Checking Out the New Downtown Dream

The culture of nightlife and the culture of hotels is about to change. For years, we have discussed the advantages of nightlife finding a protective home in the bosom of a hotel, with all its services, amenities, insurances, lobbyists, lawyers and all that expensive stuff that operators in non-hotel-based joints need to pay for on their own. Hotels are more than ever before driven by their food and beverage establishments. Plus, they come packed with rooms filled with guests who have the best money there is: vacation money.

Vegas has taught everyone that vacation money flows faster than the local variety. The rebirth of Nevada’s desert paradise was built on a shift from hawking gaming to emphasizing the attractions of their clubs and entertainment.

In New York, Ian Schrager drove home the concept of boutique hotels. The Gansevoort took it to new heights with its roof pool and exclusive Provocateur lounge. Food and beverage was driving its whole shebang. Andre Balasz took it all to the next level with The Standard. But lately, Morgans Hotel Group, with its new Mondrian and re-energized Hudson, has upped the ante.

The collaboration between TAO Strategic Group and the Chatwal father-son team of hoteliers redefines the art and the business of both nightlife and hotels. It is a game changer. The Chatwals, fronted by the fabulous Vikram, have had success with their Dream Hotel uptown, the Stay, and many others. They have pushed their nightlife/restaurant program to drive their places. Greg Brier operated Amelia and Aspen Social Club, designed by me and mine. He has had some success with Aspen, which is still under his control. Greg is my boy, but he isn’t TAO Strategic Group. To list all of TAO Strategic’s properties would require that second cup of coffee, so I’ll just offer some: Marquee (NYC and Vegas), Lavo (NYC and Vegas) Tao (NYC and Vegas), and Avenue. They are entwined in Beauty & Essex, Stanton Social, and even Artichoke Pizza. There’s projects everywhere that are hush-hush for a minute. Now, the Chatwals, with all their connections and experience and desire, have turned to them to make the food and beverage drive for their new Dream Downtown. It will take a dozen articles to describe what I saw when Noah Tepperberg showed me the place yesterday. Construction workers for contractor Carlo Seneca, who for my money is the go-to guy for this high-end construction work, were scurrying around to get it done. Private events start early next week, with the magnificent roof due on the 15th. Carlo will finish. His team takes pride in their work and he’s a guy who says “I’ll make it work” far more often than “I’m not sure I can.”

Noah told me about players to be named later, to help sell the place. He doesn’t need them. I’ve heard these names on the street, even though Noah wasn’t talking, and they’re all major, but the place is the perfect place at the perfect time with the perfect operators, and in the perfect location.

The pool is unreal. Noah says it’s perfect for at least 5 hours a day. The staff was being trained as I toured, and were all bright and eager. The design is genius. The one thing that was emphasized to me was that it wasn’t the attached-at-the-hip Maritime Hotel. Both places have those unique porthole windows. The dream team of designers/architects at Handel chose to clad the building in super-chic metal and bring back the ‘hole’ theme throughout. Most noteworthy are the holes at the bottom of the swimming pool, which has lobby-goers looking above. It’s the place the stuff that dreams are made of.

Studio XXI, Beauty & Essex, & Other NYC Happenings

I’m sated on leftover turkey and stale pies, which somehow remain delicious and undeniable. Yet another leftover being offered to me seems less palatable. I received an invite to Studio XXI (or SXXI to the in-the-know crowd). The space will be at the 59 West 21st Street spot that was formerly Citrine, and before that, Snitch. While Snitch had a bunch of rock and roll hootchie-coo moments, Citrine was an abomination. I think I referred to it as Latrine back in its heyday, which was just short of an Andy Warhol 15 minutes of lame. Citrine was everything wrong with nightlife and its passing wasn’t mourned.

StudioXXI approached me through a publicist, and except for this brief analysis, I’m going to ignore it. In nightlife, calling something ‘Studio Anything’ is blasphemy. Studio 54 retired that usage. To top it off, the invite sent to me says “This invite is for you and a guest and is non-transferable.” To me, that’s the equivalent of “No shoes, no shirt, no service” on a restaurant door. Unless I’m on a boardwalk, I won’t eat there.

The invite also has “New York, New York 10010” after the address, as if the crowd being invited might get confused and head to some similar address in Jersey. The space is upstairs on an awkward block, and in my mind, there’s always been a question about its legality. It seemed to have only one treacherous staircase as an egress, and a supporting fire escape, which I don’t think is a legal exit for patrons. Maybe I missed something, but I never understood how they got a legal occupancy of more than 75. Maybe they worked it out. 59 West 21st Street had some charm when rockers spilled beer on the floor, tables, and each other, as a band played on Snitch’s makeshift stage. I don’t know the players involved now, but it seems to be a secret or designed as a mystery. Maybe at some other time of year I’d be interested, but this week I’m really tired of re-heated leftovers.

I have been honored once again by being appointed a judge for the Nightlife and Bar Awards. The awards will be held sometime in March in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, at the Nightclub and Bar Convention and Trade Show. Voting is due in this week and I can’t talk much about it. It’s all super hush-hush and serious. This year, I am only voting on categories relevant to my expertise. In previous years, I found myself scrambling to talk with tech guys to vote intelligently for best mixer or microphone or speaker categories. It’s best that the tech guys vote on that stuff. I will cast my ballot for the following categories: Mega Club of the Year, Ultra Lounge of the Year, Las Vegas Dayclub of the Year, and Las Vegas Nightclub of the Year.

Veranda, that 7th Avenue joint run in part by my pal Mino Habib, is celebrating it’s first anniversary. I have never been in the joint, but I do occasionally walk my dogs past it on warm nights. It seems like a nice enough place and Mino should be congratulated on the year.

I am excited about the new restaurant Beauty and Essex, brought to you by the fellas who gave us The Stanton Social: Rich Wolf, Peter Kane, and Chris Santos. I love Stanton Social. I think the Avroko design is beautiful and has stood the test of time. Avroko is also doing Beauty and Essex, which is located in the old M. Katz and Sons furniture store at 146 Essex street. That space has been the envy of countless operators throughout the years, and I’m just dying to see what they have done with it.

Word comes that Oded Brenner, who gave us those fabulous Max Brenner chocolate restaurants, will be opening a new spot called Little Brown Chocolate. Alas, the 2nd Avenue location didn’t survive due to a diabetic conspiracy, but Union Square still thrives. I often stop in to have a hot chocolate this time of year. It’s a relaxing respite from the cold Christmas hustle. February seems to be the target. Sometime around Valentine’s Day, I bet. I’m going over to talk to them soon and will tell you all about it.

Lavo New York Coming Soon, Will Not Miss

Lavo is coming soon. It looms as a game changer. Located on 58th Street right off Park Avenue, it is, as far as I can tell, the first joint to be conceived in Las Vegas and then land in New York. The big world of nightlife keeps getting smaller and the diversity narrower. These club/restaurant combos that are all the rage cater to increasingly identifiable crowds with service and style to please anyone. Lavo figures to be a place where uptown money, Europeans, and Upper East Siders can enjoy downtown and Vegas levels of service right in their back door. Tao, right across the street and owned and operated by much of this same crew, has been one of the top-grossing joints in this country since its inception. There is money in those hills, heights, high-rises, and townhouses north of the traditional club/restaurant world, and this crew will be cashing in.

It was in this space that Au Bar, the seminal uptown boite, offered thriving bottle service when most of today’s club operators were sucking on a bottle of milk. Whether bottle service was “invented” by myself, David Sarner, Michael Ault, or Jeffrey Jah is an argument for the bored. There is no doubt that the Euros and the Asians did it long before it was perfected into an art form and a way of life. The Lavo space has operated under many names, including The Grand (which it wasn’t), and has always managed to get people from the club world to migrate up, or service them if they found themselves nearby. Lavo and Tao are oases of chic in a neighborhood where people live in hamster habitats, dormitories for slaves, or in the grandest of homes. The Upper East Side set that will flock to this new and fabulous offering traditionally eat and party at the mediocre restaurants, bars, and joints at hand, but travel to the heat of downtown when they want to really play.

The new team is a who’s who of NY and Vegas nightlife, and I think it would take an hour or so to sort out the number of spaces they operate between them. Off the top of my head there are the Tao Group properties in Vegas and in New York, Lavo Vegas, Stanton Social Club, Avenue, Marquee, Surf Lodge in Montauk, GoldBar, and more I can’t think of this early in the day. The advantages of operating multiple properties are many, but as the science of cloning has not kept pace with this group’s expansion, delegation of responsibilities is an issue. They like to grow their management from within and reward loyal employees with security and big paychecks. They operate a machine that appears to be fun and loose and state of the art. I was given a tour of the soon-to-open Lavo New York by Noah Tepperberg, Jayma Cardoso, Jason Strauss, and Rich Wolf, and it was a learning experience, a classroom most club operators would love to have sat in on. It was Nightclub 101 mixed with modern theory. They have the basics down pat: bar locations, flow, visuals, and they will bring a level of service that will be embraced by patrons who demand the best and are willing to pay for it. They make it look easy. Lavo can’t miss.

This is a natural. Bottle service in this part of the world has been going on for a long time. Jayma, You have done Surf Lodge, GoldBar, Cain, which are kind of downtown-meets-uptown places. Tell me what your strategies are? How are you going to get your crowd to this location. Jayma Cardoso: I always believe that if you put a good product out there—the right energy, the right team, which we obviously have, you build and they come. We’re not trying to reinvent uptown or bring in the downtown crowd. This location helps. There is no competition. There’s a market here that is waiting for us.

When you were at these other places, the uptowns and the Euros and the South Americans were mixing with the downtown crowd, because that’s what clubs do, but up here is it as necessary to have that mix, or is it better to have a purity and let this exist as an uptown, South American, Euro crowd? Is that more of the strategy? Is the downtown crowd less important here? Downtown doesn’t go uptown right? Jayma: Why not? Rich Wolf: I think downtown finds itself uptown often. Sometimes you’re uptown and you’ve gotten done with dinner, it’s 12:30 and the thought of schlepping a dozen people downtown and dealing with the door is like, Let’s just go home, as opposed to, We’re having dinner at Tao, let’s just go across the street to Lavo. I grew up on the Upper East Side and have been living with Tao for ten years now. There are clubs that are old, clubs that were here a long time ago. You have world class people staying at the Four Seasons hotel across the street, and they too want to go out. I think people from downtown will find themselves here more than you might think.

This is the Tao group, and I don’t want to get into who has what, how the partnerships are layed out, but the partners here have lots of properties. It keeps going. Noah Tepperberg: We have about 50 places, we don’t even know where construction is anymore.

But the places people know, how do you not step on each other’s toes? Marketing-wise, Noah, how do you use it as an asset to have all these places as opposed to having every place competing with each other? Noah: People don’t go to the same place every night. So if a friend of ours comes to Avenue one night, the next night they go somewhere else. Someone goes for dinner at Stanton Social one night, the next night they want to try something different, they go to Tao, and if they want something different they go to Lavo. If someone wants to go to GoldBar on a Tuesday, they go to GoldBar. The idea is to give our customers, our friends, our following, a menu of places to go. Wherever they go, they know they can get the same service, the same hospitality, the same recognition, the same rewards for being loyal. For us, this is just one more property inside of a great portfolio of great properties and again, people don’t go to the same place every night.

I bet Jason’s pretty happy I didn’t ask him that question. Jason Strauss: No, the one thing I would add is that we’re very specific about creating different experiences, different cuisines within our restaurants and different experiences within our nightlife venue. The experience at Avenue is a very different experience than what is happening downstairs with regards to music, dance floor, size, across the board. How do we not cannibalize each other? We are very specific in giving different experiences to the same audience.

It must be very useful sometimes, the fact that you can tie up a DJ pay him a little less but feed him a whole week. You actually did this with promoters at Marquee. You gave them contracts exclusive for two or three years and they’re loyal to you, you own them in a way. So with DJs, you can take a DJ and put him in one spot here and one spot there and feed him for a week. Noah: I think in Vegas we can do that, but the DJs that play at Lavo are completely different than the DJs that play at Avenue or at GoldBar, and if we use hosts, they’ll be different than the ones that work at Avenue. Everything can be centralized through the back of the house, but a lot of it is location specific. Not all of it is across the board, not all of it can be shared. I think the key though, is that we have different restaurants. We have Asian, Greek, French, downtown shared food, Italian, downtown hipster—we have a place that’s hip-hop and rock, we have a place that’s going to play European dance music, and it’s all a totally different product.

Another thing you can share is lawyers. Lawyers have certainly become a very important part of nightlife society. It’s very hard to run a nightclub without a lawyer. Rich: We do that across the board—Lawyers, accountants, all types of professions. We’ve established relationships years and years in the making. In twenty years, we can call them up and say we need a contract and they bang it out. We don’t even need to tell them anymore.

Megan Gaver Joins Tao Group

Winston Churchill said, “History is written by the victors.” My status as some sort of knowledgeable nightlife source probably has a great deal to do with my ability to hire right. Today’s current crop of owner/operators is heavily laden with those who worked with me, for me, around me, and despite of me. They tell people I knew my stuff, and some are silly enough to believe it. The people who learned from me are fortunate that I worked for so many great operators. Being an anally analytical workaholic, I was able to glean the best from each of my tutors and pass the stuff that dreams are made of to my staff. I also tried hard to leave bad habits and techniques behind. Learning from mistakes is a very difficult but a very necessary part of success in nightlife. Although the fundamental things about running a nightclub applied long before Rick’s Café Americain, each of my teachers each had a different approach. They imparted their own unique personality and methods to marketing, control systems, staffing, liquor sales, and the thousands of little variables that need to be understood to be successful.

Rubell, Schrager, Gatien, Brahms, Rudolf, John Argento, Arthur Weinstein, Peter Frank, Roy Stillman, and all the rest were thoroughly grounded in the numbers but had their own ways of running the show.

One of my ex-employees actually wrote a novel, which my ex-wife says has me all up in there, and not in a good way. Although I haven’t read the book, I have been told that my former staffer portrayed me in a very unflattering light. At this age, almost all light is unflattering and well, you get used to it. I was never really sure she knew what was going on, but she was my ex’s best friend and needed a gig. She wasn’t extremely dumb or as useless as tits on a bull, so we always found something for her to do where she wouldn’t hurt herself. She never even invited me to a reading.

I relied heavily on pedigree. Not only did my purebred Chihuahua, Arturo, have to like the person but they had to be better than the job they were applying for on paper. My staff were graduates of Harvard, Wharton, University of Michigan, Columbia, N.Y.U. and other prestigious schools. Many were just spending a year or two until they got their law degree or MBA and moved on to big business while others saw the club business as having big opportunities for them. Many of them are the players running things today. They are the victors.

Those fortunate to work with me during my trials and tribulations learned a valuable lesson on what not to do. One of my best hires came out of left field. Back in the Life nightclub days, we distributed invites as the clubs of that era were prone to do. Even though we were the hottest club out there, we still had people on corners near other hot clubs handing paper to their patrons about what we were doing. This flyer distribution was headed up by a sharp young man who also had the task of getting invites mailed out. Long before Facebook, spam and mass texting, we annoyed people on corners and with junk mail. Each day in-between games of Tetris, I analyzed the various methods of marketing we employed. I became suspect of the distribution by the street team and ventured off one night with a couple of my trusted dudes. We went to the corners where I’d ordered distribution and found none occupied by my staff, while the other clubs were represented in force. I called my distribution chief in for a meeting. College kids were stuffing envelopes with invites in banquettes which were occupied at night by superstars and celebrities. He sauntered into the room with a look on his face similar to the one my cat Buster has after he bags a pigeon. I fired him in front of everyone. I always wanted to kill them, draw a chalk line around their limp bodies so all would see what happens when I got crossed but just as we have no smoking rules in modern clubs we weren’t allowed to whack anybody back then. So I just got loud and threw him out. He screamed back at me, “Who you going to get to replace me!!!!????” I spun around and saw this young, blond college girl quietly stuffing envelopes, pointed in that direction and said, “Her. Now get outta here and never come back.” It was as affective as a chalk mark.

Megan Gaver started working directly for me and over the years became my right hand, left hand, feet, eyes and ears and even fed Arturo and the fish when I traveled. She got a law degree in her spare time and went on to work for Jon B and his merry band of elves and scallywags. Now she has moved up the ladder again and is working for my old friends and co-workers Jason Strauss and Noah Tepperberg and that crew at Tao Group. She included me in his mass e-mail. She got good at that.

“As some of you already know, after many great years with my current company, I have decided to move on and take a position as Director of Business Affairs with the TAO Group at their newest space in the Cosmopolitan Hotel in Las Vegas. We are slated to open this exciting new venue in December 2010. I look forward to speaking with all of you soon and doing continued business with you out in Las Vegas!”

I congratulate all involved as Megan is a knowledgeable, dedicated player who will be a great asset. Churchill once said, “I am easily satisfied with the very best.” I’m sure she will satisfy them and they her. Tao group is TAO New York, TAO Las Vegas, LAVO New York, LAVO Las Vegas, Marquee, Stanton Social, Rue 57, Avra, and Dune. Now what’s better than that?

Where Celebs Go Out: Becki Newton, Olivia Munn, Summer Glau

Becki Newton at the NBC Upfront Fall Preview: I love a lot of the Greek restaurants in New York, like Kefi on the Upper West Side. The lemon chicken there is really good and tastes like the one my Greek mother-in-law makes. ● J.J. Abrams: Street and Company, in Portland, Maine, has these amazing, skillet-cooked shallots and garlic-and-butter and white-wine scallops [with] linguini. It’s unbeatable. ● Summer Glau: Mozza in L.A. I like everything there, all their pastas.

Olivia Munn: Crustacean in Beverly Hills, the Vietnamese-fusion restaurant. I like the garlic noodles and lobster. ● Blair Underwood: Cafe Habana, the food and the music were incredible. I had some chicken-and-pineapple thing that was working! ● Jesse Metcalfe: I had a great dinner last night at Stanton Social, on the Lower East Side. The food was amazing, just incredible tapas and I stuffed myself, great ambiance. I like to see live music. In L.A., I would do the Troubadour, a lot of history, also The Roxy. ● Paul Reiser: I’m less selective. In New York City, there’s really no place to eat but Tribeca Grill is one of my favorites. ● Tina Fey: My favorite restaurant in New York is Giuliano’s, at 50th and Ninth. ● Cheryl Hines: I love Tao, the miso sea bass is a favorite. ● Jenny Slate: Buttermilk Channel on Court Street in Brooklyn. The seared skirt skate comes with a marrow bone, it’s delicious. Favorite bar is the Black Rabbit in Greenpoint. ● Nasim Pedrad: Josie’s on the Upper West Side, great tofu salad. ● Greg Grunberg: Taverna Tony’s in Malibu, a Greek restaurant, just love it, the grilled, baby octopus is my favorite. We’re about to go to The Bazaar in Beverly Hills. ● Mary Elizabeth Ellis: Blair’s in my neighborhood in Silver Lake. I love the cannelloni stuffed with ratatouille.

Where Celebs Go Out: Matt Damon, Snooki and Vinny

1. Matt Damon, after Green Zone press day: Oh, boy! There are so many great restaurants here. I like Bob De Niro’s place, Nobu. That’s a good one. 2. Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi @ “Masks and Mayhem” Purim party @ Solo restaurant: Definitely, L.A., Voyeur, that club, I like it. ‘Cause I just like low-key stuff because, since I’ve been in the limelight, when I go to clubs, it’s just crazy. It’s hard to, actually, party and have a good time, because I usually go out with Pauly and Mike in L.A., and it’s just hard to party because everyone’s, like, ‘Oh!’ They go crazy. And we love that, but, yet again, we like to have our low times. So, Voyeur, definitely, a good place to go because there’s a lot of celebrities there, so we can actually relate with people.

3. Vinny Guadagnino : I don’t know. I’m not really a huge club person, so I do a lot of appearances. So lately, if I’m not at appearances, I’m really chillin’ home. But, definitely, nice places in Manhattan — Greenhouse, Mansion, Tenjune. I just eat at my mother’s house. I don’t really eat in restaurants. That’s all I can do. I’m sorry.

4. Skeery Jones: I’m a big fan of Tenjune and the new SL, downstairs from Abe & Arthur’s. That’s a really hot place. The party never dies at Greenhouse and Kiss & Fly. Those are my spots, right now. Restaurants, Locanda Verde. I’m a fan of the new Corsino, but I’m a fan of Del Posto. I like Morimoto; Morimoto’s fun. Stanton Social, always great with friends and a group of people. That party’s never gonna die. At Corsino, they do some wonderful flat breads–they do these, like, crostinis. They have a whole crostini menu. Any restaurant that has a menu just for crostinis has won my heart.

5. Sasha Antonova: Oh, my god! I live in the West Village and there are so many really good restaurants over there. It reminds me a little bit of Europe. If I would mention something, it would be French Roast. They have a special bread made with jam and eggs. I don’t know the exact recipe, but it’s delicious.

6. Eli Kirshtein: I’m not a really a club person. This is so alien to me. I like to chill and eat some decent foods. I’ve been hangin’ out at PDT alot, recently. I like Angel’s Share. I think David Chang’s concepts are fantastic, for just a casual place to hang out.

7. Radioman, a.k.a. Craig Schwarz, a.k.a. Craig Castaldo: Mostly, I wait around hotels or movie sets. I get people that way, get autographs. Sometimes, I might go to a bar, here and there, if someone’s around. What is that one on 18th Street? Avenue. I was there for an after after-party with Leonardo DiCaprio for Shutter Island, which, by the way, I have a small part in, playing a prisoner of war, psycho guy from the ’50s. You don’t recognize me because I have no beard. My hair’s cut short. I was the guy with the garden shears, at the very beginning. And I had the shackles on my feet and the handcuffs, and I’m lookin’ at Leo with a weird look. George Clooney’s flying me out to L.A.—a stopover in Vegas—and then from there, I’m going right to Burbank for the Oscars. I’ll be out there for several days. It’s one of those planes that stops and refuels. I go the cheapest way. And I stay at the Vagabond Inn—believe it or not, that’s the name of the place. And it’s out at Santa Monica and Vine. People should check it out. It’s really cool. They pay for the hotel, too. But I have to bring my own spending money. The hotel is near where the site is, for the Oscar’s, on Hollywood and Vine. And it’s homey. I like it because I can bring a bike inside. I don’t have any problems. And it’s only two floors, like, double level hotel, like a motel.

New York: Top 10 Restaurants as Nightclubs

So, are restaurants really the new nightclubs? Check out these multitasking contenders.

Minetta Tavern (Greenwich Village) – A night at Minetta, complete with Barry Diller, Diane Von Furstenberg, and Harvey Keitel sightings, spawned this thesis. Your visit will confirm all the copious booze, packed interiors, and loud soundtracks of a nightclub, but you’ll also be served top brasserie eats. ● Hotel Griffou (Greenwich Village) – Stealth-posh scene-stealer serves up vintage dishes, but the elaborate array of intimate rooms is just as big a draw. Big enough to draw Leo, Chloe, and Kanye, among a glut of bold-faced names. ● Monkey Bar (Midtown East) – Graydon Carter’s latest monkeyshines lays down a hierarchical supper club scene, with banquettes for the literary elite and tables in the pit for you. Oysters named for Rockefeller, meatloaf named for Ephron. But it’s all about the scene.

The Waverly Inn (West Village) – High-wattage crowd in low-wattage light, with cozy, clubby feel that preserves the charm of the original. Still unlisted digits; go bathe yourself in the self-congratulatory vibe of the inn crowd inside. ● Charles (West Village) – Exclusive enough to start its run behind papered-over windows. But that’s how the peoples wanted it, and the unlisted number and email-only ressies just make this loungey supper spot all the more desirable. ● Delicatessen (Soho) – Corner attraction rocking enough lumber to show up a Lowe’s. Steers focus away from the food and onto the scene, which is tight, attractive, and ready to put away a few fancy-pants cocktails. And maybe eating. ● The Stanton Social (Lower East Side) – Lofty, tri-level space is sleek and energetic; draws in the Yorkville types looking to experiment with “ethnic” food. On the nightclub side, the music’s loud enough to make a Pacha DJ wince. ● Buddakan (Chelsea) – Stephen Starr’s sixth-borough export still catering to overflowing MePa mobs scarfing down fusiony fare. Stunning, mansion-esque space delves deep. Able to accommodate every single person heading over to Kiss & Fly and Tenjune later, all at once. ● Double Crown (Greenwich Village) – AvroKO design masters follow up Public success with vintage vibe, sprawling space. Come colonize another stretch of the Bowery and let the pretty people distract you from the just so-so food. ● bobo (West Village) Ring the downstairs doorbell for Boho-Bourgie dinner party scene. Kitchen still not fully sorted, but that’s alright with the frisky crowd lounging about the elegant townhouse digs.

New York: Top 10 Places to Spot Robert Pattinson

Robert Pattinson was here in New York for a while, where, like a mirage of tousled sex, he dodged fans while flitting from hotel to bar to hotel. If the young gentleman can ever again summon the courage to return to Manhattan — and its chorus of “OHMYGAWD ITSEDWARDILOVEEDWARD ICOULDJUSTDIEEEEEEEE” — here is a list of his favorite places to hide. Stalk away!

Pearl Street Diner (West Village) – According to this man’s Twitter account and this blogger’s mobile photos, the no-fuss West Village eatery was closed on July 15 when it became a filming location for Pattinson’s new movie. When asked for comment, Pearl’s cooks said, “We’ll never wash our hands again.”

Gemma (East Village) – Late last month, Pattinson was spotted dining at the Bowery Hotel restaurant with his blonde Remember Me co-star Emilie de Ravin — which makes sense, because the place is dark, sexy, and features “Late Night Bites.” ● B Bar & Grill (East Village) – Pattinson was once spotted exiting the East Village eatery and mega-patio at 1:30 in the morning after a night of pizza and Peroni with a crew of friends that included Calvin Klein firebrand Eva Mendes. ● The Cabin Down Below (East Village) – In celebration of a friend’s birthday, Pattinson reportedly spent a night holed up in this small model-and-rock star hang in the East Village. At the very least, even if he’s not here, you’re guaranteed to lock eyes with a Stroke or Agyness Deyn. ● Don Hill’s (Soho) – This one doesn’t exactly count, because the 23-year-old actor was on site filming a scene with Remember Me co-star Tate Ellington. Still, in its sweaty Squeezebox heyday — and its subsequent rebirth as the home of the MisShapes’ weekly debacle — this would have been a can’t-miss for Pattinson. ● Il Cantinori (Greenwich Village) – Pattinson was seen noshing on a Caprese salad and veal entrée in this dimly lit Greenwich Village hotspot. (His merry band of masticators added a modest $50 tip to their $350 bill.) ● Black & White (East Village) – Pattinson was instantly noticed by an anonymous fan when he walked into this oft-packed East Village bar. Allegedly, after three beers, he was overheard saying, “I need to stay away from women born after 1988 … ” ● Lure Fishbar (SoHo) – Not surprisingly, this SoHo seafood abattoir is an underground affair, and rumored to have hosted Pattinson during his New York retreat. ● The Stanton Social (Lower East Side) – For its “A Night Out With …” column, The New York Times brought director Catherine Hardwicke and her vegetarian cash cow to this tri-level Lower East Side restaurant, where the group sampled Chef Chris Santos’ macaroni-and-cheese and fish tacos. Later, they headed over to the nearby Death & Co, of which BlackBook said, mistakenly, it’s “vampire-free, at least as far as we can tell — it’s dark in here.” ● Cafe Gitane (Nolita) – The breakfast offerings here are unparalleled, the people-watching perches impressive and close friends say they saw Pattinson here. But they also swear that I look cool in hats.