respond to anything less than a standing O with this quote by Aristotle, “love is composed of a single collective soul inhabiting two bodies.”

18. Buy your love a one-way ticket to a foreign country

When your love calls you up from the country, wondering where the hell you are, brandish Truman Capote: “Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries.”

19. Pick a vicious fight about something trivial

In media res, explain that you intentionally picked the trivial fight for absolutely no reason because Racine said “The quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love.”

20. Wear an “I’m with stupid” shirt with the arrow pointing up at your own face

Maniacally inform your beloved, “well, they say one cannot be in love and be wise.”

21. If your love is rich, download a copy of his or her bank statements, photoshop in a balance of zero, and leave it in the sock drawer

When you’re love finds it, and runs to the computer suspecting a hacking, scream, “I would love you even if that were your actual bank statement.”

22. If your love is poor, download a copy of his or her bank statements, and leave it in the sock drawer

When your love finds it and is puzzled by who would do such a thing, whisper, “I love you even though that is your actual bank statement.”

23. Take your love to the bench in front of the Brooklyn Bridge where Woody Allen takes Diane Keaton

When you sit down, say, “You know this is the bridge were Woody Allen takes Diane Keaton in Manhattan.”

24. Take your love to the bench in front of the Verrazano bridge where John Travolta takes Donna Pescow in Saturday Night Fever

When you sit down, say, “You know that Barry Gibb’s middle name is Crompton?” and then start making out ferociously, but remember to “watch the hair.”

25. Gift Your love an expensive yet diseased plant while wearing round glasses

Don a British accent and say: “In the words of John Lennon, love is like a precious plant plagued by a pestilence that can be cured by the pure of heart.”

26. Show up to your Valentines date with pack of seeds, wearing round glasses

When your date is like “WTF. You couldn’t even spring for roses?” throw on a british accent and say: “In the words of John Lennon, love is the seed of the flower of life – it only flowers when you add the water of your soul.”

27. Buy “Once” on DVD, melt the disk down with a blowtorch

Add a note to the melted mess of plastic that says, “Our love is so much more real than this melted musical theatre bullshit.”

28. Make a Bill Cosby voodoo doll for your beloved

Tell your beloved that it’s an anti-rape talisman.

29. Give your love a fishing net containing two heart-shaped pillows

If your love appears to be fishing for an answer, note that “It was Muhammad Ali who once said, “love is a net that catches hearts like fish.’”

30. Wrap yourself up and put yourself in a giftbox

When your love hears your screams and opens the box, jump out and joyously quote Jean Anouilh, “Love is, above all, the gift of oneself!”

31. Buy a bottle of wine, replace its label with one that lists the vineyard as “Existence”

At an opportune moment, say, “Love is the wine of existence” as you point to your custom label.

32. Make your love a custom deck of playing cards with jokers labeled “Love”

Say that “love is the wildcard of existence.”

33. Buy Your Love a Bottle of Pepto Bismol

Tell your love that “love never dies of starvation, but often of digestion.”

34. Leave your love a note that reads: “I Sexxx You”

Explain that, according to Harlan Ellison, “love ain’t nothing but sex misspelled.”

35. Take your love to a frozen brook

Stare out onto the brook and recite this line from Kahlil Gibran: “Love, like a running brook, is disregarded, taken for granted; but when the brook freezes over, then people begin to remember how it was when it ran, and they want it to run again.”

36. Create a facebook group called “Fanclub for Our Relationship”

Invite your beloved, and only your beloved, with a note declaring, “According to Adrian Henri, love is a fan club with only two fans.”

37. 3D print a skeleton key labeled “Love”

Include a note quoting Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. “Love is the master-key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealous, and, most easily of all, the gates of fear.”

38. Burn all your clothes, total your own vehicle, and buy a pair of noise cancelling headphones directly linked to a karaoke machine

Before you slip the headphones on your beloved and start singing, whisper this in your love’s ear: “Oscar Wilde once said, you don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”

39. Pay a shrewd old seamstress to perform her trade in front of your beloved

As you both gaze onto her, quote Sappho, “Love is a cunning weaver of fantasies and fables.”

40. Drip your blood all over a flower, and then fumigate it with religious incense

When your beloved asks you if that’s blood, say, “indeed, it’s my blood – why don’t you smell it” and then quote Olive Schreiner, “Love is a blood-red flower, with the color of sin; but there is always the scent of god about it.”

41. Take a road trip to Graceland

In the car, tell your love that “real love is a pilgrimage.”

42. Buy your love one of those volcano sets

If it goes over less than explosively, blame the famous psychologist, Richard von Krafft-Ebing, who stated that “love is a volcano.”

43. Gift your love falconry classes and arrange for the hawk to be fitted with a pair of velvet talon booties

As the hawk is flies into your love’s hands, announce that a computer in Kurt Vonnegut novel got it right when it wrote that “love is a hawk with velvet claws.”

44. Buy your love a poster of Chagall’s La Mariée (The Bride)

Say, “That’s the painting from Notting Hill. You know, from the scene where she’s like ‘I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.’ Why are you not more impressed?”

45. Make a bunch of custom cue cards and dispatch yourself at once to your love’s door

When your love opens the door, go all Bob Dylan in Subterranean Homesick Blues and start flipping through your cards. The last card should probably be something really original like, “You’re More Perfect to Me than Keira Knightley in Love Actually.”

46. Buy your love an electric candle that will burn forever

As you hand it over, recite this line from Tolstoy, “To say that you can love one person all of your life is like saying that one candle will continue to burn as long as you live.”

47. Make a Heath Ledger mask and sing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”

Tell your love “It’s the most original thing I could think of – It’s from 10 Things I hate About You, right? I’ve never seen it. What, you think it’s stupid?”

48. When you’re visiting your love’s childhood home, steal an old shirt belonging to your beloved, and hide it in a special place

Take it out and show it to your love and say, “it’s just like the shirt in Brokeback mountain. I love you so much that I’ve been hoarding it and sniffing it.”

49. Plan a trip to Montauk and bring two matching big bird suits

When you get to the beach sling one on, and hand the other to your beloved and say, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.”

50. Hack into your love’s Nest thermometer and turn it all the way up

When your beloved calls you up in a sweaty rage, declare that it was Francois De La Rochefoucauld who once said, “The truest comparison we can make of love is to liken it to a fever.

51. Give your love the silent treatment.

When your love’s annoyance peaks, hand over a card that says, “The first duty of love is to listen.”

52. Buy “Map of the WWII Pacific Theatre” Sheets for Your Bed

Ravage your beloved as you sing “love is a battlefield.”

Victoria’s Secret Angels Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge on Their Valentine’s Day Outfits

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

Sometimes preparing for Valentine’s Day, or even just shopping for lingerie can feel like one giant reminder that you’re not a Victoria’s Secret angel. And, like, what a bummer. But even if you’re not blessed with 6″ feet of yourself, “hair fairies” to touch you up every five minutes, and paid to look a-maaaazzzee in next to nothing, Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge believe an angel-worthy Valentine’s Day is yours to have. And what better wisdom to follow than these famed VS ladies, otherwise known as “angels?” So we asked.

What is the number one thing you want for Valentine’s Day this year?

Candice Swanepoel: I’m pretty easy to please on Valentine’s Day–some flowers, a bottle of wine. Because I have access to all of this lingerie, I wouldn’t say go and buy me lingerie!

Lily Aldridge: I love the new Love Me fragrance from Victoria’s Secret…I think my husband knows where to get it.

[Editor’s note: Can you hear her winking?]

Victoria's Secret Valentine's Day In-StorePhoto: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

What’s your favorite flower?

CS: Peonies! Lilies. I like an orchid.

LA: Peonies.

What would be your ideal date this Valentine’s Day?

CS: I like a getaway–travel somewhere, make it a thing! Somewhere warm, the beach…if I’m in New York, just a quiet night at home, maybe a movie…

LA: My husband always cooks me dinner, so we’re just gonna have a nice romantic dinner at home. He’s very romantic, he always gets me flowers, and lights candles and it’s very sweet.

What lingerie tips do you have for Valentine’s Day?

CS: Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion to wear something and really go with it. I would say the Very Sexy collection is always a good option, it just makes you feel good. It’s all like black, with red lace. And then, it depends on what kind of girl you are! This pink onesie is also really cute, and easy. Because, in the past, if you’ve ever tried with the garters and the whole thing, it can get complicated and messy!

LA: Just have fun and don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally–don’t pick out the crazy lingerie you’re not gonna feel sexy in because it looks sexy. Pick the things that you feel sexy in whether it’s a cotton bra or the strappiest thing you’ve ever seen. You just need to find the thing that you love and makes you feel beautiful.

What are the tips for that?

CS: It’s hard to get panties off with garters and stockings! So…plan that ahead. Or wear a onesie.

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(CS cont.)This one’s my favorite, I just think the lace detail is so romantic. I like the black too.

Can we get a hint about what you’re going to wear on Valentine’s Day?

CS: I’m a pretty classic, black lace kinda girl. But, you never know.

LA: I will probably just wear jeans and a t-shirt and have a nice pair of lingerie underneath. I love these, they’re really sexy, they look great, under your clothes…

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(LA cont.): You can wear it under a tee-shirt, or an Equipment blouse. I like it hidden, but if you see a glimpse of it, you’re like “ooh!” I like a natural look for Valentine’s Day, I just think some mascara, highlighter, lip balm–you don’t wanna wear lipstick in case you’re smoochin’!

What are you going to do for him for Valentine’s Day?

LA: I’m going to wear Victoria’s Secret lingerie!

Any other tips for preparing for Valentine’s Day?

CS: I think for a guy who’s a little shy to come in and buy lingerie, it’s fragrance and a gift card! Give the gift card, but come in with her when she comes shopping and make it an occasion. She gets to go in the dressing room and come out, and I think that’s really romantic.

How many thongs do you estimate that you have?

CS: It’s like sickening, it’s terrible.

LA: It’s outrageous.

Do you have to have like a separate closet for your lingerie?

CS: I have like a separate drawer/cabinet for my lingerie, swimwear…it’s actually a situation in my house right now.

LA: People see it, and they’re like you need to sort this out. I have so much  but I just love it. I’m such a girl’s girl, I love lingerie–I’ve always said I love lingerie, music, and makeup. I just love it.

Victoria's Secret Valentine's Day In-StorePhoto: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images