CULTURE BLAST: Jemima Kirke Can Paint, Prada Marfa Defacer Found, Marina On Shia

Texas artist admits to defacing the chicest littlest Prada outpost.

Say it isn’t so. Prada Marfa Instagram-takers rejoice, the culprit has allegedly been found. And were giving him exactly what he wanted — publicity!

Student breaks a 19th Century Statue… while taking a selfie. 

Maybe the selfie should reserve mass popularity for the fashion world. When art is involved, you just end up breaking a 19th century Greco-Roman statue.

Polish artist Paweł Althamer creates a blank canvas that’s waiting for your artist touch. 

The last time I was at The New Museum I was scorned upon because I leaned against the wall. Now, come to my surprise, you can draw on the them!

Nymphomaniac star Shia LaBeouf gets reviewed by performance art superstar Marina Abramović

The best of both worlds? In a totally different setting than Disney Channel backlot, Marina weighs in on the “not-famous” actor’s latest antics.

A Look Inside Jemima Kirk’s Art Universe 

Your favorite British rebel on HBO’s “Girls” is an artist of many talents. Not only can Jemima Kirke act like a total fun-drug obsessor on screen, she can also paint. (And it looks like she’s taken some pointers from BFF’s Lena Dunham’s artistic direction — cue the bare breast.)

A Parisian New York family is finally getting back a missing Matisse. 

Looks like fingers are all being pointed at who else, the Nazis.

Gagosian Gallery set to open a pop-up gallery on Delancey Street. 

The Lower East Side just got a little  trendier.

Pay Money to See Ryan Lochte’s Penis

Alright, fine, it’s Famous Dick Day at BlackBook, what with Prince Harry and Shia LeBeouf and now Ryan Lochte. Yes, apparently there’s a Lochte cockte (kill me) pic and the folks over at Deadspin have their hands all over it. 

The blog’s Dongbudsman writes:

Deadspin is presently in negotiations with a person who is in possession of a photograph of a penis. The penis supposedly belongs to Olympic gold/silver/bronze swimming medalist Ryan Lochte. The photograph is a neck-down bathroom-mirror self-portrait, in which the tip of the penis almost but not quite reaches into the sink basin.

The provenance of the photo is less than ideal. It was allegedly taken for a now-ex-girlfriend of Lochte’s. After the Olympics, a friend of the ex began passing the photo along to her friends, and it soon made its way to our source.

We have seen the photograph. The body in the photo is shaved like a swimmer’s body, with tan lines from racing trunks. The contours of the torso appear to match the contours of Lochte’s torso, particularly the deep crease across the abdominal muscles, angling up at the sides. The position of the subject/photographer’s right arm makes it impossible to tell whether Lochte’s other distinguishing marks—his Olympic-rings arm tattoo and a prominent pectoral mole—are present. (Photo research suggests, in fact, that Lochte had the pectoral mole removed between the 2008 Beijing Olympics and this year’s London ones.)

Okay, first of all:

(Yes, shockingly like a non-Olympic penis.)

But if that doesn’t drive you mad with desire for that dummy’s dick, head over to Deadspin’s Cockstarter page to throw a few bucks into the fund. As of this writing, they’ve raised very little of their $5K goal. (That’s a burn on Lochte, I think?)

Numbers Don’t Lie: LeBeouf Is a Sound Investment

Money mags like to make lists as much as any ideas-strapped film blogger. But whereas me and my ilk are fond of evaluating subjective quantities like, say, “The Ten Best Movies about Junkies”, financial publications naturally favor more certifiable cine-rankings, with lists like “Top Actors Who Give the Best Return on The Investment.” The latter, of course, is an annual feature in Forbes magazine, and it’s always pretty illuminating to see who comes out on top. This year, with a handsome ratio of 81 dollars profit per dollar of salary, it’s Li’l Indy.

With recent credits like Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which raked in $787 million worldwide, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which pulled $836 million, it’s none too difficult to see how LeBeouf took the crown here. Anne Hathaway, who generates 64 dollars per dollar paid, came in second. Expect to see these two in every single movie that comes out next year.

Kim Kardashian Left Out of Megan Fox + Shia LeBeouf Coupling

imageLook, world. I know we’re still mourning the loss of the man responsible for some of the greatest innovations to strike pop music, apart from the Puppini Sisters’ rediscovery of close harmonies. But that doesn’t mean you can throw good taste to the wind and run around issuing clumsily worded statements that really have no bearing on the State of Things as We Know It. Those which especially won’t help sell a few more copies of your crappy fitness DVD. I’m glaring at you, Kim Kardashian. And your empty proclamations of love.

Kardashian, who previously emerged as an unlikely (unnecessary?) heroine for gay rights, decided to kick off Pride Week by telling scandalmongers the world over how she’s “totally a Megan Fox fan.” Mind you, she doesn’t use the word “fan” like how some people might describe their affinity towards things like avocados, screaming, or that one café they used to frequent in college to study the rexy emo boys who were always skimming the works of Nietzsche.

Her fandom is deeper. It tends to tickle more erogenous sensibilities. She confesses, “[Megan] is so hot. She is like my girl crush and I don’t have girl crushes.” It’s quite true. A long, long time ago, she dashed dykey dabbles with Britney Spears.

But alas for Kim! This is all a moot point. Fox and Transformers co-star Shia LaBeouf are strongly rumored to be passionately and indubitably in love. Because sitting next to a member of the opposite sex while munching on fish at Nobu tends to have such amorous side effects.