Yes, I Would Like To Learn More

Of course I’m interested in making $5000 per week doing Google from home! Why didn’t you mention this earlier, pop-up ad? I’m languishing in poverty over here and you don’t think this easy way to make millions in cash is something I might like to hear about? Wait, scratch all that—looks like I just won a free iPod! I know that’s not as good as an iPhone, but this message is flashing pretty urgently.

How would I like to fill out surveys for free movie tickets? I’d like it plenty! But right now I’ve got to upload my credit card numbers to this blog that will let me download albums months before they even leak. Meanwhile, I have to say, it’s a relief to know getting a flat tummy requires only one weird trick—remembering several would have been tough. Who is this guy that language teachers hate? He seems like an intriguing fellow, what with the bowtie and all.

Can’t believe there’s a “Close” button on this live sex chat—there are some real morons out there, I guess, who don’t know a good thing when it’s right under their noses. There’s animated, graphic pornography featuring the characters from Futurama? You needn’t ask, just play it, and make it fullscreen for god’s sake, you make me sick. YES, I WANT TO MEET A FUCKBUDDY IN NEW YORK, what kind of idiotic question is that? I’m going to take her on the luxury Caribbean cruise I just won by knocking the monkey off the palm tree with a coconut. 

Follow Miles Klee on Twitter.