Top 3 Kimye Wedding Crashers

Well… it happened. The #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple finally tied the knot this weekend in Florence at the famous Forte di Belvedere amongst their closest family and friends in a “private” ceremony that they were no doubt paid millions of dollars by the E! Channel to broadcast in some horrible television special that we will ALL watch and say we didn’t. While her Givenchy couture wedding dress, Lana Del Rey pre-wedding pouty serenade, and lengthy celeb guest list (our invite got lost in the mail, obvz) are all notable talking points, here are three of our favorite moments that’ve been circling the media, keeping us talking…

Beyonce’s Shady Insta
Queen Bey was nowhere to be found at the ceremony despite Kimye’s (desperate) attempt to get the singer and her hubz there. Yonce instead instagrammed herself lounging very much not in Italy just moments before the ceremony, because, what’s a Kardashian?? Right after, she posted a pic of the (second most) royal fam of hip hop, wishing them a “lifetime of unconditional love” which actually meant, “Hopefully this lasts more than 72 hours.”

Beliebers Storm the Fountain
Italian Beliebers were out in the hundreds to get a glimpse of the “Baby” singer who was believed to be present at the nuptials, but were later disappointed to find out he was actually in Cannes doing normal dick things like posing in baby diaper harem pants with his douche-stash for the film festival.
Justin-Bieber-at-AMFAR-in-Cannes-2014

Rob Kardashian Crying Because Fat
While Kim’s baby bro was seen in Paris for the pre-celebrations, the newfound fatty skipped out on the ceremony because, well…he’s fat. According to the news, he’s been “working” on his weight and rather than join the fam in Italy he’d rather go cry over a pint of ice cream. It’s okay Rob…we’d rather do the same too.
rob-kardashian-eating-problem

Morning Links: Lindsay Lohan Misses Her Flight, Gwenyth Paltrow GOOPs Her iPhone

● Lindsay Lohan missed her flight and, subsequently, her big Playboy reveal taping with Ellen DeGeneres. [E!]

● Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are headed down to Texas, and for some reason, they are taking grown-brother Rob Kardashian with them. [Us]

● Word has it that New York Yankee captian Derek Jeter sends his one night stands off into the new day’s light with a basket full of signed swag. And maybe a good bye kiss. But mostly autographed baseballs. [NYP]

● Cam’ron has been thus far honest about his feelings for Rihanna’s "We Found Love" ("That’s my shit," he tweets, adding that "’yellow diamonds in da light’ dats my favorite kind"), and so it comes as no surprise that he’s hopped on with a remix of his own. [NahRight]

● Gwenyth Paltrow has finally GOOPed-up her iPhone, expanding her popular newsletter into a city guide app filled "with all her favorite places, services, and people across the city"–her OBGYN and "more affordable" suggestions from Chauffer Rudy included. [Vulture]

Time names "The Protester" as their 2011 Person of the Year. [Time]

● Less pricey tables at Rick Ross’s very swagged out New Year’s Eve party in Miami include the "Aston Martin VIP" table and the "I’ma Boss" table. No plans yet? Get booking! [Page Six]

Morning Links: ‘Austin Powers’ Actor Suspected of Prison Murder, Kanye West’s Favorite Flannel

● Rob thinks Keeping Up With the Kardashians has given him an undeservedly bad rap. “I’m sick of all that and I’m trying to branch away from all that,” he says of the show that made him rich and famous. [People] ● Beyoncé is working on a maternity collection for her House of Dereon line so that all pregnant women can feel as “edgy and sexy” as she does, which is great, because rumor has it that inflatable baby bumps will be all the rage next season. [People] ● Austin Powers actor Joseph Hyungmin Son, who is currently serving a life sentence for rape and torture, is suspected of killing his prison cellmate. Evil Task, indeed. [LAT]

● Tilda Swinton one time tried to kill her baby brother, but when she entered his room and found him choking on his bonnet ties, she instead chose to save him and has since been considered his savior. [Us] ● Kanye West is extra-into that one red flannel he wore to Big Sean’s New York Show and then Occupy Wall Street and then again at a BET party. [MTO] ● What has long been rumored has now been confirmed: Javier Bardem will indeed play the villain in Sam Mendes’ Bond 23. [THR]

Morning Links: Lil Wayne Sells a Milli, Jim Carrey Graffitis His House

● Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter IV sold almost a million copies in its debut week, making Wayne the second rapper (Eminem being the other) to go platinum twice in just seven days. [RapRadar] ● “People who don’t have gender dysphoria aren’t going to catch it by watching me dance on television,” says Chaz Bono, who’s on Dancing With The Stars because he just wants to dance. [LAT] ● Probably because nobody thought James Franco was funny last year, the committee decided to get someone they could count on — vetted comedian Eddie Murphy — to host this year’s Oscars. With him and Bret Ratner onboard, the show is sure to be real rib-tickling. [NYDN]

● Here are some pictures of Jim Carrey graffitiing the side of his house. Between this and that Emma Stone video, are things weird as normal with Carrey? Or should someone check on him? [E!] ● Purportedly, Rob Kardashian’s new girlfriend slept with Reggie Lewis when Reggie Lewis was dating Kim, and now Kim is furious! Wrath of the Kardashian clan is like no other. [MTO] ● There is only one more episode of Kate Plus 8 left, and Kate Gosselin is freaking out. “Big time,” she says. [People]

Morning Links: Amy Winehouse May Have Died of Alcohol Withdrawal, Ryan Gosling Goes Bleach Blond

● The Winehouse family thinks Amy died not from an overdose, but from alcohol withdrawal. Apparently quitting cold turkey can send a dependent body into fatal shock. [LAT] ● Because there aren’t enough hours of Kardashians on television already, younger brother Rob has signed up to compete on the next season of Dancing with the Stars. [TMZ] ● Mark Wahlberg says that he’s taking Entourage to the big screen, even if he has to pay for it himself. “We’re going to do a movie, it’s a question of when and how quickly,” he assured. [THR]

● Bleached-blond hair and biker-buff, Ryan Gosling is still “a perfect famous person.” [NYDN] ● Online streaming service Pandora wins more young listeners than popular terrestrial radio stations Z100 and Hot 97. How’s that for a bomb drop, Flex? [AdAge] ● Paz de la Huerta prepared to plead guilty in her bar-brawl hearing at Manhattan Criminal Court yesterday by carefully lotioning up her long legs. “We were riveted,” a courthouse worker said of her technique. “It was lovely. Very nice lotioning.” [Page Six]