Your Third Hangover: The Funniest Critic Reviews Of ‘Hangover Part 3’

Like most hangovers, the third one is just not quite as fun as the first – and so is the consensus of The Hangover Part III, which opened today. But that doesn’t stop critics from making some hilarious one-liners about it, whether they meant to or not. Here’s the funniest:

  • "It is somehow even worse than the second." – FOX News
  • "Mr. Chow is more than just a silly, bisexual coke head this time around. He’s clearly a sociopath." –
  • "Entitled fraternity dicks return to The Hangover Part III." – The Village Voice
  • "Galifianakis does hairy man child better than anyone since Robin Williams." – Total Film
  • "This is nothing short of a tragedy." – Vulture
  • "Mr. Chow goes full frontal. Can we ever erase the image from our minds?" – She Knows
  • "SPOILER ALERT: there is no hangover." – Screen Crush

Follow Bonnie on Twitter here

Homophobic Actor Proves He Is Bad at Acting

Did you see that 21 & Over movie? It was like The Hangover, but with younger people you haven’t heard of. Anyway, all kinds of hijinx happened in it, apparently, as I learned in an interview with actor Miles Teller (now is when I admit that I didn’t see it and that I probably won’t). Teller, a 26-year-old whose previous credits include the remake of Footloose and Rabbit Hole (he was the teenager who accidentally killed Nicole Kidman’s son, which, surprisingly, is not really a spoiler), is a young actor who already is putting his foot down in regard to how far he will go for the sake of comedy.

In an interview with Metro News, Teller admits that kissing another dude makes him very uncomfy:

Diving right into the nudity issue, there are a few very bold scenes for you in this. How do you psyche yourself up for that?
Or not. I mean, I know when you read the script or agree to do a movie, you know you’re going to agree to do everything. The nudity stuff, I just made sure I worked out, you know what I mean? Because some movies you don’t have time. You can work out before a movie, but then when you’re shooting there’s really no time. I know some actors do it, and people should really give them credit because they’re working 14 hours a day, it’s exhausting, and then working out and getting like five hours of sleep. It’s pretty tough. So for this I just made sure I worked out, and the (guy-on-guy) kissing scene was something I tried to get rid of for a while. I was literally like pretty upset about that. And then we did it and it was just like CPR.

You were upset about it?
Kiss a guy? Yes. Inevitably, I did it for comedy. But they wanted me to use the tongue and I said, “Nope. It’s not that funny, man.”

These guys are known for going pretty far for a joke. Was there anything else where you had to draw the line?
No. I mean, there was a point where me and Skylar were shackled up and were getting spanked. At one point the shackle broke, so I had to bend over and fix it and s—, and there was all these girls around, and I was just like, “I’m sorry about some a—hole.” Then I just went down and fixed it. Other than that, I felt pretty safe. The humour that these guys write, they’re both extremely intelligent. And it’s funny, it’s well-written, it’s not, like, dumb comedy. I never felt like I was doing cheesy or manipulative stuff. I felt pretty comfortable with everything. 

Yeah, man, two guys kissing isn’t funny, man. At least we agree there! But Teller is probably coming from a hyper-masculine place in which two guys kissing is "gross," whereas I’m like, "Two guys kissing? Thumbs up!" But here’s the thing: would he get weird about kissing some strange woman he had met that day on the job? I doubt it! That probably falls under the "you’re going to agree to do everything" part of acting, like doing nude scenes and getting spanked alongside your male co-star. (Yeah, that’s no homo for sure.) But kiss a dude? With tongue? That’s way too faggy.

Also, if you can’t bring yourself to make out with a dude on camera because that’s what asked of you as an actor—if you can’t possibly pull off such a feat without looking obviously uncomfortable and weird—then you’re a bad actor. I have nothing to say about the sexual orientation part—I don’t know about Teller’s personal life, and I don’t care—but I can certainly say that he’s not very good at his job.

Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter.

Bradley Cooper May Make His Directorial Debut With ‘Kokowääh’ Remake

When constantly in the company of Hollywood’s most talented actors and directors, it’s inevitable that a desire to do more and push farther will rub off on you. And as we now know Bradley Cooper is much more than just that dude from The Hangover whom we remember liking in Wet Hot American Summer, it seems he’s caught the directing bug as well.

Recently announced, Warner Bros. and Cooper are coming together to produce the American remake of Ti Schweiger’s German-language drama, Kokowääh. The film is being produced as a vehicle for Cooper to star but it appears now that he may also want to direct the film. Scott Rothman and Rajiv Joseph will be penning the English-language version of the draft, originally written by Chris Shafer and Paul Vicknair.

Kokowääh will follow “massive changes in the relationship between Henry and Trevor — a writing bachelor and caring father, respectively — after both learn some interesting things about the identity of the latter’s 8-year-old daughter.” It’s unclear just which role Cooper will be taking on but I’m interested to see how this would play out in his hands as director. It would be an interesting choice for a directorial debut but with this plotline and his "star power" I’m sure it wouldn’t be difficult to cushion the film with a talented cast and crew. We’ll see. 

In the meantime, check out the trailer for the original film. 

Three Men Involved in Real-Life Version of ‘The Hangover’

In what is being described as a real-life version of the movie The Hangover, three Brits vacationing in Australia are being charged with several crimes related to their kidnapping of a penguin from SeaWorld while drunk, then waking up the next morning with no recollection of the events. And before you even have to ask, of course they filimed it.

Check out the above local news report on the incident, which occured last Saturday night, to see the footage in question (the men provided the station with it in an attempt to prove they meant no harm to the penguin, named Dirk).

Some additional details, via Gawker:

According to police, the three young men from Wales, who are currently residing on Queensland’s Gold Coast, unlawfully entered the marine park last Saturday night, and proceeded take a semi-nude dip inside the dolphin tank. They then moved on to the penguin enclosure, where they helped themselves to a 7-year-old Fairy Penguin named Dirk.

Upon awaking the next day and discovering an aquatic bird roaming around their rented room in Surfers Paradise, the men struggled to piece together the events of the night before.

They eventually decided to ditch Dirk in a nearby shark-infested lagoon, where he was luckily spotted Sunday after being chased out of the water, possibly by a predator. The frightened animal was returned to Sea World and reunited with its mate, Peaches.

I’m not sure about you, but I can’t wait for the sequel. I really hope it’s not identical to the original, though, because that would suck.

‘The Hangover 3’ Stars Are About to Get Paid Lots of Money

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result, I’m told. With that in mind, the stars of The Hangover are trying to wrangle out a massive payday in order to do a second sequel, says The Hollywood Reporter. They’ve been working on a deal for a long time, but the demands of Bradey Cooper, Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms are likely to hold: $15 million each, in aims for a Memorial Day 2013 release. If a third movie will be more of the same bro antics, why not try to milk the cow for all its worth?

That’s a whopping increase from their former deals: the first Hangover paid them less than $1 million each, with around $5 million each for the sequel. Obviously, things have changed: Cooper is a bona fide leading man (Did you see Limitless? Surprisingly not bad!), Galifianakis is the hottest comedian around not named Louis C.K., and, well, Helms is their buddy. It wouldn’t be very fair if they got a lot more than him. Put together, the Hangover movies have grossed over a billion dollars worldwide, so a third movie will make all kinds of dough. The world turns, as it always does.

Bradley Cooper Talks About a Third ‘Hangover’

Bradley Cooper, sexy man, made an appearance on England’s The Graham Norton Show last night to promote the release of The Hangover Part II on DVD. Obviously, the topic of conversation turned to the likelihood of a third Hangover following the massive international success of the second film. It turns out that writer-director Todd Phillips is already working on a script, and Cooper hopes "to start shooting in September."

Cooper isn’t sure what the movie will be about yet, but he’s got a good feeling it’ll include the usual group of dudes with headaches and fuzzy memories trying to figure out what debaucherous activities they particiated in the night before:

"We adhered to the formula in the second one, for those of you who’ve seen it, and the third one, which would close the whole sort of trilogy, which now it would be a trilogy — even though we thought we would never make a second one, let alone anybody see the first one — I think it will take place in Los Angeles and maybe not adhere to the structure. It might be different," he said.

Why stop at a trilogy? Sure, America’s greatest novelist William Faulkner felt fininshed with the Snopes trilogy after writing just three novels about his poor white farmers, but perhaps Phillips and his gang of drunken misfits could go for something more akin to Marcel Proust’s seven-part masterpiece, In Search of Lost Time. I mean, the title already fits in with The Hangover‘s major themes, and I’m sure we can find five more ’80s pop hits for Mike Tyson to croon in each film. 

Screenwriter for ‘Hangover III’ Already Hired

Oh, like you didn’t see this coming. Hangovers one and two were such smashing successes that the inevitable third installment is due to arrive so much sooner than we could have ever wanted it to. Warner Bros. has hired a screenwriter for Part Trois, and guess what? It’s one of the guys who worked on part two, Craig Mazin. He’s saying that the third movie will break the franchise’s formula. Really?

According to Perez, this is what Mazin had to say about the third movie:

“I think the third movie ends with Doug staring at a row of crosses in a graveyard. It’s everyone – his wife, his family is dead, everybody from the first movie is dead. Somebody shows up and tells him his dog is dead. As for the thought of The Wolf Pack losing another integral member of someone’s wedding party, Phillips has previously said that his idea for a third film in the franchise would be something completely different by breaking the now familiar formula of the first two. Honestly, that’s the only way I would really be interested in a third one.”

We can assume Mazin was kidding about the graveyard thing, right? There’s just no way. Funny that the screenwriter would allow his obvious cynicism about the series to come across in a public statement. Whatever, though: there’s nothing he could do at this point to stop the juggernaut that is The Hangover, even in spite of reviews like this one from Salon: Hangover II simply recycles the bachelor-party-gone-awry gags from the 2009 summer hit, in a new and supposedly grittier context where the cast seems ill at ease, with much less comic effect and a lot more homophobia and xenophobia. It’s a dumb, ugly and, most of all, painfully unfunny movie.” Or this one from the Wall Street Journal: “I can’t believe how precisely everything does happen again, except that what was fresh and surprising in Las Vegas turns rancid and predictable in Bangkok, where yet another wedding is scheduled to take place.” These reviewers seem to forget that predictability is what American audiences love best! Here’s to a predictably dumb The Hangover III.

‘The Hangover 2’ Is Going to Asia

There’s been a lot of speculation about where the sequel to the mega-hit The Hangover would take place. People who speculate over such things threw out the world’s top party destinations: Amsterdam, Ibiza, Omaha. But now Coming Soon has it on good authority that the sequel will take place in the capital of lady boys and ex-pat sexual predators, Thailand.

The film will be shot on location this fall, despite director Todd Phillips denying the rumor to Collider earlier this year. Some people might see Thailand as an awkward choice, considering the major political crisis that recently befell the country (including a series of violent protests as recent as April). Either way, expect legendary Muay Thai fighter Samart Payakaroon to be a shoe-in for the Mike Tyson role.