When I was in high school, this girl who lived a couple towns over earned local (and regional) notoriety by having a “Save the Date” website for her bat mitzvah (called JessiesBatMitzvah.com), featuring an ill-advised music video of her perpetuating all the stereotypes and singing along to Gwen Stefani’s Fiddler on the Roof-butchering single, “Rich Girl.” We thought ridiculous and stereotype-enforcing bar and bat mitzvah excess had ended with JessiesBatMitzvah.com, but this week, the Internet reached peak bar mitzvah ridiculousness, and I can hear the “oy veys” of my elders now as I watch it.
Meet Daniel. Daniel is from Atlanta, and he won’t let you forget it. And in May, he will be called to the Torah and become a man in the eyes of his faith. Which makes now the perfect time to make an elaborate, ridiculous promotional video. Daniel raps to Jermaine Dupri’s “Welcome to Atlanta,” but changes the lyrics to be about his big day, all the while visiting different ATL landmarks (the Georgia Aquarium, Turner Field, CNN) and hanging out with Special Guest Stars like Ne-Yo, Charles Barkley and Atlanta mayor Kasim Reed. I have a lot of questions about this, the least of which are how much did it cost, how many favors had to be called in and why would this be the logical conclusion of how to mark a pretty serious religious occasion and a young man’s acceptance of responsibilities in his faith? He’d better have a pretty solid mitzvah project and a kickass d’var torah to back this up. Oh well. We’ll see what happens when the little broseph tries to join AEPi at Emory and his prospective brothers find this in the depths of the Internet.