The Olympics & Clubland, Mick Jagger Turns 69

With major events starting this weekend, the million-pound question is this: how will the Olympics affect clubland?

The time difference between London and New York has events slated between 4am and 6pm. The ability and the where-with-all to record shows for later viewing has increased sharply over the years. Will this Olympics be the TIVO Olympics, or will the public miss most of it or take sick days to see relevant events? In hospitality, sports bars will open early to accommodate viewers, and their bottom line will get a boost. Sports bars thrive during the NFL and College Football seasons, but baseball and its boys of summer rarely attract big crowds. The added revenue stream is a blessing.

Will clubbers be too tired to party hardy at night? Will they leave joints early because they plan on staying awake or getting up early to catch Michael Phelps live or a USA basketball team game? Will mid-day or afternoon beers slow sales at night?  My bet is that the only effect these Olympics will have on clubland is they’ll probably upgrade the small talk and pick-up lines.

I’m excited about the inaugural Catalpa Festival on Randall’s Island this weekend. It’s a 1pm-11pm affair on Saturday and Sunday with such acts as Hercules and Love Affair, TV On The Radio, The Black Keys, Matt+ Kim, and Girl Talk performing.  Snoop Doog will perform “Doggystyle” in its entirety. There is a reggae stage and a dance music venue with names like Alex English, Felix Da Housecat, and Hellfire Machina involved.

While I’m DJing at Hotel Chantelle tonight with Sam Valentine and Jes Leopard, another rocker event will be rocking at Sullivan Room. The party, called “Take Back New York," will celebrate Nicki Camp & Kerry Robinson’s belated birthdays.

Belated is right: Nicki was born on July 1st. I bet he’s telling folks he’s 29. I worked with Nicki when he ran those Sunday Rock and Roll Church nights at Limelight and kept in touch when he plied his trade at Don Hill’s. Tonight there will be performances by the New York All-Stars (Shannon Conley, Nicki Camp, Jimi K. Bones, Dave Purcell, Adam James, Al Mars), with special guests Michael T & The Vanities.

The soiree will be hosted by Lourdes Castellon and Ahmed Adil, and DJ Victor Auton will spin rock, metal, glam, and alternative throughout the night. I always liked Nicki and I wish him a belated 29th birthday.

Speaking of rockers, my favorite craggly-faced old bastard Mick Jagger celebrates his 69th birthday today. That makes me feel old, yet on some level, a bit young. I’ll have my editor link you back to last year’s article, which sums up my feelings toward Mick. The bottom line is that my set tonight will be top heavy with Rolling Stones tracks, and I’ll toast to Mick as I look forward to the 50th Anniversary Tour, which I hear will be pushed back to 2013. Somehow, a 51st Anniversary Tour sounds dodgy.

Michael Phelps Gets Reality Show … On The Golf Channel

It was only a matter of time before an Olympian got a reality show and thank heavens it won’t be Learning To Read With Ryan Lochte. But the truth is not much better: Michael Phelps is getting a reality show on the Golf Channel. Did you even know there was a Golf Channel?

Phelps will appear on in the 2013 season of The Haney Project, in which Tiger Woods’ former coach Hank Haney helps a celebrity to improve their golf game. Past celebs who’ve appeared on this show that you’ve never heard of include Maroon 5’s Adam Levine, Ray Romano, and Charles Barkley. Phelps — who is the most decorated Olympian in history after winning 22 Olympic medals for swimming throughout his career‚ explained his joining the show a statement:

I think I will be able to shift my competitiveness to anything I put my mind to. And golf is one of the things I want to focus on. I want to play all the world’s great golf courses, but I’d like to play them well.

Phelps recently confirmed on the Today show he is retiring from swimming for good and does not intend to compete in the Rio Olympics in 2016. The Haney Project is not an uncomfortable lily pad to leap to: he’ll be cashing checks to play golf.

Links: Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr Engaged, Lindsay Lohan’s Porn Star Not the ‘Vulgar’ Type

● Orlando Bloom is just pretty enough to propose marriage to the stunning Miranda Kerr. The couple will alternate days in the bathroom. [People] ● Helen Mirren appears topless in the new issue of New York magazine, courtesy of photographer Juergen Teller, making most cougars look like house cats. [HuffPo] ● Carrot Top was hospitalized for career paralysis. [Perez Hilton]

● Lindsay Lohan says her role as porn star Linda Lovelace will not be “vulgar” or too sexual; Lindsay Lohan’s agent, manager, director, and producers say, “not so fast.” [Starpulse] ● At a party in Las Vegas, everyone cheered Michael Phelps, urging him to jump into the pool. That’s like if Paris Hilton’s party trick was a sex act. Think about it. [Page Six] ● Tori Spelling claims Tiffani Thiessen hates her, while the kids of today question the presence of Miley’s babysitters. [HuffPo]

Links: Kim Kardashian Approves Heidi Montag Nude, ‘True Blood’ Kills

● It’s on, it’s off, it’s on, and it’s off again … Sam Ronson broke up with Lindsay Lohan via text message, prompted by a dinner with Ronson’s friend Nicole Richie. [E!] ● If you see an ad with Barbara Walters hawking anti-aging pills, don’t believe it; Exilatrol is using Bab’s photo to promote their pills unbeknownst to Walters. [TMZ] ● Kim Kardashian gave Heidi Montag the “final OK” for posing nude in Playboy; Kardashian told her the magazine is “very classy and artsy.” [US]

● Blood lust is in full swing; True Blood’s second-season premiere ratings were up 51% from their season finale, averaging 3.7 million viewers — the most viewers HBO has had since The Sopranos series finale. [EW] ● Genre network shows, however, are so last year; science-fiction slanted shows like Heroes, Lost, and Smallville all took a tumble in ratings this year, with only the CW’s Supernatural doing better than expected. [AirLockAlpha] ● Michael Phelps has landed his first endorsement gig since “Bong-gate.” Phelps will promote H20 Audio underwater headphones. [USAToday]

Links: Cate Blanchett Disgusted by Pitt-Jolie Love, ‘Twilight’ Fans Shut Out

● Cate Blanchett is set to replace Sienna Miller, who was deemed too thin and young, as Maid Marian in the upcoming Ridley Scott/Russell Crowe feature Nottingham. [Telegraph] ● On a related note, Blanchett refuses to work with Brad Pitt anymore because he is too loved by Angelina Jolie and frankly it’s “disgusting!” [DigitalSpy] ● Those who are fortunate enough to show their collections at Fashion Week give us a little preview, with a one-word description of their upcoming Fall show. [NYMag]

● Tears and tantrums broke out at an open Twilight audition for the sequel; fans had traveled far and wide and then were shut out from auditioning. [TimesColonist] ● Just in time for Valentine’s Day, 29 romantic movies that won’t make you puke. [AVClub] ● Michael Phelps says he’ll take this three-month suspension to train and mull over 2012 Olympic plans, and Seth Meyer’s “Really” segment about Kellogg’s dropping Phelps made him and his family laugh. [BaltimoreSun]

Links: Christian Bale Paterfamilias, Jennifer Aniston’s Boyfriend Tapes

● Seth Meyers puts this whole Michael Phelps bong-gate into perspective. [SNL] ● Shepard Fairey, the man behind Obama’s “Hope” poster, has been arrested on tagging charges on the way to his first solo exhibit in Boston. It’s hard to keep a low profile as a guerrilla graffiti artist when your work is in the National Portrait Gallery. [LAT] ● In what is totally not a staged photo-op, Christian Bale shows he’s not “done” with his daughter. [JustJared]

● Just when you thought she was out, they pull her back in. Phoebe Philo will (finally) debut her collection for Celine in June. [WWD] ● Jennifer Aniston says she has cassette tapes of messages her ex-boyfriends, like Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn, have left on her answering machine. [TransWorldNews] ● Ugly Betty’s Ana Ortiz breaks it down for her gay boyfriends-cool it on the eyebrow waxing, Metallica are just like leather daddy’s, and no she didn’t catch last nights Project Runway. [Out]

In Defense of Michael Phelps

In case you didn’t want to believe it before, Michael Phelps has finally proved that he too, is human. Not by losing a race or by spraining a quad. In fact, all it took was a bong, a hit, and a camera. That Michael Phelps smokes weed shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who already knew that he’s a stripper-groping, drunk-driving, sideways hat-wearing, d-bag. Not to mention that he consumes 10,000 calories a day, which for anyone who’s not always stoned is completely impossible.

But the kid is 23 years old, is the owner of a bottomless bank account, and can nail whoever and whatever he wants. He should be smoking weed, hitting the open bar, and snorting some lines while he’s at it. Because before he knows it, he’ll be back in that pool training for 2012, and the only form of entertainment he’ll get then is imagining how fucked up he’s going to get once he breaks his own records again.

Links: Wintour’s End, Carrie’s Dress, Sprouse as Merkin

● Rumor has it that Si Newhouse is in Paris having final talks with Carine Roitfeld to take over American Vogue. Looks like Wintour’s life is taking a page from The Devil Wears Prada. If true, wouldn’t that be life imitating art, imitating life. [Gawker] ● Liked Carrie Bradshaw’s Vivienne Westwood wedding dress from the Sex and the City movie? Well, Gabriella Risatti is making knock-offs — I mean, “reproductions” — of the dress today and tomorrow for $15,000. [NYP] ● Just in time for your recessional Christmas, Louis Vuitton is paying homage to Stephen Sprouse by releasing a limited edition of his highly successful graffiti collection. [WWD]

● Speaking of Sprouse, Marc Jacobs goes naked save a strategically placed Stephen Sprouse bag to promote the collection. [Harper’s Bazaar] ● What you’ve all been waiting to see: Anderson Cooper in a bathing suit. Oh yeah, Michael Phelps is there too. [Youtube] ● Model Gemma Ward’s new film The Black Balloon is getting rave reviews and is already nominated for awards. [Fashionologie]