What I’m Missing: Zac Efron, Domi Dollz, and Rob Zombie

I’ve been a busy bee of late and have missed so many events that I would have loved to attend. Most notably, I couldn’t attend the Magadeth-Rob Zombie concert at the PNC in Jersey. That hurt.

Saturday I was DJing at Bantam for Tatjana Gellert’s birthday bash. It was hours of music from Donna Summer to Rob Zombie to LCD Sound System to Blank Dogs to Iggy to Tuxedo Moon. I was all over the place for the fun and beautiful crowd. The only place I couldn’t be was with my friend Robert Escalera  who is in from LA to offer up a film and cocktail event with the cast and crew of a movie produced by his favorite charity, the Zeno Mountain Farm.

According to its site:

"Zeno Mountain Farm is an organization that runs camps for people with and without disabilities. Everyone works together so all can experience a life full of creativity, adventure, fun and community. Typically, each camp has a theme that helps to focus and unify the group. The themes include but are not limited to filmmaking, theatre, high challenge sports, music, adventure travel and art."

The event was at the Tribeca Cinemas, 54 Varick Street. The movie is called Finding Zac Efron.

"When Zeno Film camp cast member and Zac Efron-uberfan Elizabeth gets sick, the Zeno gang springs into action. They decide to find Zac Efron and get him to go cheer Elizabeth up. They scour the city of Los Angeles to find Zac… But what they discover is beyond anything they ever expected! Finding Zac Efron stars all the Zeno Gang, plus cameos by Ted Danson, Lou Ferrigno, Mario Lopez, Joe Manganiello, and others… Is Zac in the film? … You have to come and see for yourself!"

Well, I couldn’t come and see, and I don’t know if Zac was in it since I was at Bantam. I urge you to check it out. Robert worked with me at all my hot spots of the ‘90s. His role varied, from my right hand to the heel of my left foot. He was almost as invaluable as he thought he was. He is joining me at the Bowery Poetry Club for BINGO tonight. I’ll get there early to explain to him how to play the game.

On Thursday I will DJ again, this time at Bantam and, as usual, Hotel Chantelle. Therefore, I’ll miss that night’s Domi Dollz event at the Museum of Sex. It starts at 7pm and is the most fun… for people interested in sex. There are sexy Doms and subs and they serve aphrodisiac cocktails and everybody laughs and feels frisky. They are so good at it that, they have, in the past, been able to teach an old dog like me… some new tricks.

The Top 10 Racist, Xenophobic, Homophobic, Generally Nonsensical Megadeth Lyrics

Well, the guy whose bass player wrote the MTV News bump is in the actual news again for, before an audience in Singapore, accusing President Obama of orchestrating both the Aurora, Colorado and Wisconsin Sikh temple shootings for some kind of nebulous political gain in this election year. It has us thinking: were there warning signs of a looming politically incorrect psychotic break in born-again Megadeth axe-slinger Dave Mustaine’s thirty years of thrash-metal lyric writing? In a word, yes.

“The quiet war has begun with silent weapons / And the new slavery is to keep / The people poor and stupid / ‘Novus Ordo Seclorum.’”
— “Washington Is Next!,” United Abominations, 2007

“Military intelligence / Two words combined that can’t make sense.”
— “Hangar 18,” Rust in Peace, 1990

“Attack the church dynamic, attack the family / Keep the public undisciplined till nothing left is sacred / And the ‘Have not’s’ get hooked / And have to go to the ‘Haves’ just to cop a fix.”
— “Washington Is Next!” United Abominations, 2007

“With a lust for revenge answering the call / From New Yorqatar to Califarabia.”
— “Amerikahastan,” United Abominations, 2007

“Pull up your dress today and tattooed is ‘Property of The USA / A subsidiary of Halliburton’ Surprise? / But a roaring lion is about to be unleashed on earth / Hey, Jihad Joe? Guess what? We’re coming to get you.”
— “Amerikahastan,” United Abominations, 2007

“He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake / Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death /I will fear no evil: for thou art with me / Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
— “Shadow of Deth,” The System has Failed, 2004 [Note: that’s right, he recorded a metal version of David’s Psalm 23 and named it “Shadow of Deth.”]

“Your brother’s a gay singer in a stud leather band / Your girlfriend’s got herpes to go with your hep and AIDS.”
— “Liar,” So Far, So Good … So What!, 1988

“Don’t ask / What you can do for your country / Ask / What your country can do for you.”
— “Take No Prisoners,” Rust in Peace, 1990

“The UN is right, you can’t be any more un / Than you are right now, the UN is undone / Another mushroom cloud, another smoking gun / The threat is real, the Locust King has come.”
— “United Abominations,” United Abominations, 2007

“Disengage their minds Sabotage their health / Promote sex and war and violence in the kindergartens / Blame the parents and teachers, it’s their fault, ‘Annuit Coeptis.’”
— “Washington Is Next!” United Abominations, 2007

Honorable Mention for Sheer Terribleness and Broken French

“A tout le monde / A tous mes amis / Je vous aime / Je dois partir / These are the last words I’ll ever speak / And they’ll set me free.”
— “A Tout le Monde,” Youthanasia, 1994

Are You The Guy Who Fathered a Baby at a Megadeth Concert?

There are things you expect when you see Megadeth and Motorhead in concert. Being covered in the sweat of strangers, maybe; tinnitus, definitely. But a baby? That’s no good for anyone involved. When the bands rolled through Chicago’s Aragon Ballroom back in February, a woman supposedly got pregnant during a chance encounter with a strange in the restroom. Now, she’s posted an ad on Craigslist asking for the new daddy to come forward. Considering the Aragon’s palatial bathrooms, it’s a more than believable story, and a hell of a meet-cute if there ever was one. Check out the full ad after the click, as reproduced by Fuse.

Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots.
You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings.
I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got f***** up. You had a nice c*** and I was wasted so I let [you] raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise.
Anyway I’m pregnant. It’s yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child’s life.
The last part is kind of heartbreaking, especially when you consider the ad’s already been taken down. Email c9kpp-2948959310@pers.craigslist.org if you have any leads — try to refrain from humor, as astonishingly short-sighted as the sequence of events may seem. Who goes to a metal concert without carrying protection?