‘The Dark Knight’ Trilogy Condensed Into Three Minutes

I haven’t watched any of the films in Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight trilogy over the past five years because, frankly, I don’t care. Not the one with Heath Ledger. Not the one with Anne Hathaway. Not the other one. If you’re like me, and vaguely aware of a Batman-ish cultural thingies, then this three-minute-long ScreenRant cut be for you.  

The overview of Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises shares only the briefest snippets of plot. Scary masks? Gotham’s in trouble? Health Ledger is dead and that is sad?

Okay, I still don’t have any idea what this series is about, not do I care anymore than I did before. (I’m not sure Business Insider’s "spoiler alert" is actually true.)

But if you’re a Batman nerd, and you might be because there’s a lot of them, it’s worth checking out: 

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David Cronenberg: The Oscars Are “Bullshit”

Oh, how I love an angry old white dude, and David Cronenberg is no exception. Over the summer, you may remember, the director went on the attack against "superhero movies," particularly The Dark Knight Rises (remember that?): "I think people who are saying, you know, Dark Knight Rises is, you know, supreme cinema art, I don’t think they know what the fuck they’re talking about." Bless his heart! I love it. I love him. I’ve only seen, like, three of his movies, but I love him. So angry! Rich and angry people: my favorite. Anyway, last month, in an interview with Movieline, Ol’ Cronie announced that he’s got a new thing he hates: Oscar season.

You and me both, pal, but I imagine Cronenberg’s disdain for awards shows stems from the fact that nobody gives him any awards. (I just find them exhausting, even if there’s nothing better on this planet to live-tweet.) Of course, he claims that isn’t so:

The Blu-ray release of Cosmopolis is coming out in the heart of Oscar-campaign season. I get the sense it doesn’t bug you too much that this film isn’t being discussed more as a contender.
Yes. Every year I try to be as disconnected as possible. This year it’s been very easy because we haven’t been nominated for any awards. It’s not sour grapes, it’s not compensation; it’s a relief. It’s very easy to get caught up in it if you are nominated. The people who are releasing the movie get excited, they want you to do more, and you understand it because the awards can maybe get more people to see the film. This, on its face, is a good thing. However, it is all bullshit, it is all annoying and it is all very problematical. But it gives people stuff to write about, gives structure, we understand. But I won’t be watching any of the awards shows.

It’s not just showing up that night, there’s months of campaigning.
Oh, yes. I’ve talked with several people, one of whom was Denys Arcand, a French Canadian director who won the Best Foreign Language Oscar for The Barbarian Invasions — I know him well. He said he would never, ever do it again. He said it was a year, an incredibly intense year, and ultimately rather boring. Because he’s not doing anything creative at all, just selling.

I dunno, I thought a lot of the art-making process involved selling (as in, selling your idea to people so they will give you money to make it), but what do I know? Well, I do know this: I’d really, really, really like it if Cronenberg were to join Twitter and live-tweet the Oscars with me. I bet that dude hates Seth MacFarlane. 

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The Movies That The New James Bond Movie Is Like

Let’s get the obvious ones out of the way first: The 39 Steps, because trains and chasing a MacGuffin piece of information and the moody moors of Scotland. Then there’s that straight-up Blade Runner sequence in the Shanghai skyscrapers and mirrors and oh man, the neon. Then a guy falls from the hundredth floor or whatever, so the new James Bond movie is also like Die Hard.

The new James Bond movie is mostly like a mix of Batman Begins andThe Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises, actually, with one part where a subway train crashes like toward the end of Speed. Remember, when Speed had the train part at the end? Additionally, the end is like Apocalypse Now, pretty much.

You know what else this movie is like? Other James Bond movies. The similarities are endless: guy named Bond, komodo dragon pit, etc. There was the rogue former MI6 agent, just like in GoldenEye—and that was only six Bond movies ago! Man, if there’s one thing you can count on in a Bond movie, it’s that Bond you Bond Bond Bondily Bond, that’s for Bond. “The name’s Bond: Bond Bond.”

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David Cronenberg Hates Batman

Cosmopolis, David Cronenberg’s adaptation of the Don DeLillo novel, opens today following weeks of a post-cheating scandal media blitz that has blown up in its leading actor (and BlackBook cover boy) Robert Pattinson’s face. He’s hurting! He’s confused! People are forcing him to eat on camera! And everyone forgot about poor David Cronenberg, the beloved director behind cult hits like Scanners, Dead Ringers, Videodrome (and also the unfortunate A Dangerous Method, but we’ll let that one slide). What’s a critically acclaimed director to do in order to get people to pay attention to him? Well, bash Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise, of course.

In an interview with Next Movie, Cronenberg is pretty frank when it comes to his feelings about the artistic merit of superhero movies, in which he finds absolutely nothing to gush over:

David, you’ve done drama and horror. Some fairly formidable directors have branched out into superhero movies pretty beautifully —is that something you would consider doing?
DC: I don’t think they are making them an elevated art form. I think it’s still Batman running around in a stupid cape. I just don’t think it’s elevated. Christopher Nolan’s best movie is Memento, and that is an interesting movie. I don’t think his Batman movies are half as interesting though they’re 20 million times the expense. What he is doing is some very interesting technical stuff, which, you know, he’s shooting IMAX and in 3-D. That’s really tricky and difficult to do. I read about it in American Cinematography Magazine, and technically, that’s all very interesting. The movie, to me, they’re mostly boring.

Do you think the subject matter prohibits the elevated art form?
DC: Absolutely. Anybody who works in the studio system has got 20 studio people sitting on his head at every moment, and they have no respect, and there’s no…it doesn’t matter how successful you’ve been. And obviously Nolan has been very successful. He’s got a lot of power, relatively speaking. But he doesn’t really have power.

So that’s a no.
DC: I would say that’s a no, you know. And the problem is you gotta… as I say, you can do some interesting, maybe unexpected things. And certainly, I’ve made the horror films and people say, "Can you make a horror film also an art film?" And I would say, "Yeah, I think you can."

But a superhero movie, by definition, you know, it’s comic book. It’s for kids. It’s adolescent in its core. That has always been its appeal, and I think people who are saying, you know, Dark Knight Rises is, you know, supreme cinema art, I don’t think they know what the fuck they’re talking about.

Well, now my dreams of watching The Riddler’s head explode in David Cronenberg’s Batman’s Back have been DASHED AGAINST THE ROCKS. Friday mornings, man. What a bummer. 

Dane Cook Apologizes For Being An Asshole

Dane Cook has apologized for being an asshole. More specifically, he has apologized for cracking wise about the Aurora shooting in a moment even Terry Schiavo could have told him was "too soon."

During a stand-up gig at the Laugh Factory in Los Angeles, Cook told the following joke:

So I heard that the guy came into the theater about 25 minutes into the movie. And I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie, but the movie is pretty much a piece of crap. Yea, spoiler alert. I know that if none of that would have happened, pretty sure that somebody in that theater, about 25 minutes in, realizing it was a piece of crap, was probably like ‘ugh fucking shoot me.

Womp WOMP.

On Friday afternoon, Cook tweeted his apology:

I am devastated by the recent tragedy in Colorado & did not mean to make light of what happened. I made a bad judgment call with my material last night & regret making a joke at such a sensitive time. My heart goes out to all of the families & friends of the victims.

Given penchant for I’m-sorry-you-were-offended non-apologies, that is actually a fairly decent one.  

Facebook Campaign Urges Christian Bale To Visit Aurora Victims Dressed As Batman

There’s a Facebook campaign afoot to do something positive in the wake of Friday’s Dark Knight Rises massacre which left 12 people dead and nearly 60 injured: a user is asking Christian Bale to don his Batman costume and visit injured children hospitalized after the Aurora, Colorado shooting.

The campaign, which seems to have originated from the account of user Jonathan Jared Adams, reads:

Hey Facebook, I have an idea … All those kids in the hospital recovering from gunshot wounds at the Batman massacre could use a visit from their hero. I propose we (as in all of Facebook) should make enough noise asking Christian Bale to visit these kids in the hospital dressed in the real Batman outfit. They need to know heroes can be real, too, not just the bad guys.  Not asking anything fancy from you, if you read this, share it on your wall. If you want to go the extra mile, post it in other sites as well. Show the kids there really are heroes.

"Dear Christian Bale, please visit the injured children from the movie massacre as Batman. You have the power to be a hero right now —not a movie hero, a real flesh and blood one. Sincerely, Everyone"

As of 2:45p.m. EST, the post only had 782 shares but over 1,500 "likes" on Facebook. It’s a sweet sentiment, of course. But it’s somewhat presumptuous to assume that children injured by Friday’s shooting would even want a visit from Batman. I should think some, in fact, might be scared by it. It would be kind of Bale to offer a visit, at least. I, like other people, hope that all of the Dark Knight stars will find an appropriate way to mourn the victims and support their families and friends.

I suppose if Facebook really does work as a democracy, this Christian Bale campaign turn out to be the way. 

Christian Bale’s Statement About ‘Dark Knight’ Massacre

The Dark Knight Rises star Christian Bale released a statement regarding Friday’s massacre in Aurora, Colorado, during a screening of the film that killed 12 and almost 60 others.

Bale’s statement reads:

Words cannot express the horror that I feel. I cannot begin to truly understand the pain and grief of the victims and their loved ones, but my heart goes out to them. 

Dark Knight‘s director Christopher Nolan released a longer statement on Friday afternoon on behalf of the cast and crew. In it Nolan said, "The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me."

Warner Brothers, the studio behind The Dark Knight Rises, cancelled its Paris movie premiere on Friday and suggested it may not report this weekend’s box office numbers out of respect for the victims.

Christopher Nolan Releases Statement On ‘Dark Knight’ Massacre

The Dark Knight Rises director Christopher Nolan has released a statement last night in response to Friday’s massacre in Aurora, Colorado, at a midnight screening of his film. Twenty-four-year-old gunman James Holmes killed 12 moviegoers and injured nearly 60 others.

Director Nolan’s statement reads:

"Speaking on behalf of the cast and crew of The Dark Knight Rises, I would like to express our profound sorrow at the senseless tragedy that has befallen the entire Aurora community. I would not presume to know anything about the victims of the shooting but that they were there last night to watch a movie. I believe movies are one of the great American art forms and the shared experience of watching a story unfold on screen is an important and joyful pastime. The movie theatre is my home, and the idea that someone would violate that innocent and hopeful place in such an unbearably savage way is devastating to me. Nothing any of us can say could ever adequately express our feelings for the innocent victims of this appalling crime, but our thoughts are with them and their families."

Warner Brothers, the studio behind The Dark Knight Rises, cancelled its Paris movie premiere last night out of respect for the victims. The studio has also suggested it may not report this weekend’s box office numbers in a gesture of sympathy.

AMC Theatres Ban Costumes After ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Massacre

AMC Theatres has banned costumes and fake weapons from its theaters following Friday’s massacre at a screening of The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado, which left 12 dead and at least 59 injured. 

According to Deadline Hollywood, AMC has reserved the right to forbid patrons to enter theaters in "costumes that make guests feel uncomfortable and we will not permit face-covering masks or fake weapons inside our buildings." The company has also promised to exchange or refund any tickets to the film.

Additionally, police and security staff will likely be bulked up at screenings around the country. In New York City, Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said the NYPD will assist at movietheaters "as a precaution against copycats." In Washington, D.C., moviegoers reported to Deadline Hollywood that their bags were searched prior to seeing the film.

The gunman was identified as 24-year-old James Eagan Holmes, a Ph.D student. At a midnight showing, Holmes allegedly donned a gas mask, threw smoke bombs around the theater and then opened fire on patrons. He had also reportedly painted his hair red like The Joker.

Warner Brothers, the studio behind The Dark Knight Rises, canceled its Paris movie premiere out of respect for the victims.