Linkage: Megan Fox’s Face is Unreal, Victor Garber’s BF is Sexy, and Screech’s Younger Wife

Esquire’s cover story about Megan Fox begins as follows: “The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.” It’s like an advertorial for plastic surgery! [Esquire]

Dustin Diamond, forever known to us all as Screech, gives an interesting interview in which he reveals the other reason older men enjoy the company of younger women: “One of the great things for me is I’ve got a trophy wife. She’s twenty-five and I’m thirty-six. So she’s an entire generation younger, and because of that, there’s stuff I missed that I can go back and appreciate now with her introducing it to me.” (Also, the sex is probably good.) [Splitsider]

Is the music industry too focused on ephemera? That’s what TLC’s T-Boz thinks. “The record business sucks!” she tells The Hollywood Reporter. “Great music, timeless music is hard to come by, but there are some that are like that… Those kind of songs last—your “Waterfalls" or “Unpretty”—but there’s a lot of this "just for the times" music out now, but they don’t last and then everybody’s on the next thing. So I don’t think it will ever be the same, but great music and great musicians still exist.” [THR]

Facebook is gunning to beat Google at the search engine business with the rollout of the new Graph Search, which “offers a massively expanded new way to explore your web social life.” Basically, it means you will never have to ask anyone for anything again, because Facebook will do it for you. It’s good news for those of us who have no intention of leaving our houses. (Heads up, Christine McVie.) [Gizmodo]

Victor Garber is gay, which I admit was NEWS TO ME, and it turns out he looks kinda like a forty-something Williamsburg loft-dweller. But hotter. So good on you, Victor Garber! Keep that shit right up! [Gawker]

There is a group of people now dubbed Male-ennials, they’re sharing “emotional stuff” with each other, they consider Google to be a father figure, and it’s safe to say that I hate all of them. [MTV Insights]

I’m not sure I’m 100% behind the second season of Girls, but I’m 100000% behind Texts From Shoshanna. [Vulture]

Getting the body you’ve always wanted is pretty easy, although there may be some light groundskeeping involved. [The Hairpin]

Lance Armstrong, rug abuser. [Hypervocal]

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In Non-Election News, TLC Is Planning A New Album

Although the details of this #rememberthe90s musical nostalgia-fest are still fairly nebulous, it is something of a relief to see "TLC" in a headline and know it doesn’t refer to the television network that begat that creepy family with 19 kids or the Honey Boo-Boo phenomenon. No, the other TLC, the ’90s R&B group that brought us such wonderful hits as "No Scrubs," "Waterfalls," "Creep," "Unpretty" and many others, announced they would be releasing their first album in 10 years at the MOBO Awards in Liverpool, England last night. Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins and Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas were at the ceremony to receive an Outstanding Contribution award for their work with the group, which also featured the late, great Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, who passed away in 2002.

 

"We’re going to still sound like TLC, evolving to whatever level we need to be at this time," T-Boz told the BBC. She later added, ""We’ve always grown throughout the years and have always had our own sound. That’s what works for us and we don’t have to worry about anybody else."
 
In addition to the new album, T-Boz and Chilli will be executive-producing a VH1 biopic about the group, because nothing marks a proper comeback quite like a VH1 biopic, and will, according to the BBC, be casting the actresses that will play the group members. This makes sense, of course, as you’d certainly want to ensure the legacy of your group with accurate casting, but that must be the strangest sort of audition experience. The duo will also be touring, and there have been rumors about for a while about plans to tour with a hologram of the late Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. So if you’re still at the polls and deciding who to vote for, just pick the candidate you think is most likely to prevent this from happening, and then watch this clip of TLC’s great final live performance with Left Eye at MTV Turns 20.