February 2013 will be the month in which Beyoncé Knowles actually begins to execute her plan for global domination. According to regular collaborator The-Dream, Bey will likely reveal a couple of new tracks for her upcoming album at the Super Bowl halftime show on February 3rd, adding ominously, “now she’s in a place where she’s ready to start gearing up to reveal her plan." What could this plan be? Is it global domination? Is it to prime Blue Ivy Carter for some kind of takeover? Are the Illuminati involved? (The answer, if you read a lot of conspiracy-obsessed message boards, is “Yes, of course.”)
On February 16th, after we have all become aware of Beyoncé’s master plan, she will air her self-directed autobiographical HBO documentary, also titled Beyoncé. The singer released a brief and mildly creepy trailer for the doc, which leads with the all-important question: “I always battle with ‘How much do I reveal about myself?’” And not much is revealed in 25 seconds—there are some interesting-angled selfies, ravenous fans, some shots with the family, a brief close-up of her baby bump, some pyrotechnics. You know, just a day in the life of Beyoncé. Watch.
● M.I.A. won Madonna’s Super Bowl half-time show when she punctuated her "Give Me All Your Lovin’" verse with a middle finger. She really "don’t give a shit." [Rap-Up]
● Should it land in court, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’s divorce trial will likely be televised much like the popular Conrad Murray or O.J. Simpson trials. Nancy Grace is clearing her schedule now. [Huff Post]
● Reports have it that Demi Moore quietly checked into Cirque Lodge in Sundance, Utah this weekend for help with her eating disorder and addiction issues. [Us]
● David Beckham got kicked out of his son Romeo’s soccer game for unsoliceted side-line reffing. [E!]
●"I would argue that the uncomfortable feelings she elicits are simply the by-product of watching a woman wanting and taking like a man," writes Liz Phair of Lana Del Rey in the Wall Street Journal. "You see, Lana Del Rey is exactly what I was hoping to inspire when I took on the male rock establishment almost twenty years ago." [WSJ]
● Katy Perry out of the picture, Russell Brand has set his sights on Zooey Deschanel, the human being who looks the most like Katy Perry. [DailyMail]
Joe Francis is still an a-hole. The all-around scumbag and purveyor of those videos in which drunken college chicks flash their boobs on Spring Break for a tee shirt, is getting litigious against the Super Bowl and suing Madonna, NBCUniversal and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Instead of basking in the glow of free publicity, Francis has sent threats over Madge’s new song “Girls Gone Wild,” reports THR.
"Your misappropriation of my clients’ trademark will not be tolerated," threatens the letter. It claims the singer has "violated Federal and State trademark laws by making unauthorized use of Mr. Francis’ trademark Girls Gone Wild in not only the title, but subject line of her various advertisements in order to lure potential consumers to purchase her latest musical effort."
Francis, who went to jail for failing to pay personal income tax and had over $100,000,000 in cash taken from the IRS, is willing to drop the suit if she pays up.
The thing is, Madonna wasn’t even planning on singing the song. According to reports she’ll be playing "Gimme All Your Luvvin," as well as "Ray of Light" and eternal dance club staple, "Vogue." If she pulls a Janet Jackson-styled ‘wardrobe malfunction’, Francis might have a case.
Madonna, being above this this kind of crap, has not responded.
● AOL’s Tim Armstrong and Huffinton Post’s Arianna Huffington jack-knifed post-Super Bowl talk last night by announcing AOL’s $315 million acquisition of the Huff Po. How about that Groupon commercial? [AllThingD’s] ● Lil Wayne helped the Wall Street Journal live blog last night’s game from the endzone, while Birdman made a milli. [WSJ/HipHopDX] ● LCD Soundsystem is bowing out, just like frontman James Murphy said they would, but not until they complete a three hour victory jam at Madison Square Garden. All guests are asked to wear white and/or black. Should be special. [Pitchfork]
● Martha Stewart thought Fergie looked great at last night’s halftime show. [Twitter] ● Meet Guy Pelly, the best friend of Prince William and Prince Harry, who’s been charged with organizing Prince William’s bachelor party. Exotic locales! Girls! Booze! Prying eyes await the scandalizing photos. [NYT] ● Looped three times, this video of Charlie Sheen dancing is almost art. [TMZ]
At this point, every rapper — even a famous actor’s not-so-famous son — has released a remix to Wiz Khalifa’s Pittsburgh anthem “Black and Yellow.” Wiz performed his hit at the recent AFC championship game, where the Steelers dominated the New York Jets for a spot in Super Bowl XLV. Now Lil Wayne has dropped his “Green and Yellow” freestyle in support of the NFC Championship Green Bay Packers, who will face the Steelers in Sunday’s Super Bowl.
Wayne has already confirmed that this isn’t a jab at Wiz, but simply a way to cement his position as a die-hard Packer’s fan. Despite his New Orleans origins, Wayne acknowledges that he’s “been a Packers fan” (since like ’95) thanks to his obsession with all-star QB Brett Favre. Memorable moments on the track, besides Wayne calling himself a cheese head, include a threat to chop off Troy Polamalu’s luscious locks.
Super Bowl commercials used to be great. If not great, at least mildly entertaining. But the past few seasons have revealed a dramatic decrease in the watchability of the ads, to the point where most people actually care more about the game than the commercials. Crazy. Well, that’s all gonna change, because Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne are finally teaming up to wear Tron suits for a Best Buy spot.
Who knows what genius came up with this, and, frankly, who cares? What matters is that these two kindred souls are together at last. I’m banking on this leading to some kind of awesome reality show called Boy II Man, in which Ozzy will lead The Biebs into adulthood, while counterintuitively delaying the onset of puberty by forcing drugs down Justin’s throat. MTV, are you listening?
Until now, the closest sports have come to reaching the cathartic stratospheres of high art was the Tiger Woods sex scandal–call it theater of the absurd. But today, the internet brings us two when-sports-meets-art projects that both merit a peek. The New York Times–proving they’re way hipper than we give them credit for–commissioned downtown (and everything that connotes) photographer Ryan McGinley to shoot a portfolio of U.S. Olympic athletes doing what they do best, while sporting (hey!) designs by Rodarte. The sisters Mulleavy, with their fluttery, ethereal motifs are the last ones you’d expect fabricating clothes for athletes, but then again, we are talking about figure skating. Check out a slide show and a Q&A with the sisters here.
The second collision of these two worlds comes to us via Slate, and its “If Famous Filmmakers Directed the Super Bowl” video. You can’t tease us like that unless you plan on really pulling it off, and boy do they ever. The Super Bowl as seen through the lenses of Quentin Tarantino, David Lynch, Wes Anderson, Jean-Luc Godard and Werner Herzog makes the regular Super Bowl, as seen through the lens of CBS, look as boring as a football game. Pay close attention to the Herzog segment at the end, itself a small masterpiece. The man behind this video is Andrew Bouve, who also made the brilliant “36 Days” recap in the heat of the election.