Here’s A Perplexing Pothole Press Release Pundown

At the end of last week, the communications team for the Chicago Department of Transportation was tasked with making citizens aware of the campaign to report potholes in need of repair. Getting people to care about and be proactive potholes is not always easy, and although it is important to make those who can fix the potholes aware of the problem, it’s not always the most fun or engaging topic to write about. So the PR person for CDOT did what any normal communications professional needing to spice up a topic would do: ride the heels of a more popular Chicago event (Lollapalooza, whose lineup had just been announced) and lay on the band name puns as thick as possible. The result? The most ridiculous press release we’ve seen in a while.

"Tired of Drivin ‘N Cryin’ in Traffic over the Minor Threat of potholes in the Pavement?  Ready to see nothing but The White Stripes on the roadway and not worry about The Cars swerving to avoid potholes?

This weekend, if you are motorist or a Motörhead, participate in the first-ever “Potholepalooza,”  the Chicago Department of Transportation’s (CDOT) call to Chicagoans to report as many street potholes as possible.  Then watch the show next week as CDOT has The Cure for your Moody Blues and fills all of the potholes reported from Friday, April 5 through Sunday April 6 so that your car doesn’t do the Harlem Shake and give you Divine Fits."

Wow. As a lover of bad wordplay, this is a goldmine. But I feel like by working with mostly only band names, even if there are some truly masterful stretches ("Men At Work gave Blood, Sweat and Tears"), the writer really missed out on some quality references. Like, you’re really going to do a music reference-packed press release about potholes and not include a nod to De La Soul’s classic, "Potholes In My Lawn?" Or maybe the writer knew that’s what people who pay too much attention to things like this were expecting and decided to deviate.

Maybe this could become a series for CDOT. Maybe the next one will be all covert references to the raunchiest tracks in the writer’s iTunes catalog. "When you’re on the road and feel a little ‘Bump ‘n’ Grind’ in your tires, be sure to let us know." "Be careful with potholes, or whiplash may have you screaming ‘My Neck, My Back!’" It would certainly get people talking about the important issue of local infrastructure. 

Danny Masterson Thinks Scientology is “Fucking Awesome”

That 70’s Show ([sic], by the way—how am I just noticing that?) star Danny Masterson has a new sit-com on TBS called Men at Work. It doesn’t look very good. But, ya know, most new sitcoms don’t. (I mean, was That 70’s Show any good?) But who cares about that stuff? Masterson is a Scientologist, so wouldn’t we rather just hear him talk about that for a bit?

In an interview with Vulture about Men at Work (sadly, his show, not the band), the inevitable happens: the interviewer mentions Scientology, specifically regarding Paul Haggis, the Oscar-winning screenwriter who publicly disassociated himself with the religious group

Do you ever read what people write about Scientology? Someone recently sent me that New Yorker story about Paul Haggis from last year.
I met Paul twice. He was never nice to me. I’d heard about the story from other people, but I was never impressed with his vibe in the first place. So whether he used to study Scientology and has now decided not to, it’s like, “Who cares?” Plenty of people are raised Catholic and then aren’t Catholic anymore, like any religion.

People are interested, I guess.
It’s weird. I guess people want us to entertain and not give our opinion, but we can’t stop ourselves because we do interviews where people ask for our opinions. I generally will answer any question about anything. I’m not like, “Don’t ask about my penis!” In terms of Paul, I don’t know him, I didn’t like meeting him the times I met him, then I heard he shit all over something I know is fucking awesome. How can you get mad at somebody for wanting to study something they enjoy?

I mean, it’s a ballsy move on the interviewer’s part (who admitted that he didn’t like the Men at Work pilot), but Masterson’s reaction was kind of priceless. You know what isn’t fucking awesome? The fact that no one has recently asked Danny Masterson about his penis. Come on, reporters: step it up.

Update: As it turns out, the title card for That ’70s Show has the correct grammar; the Vulture post, however, uses the incorrect version as seen above.