Like a diabetic avoiding a candy store, I avoid strip clubs. I don’t want to want what I can’t have, and even if I could have it, I really truly don’t think I want it really anyway — I think. Anyways, I don’t frequent them, but whenever I would lumber down 27th Street (back when that was something some people did), the guys at the back door of Scores would flag me down and invite me in. They knew I wouldn’t go, but in some old school ritual they extended the invite anyway. My man Clint used to say, “A man’s gotta know his limitations.” I’ve got a weakness for women, and as Brian Ferry once said, “Love is the drug for me.” So anyway, I don’t go.
I have been told that my old friend Lionel Ohayon over at iCrave, one of the countries premier design firms, is finishing off this mammary mansion on West 28th Street — it boasts a spectacular fashion show of the future with a light-up glass runway as the main design feature. The runway is married to scores of giant flatscreen TVs where “the most beautiful girls in the biz” will wiggle their moneymakers for a moneymaking crowd. I’ve been told that Bob Gans of Metropolitan Lumber and Penthouse fame has licensed the name Scores for his latest topless adventure. My source points out the that Bob also licenses the name Penthouse for his other joint.
There will be a Robert’s Steakhouse with chef Will Saverice doing the honors. I am told that “this is a big deal and these are the best [bleep]ing steaks in town.” The “honey I don’t even notice the naked girls, I go for the steak” rap will surely work. Richie Romero will assume the title of marketing director, and I asked him what kind of crowd he would be directing to Scores. “An over-25 crowd making well upwards of 100k per year,” he said. He also told me that they have 19 private rooms, and he too emphasized the “great food.” Noah Tepperberg and Jason Strauss’s Strategic Group is launching the place on May 12, and I may have to go as I hear the food will be great.
When the sky was falling, I heard that the strip clubs were hit hardest because the expense-account, big-bonus crowd was cut down to size. It seems that the bailout has made these kinds of folk flush again, and it’s nice to know that the government money isn’t, as usual, being flushed right down the toilet. It’s refreshing that you can actually see it hanging there on the garter belt of “one of the most beautiful gals in the business.” Liquor? Well, as I said, I hardly even know her — oops, sorry — I hear they have the license in place.