Where the Party at? NASA!

In a “shocking” discovery, a bag containing cocaine was found outside a bathroom in the hangar of space shuttle Discovery earlier this week. Bob Cabana, former astronaut and director of the Kennedy Space Center, commented, “this is a rare and isolated incident, and I’m disappointed that it happened.” I read you loud and clear Bob… someone is upset the party got crashed! Stop trying to cover your freaky selves up, NASA!

We all know you’re a bunch of hard partying, tranquilizer using, diaper wearing felons. Own it! Everyone had that roommate in college who dropped acid nightly and went on to work at the Large Hadron Collider. We all know that Buzz Aldrin boozed it up on the moon back in 1969. No one is surprised that people who like to physically blast off into the stratosphere also like to metaphorically blast off into the stratosphere.

Allard Beutul, NASA spokesman, summed up the whole debacle well, saying (while, I’m sure, slyly winking) “people know how serious this is and how serious people take it.” Right on, Allard, right on. NASA has tested the around 200 personnel with access to the area as a result, and so far (just so far though, duh) there is no indication anyone was under the influence. The agency claims that the incident will not affect the launch of Discovery, scheduled to happen in March. But with their regular supply of nose candy probably cut off, we have our doubts…