’90s Nostalgia, Meet SLIMED! The New Nickelodeon Golden Age Book

Ever wonder how Ren & Stimpy got on the air? Why Sam always climbed through Clarissa’s window? Who came up with the song "Killer Tofu" on Doug? Me too. And in the spirit of "ask, and you shall receive" is a new book full of all the golden answers to all your ’90s-nostalgia questions: SLIMED! An Oral History of Nickelodeon’s Golden Age

Written by the same guy who wrote Rag Doll: A Horrotica Novel, and with a foreword by Double Dare host Marc Summers, the book peels back the orange Nickelodeon logo and reveals the slime-filled underbelly of the network’s early ’80s and ’90s history, off-air gossip, slime ingredients, and over 200 stories from such VIPs as Kenan Thompson and Melissa Joan Hart – who basically raised us. It also details how Nickelodeon changed the face of cable TV, but we don’t really care about that.

While every page of this book will probably be covered vigorously on Buzzfeed – the arbiter of all things ’90s nostalgia in very large graphics – it’ll have to wait until October 2013, when it physically makes it way onto the entrance tables of Barnes & Nobles, where it will be scooped up by Rugrats-loving 27-year-olds, and quizzically glared at by 12-year-olds who subsist on iCarly

Check out Nick today, & follow Bonnie on Twitter here

‘Clarissa’ Fans Needn’t Grow Up: Novel About Twentysomething Clarissa Darling Set for 2014

I know how hard it is to consume culture that was made, like, in the last week when there’s still so much to digest from our childhood! I mean, why bother watching Breaking Bad when I have all of these Doug DVDs laying around? Game of Thrones? No thank you! I could care less about the Westeros because the Roundhouse Anyfamily has forever caught my attention. Isn’t #RememberThe90s fun? We’re a generation of Peter Pans and none of us ever have to be adults. Except, of course, for that precocious teen Clarissa Darling of Clarissa Explains it All

According to Entertainment Weekly, Clarissa is coming back, but not via reruns on Nick at Nite. Rather, she’s the protagonist of a new novel marketing to millennials and, probably, Generation Y, because they can’t seem to shake this crazy nostalgic obsession either.

Now, almost 19 years after the series finale, Clarissa creator Mitchell Kriegman is letting our fashion-forward heroine enter uncharted territory with a new book, Things I Can’t Explain, tentatively slated for Fall 2014.

Acquired by Thomas Dunne Books editor and Macmillan Films head Brendan Deneen, the novel will follow 23-year-old Clarissa as she tries to carve out a career as a journalist and deals with the obstacles toward becoming a real adult: finding and keeping a job in a turbulent economy, the luxury of a first apartment without roommates, figuring out how to deal with parents all over again, and unexpected feelings for a really cute guy who—of course—has an on-and-off again girlfriend.

Well, those of us in our twenties now know that the twenties are the hardest years everrrrrrr, full of confusing feelings and weird body changes that cannot, you know, be explained. Thankfully, there’s an old friend from our childhood who can help us through the tough times of being an almost-grown up. I hope it’s raw and real like Girls. Will Clarissa and Sam have weird, uncomfortable sex in their on-again, off-again relationship? Will Clarissa’s friendship with Hillary survive the test of time? Will Ferguson come out? Will her parents, Janet and Marshall, finally confront Clarissa’s possible schizophrenia, which is the only explanation for why she keeps trying to break an invisible fourth wall with strange, smug soliloquies? Or will they just cut her off? I hope all of these things happen!

Follow Tyler Coates on Twitter.

You Guys, The ’90s

As an idiot millennial twentysomething, I cannot legally blog for a week without mentioning that I love the hell out of some 1990s. Take for example these Archers of Loaf reissuestotally rad. I haven’t gotten around to the original versions of these albums, though, because I’m still working through the early stuff. Someday!

Speaking of ‘90s music, can you believe that the M83 song “Midnight City” samples Bill Clinton playing saxophone on the Arsenio Hall Show? MIND BLOWN.

I mainly love the ‘90s because I was ten years old back then. Not for the whole decade, but I’m pretty sure I was ten somewhere in there. With a mushroom cut. Also Bugle Boy sweatsuits. In a few different color patterns.

My parents didn’t let me watch a lot of TV, but I can tell you there were great shows on back then. Easily the best was Legends of the Hidden Temple, which was like if GUTS were about Indiana Jones instead of getting pelted with Nerf balls. (Oh yeah, Nerf!) My favorite episode of Hidden Temple was the one with the giant talking stone head. And, if you absolutely forced me to choose, my favorite episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? has to be the one with the campfire.

Hey, come back: I remember some other stuff about the ‘90s. Like how the police were caught on video beating up O. J. Simpson. The Yankees were unbelievably good the whole time. Nothing was cooler than yo-yos.

And we all knew that global warming was real.

Watch Justin Bieber and Halle Berry Get Slimed at the Kids’ Choice Awards

Last night, an overly exuberant Will Smith hosted the 2012 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. Since none of you are kids and therefore don’t care who won the trophies, I’ll spare you those details. But since everyone can enjoy a celebrity getting covered in green, gooey slime, how about a video of that? Two celebrities, in this case: Justin Bieber and Halle Berry. Watch them both get doused after the jump.





Morning Links: Justin Bieber has a situation, Martha Stewart’s a grandmother

● Nickelodeon is looking to win back the generation of early watchers who were raised on their early ’90s programming. They are dedicating the too-late-for-current-Nick-viewers midnight-to-2 AM time slot to golden-era favorites like Pete and Pete, Rugrats and Clarissa Explains It All. The ’90s Are All That, indeed! [EW] ● The numbers are in and this years richest rappers are as follows: Diddy, $475 million; Jay-Z, $450 million; Dr. Dre $125 million; and tied for fifth, 50 Cent and Birdman with an easy $100 million a piece. Diddy’s got Ciroc, 50’s got a burgeoning career in cinema, and Jay’s got a kingdom — how did Birdman, a fairly middling rapper with little output, make this list? It had to be swag. [Forbes] ● There was something of a situation yesterday outside Justin Bieber’s London hotel where hundreds of screaming girls had gathered to get a glimpse of the pop god. Ironically, as a result of the mania, Justin had to cancel the Beatles tour he had planned. [TMZ]

● Martha Stewart is a grandmother, but don’t call her that! Baby Jude will be referring to her as “Martha,” just like the rest of us. [People] ● The end of this relationship has been teased almost since it began four years ago, but it looks like Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have finally parted ways. Justin has had his chances of love and will surely have many more. Also, we’re single! [NYDN] ● After years of being banned for his anti-authoritarian bends, China is finally warming up to the idea of Bob Dylan. Or maybe he has just cooled down enough for them. “He evokes more nostalgia than notoriety,” said a Chinese-American musician, noting a probably pleasing change in Dylan’s brand. Dylan will play two shows, one in Shanghia and another in Beijing, tickets should still be available. [Yahoo/AP]