IT’S HUMP DAY: This Week’s Sexiest Events

It’s Wednesday and you know what that means: we get our hump on. This weekly column is devoted to finding the hottest events across NYC that’ll arouse and titillate even the most jaded New Yorker. Partake in these shows and soirees – from Naked Girls Reading to the shocking "F*ck Art" exhibit – and make the rest of your nights this week very sexy.

See hot naked girls tell stories about circus tricks:
The hit, nude literary event Naked Girls Reading begins its 2013 season tonight with its most eccentric event yet: “Naked Girls Reading Joins The Circus.” At Under St. Marks in the East Village, the naked girls troupe will read tales about their days at the carnival, on the tightrope, and the sideshow, while you attempt to get a gander at the chest behind their books. Whoops! Extra-special guests include Miss Coney Island 2010 GiGi La Femme, and international cirque and burlesque star The Lady Josephine. Wednesday, Jan. 16th. 9pm. All the details here.

Listen to writers’ most sensual and seductive work:
Open mic hits Le Poisson Rouge Friday night when 20 authors, poets, and spoken-word artists bravely take to the mic and share their most erotic sexual fantasies in a monthly night known as “Titillating Tongues – NYC Erotica in Poetry & Prose.” The host – fiery redheaded poet Aimee Herman – has been known to surprise audiences, most notably with a male stripper simulating masturbation onstage. And wahoo, while that doesn’t sound like poetry to me, for some, it’s just perfect.7pm. $10. Friday, Jan. 18th.  All the details here.

See shocking, sexual NYC street art at “F*ck Art” exhibit:
In NYC, there’s little separation between nightclub and lounge, hipster and homeless. And at the Museum of Sex, 20 select street artists showcase art that pushes the boundary between sexuality and our public space in an exhibit called “F*ck Art.” This exhibit gets shocking, asking all those big questions about human cultural identity and sexuality etc., so it’s not for the timid or the meek. But then again, if you’re considering walking into the Museum of Sex at all, you’re none of those things. Bravo. 10am. Runs every day until March 1st. All the details here.

Eat the sexiest Chinese food you’ll ever have:
When nightlife crew EMM Group opens anything new, the spot becomes a huge, sexy hit – and so begins the trajectory of their latest opening:  LES Chinese restaurant The General. I know, Chinese food and sexy? But with its plank-wood ceiling, retro red chairs, and gilded Asian wallpaper, EMM Group makes The General swank – and your new date spot. Open now. 199 Bowery. All inside-info here.

Follow Bonnie on Twitter here.

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IT’S HUMP DAY: This Week’s Sexiest NYC Events

It’s Wednesday and you know what that means: we get our hump on. This weekly column is devoted to finding the hottest events across NYC that’ll arouse and titillate even the most jaded New Yorker. Partake in these shows and soirees across NYC and make tonight – and the rest of your nights this week – very sexy.

Topless Girls Caroling:
I mean, this is a no-brainer. Burlesque dancers from three different troupes join together at LES rock club R Bar on Saturday to sing and desecrate your favorite Christmas tunes like, “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” and “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree.”  Whoops! Ah well, no holiday is safe from the ire of guttered minds. Sat., Dec. 8th at R Bar, 7pm. All the details here.

The Sixth Annual Menorah Horah:
Hanukkah hotness hits Highline Ballroom on Sunday, when Jewish international burlesque duo The Schlep Sisters hold a pageant-style show where eight Hanukkah hopefuls vie for a spot in the very-exclusive Menorah Horah Royalty. Retro swimsuits and dreidel and latke songs included. Who will compete? Who will win the crown? I’m schvitzing just thinking about it. Bring your JDateSun., Dec. 9th at Highline Ballroom, 6pm, $25. All the details here.

Mies Julie:
NYT theatre critic Ben Brantley said “There is more erotic heat generated by the play’s two central characters than in any production in town.” And well, crap, if even stoic Brantley is turned on, then you can be sure you’ll be too when witnessing the off-Broadway play Mies Julie, a night-in-the-life of a black farm laborer and his “master’s” daughter in this smoldering post-apartheid drama. When the show’s over, release some steam at neighboring indie & intimate gastropub reBar.
Show runs until Sun., Dec. 16th at St. Ann’s Warehouse, $70. All the details here.

Naked Holidays:
Alright, so if topless just isn’t enough, ya big ol’ horndog you, then get a front-row seat to the sixth annual off-Broadway show Naked Holidays, where the cast –  wearing scarves and Santa hats (and only those) – perform their own raunchy spins on Yuletide classics, like “Dad Came Out This Christmas,” and “The Big Toy Chest.” After the show, head to Theatre District landmark and holiday-decorated Smith’s Bar for a drink and live music by (clothed) local performers. Show runs nightly until Sun., Dec. 30th at Roy Arias Studios, $57.50. All the details here.

Follow Bonnie on Twitter here.