The 50 Most Embarrassing Songs You’ve Shared On Facebook

Every several weeks, I like to play a little game. I log on Facebook and scroll down the sidebar minifeed, where my best friend’s Spotify song listenings always pop up. She works under the alias of her work’s company name since she’s their main FB promoter, which is both highly protective and also dangerous. Around 11am, I take a gander at the list and, without-fail, there it is: a Twilight soundtrack song or a Gwen Stefani power piece. Sometimes an obscure song from Creed.

This is when I hop on Gchat and start a conversation like, “So weird, but remember that song by the guy with the long hair that goes ‘when you’re not with me, I’m free,’ and in the music video he’s singing on a canoe in a drowning village? It’s been stuck in my head all morning.” And she goes “OMG! ‘My Sacrifice’ by Creed! I was just listening to that. That’s crazy!” And this is when I crack up at my own morning entertainment and vow never to tell her my little trick.

Two authors also find amusement in such twisted things: Rob Tannenbaum and Craig Marks, the co-authors of a book about the creation of MTV that has become such a hit that a movie adaptation is in the works. They’ve pulled together a list of the fifty most embarrassing songs we’ve shared on Facebook. Yes, songs like “We Are The World,” and Susan Boyle’s “Hallelujah” do top the list. And the entire list can be listened to on loop on Slacker Radio’s new “most embarrassing” station. Don’t worry, no one will know.

Is your most embarrassing shared song on here? Take a look.

1) Chris Brown, "Strip""

2) Train, "Hey Soul Sister"

3) Susan Boyle, "Hallelujah"

4) Nickelback, "Rockstar"

5) Pitbull, "Dont Stop The Party"

6) Limp Bizkit, "Nookie"

7) Artists for Haiti, "We Are the World"

8) Jason Mraz, "I’m Yours"

9) Owl City, "Fireflies"

10) Bon Iver, "Holocene"

11) James Blunt, "You’re Beautiful"

12) Hammer, "Pumps and a Bump"

13) Starship, "We Built This City"

14)  U2 "Vertigo"(#14 for obvious catorce reasons)

15) Jessie J, "Price Tag"

16) Barenaked Ladies, "One Week"

17) Sting, "Fields of Gold"

18) Black Eyed Peas, "My Humps"

19) Spin Doctors, "Two Princes"

20) Simon and Garfunkel, "The Sound of Silence"

21) Five For Fighting, "Superman (It’s Not Easy)"

22) Flo-Rida, "Whistle"

23) Deep Blue Something, "Breakfast at Tiffanys

24) Bon Jovi, "It’s My Life"

25) Colbie Caillat, "Bubbly"

26) Enrique Iglesias, "Hero"

27) Counting Crows, "Big Yellow Taxi"

28) Creed, "With Arms Wide Open"

29) Ja Rule, "Always on Time" (f/Ashanti)

30) Toby Keith, "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue"

31) Crash Test Dummies, "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm"

32) Paris Hilton, "Turn You On"

33) Dynamite Hack, "Boyz n the Hood"

34) Ed Sheeran, "Wake Me Up"

35) Madonna, "Give Me All Your Luvin"

36) Eamon, "Fuck It (I Don’t Want You Back)"

37) Rascal Flatts, "What Hurts the Most"

38) Aaron Carter, "Aaron’s Party"

39) Kreakshawn, "Gucci Gucci"

40) Miley Cyrus, "Party In The USA"

41) 3 Doors Down, "Kryptonite"

42) Frank Sinatra ‘My Way"

43) REM, "Shiny Happy People"

44) Paula Cole, "I Don’t Want to Wait"

45) Justin Timberlake ‘Sexy Back"

46) Hinder, "Lips of an Angel

47) Akon, "Lonely"

48) Genesis, "Illegal Alien"

49) Katy Perry, "I Kissed a Girl"

50) John Mayer, "Your Body Is a Wonderland"

 

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Morning Links: Lindsay Lohan Loses $10,000 Cash, Mike Myers Looks to Broadway

● A sober Lindsay Lohan lost her $5,000 Chanel purse while on vacation in Hawaii, and then found it again, but short the $10,000 in cash she seemed to have been carrying. There are many lessons to be learned here. [NYDN]

● Box offices have drawn less movie-goers in the past two weekends than in the dark weekends following 9/11. [Huff Post]

● Because everybody has already seen what they wanted from it, Playboy has decided to send the Lindsay Lohan edition to newsstands a week early. [Vulture]

● Mike Myers is in talks to stage his Austin Powers for a Broadway run. Here’s to hoping Beyoncé is available. [Page Six]

● Jay-Z would be happy to pay more in taxes, as long as they went to "the things that really mattered." "If it went to education, to people in poverty, I wouldn’t mind," says the rapper who spent the weekend with his very pregnant wife at a Michael Jackson themed circus in Las Vegas. [ONTD]

● For the record, Susan Boyle would like it to be known that she has actually been kissed, at least one time, when she was 25 by a boy of whom her father did not approve. [Express UK]

Lou Reed & Susan Boyle Are BFFs Now

Remember when I told you how Lou Reed kept his punk cred by not letting Susan Boyle perform “Perfect Day,” but then it turned out that the whole thing just had to do with rights and royalties, and Reed actually did let Boyle record the song as the first single for her new Christmas album? Well now the former father of punk has taken a walk on the totally lame side by directing the video to Boyle’s version of the classic. I won’t comment on the music itself, except to say that a) I’m not a Boyle fan and b) I worked in a corporate record store during the holiday season when I was sixteen and Andrea Bocelli: My Christmas played on repeat for two months straight. During that time I developed the ability to not hear any X-mas music, even when it’s playing at full volume. So when I play this video, I literally don’t hear anything.

As for the cinematography, let’s just say that Reed shouldn’t quit his day job, though maybe he should be hired to direct that Myst movie everyone’s been talking about. It’s been a tough few months for Velvet Underground fans, what with this abomination, and with drummer Moe Tucker outing herself as a Tea Party Member on live TV. No wonder John Cale doesn’t hang out with these guys anymore.

Not Even Lou Reed Can Stop Susan Boyle

Remember a couple weeks ago when I praised Lou Reed for successfully stopping Susan Boyle from singing “Perfect Day” on America’s Got Talent? Well, it looks like Boyle laughs last. She recently recorded a version of the song for her forthcoming holiday album, The Gift. “Perfect Day” will be the first single.

Now, I’m no expert, but it would seem that in order to record the song, Boyle would need permission from Reed or else face serious legal troubles. So what’s the story we’re not being told? Has old Lou conceded, sold out his punk defiance for a big chunk of change? As much as it pains me to say it, I think the answer must be yes. Lou, after all, has to keep himself in leather jackets. No comment yet from the Reed camp.

Links: Casey Affleck Admits Joaquin Phoenix Hoax, Black Eyed Peas to Play Superbowl

● Casey Affleck, the man behind the camera for the Joaquin Phoenix “documentary” I’m Still Here, has admitted to the New York Times that the whole thing was put-on, albeit elaborately and for two years. Bravo, boys. [NYT] ● Sacha Baron Cohen, the man behind Borat, is slated to play Queen’s Freddie Mercury in an upcoming film. Very nice! [Deadline] ● Susan Boyle sang for the Pope. Who is older? Who is closer to god? You decide. [AP]

● Your musical guests at the 2011 NFL Super Bowl — the first to feature a non-Old since we saw Janet Jackson’s boob — is America’s favorites: the Black Eyed Peas. Get ready for your mother to hum the Fergie part of “My Humps” in the living room. [Yahoo!] ● Though he says it’s not (yet) happening, Jon Hamm, better known as Don Draper, is rumored to be the next Superman. We all know the internet always gets what it wants. [TV Guide] ● Jay-Z is intimidated by big feet. [Observer]

Lou Reed Refuses to Sell Out, Susan Boyle Not Happy

It warms my cockles to hear that former Emperor of Fuck You, Lou Reed, is still fighting for the integrity of the rock and roll soul. TMZ reports that Susan Boyle left America’s Got Talent in tears because the Velvet Underground founder refused to relinquish rights to his song, “Perfect Day,” thus saving American eardrums from another string-swollen commercial bastardization of a classic tune.

Apparently Reed’s decision was based on the fact that “He isn’t a Boyle fan.” Three cheers for Lou and other curmudgeonly old dudes who still have ideals. In an age in which the punk rock ethos has been replaced by a careerist soft-capitalist impulse, when American Idol suddenly has rights to the Beatles catalogue, and poor dead Jimi Hendrix doesn’t know he’s promoting running shoes, it’s good to know that some rockers still fight the good fight with snark and snarl.

Another Haiti Earthquake Disaster: Simon Cowell’s Star-Studded Charity Single

It’s not that bashing celebrities who “lend their efforts” towards Haiti earthquake relief is suddenly trendy. It’s that someone has to call out crocodile tears. With all sorts of disasters–natural and man-made–wreaking havoc across the globe, maybe A-listers shouldn’t just piggyback on the latest media-friendly calamity to ravage the world. As we’ve already learned, philanthropy is a ruthless game of one-upmanship. And issuing competing charity singles obscures the plight of those who have lost their homes, family members or gone missing. There’s already one crappy charity single in the works, so why make another one? There’s also the question, why do people have to be duped into buying a piece of substandard pop in order to help the cause?

(‘DiggThis’)It’s a fact of life that massive star power equals massive mediocrity. Too much celebrity tends to make any charity effort bulky and soggy. Precedents: This milquetoast remake of “Walk This Way” and “We Are the World”.

And from the man who’s mostly to blame for foisting “Bleeding Love” upon the world, there’s no reason to believe that “Everybody Hurts” won’t suck entirely when performed by all of these musicians: Elton John, Michael Bublé, Mariah Carey, Susan Boyle, JLS, Miley Cyrus, Rod Stewart, Robbie Williams, Leona Lewis, Alexandra Burke, Joe McElderry, Take That, Mika, James Blunt, Cheryl Cole, Westlife, Coldplay, James Morrison, Paolo Nutini, Leona Lewis, Florence and the Machine, Take That, and others. But the most charitable part of this? R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe has confirmed that he’s waiving all royalties of this charity single’s sales. For a man that still cares about his musical integrity, that’s impressive.

But before you think that Cowell’s acting purely out of the goodness of his heart, take note: Lewis, Boyle, Burke, McElderry, and Westlife are all artists signed onto Cowell’s record label. Cole, meanwhile, sits alongside Cowell as a judge on X Factor. No matter their intentions, this is a sweeping gesture of goodwill that will show returns in massive publicity. The bigger question: What is Cowell trying to say with the song choice of “Everybody Hurts”? “Get over it, Haiti. Everybody hurts. Everybody suffers a 7.0 earthquake once in a while. But then you have to move on!”

Ke$ha Feels Bad for Becoming More Culturally Relevant Than Susan Boyle

Before Ke$ha becomes too smug about her sales victories in the U.S., she’d probably do well to ask herself the question that all trendy pop stars are asking themselves lately: Am I doing anything for Haiti? Because SuBo sure is. In fact she’s doing it with Mariah Carey, Leona Lewis, Miley Cyrus, James Blunt, Mika and almost anyone else who may have notched a Top 13 single in the UK in the last eight months. The entire thing is even being overseen by Simon Cowell. And after a many-week reign as Billboard queen, SuBo is ready to move onto greener pastures. And what’s Ke$ha doing? Oh, right!

(‘DiggThis’)This makes Ke$ha’s apologies for dethroning Our Queen of Hope a little sanctimonious. The unexpected popstrel blah blah blahs to The Sun, “I feel kind of bad, but Susan had six weeks at number one. That’s a really long time.” For contrast, Ke$ha only enjoyed the top spot for a single week before being toppled by Vampire Weekend’s Contra.

Of course all this emotional baggage now puts her in a unique place: To shift genres entirely, unexpectedly, and slap together a country album.

Why Susan Boyle Got Snubbed at the Brit Awards

This past weekend, a friend tried to convince me that Susan Boyle’s I Dreamed a Dream was a good record. It was at this moment that I turned up the radio so the latest Beyogaga jam could drown out the rest of his argument. But that’s not to say that Scotland’s pop ambassadress deserved to get shut out of the Brits. (If you look at our own comparable year-end summary of pop music, a ceremony that stands out in its drive to reward mediocrity above ingenuity, she’s really not that bad). So why then, in a year when women rule the Brit Awards, did SuBo earn no nominations?

Because Boyle may finally be past her sell-by date. Apart from Lady Gaga, Susan Boyle was the only pop star last year who arrested the entire world. But from the moment her YouTube hit clocked a gajillion viewers, everyone only expected novelty, not some kind of post-pop answer to Céline Dion.

Unlike our Grammys, the Brit Awards this year did reward some of the best musicians to break into the mainstream. On their shortlist: Florence & the Machine, La Roux, Alesha Dixon, Bat for Lashes, Dizzee Rascal, Calvin Harris, Lily Allen, Lady Gaga, Robbie Williams and naturally, Cheryl Cole. Clearly, the Brit Awards panel isn’t short on good taste this year. They just want to hand out prizes to people who (a) are very easy on the eyes; and (b) stand a chance of sticking around for more than one fluke megahit of an album. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, but that combo obviously precludes any SuBo nom.

More telling: This Boylean omission highlights a marked difference between how the UK chooses to reward their talent (perhaps by giving Boyle a backlash as a courteous way of saying, “You’re lovely, really. But you have nothing else that interests us. Enjoy your swag, dear!”) and how America caves into passing fads (although Nickelback can’t be classed as a fad, just a curiosity) to ensure that there will be enough advertising dollars for the next Grammys telecast.