Left Handed Radio’s Dystopian Epic: ‘Zone’

If you’ve never done your ears the favor of hitting up Left Handed Radio, you’re not laughing as much as you could be. The monthly sketch comedy podcast—imagine an absurdist sketch show performed completely in the dark—is written and created by UCB vets Adam Bozarth, Dan Chamberlain, Anna Rubanova, Matt Little, and a rotating cast of ringers who manage to make you forget anything so cheap as a visual gag. Today, however, they’ve got a new video, “Zone,” a Funny or Die exclusive to boot.

Left Handed Radio is known in part for its surreal and madcap “Sequel Machine” experiments, in which they read us treatments for films like Dark Knight 4 and 9thmare on Elm Street, each page of which is penned by a new author who has only read the previous page. “Zone” has LHR playing with film tropes once again: this time, it’s the expository and perhaps overeager guide one bewildered survivor must rely upon during a technological apocalypse.

Forget the sci-fi blockbusters this summer; pretty sure I just want to see the rest of this movie.

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.

The UCB One-Act May Be the Best Show in L.A.

Los Angeles has never been known as a theater town, which is odd when you really consider how much acting, writing, and directing talent resides within its city limits. While film and theater are vastly different mediums, you’d think the self-proclaimed entertainment capital of the world would have more a stage presence. However, there’s only a few, gleaming early 20th Century theaters like The Pantages—which hosts big Broadway exports on a seasonal basis—and a handful of small, independent establishments like Brimmer Street and the Pasadena Playhouse, locations that Angelenos really have to search out in order to see a show. With all the driving, parking, cramped seating and competition against all the modern movie theaters in town, it’s no wonder stage is kept afloat primarily by dedicated thespians and couples trying to have a “unique” night out in LA. However, there is one notable exception: the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, located in the charming and bustling neighborhood known by locals as Franklin Village, the West Coast version of the UCB Theater in Chelsea.

Just as Second City and Groundlings launched the careers for many of comedic actors over the past 40 years who are now household names, UCB has become the newest, most popular kid on the improvisational block since a few of its founders are Amy Poehler and Matt Walsh, who currently rank among the small screen comedy elite. Just about every night the four-plus hours of improv shows and short comedic stage plays sell out with lines that stretch much of an L.A. block. While the improv shows can be hit or miss—as it’s much like watching a professional sports team scrimmage—a new series of short, comedic one acts have really been taking UCB to the next level. One night last week, I caught a double bill of King of Kong: The Musical—which needs to be seen to be believed—and True Hustle, the one-woman show about a fresh L.A. fish who lands a gig as a talent coordinator at a porn company. Both are edgy and uncompromising in their own unique ways.

King of Kong: The Unauthorized Musical follows the basic beats of the popular documentary sped up into a hyper-drive of hilarious musical numbers and was funny enough to draw out lawyers from the studio which owns the film. True Hustle, starring Marie Lively and directed by Happy Endings and Community writer Annie Mebane, appears to be a bit of biography from Lively about her time employed at a major porn company run by a guy named Larry who works in a “Death Star” off Wilshire. You can make your own conclusions about that—though the one act is a hilarious, shocking and ultimately poignant take on a Hollywood dreamer who quickly comes of age from her place behind the scenes in the porn biz. It’s rare to see such uncompromised, original works in a place like Hollywood, but for now you can on an almost night basis at the UCB. Assuming you can wrangle a seat.

The Unofficial Guide to Valentine’s Day In LA

According to The Daily Beast, Los Angeles is rated the twelfth best city for love in America. So while both singles and couples may want to DirecTV their nights in and be OK with that, romance abound, Angelenos! Valentine’s Day is sorta lame-o if you do lame-o things, so here’s a round-up of awesomeness that’s happening in and around the city, specifically for the big love day. There’s something for everyone – from the fundamentally socially awkward single to the hip-hop loving fist thrusters – so let love rule in the city of Angels!

All the Single Ladies (and Gents)
Singles should head straight to the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre for the Valentine’s Day Singles Mixer. It’s a show where the improv group uses the audience’s (your) own terrible love stories as performance fodder. This “mixer” actually takes place tonight, February 12th, at 11pm – perfectly timed to snag a date for the real V-Day.

Boozy, Fancy, and Romancy
Impress your blind date with a table at Pour Vous, one of the swankiest drinking dens in Hollywood. It’s dimly-lit and moody, with a Victorian-themed interior, and lots of candles that amp up the romance. For Valentine’s Day, Pour Vous is offering a package for two that includes a two-hour reservation (8 pm-10pm), four oysters paired with a glass of champers, a cheese plate paired with cocktails, and chocolate paired with Cherie for $100. Oh, and there’s a special Valentine’s Show. It might include a scantily clad girl in a cage. Show up with a reservation to find out.

Foodies Paradise
The just-recently-reopened A.O.C is offering a four-course prix-fixe dinner with a bunch of tastings you might love more than your date. Executive chef is Suzanne Goin, who’s been named "Best New Chef" by Food and Wine magazine and is a James Beard Best California Chef award winner. Don’t bring a date that doesn’t understand good food. The night will end bad.

Fist-Thrusting, Power 106 Date
Love is in the Nokia Theater, thanks to Power 106’s Valentine’s Day Crush concert featuring Ne-Yo, T.I., and RaVaughn. We’re pretty sure Ne-Yo will perform his hit single “Let Me Love You.” If the concert strikes you as a little too urban, you can follow the huge wave of old white people heading to Costa Mesa for Kenny G.

Celebrity-Stalking, Fish-Obsessed
Get your Smartphone cameras ready! There’s no red carpet, but those familiar with one (George Clooney, Jessica Simpson, etc.) shack up at Koi Restaurant for some of the best sushi in L.A. (baked lobster roll, anyone?). Considering the high-profile diners, you’ll feel like a VIP yourself. The restaurant has some dishes specifically designed for Valentine’s Day, like Cupid’s Arrow (spicy albacore dish with strawberries and more good-times fixtures). You should probably make a reservation.

Next-Level Seriousness
Because you might propose, make it West Hollywood memorable. Mondrian Los Angeles whipped up a crazy-cool Dream Proposal package that includes three nights in a penthouse suite, private five-course dinner prepared by Asia De Cuba’s executive chef Chang Sivilay, bottle of Dom Perignon, styling and glam sesh from Drybar/Blushington/Stylehaus, four-carot Tacori engagement ring, and engagement party at SkyBar for up to 50 guests. The package is estimated at $105,000 and available until February 19th. Don’t forget to invite us to your wedding.

[Related: BlackBook’s Exclusive Valentine’s Day 2013 Playlist; BlackBook Los Angeles Guide]

Follow Jimmy Im on Twitter here.

‘Moustache Man’ Patrick Waldo Talks Street Art, His One-Man Show

Five years ago, I worked at the Huffington Post and sat at the same table as a sardonic young video editor named Patrick Waldo. We both moved onto other jobs, years passed, and we lost touch as ex-coworkers do. Then in the summer of 2011, Patrick was suddenly in the newspapers, only they were calling him "the infamous Moustache graffiti bandit." Yes, Patrick Waldo was the street artist who scrawled the word "moustache" on subway ads all over the city. Kate Moss’s face was hit, an ad for Chanel lipstick was tagged,  the happy bride in "Mamma Mia!" got a moustache for her wedding day — and those are just some of the prolific tags he made. In the year since Waldo’s bust by the NYPD, he’s been busy: one, watching Zara and even Maybelline rip off his moustachery, but two, creating a one-man show, Moustache Man: Confessions Of An NYC Grafitti Artist, now being performed at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater. After the jump, I chatted with Moustache Man himself over email.

So, why moustaches?

The whole moustache thing was just kind of something I stumbled across- I saw an ad at a subway station with graffiti on the face and from far away it looked like a moustache, so I thought writing "moustache" on the upper lip would be funny. I had no idea it would go as far as it did.

Do you consider what you do street art?

Some people call it street art, some people call it graffiti- I’m a huge fan of both so I’ll take either of them.

It seems like you didn’t discriminate much on who got moustaches — was it just any opportunity that presented itself that you seized, or did you do specific typs of ads on purpose?

When I first started I was looking for posters with beautiful models in super serious, sexy poses, or bad reality show ads where the stars have their mouths hanging open or are making some otherwise dumb face- anything that could be undermined very easily by a moustache. But as I started doing more and more of them I treated almost every poster the same. They were all ads, they were all fair game. Some of my friends (redacted-ex-HuffPost colleague, actually) would give me shit about doing posters for things like BAM shows, so every now and then I’d stand in front of a poster weighing out this moral dilemma. But usually that ended with me just saying "Fuck it" and moustaching it.

How did a typical tagging session go? Or were they all unique?

Yeah, I mean there was no typical tagging session. I never really set out on tagging missions, I’d just make sure that before I left my apartment I was armed with a bunch of Sharpies. Cell phone, wallet, Sharpies. That was my checklist before I walked out the door. And then wherever I’d go, I’d hit as many posters as I could. I started with one marker — it was a Bic "Mark It" — but I was passing up a lot of faces because they were too small or too big for the marker, so I started carrying around a bunch of different sized markers. I used a Sharpie Chisel Tip for most faces because it was super thick and dark and made the moustaches look more like actual moustaches from far away. I used regular Sharpies on smaller upper lips, Sharpie Ultra Fine Points on tiny upper lips, Sharpie King Size markers on bigger than normal faces and then this monster of a marker called the Pilot Super Color Wide and Broad for the biggest faces. It was a ton of markers, and I usually carried an extra of each because once you start using them it wears the tip down and they get fatter, so I wanted to have as many size options as possible. Winter was awesome because I could just stuff them all in my coat pockets, but the warmer months sucked because I’d have to walk around with all of them in my pants pockets. Too bad Jncos went out of style or I’d have been set.

Did you have lookouts?

If I was with my friends I’d just start doing them and usually they were cool with it. If there was a police station nearby or a cop on the platform I’d sometimes position them so that they formed a little barrier between me and the cops, but I usually didn’t need to be too sneaky about it. Some of my friends would be terrified and power walk down the platform as far away from me as possible or run across the street if I was doing them aboveground, but most were surprisingly good about it. (Redacted-ex-HuffPost-collegue actually was really good about being a lookout.)

How often did people see what you were doing?

All the time! They had to — I was doing them during rush hour, I was doing them outside in broad daylight. I preferred doing them in the middle of the night when no one was around but the only way I could’ve done as many as I did was to just do them all the time, so that’s what I did.

Did anyone ever say shit when they saw you?

Oh, yeah, people reacted all the time, mostly positive. Sometimes people would try to take a picture with me and I’d have to explain how graffiti works and how it’s probably not a good idea to put my picture out there. One lady was walking by me when I was doing these huge Lady Gaga posters outside UCB on 8th Avenue and she doubled back when she realized what I was doing. She had this very thick Latina accent and she goes "You do these everywhere?" and I was like "Yeah" and she goes "It’s your yob?" And in a way, yeah, it was kind of like my yob — just unpaid and with no yob benefits.

Tell me about the time you got arrested.  

The arrest was crazy- one of the weirdest days of my life by far. The weirdest part was that I wasn’t tagging anything. I didn’t have any markers on me. I was coming out of work and five plain clothes police officers swooped in on me. They’d been investigating me over a three month period and had been staking me out that day to get me as soon as I came out of work. I tell the whole story of the arrest, the interrogation that followed, my time in jail and all that stuff in my UCB show, so I’ll save all the juicy stuff for that. October 18th! 8pm! UCB Theatre New York! Shameless plug!

When did you decide to do a one-man show?

I’ve been taking improv classes at UCB since right after I moved up here in 2006. I met a bunch of people I clicked with in a UCB class taught by Zach Woods (from The Office) and we started a team called, wait for it, Out of the Woods. We perform at UCB every now and then but mostly at indie venues all over. We’ve been doing it for like three years now, over 100 shows at this point, so we’re at that point where we’ve got "group mind," as it’s known in the improv world. We came into it with a similar sense of humor, I think that’s what drew us to each other in the first place, but after spending so much time together now we’ve like melded to the point where we finish each other’s sentences, beat each other to the same punchlines, can almost predict how a person will react in a scene. We’re like that annoying married couple that’s really good at Catch Phrase. But our sex life is terrible. We almost never fuck anymore.

I decided to do a one-man show a few months after my arrest, when I realized there were so many weird things that happened during the Moustache Man stint that it might make a fun show. I’ve been a performer for a while, so it seemed like a natural progression to tell the story on stage.

Are you worried about doing a show about something so visual? Will images of your tags factor into the show?

The show has a ton of images in it. I tell some stories and show some pictures and tell more stories. It’s like a TED Talk but way smarter.

So what are you doing as a day job these days? What’s next for you artistically — both in terms of street art and comedy?

I’m giving private walking tours these days through Streetwise New York. I miss the double decker bus tours- those really were so fun to give, but I’m a huge NYC history geek and there’s no real better way to see the city than to walk it, so I’m enjoying the walking tours. Still performing with my improv team Out of the Woods, still doing the Moustache show at UCB (October 18th. 8pm). After that, only God knows what will happen. JK, there’s no God.

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr.

UCB’s Connor Ratliff is Old Enough to Be President, So He’s Running

For all the wisdom of the founders, there’s little mention in the Constitution of what today’s pundits cite as standard qualifications for the presidency of the United States. Nowhere does it reference military service, law degrees, experience in private equity firms, ownership of baseball teams, or B-movie stardom. It does, however, make explicit the rule that no one is eligible “who shall not have attained to the age of thirty five years.” Having attained the age of 35 years, New Yorker Connor Ratliff is eligible to be president, and he’s running as a write-in candidate. 

At a press conference Sunday morning in Battery Park, Ratliff, a member of the Upright Citizens Brigade House team The Stepfathers, spoke with reporters for over an hour as the Statue of Liberty stood calmly in the background. 
 
“The founders didn’t just flip a bunch of pennies in the air, see 35 of them land on heads, and say, 35 is the age,” explained Ratliff. “Think of it as the recommended serving size. But instead, we’ve elected all these old people.
 
Though Ratliff’s campaign hinges on the 35 motif, he is in fact 36 now and will turn 37 in August. Critics point to this as a betrayal of his own platform. But he contends that the campaign has been honest from the beginning about his birthdays, and even so, he’s still the closest to 35 of any of the candidates. Incumbent president Barack Obama is 50, while his presumptive Republican opponent Mitt Romney is 65.
 
“You don’t see something that costs $36 and say it’s $40. No, you say it’s 35 with a little bit of tax. I don’t want to talk about taxes, but that’s what it is. 35 and change.” Ratliff then added that “35 and Change” would be a campaign slogan.
 
Ratliff’s presidential run began with an official announcement last August on The Chris Gethard Show, a variety program on the public access channel MNN. Since then, the campaign has hired a pollster, conducted focus groups, and fired the pollster. They’ve signed as a running mate Larry Hankin, 71, an actor known for his role as Mr. Heckles on the sitcom Friends.
 
“We tried for all the Friends: Ross, Chandler, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey. None of them responded,” said Ratliff. “But you take lemons and make lemonade. And even when you get really old lemons, there’s still a little juice left.”
 
The campaign is open to other big name supporters. “I know Sarah Jessica Parker is interested in throwing fundraising events, and any celebrities willing to endorse the campaign are welcome,” said Langan Kingsley, Ratliff’s press secretary and a fellow UCB member. 
 
For all the effort so far, Ratliff has yet to go through the formality of registering his campaign with the FEC.  “Formal?” Ratliff responded. “I’m wearing a suit, how much more formal do you want? Do you want me to come out here with a tuxedo and a top hat? I’m a working Joe.”
 
What informs Ratliff’s strategy is the reality that registering with the FEC, and officially getting his name on the ballot, would take resources he doesn’t have and energy he doesn’t want to waste. “You don’t want a president to show up exhausted. You want a president that’s well rested and ready to go. That’s my other slogan: ‘well rested and ready to go.’” 
 
His lack of experience could be a hang-up for voters, but Ratliff contends that he has the same experience any president has had, except for incumbents and Grover Cleveland during his 1892 campaign: the experience of not being president. “I’m no Grover Cleveland,” he said.
 
Over the course of the press conference, the candidate veered away from questions regarding foreign policy. When asked his thoughts on the presidential elections in Egypt, Ratliff explained that he “didn’t pay attention to that stuff” before endorsing Brendan Fraser, star of the Mummy films, for the job. 
 
On domestic issues, however, Ratliff appeared to have a thought-out strategy. For example, on immigration reform, he admitted that Mitt Romney made a good point in his interview on CBS’s Face the Nation when he said that Obama’s plan was just a short-term solution, and he was looking for a long-term solution to immigration reform. “I’m looking for long-term solutions to all the problems,” he explained. “One of my slogans is ‘permanent solutions for now problems.’”
 
And on a hot summer day in Battery Park, your correspondent couldn’t help but wonder what solution Ratliff might have for the city’s debate over soda cup size. “My recommended serving size is 35 ounces,” Ratliff said. 

The Stepfathers Are Gods of Improv Comedy

This week, we’re bringing you video interviews with some of the most respected names in New York comedy. While many think of comedy shows as cheesy affairs featuring lame stand-up comics and two-drink minimums, a new crowd of performers are changing the game by hosting their own shows to showcase their own talents as well as those of their friends, colleagues, and heroes. Today, we check in with Michael Delaney, Will Hines, and Connor Ratliff of Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre’s The Stepfathers. 

One of the highest achievements in improv comedy is being on a weekend house team at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. When you’re billed as a "supergroup of improv veterans" like The Stepfathers, the stakes are even higher. Unlike other popular shows at UCB that begin with an interview of an audience member based around a theme (family, hometown, crime, roommates, etc.) to draw on, The Stepfathers waste no time getting their one word suggestion and it’s pure free-association right out of the gate.

The most recognizable face might be Zach Woods, who plays Gabe on The Office, but he is hardly the senior member of this formidably intelligent group. Michael Delaney, Chris Gethard, Will Hines, Connor Ratliff, Sivija Ozols, Andy Secunda, and Shannon O’Neill qualify as improv royalty, but at this level, egos and scene-stealing are not a concern. Delaney, an improv sage if there ever was one, stresses that playing honest and making your partners look good is the ethic. 

Improvisers always talk about "A-to-C" reasoning (as opposed to "A-to-B"), meaning they jump off one topic and bypass the most obvious connection to get somewhere interesting. The Stepfathers’ cerebral approach makes this look effortless as they weave scenes together, in and out of various games they set up at the beginning.

You’ll experience a hilarious, fast, and loose show and probably leave wondering, "How the hell did they do that?" The Stepfathers perform every Friday at nine, but you’ll have to reserve your tickets by Wednesday or Thursday because they always sell out.

Joe Mande and Noah Garfinkel’s Absurdist Totally J/K!

This week, we’re bringing you video interviews with some of the biggest and most respected names in New York comedy. While many think of comedy shows as cheesy affairs featuring lame stand-up comics and two-drink minimums, a new crowd of performers are changing the game by hosting their own shows to showcase their own talents as well as those of their friends, colleagues, and heroes. Today, we talk to Joe Mande and Noah Garfinkel, who host Totally J/K at UCB East!

"Totally J/K is the best. Joe and Noah are both uniquely brilliant idiots. Their ‘List of Nothing’ which grows in size and ridiculousness every show is one of my favorite pieces of living comedy anywhere." – Nick Kroll

"Joe and Noah are so relentlessly and prolifically funny I almost can’t handle it. Their skin is so, so soft and supple, too. They really are the full package." – Dave Hill

"You should really get some quotes about our show. Noah loves when people talk about him. Negatively or positively." – Joe Mande

If college is a time for experimentation and self-discovery, perhaps it’s perfectly reasonable that Noah Garfinkel touched Joe Mande’s penis because he was curious about a crease in Joe’s sweatpants. It might also explain their shared neurotic vibe, but that’s how two budding comedians at Emerson became best friends. After graduation, they ended up in New York and found a home at the indie/alternative/whatever-you-want-to-call-it comedy breeding ground of Rififi in the East Village where they started their weekly show, Totally J/K, because "anyone could."

Like many who host a show, it was a place for them to develop and test material, best exemplified in their long-running "List of Nothing"—a brain dump of puns and absurd ideas that gives you a peek inside their creative hive mind. While Totally J/K has moved around the city to Sound Fix Lounge in Williamsburg before coming back to Manhattan at the UCB Theatre in Chelsea and now at UCBeast in the East Village on Thursday nights, it remains one of the best showcases for stand-ups in New York.

The Goofball Comedy of UCB’s John Gemberling & Anthony Atamanuik

This week, we’re bringing you video interviews with some of the biggest and most-respected names in New York comedy. While many think of comedy shows as cheesy affairs featuring lame stand-up comics and two-drink minimums, a new crowd of performers are changing the game by hosting their own shows to showcase their own talents as well as those of their friends, colleagues, and heroes. Today, we check in with Anthony Atamanuik and John Gemberling, creators of The Tony & Johnny Show!

“John Gemberling and Anthony Atamanuik are two of the funniest guys in New York City right now. They’re everything that’s great about the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. No one is smarter about complete utter stupidity than those two." – Jake Fogelnest

"They are the dirtbag brothers I never had. They are so authentically funny–like, it bleeds from their pores, like sweat or filth—that if I didn’t love them so much, I’d burn with jealousy. " – Julie Klausner

John Gemberling and Anthony Atamanuik make good on Jake and Julie’s claims every weekend at the UCB in Chelsea where they perform in the legendary Death by Roo Roo and genre-defining ASSSSCAT shows. With the opening of UCB’s outpost in the East Village, The Beast, they’ve expanded their improv experimentation and twisted humor by transforming into different characters every Tuesday night as hosts of The Tony & Johnny Show. The guests are primarily stand-ups, but Tony and Johnny intersperse the show with their blend of sketch and improv to ensure it is unlike any show you’ve seen.

The Differences Between New York and Los Angeles, According to Members of the UCB

According to Woody Allen, Los Angeles’ only cultural advantage is that you can take a right on red. But here’s the thing: fuck Woody Allen. If you want a fair assessment of LA, you need to talk to New Yorkers that actually live here. And where better to find East Coast transplants than at Los Angeles’s Upright Citizens Brigade theater, home to countless writers and performers who have relocated from UCBNY to work in film and television? We recently talked with two such members of UCBLA’s hilarious improv group The Smokes, actor Eugene Cordero, and writer Chris Kula, to find out how LA and New York really compare.

The People EC: There’s that classic “New York’s got the grittiness, LA’s got the fake people.” But it’s all the same thing. In LA, you’re trying to put that fake, best foot forward so you can show people who you really are. And in New York, you put that fake, hard facade forward so nobody messes with you. Both places, New York and LA, are such hard places to live that it’s just two different ways to deal with the same problem: insecurity. CK: Not being so close in proximity to people is a huge thing. Maybe people aren’t necessarily nicer in LA, but just the fact that they’re not on top of you makes you think, ‘Oh, everybody’s so great here.’ Yeah, when they’re in their car and you’re in yours.

The Energy EC: In New York, you can stay up until 4AM every night, but when you wake up, you see business men, actors, ad people. You just see this hustle and bustle and that makes you go, “Fuck, I gotta do something! Shit!” I don’t think I’d be doing as well out here if I hadn’t been in New York first. That laid back mentality would have eaten me up, like “Oh, I can just hang out?”

Comedy EC: The sketch out here is great: Birthday Boys, A Kiss From Daddy. In New York, improv takes the precedent and in LA, sketch does. CK: LA audiences are less apt to really give it up for anything that’s risqué or controversial. You tell a rape joke, you get way more of a “Ooh, I can’t believe they would do that,” whereas a New Yorker will laugh at anything. We have some theories as to why that is. One theory is that people in LA are too image-conscious or worried about what the agent three seats over is doing at the show, so rather than just laugh, people look around to see what everyone else is doing.

Sports CK: [At a Los Angeles Clippers home game] LA fans were outnumbered by Pistons fans. In New York, you definitely see pockets of other fans, but if you’re rooting for the other team, you’re going to get your ass kicked. Clippers fans don’t give a shit. If you root for the other team, they’re like, “No, you’re right.”

Food EC: I like LA for what they’re good at and New York for what they’re good at. The Corner Bistro in New York is great for burgers, but [LA burger institution] Father’s Office is so good too. They’re different. CK: For breakfast and lunch, LA really has it because people take lunch [meetings] every day. What do I miss? The New York slice. Pizza in general. And then there are a few specific places in New York that I miss. I lived above a Chinese restaurant on 8th called Home that was awesome.

Architecture CK: In LA, people say, “When I make enough money, I’m going to build the kind of house that I want and I don’t care how it looks.” I love that about LA. On any given street, you have the classic ‘60s apartments and then Mission-style things and then a ski chalet. If you go for a walk in Park Slope, you know you’re going to see brownstones everywhere. It’s nice to go for a walk in [LA’s] Griffith Park and say, “Why is this bungalow next to this mansion?”

Which city is better? EC: You can’t compare New York to LA. They’re two different fruits: literally, apples and oranges. Every once in a while you want to fucking eat an orange and every once in a while you want to eat a fucking apple.

Seriously, which is better? EC: I prefer LA. In New York you can always be a kid. Bars are open until 4AM, people are around. You walk down the street once and see a bunch of people and walk down the next day and see all different people, so you can constantly change who you are. But in LA, you can’t hide amongst the crowd. You can only be more of what you end up being. I’ll always love New York for making me who I am. But what do I miss about the city? I don’t miss anything, just my friends. I think after a while, it just started to bum me out. I can’t wait to visit New York, but I’m glad I don’t live there. CK: It makes me sound like a traitor, but yeah, I would pick LA over New York. I’ll make the case for anyone considering moving out. It’s not as intimidating as you might think, you get used to the driving and the weather really is that nice.