Los Angeles: Top 10 Places to Get Devoured by a Cougar

Stone Rose Lounge (West Hollywood) – The East Coast version of this star-lit bar is NY’s reigning cougar palace. This is similar, except the furniture—and the cougars—are a burnt orange. ● The Ivy (Beverly Hills) – Studio bigwigs are more than thrilled to let their bored wives run wild on the company expense account, which means lunch (and dessert) at this Hollywood clubhouse is just a “How you doin’” away. ● Ecco Ultra Lounge (Hollywood) – The only thing that trumps a regular cougar is one that drives a Prius. Savor the ride home from this eco-friendly supper club, because it’s about to get dirty.

Downtown Standard (Downtown) – No one really knows why owner Andre Balazs named his crack den for design junkies The Standard, but we’re pretty sure it’s because every time you hit the rooftop bar, a hungry urban wildcat is waiting to take you into her mod-tastic room for a swift disemboweling. It’s the standard here. ● Sidebar (Beverly Hills) – If you’re wondering what business a slobbering cougar would have in classy establishment such as this, well, none. The cougars here have funds and they’re willing to spend them. Congratulations, you just discovered how to support yourself between auditions. ● Whiskey A Go Go (West Hollywood) – Because cougars are a lot more vicious when they’ve been Motley Cru-ed, Poison-ed, and Bon Jovi-ed. ● Chateau Marmont (West Hollywood) – When Cameron Diaz appeared on SNL as a cougar in early 2009, a new queen was crowned, and this is her court. ● Hal’s Bar & Grill (Venice Beach) – An L.A.-based photographer tells us this where cougars “specifically seek black guys with money.” You know who you are, fellas. ● Mr. Chow (Beverly Hills) – This legendary Asian restaurant, big with Hollywood types and hip-hop royalty, should be renamed Mrs. Chow, if you buy what we’re selling. ● The Dresden Room (Los Feliz) – This hepcat haven (immortalized in the movie Swingers) puts out a distinctly retro vibe. The cougars here just put out. ● Good Luck Bar (Los Feliz) – We appreciate the superstitious name, guys, but the question is: who needs luck when you serve vodka sodas to vaguely single women in their late thirties and early forties? Anyone know the number to a taxi?