Celebrity Couples That We Wish Would Rekindle the Flame

Photo: Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com 

It isn’t you, its me. Surely the couples in this category got their agents to whip up something a little more endearing to say. The truth is, breakups happen, but it so happens that these particular ones shouldn’t have.

1. Heidi Klum and Seal Mark-WoodworthPhoto: Mark Woodworth/BFAnyc.com 

These two were together and married ages ago (The ’90s) and we wish we could #ThrowbackThursday their relationship solely for that fact that she has the body of an angel and he has the voice of an one. It also wouldn’t hurt if they could make some more beautiful babies.

2. Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron Screen-Shot-2014-10-15-at-10.32.18-PMPhotos: Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com & Matteo Prandoni/BFAnyc.com

Zac and Vanessa’s on-screen romance played out before our eyes in the wildly popular Disney movie series “High School Musical.” Hoping for these two to get back together is like hoping for Hilary Duff and Aaron Carter to get back together and that (thankfully) is not going to happen. But Zanessa will forever hold a place in our nostalgic hearts of couples that failed.

3. Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Benefit celebrating ALEXANDER MCQUEEN: Savage Beauty Exhibition - InsidePhoto: Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com

Miranda Kerr is a supermodel and Orlando Bloom is a movie star, these two were destined to find their way together at some point, and when they did the goddesses above were cheering. Unfortunately, these two are no longer. Yes, a hard pill to swallow. Orlando, stop throwing punches at Justin Bieber and start sending love letters to your ex!

4. Jennifer Lopez and P. Diddy Screen Shot 2014-10-15 at 10.32.52 PMPhotos: David X Prutting/BFAnyc.com & Billy Farrell/BFAnyc.com 

Jenny from the block has been around the block a couple times. Jennifer Lopez has had more men than she can count on her freshly manicured hand. One man that stood out (and stood taller than Marc Anthony) was none other than hip hop royal P. Diddy. Puffy is more of man than any Casper Smart could be, and will protect his girl ’til the end. It’s time for J. Lo to change “I luh ya papi” to “I luh ya Puffy.”

5. Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe Screen Shot 2014-10-15 at 10.34.25 PMPhotos: Joe Schildhorn/BFAnyc.com & Matteo Prandoni/BFAnyc.com 

We selfishly want to see these two get back together solely for that fact that we want to rewrite the ending of “Cruel Intentions” in real life. It would go a little something along the lines of Reese and Ryan marrying, having kids, and residing in a fabulous apartment on the Upper East Side.

Orlando Bloom Does Hollywood a Favor

Photo by Hengist Decius

Justin Bieber once again proves that he’s Hollywood’s biggest douchelord. This time it doesn’t involve peeing in a bucket or speeding his leopard print Audi in the streets of his child-infested Calabasas neighborhood. This drama took place overseas and involved not only Orlando Bloom, but my personal favorite restaurant Cipriani’s as well. We hope no bellinis were harmed in the making of this tabloid headline.

Apparently things got heated at the Ibiza hotspot that was hosting a party where Hilton, Lohan, and Diddy were present. Allegedly, Bloom refused to shake Justin’s hand (for good reason, who knows where that thing has been!) due to claims that JB made rude comments about Blooms ex, supermodel goddess Miranda Kerr. Orlando, being a true man, stood up for himself and the brunette bombshell and threw a punch at the toddler sized adult. The crowd at #Cips went wild. A round of bellinis for everyone!

Being the “gangster” that Justin is, he had his entourage block the hit; he couldn’t let anything happen to his chiseled little baby face. Sources also say JB was putting his newly puberty deep vocals to yell, “What’s up, bitch?” And “Say hi to her,” as the two we’re being separated. Justin’s just such a class act.

Do We Ever Need to See ‘Romeo and Juliet’ Again? Apparently Lots of People Think So

Did you know that there’s a new version of Romeo and Juliet set to hit movie theaters this year? It’s got an all-star cast: Hailee Steinfeld (remember when True Grit was a thing?) as Juliet, Damian Lewis as her father, Ed Westwick as her cousin, and Paul Giamatti as that stupid priest who literally screws everything up. Good lord, people, do I hate Romeo and Juliet. I wouldn’t have much of an opinion, probably, if I hadn’t seen about fifteen different versions of it. Of course, Shakespeare’s classic tale of horny teenagers whose parents hate each other is pretty much entry-level Elizabethan drama, which means that everyone loves it. Everyone loves it so much that it’s coming back to Broadway with Orlando Bloom (thank God he’s working again) and Condola Rashad (Phylicia’s daughter). I suppose you can guess what new spin this production will give to this old, tired play. I could go on, but no one needs another lengthy blog post about Romeo and Juliet, either.

[via Playbill]

Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter.

Links: Orlando Bloom Gets Hitched, Justin Bieber’s Crimes Are Investigated

● It’s official. Joss Whedon is directing The Avengers. Nerds, rejoice. Jocks, shove said nerds into lockers. [/Film] ● There aren’t any new oil spills or wars, so everyone is contemplating Tom Cruise’s height relative to Cameron Diaz’s. [The Huffington Post] ● Sam Ronson visits Lindsay in the slammer, proving the easiest way to win back an ex is stone cold incarceration. [TMZ]

● Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are now husband and wife, entire male and female population placed on suicide watch. [People] ● Justin Bieber is making his acting debut on the season premiere of CSI. National holiday, anyone? [NYT/ArtsBeat]

Links: Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr Engaged, Lindsay Lohan’s Porn Star Not the ‘Vulgar’ Type

● Orlando Bloom is just pretty enough to propose marriage to the stunning Miranda Kerr. The couple will alternate days in the bathroom. [People] ● Helen Mirren appears topless in the new issue of New York magazine, courtesy of photographer Juergen Teller, making most cougars look like house cats. [HuffPo] ● Carrot Top was hospitalized for career paralysis. [Perez Hilton]

● Lindsay Lohan says her role as porn star Linda Lovelace will not be “vulgar” or too sexual; Lindsay Lohan’s agent, manager, director, and producers say, “not so fast.” [Starpulse] ● At a party in Las Vegas, everyone cheered Michael Phelps, urging him to jump into the pool. That’s like if Paris Hilton’s party trick was a sex act. Think about it. [Page Six] ● Tori Spelling claims Tiffani Thiessen hates her, while the kids of today question the presence of Miley’s babysitters. [HuffPo]

Links: Lena Horne RIP, Orlando Bloom to Snitch on Kids

● Lena Horne, the first black performer with a major Hollywood contract, has died at age 92. [NYT] ● Betty White’s turn on Saturday Night Live included foul language, a Jay-Z medley and many, many jokes about grandma vaginas. [Hulu] ● Old people, like Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes, are not that into Lady Gaga, and still don’t know who that adorable little Justin Bieber is or why she has a boy’s name. [Gawker]

● Orlando Bloom will testify against the “Bling Ring,” a group of kids who robbed the homes of celebrities. They sound like Robin Hood and he’s still Orlando Bloom, so we know whose side we’re on. [Celebuzz] ● Lance Bass is probably dating Kyan Douglas. One of them was in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and one was in N*Sync. Can you remember which is which? [Page Six] ● Barack Obama is not a fan of iPads, Xboxes or any of these other newfangled devices people use to get dumb — they’re the tools of the Tea Party, but he didn’t say that part. [Daily Intel]

5 Things We Learned from the Bling Ring

Inside the pages of Vanity Fair‘s latest Hollywood issue is a fascinating look at the bizarre lives of Hollywood’s so-called Bling Ring, the group of Valley girls and boys who in 2009 went around burglarizing the homes of the rich and famous. You might remember sites like TMZ (which ironically is how the thieves knew their victims’ schedules) being all over this story while it developed. Back then, the accused were short on details, but now faced with the prospect of serious jail time, they’ve decided to backstab each other, like well, a bunch of Valley kids. The winners in all of this? Us! Writer Nancy Jo Sales gives juicy, first-hand accounts of the robberies of homes belonging to stars like Orlando Bloom and Paris Hilton, who seem to spend their money on exactly what you’d think Young Hollywood spends their money on: Rolexes, Louis Vuitton luggage, cocaine. For this, we can mostly thank Nick Prugo, a now remorseful ringleader of the whole operation, and a very generous tattletale. Here are five lessons learned from the saga of the Bling Ring.

Audrina Patridge has let fame get to her head. The Hills star put the media spotlight on the serial robberies when she sent an incriminating surveillance video to TMZ. And even though Patridge lost about $43,000 worth of stuff, the experience wasn’t all bad. Now Vanity Fair is writing about her, and she did not squander that opportunity to remind us how beautiful and famous she is:

“They took my great-grandma’s jewelry, my passport, my laptop, jeans made to fit my body to my perfect shape.” The estimated value of her stolen property was $43,000. Patridge said she believes the thieves were motivated by her fame. “Rachel Lee was a big fan of me. I was her target,” she said she’d heard from cops. “She’s a little obsessed girl, I gotta tell you. She’s going to get what she deserves.”

Kitson needs to change their credit card policy. Cashiers at H&M won’t even let me use my mom’s credit card, and yet somehow how Prugo and crew was able to walk into one of L.A.’s buzziest boutiques with rich people’s credit cards, “go shopping,” and “no one would question.” Sounds like “no one” should be fired.

Paris Hilton’s got great blow. After finding “about, like, five grams of coke in Paris’s house”, Nick Prugo and Rachel Lee “snorted it and left.” Then they “drove around Mulholland, having the best time of our lives.”

Leonardo Dicaprio is ageless. Apparently I’m not the only one who doesn’t want to accept that the quintessential heartthrob is five years removed from the big 4-0. Bling Ring vixen and aspiring reality TV star Alexis Neiers agrees with me:

“Nick really liked the life we had,” Alexis said. “He wanted to live like us. He wanted to tag along with us to the clubs we went to, like Apple, Guys & Dolls, Teddy’s, Ecco. It was known that we were out hanging out with Emile Hirsch and Leonardo DiCaprio—just, like, typical Young Hollywood.

Facebook is now a crime-fighting tool. While TMZ was being used to help people break into Rachel Bilson’s pad, the LAPD “used Facebook to ascertain that Lee and Prugo were “friends” with each other.” Privacy settings, people!

Links: Francis Bean Has Flown The C.Love Coup, ‘Jersey Shore’ v. ‘The Hills’

● Well, Courtney Love may not be back on drugs, but she lost legal guardianship of her daughter Frances Bean all the same. Kurt Cobain’s offspring will spend the holidays and the rest of her jailbait time with grandma. [People] ● Now that the Championship glow has worn off, is Kate Hudson done with Alex Rodriguez or is Alex Rodriguez done with Kate Hudson? [HollywoodLife] ● Lindsay Lohan is selling designer items from her closet on her family’s website. Nose bleed stains and coke residue cost extra. [Us]

● Despite the fake tan, fake hair, and fake boobs Nicole Polizzi a.k.a. Snooki claims her show Jersey Shore is better than The Hills because they keep it real in everything but body parts. [Us] ● Stephen King says Twilight‘s Stephanie Meyer “can’t write worth a darn” and that her books are successful because of their non-threatening nature. Upon hearing this, Meyer went home and cried into her pile of money. [Examiner] ● Orlando Bloom and his Victoria Secret model girlfriend Miranda Kerr are still not engaged. Someone cares. [People]

Links: Lindsay Lohan’s Sartorial Comeback, Gerard Butler + Kristen Stewart?

• While you were shoving brussels sprouts and glasses of mulled wine down your maw in between slabs of turkey over in Harlem, Orlando Bloom, Salma Hayek, and Gwyneth Paltrow jetted over to Marrakesh for a very special Morrocan Thanksgiving. [People] • Despite epic critical failure, Lindsay Lohan’s line for Ungaro has apparently been flying off store shelves. [Contactmusic] • A remake of the already-remade-in-2005 Amityville Horror is being sloppily slapped together somewhere in The Hills. [DigitalSpy]

Horror! Beyoncé’s Dangerously In Love was dangerously thisclose to never seeing the light of day. Says Ms. B, “When I played it through for my record label, they told me I didn’t have one hit on my album. They told me I didn’t have one hit. I guess they were kinda right, I had five.” Snap. Naturally she means this, this, this, this, and the album itself. [Contactmusic] • Lesser of two Good Morning America evils: Chris Brown or Adam Lambert? [Detroit Free Press] • Did Kristen Stewart’s turkey-chewing dexterity turn on Gerard Butler? [D-Listed]