Beyoncé Reveals Beyoncé-Directed Trailer For HBO Doc About Beyoncé

February 2013 will be the month in which Beyoncé Knowles actually begins to execute her plan for global domination. According to regular collaborator The-Dream, Bey will likely reveal a couple of new tracks for her upcoming album at the Super Bowl halftime show on February 3rd, adding ominously, “now she’s in a place where she’s ready to start gearing up to reveal her plan." What could this plan be? Is it global domination? Is it to prime Blue Ivy Carter for some kind of takeover? Are the Illuminati involved? (The answer, if you read a lot of conspiracy-obsessed message boards, is “Yes, of course.”)

On February 16th, after we have all become aware of Beyoncé’s master plan, she will air her self-directed autobiographical HBO documentary, also titled Beyoncé. The singer released a brief and mildly creepy trailer for the doc, which leads with the all-important question: “I always battle with ‘How much do I reveal about myself?’” And not much is revealed in 25 seconds—there are some interesting-angled selfies, ravenous fans, some shots with the family, a brief close-up of her baby bump, some pyrotechnics. You know, just a day in the life of Beyoncé. Watch.

New Arbitrary Music Genre Alert: Stalkerwave

I’ve been listening to “Cold Nites,” a track from solo producer How To Dress Well’s forthcoming Total Loss LP, out on September 18 in North America, and it’s a real skin-crawler.

HTDW’s whole airily overcompressed R&B in a moldy basement aesthetic has long been considered a skeevy extension of 2010’s chillwave boom (man, remember how chill we were in 2010?), but here he’s hit on an even creepier vibe. It’s what a peeping tom might hear when he pushes aside a tree branch and gets a good look at you in your birthday suit. Ergo, stalkerwave.

This would be the natural evolution of pop and rock’s tendency to staple heart to sleeve, declaring love or loathing or some violent confusion of the two in sharp, catchy terms. Here in a future where we can lazily track the objects of our lust online, the lyrics and metaphors are murky if not terrifying. The punks and Eminem promised repulsive sexual acts, but that’s arch satire next to something like The-Dream’s “Abyss,” which blends desire and death into smooth seduction:

I won’t stop listening to these dudes, but were I a lady, I’d carefully weigh the pros and cons of giving either your number.

Evening Links: ‘Game Change’ Posts Big Numbers, Lana Del Rey Ready To Try Again

● You betcha Game Change was the most-watched HBO original movie of the past eight years! [THR]

● Clint Eastwood’s family is getting an E! reality series called Mrs. Eastwood & Company, intended in all likelihood to emulate the success of E!’s royal family, the Kardashians. [Vulture]

● Leonardo DiCaprio fancies himself and his fellow actors no more than "clowns for hire." We might have called him a celebrated and award winning actor, but if this is the way he wants it… [Page Six]

● After bombing on Saturday Night Live, Lana Del Rey is ready to give it a go again. This time, though, she’ll be performing live on one of the most watched shows on television: American Idol. [Prefix]

● The Weeknd’s Abel Tesfaye seems to think that The-Dream is a "ham burglar lookin’ ass." And The-Dream? Well, he doesn’t really seem to care. "Nothing but love from here lil homie," he responded, via Twitter.[Pitchfork]

Morning Links: Chris Brown Steals an iPhone, Lil Wayne Signs Fred Durst

● Chris Brown has been accused of angrily grabbing a girl’s iPhone after she took a photo of him and Tyga leaving a Miami night club. He yelled, "Bitch, you ain’t going to put that on no website," and drove away, iPhone still in hand. According to MediaTakeOut, Brown could face up to five years for "Robbery by Sudden Snatching” if he is found guilty. [TMZ]

● Just like we said he would, The-Dream has dropped a new one: "Kill the Lights," featuring Casha, who he introduced on his 1977. Talk about a slow burner… [RadioKilla]

● The liquor store in Snooki and JWoww’s new Jersey City neighborhood will not open for business for the two. [TMZ]

● Selena Gomez has gotten her first tattoo, and it’s got nothing to do with her BF Justin Bieber. [E!]

● Lil Wayne says he’s signed Limp Bizkit and Fred Durst to Young Money. "Everybody’s getting a chance," he explains with a laugh. What? [FunkFlex]

● Gerard Butler has checked into the Betty Ford Center for the treatment of substance abuse problems "triggered by the physical demands of shooting 300." [TMZ]

The-Dream Releases ‘ROC’ Video, Announces Tour & New Single

The-Dream, aka Terius Nash, is a fan of releasing booty jams with varying levels of subtlety and sweetness — for every "Take U Home 2 My Mama," there’s a "ROC," off his upcoming Love IV album. It’s a slow burning track, built around the repeated hook "I want to rock your body" lest you forget what Nash’s ultimate goal is. The song dropped a while ago, but he just released an accompanying music video, which you can watch after the click. Taking place at the type of party you’re never invited to, it centers around Nash holding court while he decides which special lady to romance.  

In other Nash news, he announced his Kill the Lights Tour, set to begin March 11 in NYC, as well as a single of the same name which he’ll supposedly be releasing later today. (Here’s hoping!) Nash hasn’t toured in a while and who knows if all his delicate studio trickery can be recreated in the live experience, but odds are good that the show will be extremely spiritually fulfilling if you show up the right type of faded.

Nash also discussed his production of Rihanna’s "Birthday Cake" remix, the controversial one with the Chris Brown, claiming that the decision to feature Brown was all Rihanna’s idea. I’ll let you form your own opinion about the way he sees Rihanna’s apparent decision to forgive Brown, but given that he’s worked intimately with the singer for a very long time, I’d guess his perspective is anything but glib.

Morning Links: Sacha Baron Cohen Still Welcome At Oscars, Jessica Simpson Preps For Baby Girl

● The Academy has spoken, sort of: Sacha Baron Cohen will not be banned from Sunday night’s ceremony, but his Dictator character will not be welcomed. "We don’t think it’s appropriate," said their spokesperson, who reassures that his tickets "haven’t been pulled." Not yet, at least. [THR]

● Could Britney Spears be cast to The X Factor‘s judges panel? We could certainly be counted on to watch at least one episode, if so. [People]

● Leonardo DiCaprio, Steven Spielberg, and a few of their friends generously scrounged up enough change to help the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures buy the iconic ruby slippers from 1939’s Wizard of Oz. [Us]

● A very pregnant Jessica Simpson was seen buying up all the pink baby clothes at a baby boutique in L.A. — there must be little girl on the way! [People]

● According to The-Dream, it was Rihanna’s idea to offer Chris Brown a verse on the remix of "Birthday Cake," a song he originally wrote. "When she raised the question to me, I know she’s not crazy," he explained to MTV. "It’s easy to kinda throw Chris under the bus all the time, but c’mon, man. OK, we get it" [RapFix]

● Elton John’s husband, David Furnish, confirms that Sir Elton has spoken with Justin Timberlake about starring in his bioepic. [E!]

The-Dream Has a New Single: “ROC”

Terius Nash, aka The-Dream, always has some new music in the works. When he’s not working on his own solo work, he’s writing a radio hit for singers as high up as Beyonce and as low down as Kim Kardashian. Last year, he dropped a free album, 1977, on the heels of 2010’s excellent Love King. This year will make it three in a row, as he’s planning to release The Love IV (Diary of a Mad Man), an album that’s been in the works for quite some while. In anticipation of that one, he’s released a new single titled "ROC."

You can listen to the track at his website, as well as admire the New Age mosaic background. The song is pretty par for the course with Nash’s output: slow drums, indulgent approach towards sex, that air light falsetto deployed at a moment’s notice. There’s a Prince-ian guitar that kicks in over the last minute similar to the one in Beyonce’s "1+1," another one of his omnipresent hits. It’s a Dream song, y’all. Celebrate! According to MTV, Love IV is supposed to feature artists like R. Kelly, Lil’ Wayne and Kanye, so get excited.

Below, watch this interview with Nash from a few days ago in which he talks about marriage and R. Kelly, among other things. 

Morning Links: Angelina Bought Brad a Waterfall, James Franco Gets a Book Deal

● In the grandest of gestures, Angelina Jolie bought Brad Pitt a whole waterfall in California as a combined 48th birthday/Christmas present. "Brad has dreamed of a home with the sound of a waterfall cascading under the house," Us Weekly reports. "He wants to pull all aspects of nature, light, glass and varying levels into the concept." [Us]

● Chris Brown has wisely decided to keep quiet in 2012, meaning no press or interviews, just new music. [Huff Post]

● Taylor Swift is said to have been offered the roll of Eponine in Tom Hopper’s Les Miserables, beating out rumored competitors Lea Michele, Scarlett Johansson, and Evan Rachel Wood. [Collider]

● The Kardashians think that they themselves are better suited for the exhausting job that is covering the Kardashians. They are said to be in talks with American Media Inc., the company that owns Star and the National Enquirer, hoping to launch a glossy of their own. [Page Six]

● The Dream says he made $15 million off of Rihanna’s "Umbrella," which, as Tim Westwood points out, breaks down to approximately half-a-mil per "ella." [MissInfo]

● James Franco sold his first novel, a fictionalization of his experiences as an actor called Actors Anonymous, to Amazon Publishing. Do you think it’s safe to assume he’s improved upon his writing since those short stories? "Fuck you." "Fuck you, Joe, you’re an idiot." "You’re an idiot." [NYO]

● Patti Smith wrote a "very nice song" about Amy Winehouse, based on a poem she wrote the day Winehouse died. "They just happened, like gifts," Smith says [NME]

Morning Links: Jennifer Lopez’s Onstage Breakdown, Madonna’s Homeless Brother

● Jennifer Lopez fled the stage, teary and lovelorn, after an emotional performance of “If You Had My Love,” before which she’d told the audience it was “the first” song she ever wrote about love. “A lot has changed since then,” she added. [Radar] ● Six years after their infamous 2005 Xenu-slaying episode, “Trapped In The Closet,” South Park‘s Trey Parker and Matt Stone (and their friends and family) have begun to feel the heat of an extensive Scientology sting. [VV] ● Christina Milian and The-Dream are now and finally officially divorced. That Alexander McQueen riding-pant tux Terrius wore to say “I do,” though, is forever. [TMZ]

● One of Madonna’s older brothers says that his “multibazillionarie” sister has turner her back on him, leaving him homeless and living under a bridge in Traverse City, Michigan. [Gawker] ● It seems safe to say that Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are very much a thing. [People] ● Paranormal Activity 3 — which cost all of $5 million to make — has chalked up the biggest horror opening ever, drawing $54 million in its first weekend in theaters. [Deadline]