Your Daily Guide To Trending Topics

Every day there are some topics that are trending. Since many of them don’t make sense, we provide easy contextualization. Also, this way, you won’t actually have to know anything about anything.

Chaka Kahn
The music legend is being extensively searched this morning thanks to her appearance on last night’s American Idol finale (winner Phillip Phillips is the most searched term on Google today). Kahn sang “I’m Every Woman” with the ladies of Idol, an act that likely sent hundreds of thousands of teens to their Google, wondering who the hell she was. But Kahn wasn’t just there for a good time—the lady’s out for blood! Before the finale, she was asked whether she would replace Idol judge Jennifer Lopez if she were to leave. “Yeah, I’d do it," Kahn said. "They could use some truth up there. A little bit of truth, honesty. I’d like that."

Jim Parsons
Mr. Parsons, the star of the inexplicably popular television show The Big Bang Theory is getting Googled left and right this morning thanks to the long-time open secret that the New York Times finally confirmed yesterday: Yep, he’s gay. In the story, Parsons speaks about his upcoming role in Ryan Murphy’s big-screen take on Larry Kramer’s play The Normal Heart. “The Normal Heart resonated with him on a few levels,” the story read. “Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship, and working with an ensemble again onstage was like nourishment.” 

WR Tweets HIV Results
Buffalo Bills wide receiver David Clowney doesn’t have HIV. And he let everyone know via Twitter.  Wait, you don’t know who David Clowney is? He’s the football player who showed off his recent medical report declaring him free of HIV. Via a photo on Twitter. And he’s the most-Yahoo!ed person around this morning. Now, we’re all for any public figure encouraging people to get tested—and Clowney’s message did read “Got My HIV Results Back!! Thank God for keeping my body healthy and safe”—but this particular method is perhaps not the best way.

Kristen Stewart Pants

Every so often we’re reminded that celebrities in fact aren’t just like us. They wear crazy pants! So when actress Kristen Stewart showed up on a Cannes red carpet wearing a pair of splatter-festooned Balenciaga pants, people went nuts. They’re Yahoo!ing it like crazy, trying to find out who makes the pants and what all of the fashion blogs think about them. By now they probably have their own Twitter account and everything. In contrast, when you search for Stewart’s boyfriend and Twilight costar Robert Pattinson and the word “pants” most of what comes up are photos of his head Photoshopped onto the body of an underwear-clad model and also videos of him walking the red carpet with his fly down.

#JaiBrooks

Over at Twitter, Jai Brooks, a member of the Australian comedy troupe to Janoskians, is trending thanks to what seems like a lot of determined fans. At least it’s more interesting than the Justin Bieber death hoax and the currently trending #GhettoJobInterviewQuestions.

Jai 4

Jai 3

Jai 2

Jai 1

 

Your New American Idol, Phillip Phillips

America has chosen, and for the fifth season in a row, it has chosen a young, innofensive man with heartland appeal and guitar-playing abilities. Phillip Phillips defeated Jessica Sanchez tonight to become the 11th American Idol, and to have certainly the most distinctive and vaguely porny-sounding stage name of them all. Already, the fans are debating and Sanchez’s supporters are suggesting conspiracy theory and waging their campaign in YouTube comments, but as we know, Idol victory is always a guaranteed trip to superstardom and not winning it all will permanently doom your career

Phillips’ Idol road was not the typical, as he won fans not just through his charisma, good looks and impressive vocals, but by sticking to his sonic guns and presenting viewers with something a little bit different and often electric, from his demonic "Superstition" and acoustic-funk "Thriller" at his audition to an out-of-nowhere 1998 Dave Matthews Band deep cut as the finals loomed. 

Phillips’ winning song was "Home," an acoustic ditty written for him by Drew Pearson and Greg Holden, which is warm and lovely and a far cry from "A Moment Like This." Talk about feeling old. Watch his performance below: