Your Daily Guide To Trending Topics

Every day there are some topics that are trending. Since many of them don’t make sense, we provide easy contextualization. Also, this way, you won’t actually have to know anything about anything.

Miss USA 2012

Of all the important things that happened this weekend, none is more trendy on Google this morning that Miss USA 2012, the off-brand beauty pageant that took place Sunday night. Miss Rhode Island, Olivia Culpo, won. And while she seems nice, we would have liked to see the crown go to Miss Ohio, who went on a tangent about Pretty Woman being an empowering movie about "a wonderful, beautiful woman… having a rough time. But you know what? She came out on top and she didn’t let anyone stay in her path.”

MTV Movie Awards

Though it lacks the weight of any of the big awards show, the MTV Movie Awards remains a surprisingly interesting monster. This isn’t so much because of the winners—though congrats are due to the folks at Twilight, Harry Potter and The Hunger Games—but because of what else you can see. Indeed, last night’s show featured never-before-seen preview footage from The Dark Knight Rises as well as a sneak peek at the forthcoming The Perks of Being A Wallflower (which you can see here), making it worth watching for those of us who aren’t really crazed about waiting around all night to watch a teenager get an award for Best Kiss.

Richard Dawson

Yahoo! searchers are nuts about the former Family Feud host, who died yesterday from complications of esophageal cancer —as you undoubtedly read about right here. There’s not a whole lot else to say about the matter, but here’s a nice video tribute to the guy.

Johnny Depp

The second most popular thing to read about this morning on Yahoo! is actor Johnny Depp, who took his bohemian schtick one step farther last night at the previously mentioned movie awards, getting on stage with rockers The Black Keys to perform two songs, “Gold on the Ceiling” and “Lonely Boy” of the band’s El Camino album. Depp was there to pick up his Generation Award, which MTV calls “the Movie Awards’ highest honor, acknowledging an actor who can be counted on to engage the MTV audience with everything he or she does.” Previous winners include Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Mike Myers, Tom Cruise, and Jim Carrey. Meh.

On Twitter

This morning, the biggest trending topics on Twitter—worldwide–are #10BandsILike and #10PeopleIveSeenLive. We won’t insult you by posting photos of the wittiest of the entries; there are none.

Morning Links: Lindsay Lohan Loses $10,000 Cash, Mike Myers Looks to Broadway

● A sober Lindsay Lohan lost her $5,000 Chanel purse while on vacation in Hawaii, and then found it again, but short the $10,000 in cash she seemed to have been carrying. There are many lessons to be learned here. [NYDN]

● Box offices have drawn less movie-goers in the past two weekends than in the dark weekends following 9/11. [Huff Post]

● Because everybody has already seen what they wanted from it, Playboy has decided to send the Lindsay Lohan edition to newsstands a week early. [Vulture]

● Mike Myers is in talks to stage his Austin Powers for a Broadway run. Here’s to hoping Beyoncé is available. [Page Six]

● Jay-Z would be happy to pay more in taxes, as long as they went to "the things that really mattered." "If it went to education, to people in poverty, I wouldn’t mind," says the rapper who spent the weekend with his very pregnant wife at a Michael Jackson themed circus in Las Vegas. [ONTD]

● For the record, Susan Boyle would like it to be known that she has actually been kissed, at least one time, when she was 25 by a boy of whom her father did not approve. [Express UK]

Morning Links: Courtney Love Working on a Memoir, T.I. Finally Free

● You’ve heard the rumors about Ashton and Demi being dunzo? Well, Ashton broke his twitter silence yesterday to warn, “When you ASSUME to know that which you know nothing of, you make an ASS out of U and ME.” It’s unclear, however, who that was directed at. [Us] ● The wonderfully un-hinged Courtney Love hopes to “set the record straight” — or whatever that means coming from her — with a memoir, due out next fall. [P4K] ● Someone covered Justin Theroux’s BMW motorcycle with a “blanket of bologna” while it was parked outside Jennifer Aniston’s West Village apartment. [Page Six]

● T.I. is actually free this time, and he’s already working get back up to speed. [Reuters] ● Mike Myers named his kid Spike. [E!] ● In case you haven’t gotten her anything yet, all Kim Kardashian wants for Christmas this year is a sea horse. “I’ve always wanted one,” she says. [Us]

‘Love Guru’ Worse than Everything Else Ever Made?

Sometimes, instead of trashing a serious unholy turkey of a Deepak Chopra biopic starring Mike Myers, Jessica Alba’s breasts and Justin Timberlake’s dick-in-a-box, it’s more fun to collect its terrible reviews in a sadistic compendium of sorts. (It’s kind of like what they do over at, er, Rotten Tomatoes—with the nice stuff taken out.) Anyway, here are the best Myers digs.

“Written as though it had been tossed off rink-side in the first 10 minutes after the author had been hit in the head with a puck. Hard.”

“It took Mike Myers five years to come up with this?”

“More painful than sitting next to an Austin Powers impersonator during a 12-hour flight.”

“When the funniest line in the movie is an outtake from Verne Troyer, you’ve got problems.”

“Unless I’m watching a DVD or a ‘Saturday Night Live’ rerun, I don’t ever want to see Mike Myers again.”

“Offensive, revolting and jawdropingly awful from beginning to end, a complete and total piece of Singularly Horrid Infantile Trash (TM).”

“Has the feel of a Mike Myers vanity production with bathroom jokes that most of us outgrew before we got to high school.”

Haha.