Beatrice, Princess of York’s Shockingly Tame Royal Jubilee Headwear

The British Royals are so hot right now, with last year’s wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton (who is now Princess Catherine, officially, which will never not make me angry because why the hell did you shorten her name to Kate-with-a-K in the first place, Catherine?) and Queen Elizabeth’s Diamond Jubilee this week. The monarchy is finally sexy again, and there haven’t been any beheadings! (None that we know of, anyway.) Speaking of heads, however, the real reason anyone cares about rich, in-bred British people over on this side of the pond is that they wear funny hats. And who is more famous for wearing ridiculous hats than Beatrice, Princess of York?

You remember the crowning achievement of Princess Bea, of course, from last year’s Royal Wedding (seen above). But she has a storied past of progressive haberdashery. For example, here are some of her other looks:

A tailored, simple, black number:

Here’s one that looks like a few dead birds stuffed into her noggin!

This one is inspired by that time she was off frolicking upon the morrow or field or whatever (being a princess is exhausting!), fell down, and got a bunch of dandelion seeds stuck to her face.

It appears this guv’nor wanted to crown her with a new silver hat because loved the bamboo one so much!

I can’t. I… I can’t.

This is her "rock star look," as it resembles a guitar pick.

There is no actual physical proof that this hat was real and not just a Pixar creation.

And finally, this is what she wore to the Diamond Jubilee:

WTF, Bea? That’s it?! I hope I’m not the only one who is incredibly disappointed in Princess Bea, who missed a great opportunity for what will probably be the only royal event for the next few years that anyone outside of the U.K. will pay any attention to. (Right, like anyone cares if Prince Harry gets married.) BAD MOVE, BEA. 

Oh wait, she stepped up her game:

While that blue pillbox hat with affixed backwards veil can’t rival the insanity of her famous wedding hat, which, at best, resembled the female reproductive system, I’ll give her props for recognizing that the best way to stand out is with a feathered and/or flowered eyesore resting on the top of your skull. 

Morning Links: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Kiss, Russell Brand Gets Deported

● This years Cannes is a wrap, and Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life took the Palm d’Or, while Kirsten Dunst earned Best Actress, presumably for her performance at the now infamous Melancholia press conference. [THR] ● Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez shared their most public kiss (on the lips!) yet, after Bieber won Best New Artist at last night’s Billboard Awards. [JustJared] ● When it comes to the ladies — and as we now know, there have been a lot of ladies — “unstoppable womanizer” Arnold Schwarzenegger has been known to aim low, opting for the more “grateful” plain Janes. “The physical is most important to him and he does not want to be upstaged or lose the spotlight in company of a strikingly beautiful woman,” reports the New York Post. Gross. [NYP]

● Oh dear. Russell Brand got himself deported from Japan, leaving Katy Perry weepy alone in her favorite place on earth: “I am so. sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place,” she tweeted. #tokyodreamscrushed. [Katy Perry/Twitter] ● In this day in age, Mischa Barton pictures are posted for reasons of schadenfreude and nothing else, right? [SocialiteLife] ● Princess Beatrice’s Royal Wedding hat sold for $131,341.47 on eBay yesterday, indicating that the going price for an internet meme is astronomically high. [NYDN]

Highlights of the Royal Wedding (Besides the Kiss)

The much-anticipated royal wedding happened this morning, and soon, we’ll have to find something new to talk about. But while the memory is still fresh — and while the newlyweds are still partying (note the just-released picture of the Royal Wedding Cake!) — we can still get right into it. The trick to enjoying royal wedding related stuff is to entirely suspend disbelief and pretend that all of the hullabaloo is totally normal and in fact necessary. I watched the whole wedding start to finish this morning. Below, a highlight reel of sorts, leaving out the obvious money shots of the Kiss (adorable!) and the Dress (amazing).

Piers Morgan Is The Biggest Royal Wedding Fan Ever


I tuned into CNN for my royal wedding coverage, which consisted of Anderson Cooper wondering how he went from covering Egypt to watching rich white people get married, and Piers Morgan being a huge royal fanboy. Piers spent this morning breathlessly intoning things like “We’ve got a new superstar in Kate Middleton” and “And if that doesn’t make you proud to be British, nothing will.” He took to Twitter as well: “One over-riding thought watching this magnificent occasion: The British Monarchy is BACK. #biggeststarsintheworld.” (Which is actually kind of valid; people love to talk about how the monarchy is “losing its luster,” but the events of this morning were nothing if not lustrous.)

Princess Beatrice’s Crazy Hat


This was a hat! I don’t even know what to say about it. It’s wild. It already has almost 12,000 Facebook fans. Expecting a single-serving Tumblr soon. Kate Didn’t Mess Up William’s Name

For some reason I was expecting this to happen. The royals have such long complicated names, and Diana infamously vowed to wed “Philip Charles Arthur George” (the Charles part is supposed to come first) in 1981. Kate got it right: “William Arthur Philip Louis.”

Adorable Aristocratic Children


Aww! No idea who they even belonged to. Pippa Middleton led a few of them down the aisle. The girls were in precious little dresses and the boys were in wee darling suits.

Kate Did Her Own Makeup


It’s true! That’s ballsy. If I were going to appear in front of the whole world on my wedding day, I would hire every makeup artist I could get my hands on.

There’s lots more to discuss, for example, whether or not Kate Middleton will produce a male heir. It’s time for that now, right? Paging the Daily Mail.