Wesley Snipes is due to get out of prison this year, everybody! Soon action thrillers will be awesome again—he’s already signed on for The Expendables 3, Wikipedia would have us believe. But while one of the best blockbuster martial-arts actors of all time has learned his lesson about defrauding the IRS, you think you can still pull it off. That’s deterrence in action.
Yes, it’s the turn of February, so start panicking about remembering your TurboTax password. Or, you know, get a real accountant. You can probably pay him or her with the extra refund money you get as a result of not giving yourself a crash course in middle school math. Otherwise, you should have asked to be paid in cash, under the table, behind an abandoned factory, in Mexico.
Oh god. These jokes can’t keep the terror at bay: TAXES. You will have to get them done, somehow, though really how bad can it get if you don’t? There’s a good chance somebody already stole your Social Security number and filed. So that’s that taken care of. Now all you have to worry about is the Cayman Island account. Opening one, that is.
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