Here’s A Perplexing Pothole Press Release Pundown

At the end of last week, the communications team for the Chicago Department of Transportation was tasked with making citizens aware of the campaign to report potholes in need of repair. Getting people to care about and be proactive potholes is not always easy, and although it is important to make those who can fix the potholes aware of the problem, it’s not always the most fun or engaging topic to write about. So the PR person for CDOT did what any normal communications professional needing to spice up a topic would do: ride the heels of a more popular Chicago event (Lollapalooza, whose lineup had just been announced) and lay on the band name puns as thick as possible. The result? The most ridiculous press release we’ve seen in a while.

"Tired of Drivin ‘N Cryin’ in Traffic over the Minor Threat of potholes in the Pavement?  Ready to see nothing but The White Stripes on the roadway and not worry about The Cars swerving to avoid potholes?

This weekend, if you are motorist or a Motörhead, participate in the first-ever “Potholepalooza,”  the Chicago Department of Transportation’s (CDOT) call to Chicagoans to report as many street potholes as possible.  Then watch the show next week as CDOT has The Cure for your Moody Blues and fills all of the potholes reported from Friday, April 5 through Sunday April 6 so that your car doesn’t do the Harlem Shake and give you Divine Fits."

Wow. As a lover of bad wordplay, this is a goldmine. But I feel like by working with mostly only band names, even if there are some truly masterful stretches ("Men At Work gave Blood, Sweat and Tears"), the writer really missed out on some quality references. Like, you’re really going to do a music reference-packed press release about potholes and not include a nod to De La Soul’s classic, "Potholes In My Lawn?" Or maybe the writer knew that’s what people who pay too much attention to things like this were expecting and decided to deviate.

Maybe this could become a series for CDOT. Maybe the next one will be all covert references to the raunchiest tracks in the writer’s iTunes catalog. "When you’re on the road and feel a little ‘Bump ‘n’ Grind’ in your tires, be sure to let us know." "Be careful with potholes, or whiplash may have you screaming ‘My Neck, My Back!’" It would certainly get people talking about the important issue of local infrastructure. 

Are You The Guy Who Fathered a Baby at a Megadeth Concert?

There are things you expect when you see Megadeth and Motorhead in concert. Being covered in the sweat of strangers, maybe; tinnitus, definitely. But a baby? That’s no good for anyone involved. When the bands rolled through Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom back in February, a woman supposedly got pregnant during a chance encounter with a strange in the restroom. Now, she’s posted an ad on Craigslist asking for the new daddy to come forward. Considering the Aragon’s palatial bathrooms, it’s a more than believable story, and a hell of a meet-cute if there ever was one. Check out the full ad after the click, as reproduced by Fuse.

Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots.
You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings.
 
I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got f***** up. You had a nice c*** and I was wasted so I let [you] raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise.
 
Anyway I’m pregnant. It’s yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child’s life.
The last part is kind of heartbreaking, especially when you consider the ad’s already been taken down. Email c9kpp-2948959310@pers.craigslist.org if you have any leads — try to refrain from humor, as astonishingly short-sighted as the sequence of events may seem. Who goes to a metal concert without carrying protection?