Things We Will Probably Read on the Internet Today About the Golden Globes

So the Golden Globes happened. We laughed, we cried, we rolled our eyes, we got really judgey about some people. And now, you’re probably gonna read about it. Here’s what you should probably be prepared to read about. For best effect, this can be turned into a fun scavenger hunt for your lunchtime reading/Internet browsing.

– 5,000 Words About How I Feel About Lena Dunham
– 5,000 Words Telling You How You Should Feel About Lena Dunham
– 5,000 Words Equating Lena Dunham With The Entire American Population Ages 18-29
– A Brief History of Lindsay Lohan’s Award Show Livetweets (Slideshow) 
– Some Really Ill-Conceived and Hasty Pitch Paralleling Jodie Foster’s Coming Out/Not Coming Out to Frank Ocean’s
– Really, E!? A Mani-Cam? 
– It’s The Year of Strong Female Characters… Again! Who’da Thunkit? Women! 
– Why Do People Love Anne Hathaway So Much?
– Why Do People Hate Anne Hathaway So Much? 
– Did You Know Lena Dunham Is Dating The Guy From fun.? 
– Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Were Gravely Underused
– Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Fan Fiction (YOUR MOVE, TUMBLR)
– Gossip Blog Interprets Taylor Swift’s Side-Eye to Adele As Bitchy Cat-Fight Between Two Pop Megastars Because LADIES, AMIRITE?
– Damian Lewis, Jessica Chastain and the Year of the Redhead 
– Does Tommy Lee Jones Ever Smile?
– We All Know Zosia Mamet Is The Real Star Here Let’s Stop Kidding Ourselves
– Something Something Something Lena Dunham
– An Oral History of the Movie Nell
– 25 Other Times Jodie Foster Has Trolled Us About Her Sexual Orientation (Slideshow)

And a whole lot devoted to this:

Which One of These Old White Guys Will Win Another Oscar?

Happy Oscar Nominations Day! Did you wake up early to watch Seth McFarland and Emma Stone announce the nominees? Can you think of a quirkier couple to do so? Here’s the run-down: they only bothered to come up with nine movies to nominate for Best Picture, they figured Kathryn Bigelow didn’t need any more nominations (probably because of Bridesmaids solving feminism or something last year), and Jessica Chastain with the Julliard degree is up against a nine-year-old. But most importantly: five old white men are gunning for another Oscar in the Best Supporting Actor category. Who will it be?!

Will it be Alan Arkin, showing his range after winning for playing a grumpy, foul-mouthed grandpa in Little Miss Sunshine with his brilliant turn as a grumpy, foul-mouthed film producer in Argo? How about Robert De Niro, who in Silver Linings Playbook gave us the best performance of an old man with OCD tendencies since Jack Nicholson won for As Good As It Gets? Then there’s Philip Seymour Hoffman, who famously raised his voice and twisted his eyeglasses a few times for his Oscar-winning turn as Truman Capote, this time playing L. Rob Hubbard (basically) with his natural, deep voice in The Master. Or will it be Chrisoph Waltz, bringing levity and humor to the American slave trade in the same way he made it OK to finally laugh at—and with—Nazis.

Personally, I think it’s going to be Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln. You see, he sleeps with his black maid (spoiler alert, I guess, although I still refuse to see Lincoln). Remember when he won an Oscar for The Fugitive and said, “I don’t care,” right before Harrison Ford jumped out of that dam? That was a good movie. Hell, just give him another one. Who cares.

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Here’s the Brand New Trailer for ‘Men in Black 3’

Columbia Pictures released the first trailer for Men in Black 3 today, and it looks to have taken a serious departure from the series’ first two installments. Just kidding! Will Smith is still cracking wise and neuralyzing aliens who have taken unexpected forms, while serious actors Josh Brolin and Emma Thompson have joined the crew. Watch the trailer after the time jump (you’ll get that stupid reference if you just click through).

So Tommy Lee Jones has been dead for forty years and Agent J has to go back in time to figure it all out. That’s great and all, but will those bugs that drink coffee and smoke cigarettes make an appearance? Those aliens really were relatable to some of us average Joes plugging away in the American workplace. How we hope they made it into the new one.

Men in Black 3 comes out May 25th.