Sixth borough, my ass. Call Philadelphia whatever you want any other time, but this week, in New York, we call them one thing: “Fucked.” Because the Yankees have the best team they’ve had in years, and they’re about to win their first World Series since 2000. Granted, it’s eight years late, but sometimes we need to play catch-up. For those who will have to tolerate watching the seven games with you — or watching the Phillies lose in four — we’ve come up with some decent alternatives to your average digs you’d watch baseball, for those who might find this a less-than-pleasurable experience. Batter up.
Warren 77: The New York Rangers’ own Vogue intern, Sean Avery, has a stake in this swank Tribeca sports bar place. People have said the food tastes like something you’d dig up on the third baseline, which: possibly true! Though we’ve never tried it. To their credit: for a sports bar, pretty stylish digs in a pretty stylin’ neighborhood with a lack of decent, upscale places to watch a game. Bring your pre-Avenue gaggle of girls here and drink to Damon maybe — just maybe — not throwing like a girl scout for once in his life, tonight.
Brooklyn Bowl: Oh, you better believe it. A big, beautiful hi-def screen in front of every one of their lanes, and they’ll be blasting the game and the jams each night that they’re playing. Throw in Blue Ribbon’s table/lane service of awesome, awesome bites and oh yeah: bowling. Bowling while watching baseball. With Blue Ribbon food. And jams. A win-win situation on all fronts.
Brass Monkey: Go West, Young Adventurer! Or if you’ve been dragged into the District of The Packing of Meat, or the District Where Figurative Meat Is Now Packed In Place of Literal Meat, and you’re (A) not the clurrb’ing type or (B) would rather be watching the Yankees game somewhere DJ Asshat isn’t raping you in the ears at deafening volumes with his Pucini/Oakenfold/Shakur mashup, go to Brass Monkey! It’s right in the ‘hood, it’s gritty, it’s old New York, and it’s gonna be a party, sans bottle service and/or Jersey’s “Finest.”
Milady’s: Again, an important joint for how unlikely it is, but god only knows how long Milady’s has been around (answer: for-ev-er). Step off, SoHo House: you and your anti-suit eugenics can find some balls here, an honest-to-god neighborhood joint of the highest pedigree. Everything at Milady’s is just decent, but isn’t that just how you need it, sometimes?
Blaue Gans: You want actually good food and the game? Tall order! Tribeca’s Blaue Gans — projecting the games on the “big screen” taking up the entire back wall that he’s also used for the elections and European soccer — is classic Kurt Gutenbrunner: sure, you can hit hard some ‘Weizen, and snack on the free soft pretzels and roasted almonds, but seriously? Go Gutenbrunner or go home: at least get a brat. You can pretend you’re uptown as it happens, except your “hot” “dog” will actually taste substantial and you won’t be embarrassingly gouged for it.
Corner Bistro: Asshole staff? Check. Great jukebox? Check. Overhyped burgers? Check. Yup. Plenty of people will be watching the game at the Corner Bistro. There’re worse places. At least it’s not Brother Jimmy’s?
Old Town Bar: Right by the BlackBook offices, the Corner Bistro that Corner Bistro wishes it were, cool beers, good burgers, great chili. Hell yeah, you’re going to Old Town, and you’re gonna enjoy yourself, too. Remember, as the sign out front will remind you: no bluenoses, and no bullshit, neither. Perfect location, mixed crowd, this should be your final answer, your fastball, down the middle. Oh, and they make a decent cheesesteak, too. Eat that, Philly fans.