Princess Kate Wore A Princess Coat, Inadvertently Showed Some Leg

Kate Middleton wore a double breasted red number from Catherine Walker, borrowing a diamond fern brooch from the Queen — the national symbol of New Zealand, where she landed. This (in my opinion) is the best we’ve ever seen Kate look, and still true to style. The wind worked against the Queen’s wishes for longer hemlines, though. Everyone gets a Marilyn moment.

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Karl Lagerfeld Has Been Immortalized in Wax

Now that Prince William and Kate Middleton have their own wax figures at Madame Tussauds, it only makes sense for fashion’s royalty, Kaiser Karl, to get the glorified treatment, too. But being the rebel that he is, the Chanel creative director swapped Hollywood-favored Tussauds for history-focused Panoptikum Hamburg—Germany’s oldest waxwork museum. And has some very interesting neighbors.

According to the Telegraph, the Hamburg-born Lagerfeld is "sandwiched between Pope Benedict XVI and the legendary large busted German prostitute Domenica," making this, with the inclusion of Karl, the most brilliantly odd wax trio to date.

As for the impressive rendering produced by renowned sculptor Saskia Ruth, Wax Lagerfeld looks scary-identical to Real Lagerfeld, so much so that one blog has already created a "Spot the Karl Lagerfeld Waxwork" game (see below)—and it’s pretty damn tricky! 

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Photos: Telegraph, My Daily

4 Kate Middleton Dresses Honored at Madame Tussauds

We’ve known that Kate Middleton was poised to become a fashion icon for quite some time. After single-handedly reviving the fascinator hat, the Duchess of Cambridge has also made another style statement popular again: youthful conservatism. Middleton’s polished fashion sense—and the designs that got her there— can now live on forever, thanks to Madame Tussauds. 

As reported by the Telegraph, the Issa blue wrap dress that Middleton wore for her engagement announcement, the Temperley black lace gown that she wore to the War Horse premiere, an Alexander McQueen dress, and a Jenny Packham number will all deck out Middleton’s (creepy-accurate) wax figures in London. 
 
Oh, and Prince Williams gets a wax figure, too.
 
 

Kate Middleton’s Official Portrait Is Terrifying

Kate Middleton, officially known as the Duchess of Cambridge, is certainly radiating with something in the portrait placed in the National Portrait Gallery today. Is it her pregnant glow? Or has she already been doing peace work, visiting power plants and handling nuclear objects? Because good lord, it looks like Kate Middleton will climb out of that painting Ghostbusters II style and kill us all with pink goo. 

The portrait, painted by Paul Emsley, has received good notes from the monarchy. Middleton says it’s "brilliant," and Prince William called it "absolutely beautiful." The reaction from the common folk across the point, however, is a little varied. The Guardian‘s Charlotte Higgins is on-point when she writes that Middleton appears to be "washed-out, heavy-lidded and seemingly fanged":

The first thing that strikes you about Middleton’s visage as it looms from the sepulchral gloom of her first official portrait is the dead eyes: a vampiric, malevolent glare beneath heavy lids. Then there’s the mouth: a tightly pursed, mean little lip-clench (she is, presumably, sucking in her fangs). And god knows what is going on with the washed-out cheeks: she appears to be nurturing a gobbet of gum in her lower right cheek. The hair is dull and lifeless; the glimpse of earring simply lifts her to the status of Sloaney, rather than merely proletarian, undead.

Let’s just hope that unborn royal baby doesn’t, like, age at rapid rates and grows up to rule us all.

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Radio Boss Defends Prank Call DJs Who Lead Kate Middleton’s Nurse To Suicide

It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye, isn’t it?

Last week, the world learned Kate Middleton is pregnant with The Most Important Baby In The World when she was hospitalized in London with an extreme form of morning sickness. Swiftly, a pair of Australian DJs with the show 2DayFM prank called King Edward VII, pretending to be the Queen and Prince Charles, and were patched through to Kate’s private nurse on the hospital switchboard. The private nurse then told the prank callers confidential medical information about Kate’s condition.

On Friday, the nurse who had been manning the switchboard and patched 2DayFM through was found dead in a London park of an apparent suicide. Jacintha Saldanha was a 46-year-old mother of two teenagers and by all accounts, a talented nurse. 

This weekend, the CEO of the company which owns 2DayFM stood up for the DJs, Mel Greig and Michael Christian. In a press conference he said:

I spoke to both presenters early this morning and it’s fair to say they are completely shattered. These people aren’t machines, they’re human beings. What happened is incredibly tragic and we’re deeply saddened and we’re incredibly affected by that. I think prank calls as a craft in radio have been going for decades and decades and are not just part of one radio station or network or country. No one could have reasonably foreseen what ended up being an incredibly tragic day. 

Despite being defended by their company, the pair has been taken off the air until further notice.

He certainly brings up a good point: it was impossible to forsee this coming. I’m personally of the opinion that most prank calls are, on some level, cruel and are mostly funny because they play to our basest instincts. There’s no way to go back in time and prevent the death of this poor woman. But perhaps some good will come of this if it stirs a worldwide conversation about the inanity and cruelty of prank calls. 

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter.

How Can We Make The Royal Baby Story More Interesting?

So the biggest news story yesterday—and what, much to Tyler Coates’s dismay—will be one of the biggest news stories of the next year or so, was the announcement that Prince William and Princess Catherine are expecting a new little prince or princess to join the crazy sideshow of crazy that is the British Royal Family. With the announcement of the new little human tourist attraction will eventually come extensive media coverage that will all ultimately be pretty boring. Here, we have some suggestions for how to make the Royal Baby narrative just a bit more interesting:

* Secret underground lair of paparazzi specifically gearing up to snap those baby photos as soon as possible and effectively hound the royal family into nonexistence uncovered.

* Pippa Middleton, somewhat irked that her sister is getting so much attention basically for just doing her job, decides to focus her energy into studying foreign and economic policy. Luckily, she is a quick study and after just a few strategy sessions with international diplomats, Pippa Middleton almost singlehandedly stabilizes the Eurozone and preventing further economic turmoil. She becomes TIME Person of the Year and calls her sister when she gets the news to say, "You’ve just been PIPPA’d!" She also starts dating a member of One Direction, just because she can.

* Prince Harry, somewhat irked that his brother is getting so much attention basically for just doing his job and inspired by a movie he just saw for the first time, hatches a plan to seize the throne involving staging a wildebeest stampede, destroying his older brother and exiling his offspring from the Pridelands. 

* Newsweek releases another tacky Photoshopped cover of Princess Diana returning from beyond the graaaaaave. (Of course now, it’ll be a digital cover.

* The Royal Birth becomes a live, televised event that Kate and Wills-obsessed Yanks wake up at stupid o’clock to watch, mimosas in hand. The event is topped off with an exuberant concert at Wembley Stadium, during which the newborn is parachuted in by RAF helicopter, being held by Special Guest Star Idris Elba.

* Wills and Kate’s child eventually grows up and marries Mason Disick, officially making Scott Disick an earl or a duke or a viscount or something. This would be particularly fitting, considering that the Kardashians are kind of the closest thing America has to a royal family—they’re insanely wealthy, disproportionately influential and despite not being particularly interesting, we somehow maintain a national interest in them.

* Based on his prior service to Queen and country, Sean Bean becomes named official protector of the Royal Baby. Somehow, he is killed almost immediately via freak accident in the line of duty.

Guess Whose Slimy Paws Are All Over The Kate Middleton Topless Photos?

In a shock to no one, disgraced former Italian prime minister, media mogul and renowned international creep is behind the topless Kate Middleton photos published in the French gossip magazine Closer

Closer published Kate’s topless sunbathing pics last week, which were snapped while Prince William and Kate were on a private vacation in the South of France earlier this month. In no time the blurry images were all over the Internet and the royals filed a lawsuit against Closer on Friday.The Sun quotes William calling the breach of privacy "grotesque."

Undeterred, apparently, the Irish Daily Star also published the topless pics in its Ireland edition and the Italian magazine, Chi, which is owned by Berlusconi, plans to publish on Monday, The Hollywood Reporter reports. Chi is even rolling out a 26-page special! In a rare (repeat: RARE) moment of classiness, the Rupert Murdoch-owned Sun newspaper published an editorial on how it refuses to publish Kate’s topless pics. (Prince Harry was not so lucky in the Sun‘s hands.)

The palace has insinutated other publications — wink, wink, nudge, nudge Berlusconi — that print the topless pics will face legal action as well. Sorry, bucko, but you just lost your chance with Pippa for-ev-er.

 

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr.

London Opening: Tonteria

Exactly why Prince William chum Guy Pelly (along with partner Marc Burton) have chosen to open a Mexican restaurant in Chelsea, we’ll leave to the cultural pontificators. Whatever the reason, Tonteria, the ubiquitous nightlife impresario’s new Sloane Square restaurant and bar, is a study in decadence, with shots delivered via a "shot train" (giving new meaning to the term "going off the rails"), and stylish piñatas welcoming guests’ controlled savagery during special celebrations.

The woody interiors evoke your favorite local ciudad dive, while the wood floors, green-hued lighting, and ceramic tiles transport you to a villa at sunset. For a particular frisson of Catholicism (and lots of fun), the photo booth doubles as a confessional. Though the name translates as "something of little consequence," Tonteria is anything but.

Afternoon Links: Adam Lambert Arrested In Finland, Love On The Set of ‘Trapped In The Closet’

● Adam Lambert was arrested outside a club in Finland last night for fighting with his boyfriend, all of which he blames on "Jetlag+Vodka." "Lesson learned," he then assured on Twitter, adding that "Sauli+Adam+hangover burgers= laughing bout it." [EW]

● A Radiohead demo from the early ’90s has surfaced on the internet, rounding out a rather benevolent year for Radiohead fans. [FlavorWire]

Workaholics star Blake Anderson fractured his spine during a roof-to-beer-pong-table jump, and the grizzly party trick was caught on tape. More expert jumper Tyler, the Creator was reportedly in attendance. [TMZ]

● And so it seems, the actors who played Rufus and Cathy in the original 22 chapters of Trapped in the Closet managed to overcome their "cheating couple" casting to find true love. The two have been married since! [TMZ]

● Rumor has it that Prince William is getting Kate a puppy for Christmas, but SHHH, let’s not ruin the surprise like the press has for the Obama girls. [Us]

The Office‘s John Krasinski is just too cute in this Sesame Street bit about soggy things. [EW]

● If there’s nothing more you want for Christmas but Santa himself, well, the unusual number of "Sexy Santa" stock-photos suggest you are not alone in your longings. [Gawker]