Non-Comprehensive Or Even Remotely Accurate Predictions For This Season of ‘Glee’

Everyone’s favorite erotic Tumblr slash-fic inspiration—er, show about show choir—returns to FOX tonight. After a season full of after-school-special moments about the dangers of texting while driving; a weird, offensive episode about the importance of not being racist; a character’s suicide attempt being reduced to a subplot and a pair of sweet, redemptive moments in the form of an Adele mash-up and an actually nuanced and well-done and maybe sort of realistic? episode about losing your virginity and West Side StorySeason Four will begin with a lot of unanswered questions and two different timelines, one in Ohio and one in New York.

We know so far that Rachel (Lea Michele) is trying to make it in the big city at Apparently The Only Musical Theatre School in the Country, NYADA, where she has trouble adjusting and clashes with her dance instructor, played by Special Guest Star Kate Hudson. We know that Puck’s little brother is joining the Glee Club, Kurt becomes a Vogue intern under the direction of Sarah Jessica Parker, Sue has a kid now because of reasons and what, Puck’s little brother is joining the New Directions and Ryan Murphy’s new Super Best Friend NeNe Leakes is coming back. Here are my probably inaccurate and definitely not comprehensive predictions of other things that will happen this season. 

  • At least one Fame reference in the first episode.
  • Kate Hudson will be surprisingly fun to watch and bring back that nice, refreshing dose of pure evil that made the show so fun to watch in its early days.
  • Sue Sylvester refers to Tina Cohen-Chang as “Gangnam Style” in the first episode, because offensive is Sue’s shtick, or something and this would be offensive AND topical! 
  • Kurt and Blaine break up because long distance/that smarmy Sebastian guy. Kurt takes the news particularly hard, and in the midst of an alcohol-fueled spiral, sings The Smiths’ “There Is A Light (That Never Goes Out).” 
  • Following said breakup, Rachel, Kurt and recurring plot snag Jesse St. James (Jonathan Groff) start a romantic relationship. (YOU’RE WELCOME, TUMBLR.)
  • Kristin Chenoweth comes back and destroys Mr. Schue’s engagement to Emma. Sadly, she fails, and there’s a terrible after-school special sequence about it.
  • Rachel moves to Brooklyn; pals around with Surprise Guest Star Zosia Mamet. Word "hipster" thrown about way too casually. 
  • Following week is a Very Special Episode about the dangers of cocaine. 
  • Sue Sylvester gets embroiled in a scandal when the weird, unnecessary kid with the gossip blog catches her putting her new infant child atop the pyramid.
  • Ryan Murphy completely abandons the show to immerse himself in his new gift-wrapped turd The New Normal and wins all the GLAAD awards.
  • Darren Criss performs a highly inappropriate but somewhat tolerable routine to Prince’s “Darling Nikki” at some point and everyone is still shocked that you can say “masturbating” in primetime.
  • The show finally, finally stops trying to make us care about anything happening in the life of Finn Hudson and ships him off to Afghanistan.
  • A spinoff launches starring Rachel’s dads and it is infinitely better than The New Normal if only by virtue of national treasure Jeff Goldblum.
  • I get frustrated with everything five minutes into the first episode, switch to whiskey and put the likely equally disappointing Bears-Packers game on instead. FOOTBALL. 

GLAAD Hosts Gigantic Ad For ‘The New Normal’ Disguised as an “Infographic”

I’ve never been too keen on the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, otherwise known as GLAAD. I’m all for people who are also against defaming gays and lesbians, but I never found several of their initiatives, particularly those in the entertainment sector, to be very positive for the gay community. Take, for example, The GLAAD Media Awards, which generally laud celebrities, news outlets, TV shows, and films for doing the very least to portray people of the LGBT community in any positive light—mostly by simply marketing to them. I’ve always found it to be a bit pandering! And, not surprisingly, the organization seems to have thrown all of their support behind Ryan Murphy’s new NBC sitcom, The New Normal.

I watched the pilot for The New Normal. Now, I know, generally, pilots are not too representative of a television show. But the pilot for The New Normal was not good. It was full of easy laughs, excruciatingly calculated heart-warming moments, and a generally shitty outlook—it’s full of racist humor and downright mean, which is not particularly becoming for a show that makes a point to show the positives of a same-sex couple raising a child. So why is GLAAD, an organization the purports the positive depiction of LGBT community members, devote an entire page of its site to the show in what is basically a massive advertisement?  

The short answer, I assume, is "money". But let’s focus more on what the site intends to do. It lists three examples of same-sex couples who are successfully raising their children. See? These couples are The New Normal! Just like the show! They do not, of course, feature group shots of their families large enough to include their homophobic and racist family members (like the cast photo that features Ellen Barkin’s character) or with their African-American employee (in The New Normal‘s case, played by Real Housewives of Atlanta provocateur Nene Leakes). Nor is there any sense that these same-sex couplings are restricted to somewhat sexist and heteronormative gender norms as in the show, in which Justin Bartha (who is straight in real life) plays the masculine one of the pair, which Andrew Rannells (who is gay in real life) plays the queeny one. 

Additionally, GLAAD hosts an infographic claiming, despite the suggestion of homophobic group One Million Moms, that American TV has a long history of featuring same-sex parents. Forty years worth of history, in fact! Sure, of its fifteen examples, eleven of them are from the last twenty years. One example, from 1987, is a pair of secondary characters from a recurring sketch on The Tracy Ullman Show. Another, from 1977, is Billy Crystal’s character from Soap—the first series regular who was a homosexual—who impregnates a woman on a one-night stand. And there’s the suggestion that American Dad is forging the concept of same-sex parenting, because Seth MacFarlane is clearly a bastion of tolerance, respect, and equality.

So, what gives? Is GLAAD suggesting that we should just settle for a show that preaches intolerance for humor’s sake as much as it delivers self-congratulatory respect for non-traditional families? Or is GLAAD’s support of the show (which you can see in full below) just another example of it giving attention to another series that probably doesn’t do much for the LGBT community other than perpetuate the same lame stereotypes we’ve seen on television for years? After all, wouldn’t it be a lot edgier to portray a same-sex couple in a sitcom with a little less levity?

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Links: Evan Rachel Wood Romances Webhead, Adam Lambert + Kris Allen

● Cameron Diaz doesn’t want children because according to her the world has enough children and who needs one more? Take that, Octo-mom! [PopCrunch] ● Cher’s daughter Chastity Bono has revealed that shortly after her 40th birthday in March, she began gender reassignment treatment to become a man. [People] ● Evan Rachel Wood will be filling Kirsten Dunst’s shoes as Mary Jane in the Spider-Man musical, with music by Bono and The Edge. [ContactMusic]

● Adam Lambert talks about his man-crush for American Idol winner Kris Allen in the new Rolling Stone, while Kris Allen thinks his crush is “hilarious” and is “flattered” by the attention. [MTV] ● Mommie Dearest alert! A clip of Kate Gosselin has emerged of her denying one of her eight children water, while she drinks it openly in front of her. [Youtube] ● It’s Real Housewives overload: Bravo favorites Bethenny Frankel, NeNe Leakes, and Tamra Barney will be filling in for Kathie Lee Gifford while she’s on vacation. [BroadcastingCable]