Linkage: Darren Aronofsky Eyes Another, Hip Hop’s 5 Wealthiest

His Biblical epic Noah and a Judy Garland biopic still in the chamber, Darren Aronofsky has begun whispering about yet another project: a dark George Washington tale called The General. Why not? [Variety]

Diddy ($550 million), Jay ($460 million), Dre ($270 million), Birdman ($125 million) and 50 Cent ($100 million) — with special shout outs to their vodkas, tee shirts, headphones, energy drinks, and Nicki Minaj‘s — make for the wealthiest acts in hip hop. [Forbes]

It might not pay the same (see above), but when it comes to the lewd, hip hop’s bad bitches can certainly play with the boys. [Vice]

From Zora Neale Hurston to Patti Smith, plenty of women writers have found success in New York, but that’s not to say it was easy. The Awl considers rent, beverage, and the price of life’s incidents to tabulate exactly what it cost eight such ladies to make it in New York. [The Awl]

There are two different Portlands (Maine and Oregon) and one U.S. territory (San Juan, Puerto Rico) on Travel + Leisure‘s “Best Cities for Hipsters” list, but no mention of New York. Brooklyn, are you going to take that? [Yahoo]

Maybe it’s not so hard to write a best seller. A good book, though, there’s a challenge. [NPR]

That mahogany lined G5 jet was probably a lie, but Soulja Boy’s closet full of weed isn’t. [TMZ]

Afternoon Links: Taylor Swift is Billboard’s Top Earner, Coolio and Son Arrested

● Earning $35.7 million dollars last year, Taylor Swift beat U2, Lil Wayne, and even Adele to the top spot on Billboard’s Top Money Maker list. [Billboard]

● David Duchovny and his legal council wish the author of The Myth of Sex Addiction would leave him out of it already. [PageSix]

● Coolio was arrested today in Las Vegas when a routine traffic stop turned up multiple bench warrants for past violations. Coincidentally, Coolio’s son was also taken in to the exact same jail today, except for helping a prostitute rob a man at gunpoint, not for overdue parking tickets. [TMZ]

● Internet-obsessed rapper Soulja Boy hops on the controversial "Kony 2012" train with his latest, "Stop Kony." The song is a quick pivot from this week’s earlier release, "Kim Kardashian." [Rap-Up]

● We can only assume that, with his new beard and brown flannel, Shia LaBeouf is preparing to star in some sort of as-yet-unannounced Bon Iver biopic. [Us]

● Jeremy Lin can probably retire now that he’s got a Rick Ross-endorsed strain of marijuana named after him. [DailyIntel / Rick Ross]

Morning Links: Soldiers Petition to Ban Soulja Boy, Justin Bieber Gets a Grill

● Soulja Boy has drawn the ire of a group of actual soldier boys with his new song “Let’s Be Real,” wherein he sings “Fuck the FBI and fuck all the army troops,” and now they’re petitioning to get his music banned from army bases. [TMZ] ● Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong was kicked of a Southwest flight for letting his pants sag too low. [ABC] ● Jay-Z, Gwenyth Paltrow, Beyoncé, and baby spent the weekend celebrating Bey’s 30th birthday in Venice on an enormous yacht. It was surely the envy of all the gondoliers. [DailyMail]

● In lieu of a wedding gift, Jersey Shore‘s Pauly D has promised Kim Kardashian he’ll deejay Dash’s Fashion’s Night Out party, a service for which he’d usually command $40,000. [NYDN] ● Madonna says that she’s “started a little bit of work” and should have a new album ready for spring. [Billboard] ● Justin Bieber got himself fitted for a “swagged the fuck out” grill. Granmamas hate it, but lil mamas love it. [Rap-Up]

Morning Links: Amy Winehouse Was Trying to Adopt, Miley Cirus Gets Gay Marriage-Themed Tattoo

● Amy Winehouse was in the process of adopting a ten-year-old girl from St. Lucia when she died last week. “I would call her Mum, and she would call me her daughter,” said the girl. “She took care of me, and we had fun together. I loved her, and she loved me.” [NYP] ● Ashton Kutcher was given an enormous trailer on the set of Two and a Half Men — we’re talking two floors, satellite televisions, the whole works — and now everyone thinks he’s a diva. [TMZ] ● Money talks have Ye and Hov on the fritz, and their collaboration, Watch the Throne, in limbo. Ye want’s “next-level,” Jay wants reasonable — can they come to terms in time to bring us the super-group album we’ve all been dying to hear? Probably. [PageSix]

● Soulja Boy only made $6 million last year and probably couldn’t have bought himself the swagged out $55 million G5 jet he said he did. [NYDN] ● What? Enrique Iglesias confessed to a concert-going crowd in Melbourne that he has “Spanish looks but I have the smallest penis in the world.” What? “I’m serious,” he said. [E!] ● Gay rights activist Miley Cyrus tweeted a picture of her new tattoo, an equal sign on her finger, saying “All love is equal.” [Us]

Morning Links: Lindsay Lohan Thinks Paris Is Mean, Lady Gaga Doesn’t Think ‘Judas’ Is Offensive

● Paris Hilton made a joke on her television show about Lindsay stealing, and Lindsay is all upset. “[Paris] is mean. You don’t have to make fun of serious matter in people’s live to be funny,” says Lohan, interestingly. Wait, did we say interestingly? [TMZ] ● Oh my Glee! Glee Live! In Concert and in 3D, coming to a theater near you this August. Ryan Murphy promises it’ll be a “cinematic experience.” [HR] ● Bristol’s face seems to be changing. Is it plastic surgery? Or just the result of weight change and/or growing up? [NYDN]

● “In my opinion, the only controversial thing about [the “Judas”] video is that I’m wearing Christian Lacroix and Chanel in the same frame,” says Lady Gaga. [MTV] ● Soulja Boy says Drake loved his 4/20 mixtape, Juice, and thinks he’s getting a feature on Drake’s sophomore album, Take Care. Which would be great! But, Soulja Boy also seems to believe that Drake lifted “What’s Hannenin'” from him, so, with a grain of salt, please. [RapRadar] ● From the annals of “Oops! Too Late,” the girls of Teen Mom in a Pro-Cuddling PSA. [Radar]

Who Deserves to Write a Book More Than Soulja Boy?

The first thing I want to read on my Apple iPad is the forthcoming memoir Teenage Millionaire by DeAndre Cortez Way a.k.a. Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em a.k.a. Soulja Boy, the 19-year-old ringtone phenomenon. The book is coming out on July 28th, according to his Twitter, so that should give me plenty of time to save up for Steve Jobs’ life-changing device and the digital copy of the book. In fact, maybe they’ll just give away copies with the product because Soulja Boy’s second album was called iSouljaBoyTellem, making him an ideal partner for Apple. Speaking of ideal, who better to write a book about being a teenage millionaire than the youngest person to write, perform and produce a number one song — “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” the one with all the YouTube videos? On the other hand, one time he wrote the lyrics, “Ayyy Soulja Boy chillin’ dog/ I just got my report card/ Looked at it, all F’s/ Took it to the teacher desk/ (Throw some D’s on that bitch).” And, uh, he’s just not famous enough.

(‘DiggThis’)Soulja Boy’s book comes from a long line of unjustified, definitely-ghostwritten tomes from stars who have no business speaking to a public, let alone writing something and expecting people to purchase it in exchange for real money. Miley Cyrus has an autobiography called Miles to Go and she is recently 17-years-old. 50 Cent has multiple books, including The 50th Law. In fact, Best Week Ever counted down the 30 Worst Autobiography Pun Titles, including Lance Bass’ Out of Sync and Tori Spelling’s sTori Telling. Does anyone buy these things? Certainly not if they’re written by Soulja Boy. None of the aforementioned celebs have any insight on anything — beyond duping publishers and apparently fans — but they’re at least recognizable. Let’s be honest: It would likely be difficult for you to pick Soulja Boy out of a line-up of one, unless his name was on his hat or shirt or chain. But bad autobiographies probably aren’t stopping anytime soon, so here’s a brief list of the top 5 people whose book would sell better than Teenage Millionaire:

5. Chesley Burnett “Sully” Sullenberger III. The man landed a plane in the Hudson River and the book deal is imminent. Anyone have a release date?

4. Noah Cyrus. She is Miley’s little sis and only 9-years-old, but has the gossip blogs in a tizzy with her performances of Akon’s “Smack That” and Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.” That’s a prodigy.

3. Heidi Montag. Her album only moved 658 copies in its first week, but that’s because it was hard to make out her words through the auto-tune. This sort of pure wisdom is best served straight-to-paperback.

2. Elizabeth Edwards. In Resilience, she had to pretend she still cared about John; imagine the shit she can sling now that they’re finally getting a divorce.

1. Your elementary school music teacher. Just think of the hilarious anecdotes: Little Tommy drooled on his recorder! Suzy’s hair tangled in her violin strings! And life lessons for all.

Soulja Boy’s Fiancé Revealed

Oh, Soulja Boy. Even with all of your MySpace-promoted raps, their cute, accompanying dances, and beefs with old rappers that you probably think lend you street cred — you might be a leader of Rap’s Youngs, but you’re still a sucker for love. Especially as evidenced by rumors about your supposed engagement last week, and if true, who your fiancé is? We have a theory, on good authority.

It’s Rosa Acosta, model and music video girl. Ms. Acosta (pictured) has been in the videos of 50 Cent, Drake, J Rich, and Soulja Boy. Meet her:

But a question, Soulja: will your marriage affect your fanbase of adolescents who aspire to “superman that ho” time and time again? Because the supermanning of hos doesn’t happen in marriage. Are you going to start in with Ja-Rule-esque raps about love starring Ja-Rule-esque guest stars like Jennifer Lopez? Or will you simply work on new and improved ways to express the whole YAH TRICK YAHH!!!! sentiment you’ve worked out to a science? We await these answers with baited breath. In the mean time, Mazel Tov, and on that note, it’d be really impressive if you worked “Mazel Tov” into one of your hooks.