Most celebrity feuds are pretty boring to follow. Someone Tweets something rude, someone Tweets something back, they bicker and snipe through statements given to E! until reconciling on a giant pile of money. But when comedians go at each other? They don’t kid around. On his show, David Letterman made fun of Rosie O’Donnell’s recent engagement, cracking, "The woman she is marrying, her fiance, was driving and her car broke down. And guess what happened? Rosie pulls up right behind her in her tow truck.” In response, Rosie didn’t whine about the unfairness or the double standard or what have you, though she could have. She simply used her talk show to get even.
Showing the Letterman clip to her audience, Rosie spun around and asked, “Why is that Dave? Why? I don’t remember making fun of you when you had sex with all your interns! I didn’t do that. I didn’t make fun of your rampant, throbbing heterosexuality, did I Dave?” She then dropped a Top Five list of her own: "The Top Five Reasons Why I Won’t Do Your Program." Her number five reason: "Dave, when you had that heart surgery, you shouldn’t have told the doctors to take out that whole thing." Cold! Frigid! Burning ice! (You can watch a partial video at Entertainment Weekly.)
When taking sides in a celebrity feud, you have to consider two things: Who acted first, and who delivered the harshest burn? Keeping that in mind, how could you not be on Team Rosie? Or don’t pick sides at all, I guess; all things considered you’d be better off reading a book or doing your taxes. But it’s still pretty funny. Below, watch Rosie serving it to Elisabeth Hasselbeck, because why not.