RIP Monty, One Of Queen Elizabeth’s Last Corgis

Monty, one of Queen Elizabeth’s oldest and most-loved dogs, has died. And yet millions of ungrateful cats live on.

Monty, who lived to the age of 13 (that is, a ripe old 91), spent his days bounding around Buckingham Palace and the monarchy’s considerable estate with his fellow corgis, Willow and Holly, and even humbly consorted with non-purebred mixes like Candy and Vulcan, who are half-dachshund. He did once engage in a scuffle with Max, Princess Beatrice’s terrier, but was likely just defending his favorite couch.

Monty, descended from Susan, an 18th birthday present, will be greatly mourned even after his burial at the royal pet cemetery in Balmoral. Her majesty has continuously bred corgis from Susan up till 2009, when she stopped for fear any new dogs would outlive her. By my rough math, I would guess she has seen at least 20 corgis die in her long life and is almost certainly followed around by their happily yapping ghosts.

In any case: godspeed, you short-legged scamp.  

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Beatrice, Princess of York’s Shockingly Tame Royal Jubilee Headwear

The British Royals are so hot right now, with last year’s wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton (who is now Princess Catherine, officially, which will never not make me angry because why the hell did you shorten her name to Kate-with-a-K in the first place, Catherine?) and Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee this week. The monarchy is finally sexy again, and there haven’t been any beheadings! (None that we know of, anyway.) Speaking of heads, however, the real reason anyone cares about rich, in-bred British people over on this side of the pond is that they wear funny hats. And who is more famous for wearing ridiculous hats than Beatrice, Princess of York?

You remember the crowning achievement of Princess Bea, of course, from last year’s Royal Wedding (seen above). But she has a storied past of progressive haberdashery. For example, here are some of her other looks:

A tailored, simple, black number:

Here’s one that looks like a few dead birds stuffed into her noggin!

This one is inspired by that time she was off frolicking upon the morrow or field or whatever (being a princess is exhausting!), fell down, and got a bunch of dandelion seeds stuck to her face.

It appears this guv’nor wanted to crown her with a new silver hat because loved the bamboo one so much!

I can’t. I… I can’t.

This is her "rock star look," as it resembles a guitar pick.

There is no actual physical proof that this hat was real and not just a Pixar creation.

And finally, this is what she wore to the Diamond Jubilee:

WTF, Bea? That’s it?! I hope I’m not the only one who is incredibly disappointed in Princess Bea, who missed a great opportunity for what will probably be the only royal event for the next few years that anyone outside of the U.K. will pay any attention to. (Right, like anyone cares if Prince Harry gets married.) BAD MOVE, BEA. 

Oh wait, she stepped up her game:

While that blue pillbox hat with affixed backwards veil can’t rival the insanity of her famous wedding hat, which, at best, resembled the female reproductive system, I’ll give her props for recognizing that the best way to stand out is with a feathered and/or flowered eyesore resting on the top of your skull. 

Afternoon Links: Amanda Knox Gets A Literary Agent, Queen Elizabeth Takes A Pay Cut

● Amanda Knox now shares a literary agent with the good company of Barack Obama and George W. Bush. [TMZ]

● Brad Pitt’s parents are "very proud" of their not-daughter-in-law Angelina Jolie for all the hard work she put into her directorial debut, In the Land of Blood and Honey. [People]
 
● Taylor Swift is mostly keeping hush about her new album ("It will be unveiled when it all comes out"), but she will say that she "loves" Nicki Minaj and would love to collaborate with her at some point. "That would be amazing." [MTV]
 
● Elizabeth figures she’s "the curvy one" in the otherwise bird-like Olsen family. It’s all relative. [Us]
 
● Adele’s Beyoncé impersonation still needs just a little practice. [Vulture]
 
● Even the British royal family is feeling the pinch, Queen Elizabeth will take a pay cut this year, leaving her with just $50 million to get by on. [NYDN]
 
● The New Yorker‘s David Denby broke the review embargo on The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo because, as he puts it, "What to put in the magazine on December 5? Certainly not We Bought the Zoo, or whatever it’s called." And also for a few other reasons that he goes on to explain in this enlightening correspondence with a nonplussed Scott Rudin. [IndieWire]

Morning Links: James Franco Says ‘Social Media Is Over,’ Britney Spears Is Just Getting Started

● Things went so badly on the first night of Charlie Sheen’s “Violent Topedo of Truth” tour that Sheen was booed off the stage twenty minutes early. He pulled things together for night two in Chicago, managing to “satisfy, if not amaze, concert goers.” Winning? Sounds more like a draw. [Chicago Tribune] ● “Social media is over,” proclaimed James Franco, after having his Twitter feed quieted by “certain companies” he works with with. “Still up there. Going down. You heard it here first.” [Politico] ● Music industry head honchos are willing to do anything for “anti-establishment band” Odd Future. Diddy, for one, is “desperate to sign the group to prove that he’s on to something hot.” Tyler, are you listening? Anything! [Page Six]

● Lindsay Lohan has signed on to star as Nancy Pitman, a member of Charles Manson’s coterie, in the upcoming movie Manson Girls. [Huff Post] ● Femme Fatale is receiving mostly positive reviews, but according to The Sun, what Britney would most like is a new husband. Seven albums, two kids, and three husbands all by the age of 29. [The Sun] ● Maybe you’re interested in purchasing a pair of Queen Elizabeth’s panties? The Royal Bloomers will be up for bid on eBay sometime after the royal wedding. [TMZ]