The French Think Madonna is a Real Salope

This is exactly the reason why I don’t go to overpriced concerts: sometimes, they get cancelled because of “sore throats” (I’m looking squarely at you, Adele), sometimes the performers are just plain ol’ “sick,” and other times, they decide to cut the concert down to 45 minutes. What divas! On Thursday night, the Material Girl was bombarded with boos and demands for reimbursement after quitting the stage early at Paris concert hall l’Olympia.

The concert was supposed to be an “intimate” gathering for members of her fan club, with tickets ranging from 80-280 euros (that’s $98-346 for you mathematically challenged people). Fans who waited hours and even slept on the street overnight to fill the 2,700-seat concert hall gathered outside after the show, screaming, “Remboursez! Remboursez!” demanding that they get their money back for the paltry performance.

The riot got nastier and escalated into a Madge bashing, as fans started chanting “Salope!” which translates into “slut.” Those cheeky Frenchmen, always so polite! Ironically, the concert was purposely added to Madonna’s MDNA tour to “celebrate France’s tolerance” in an effort to appease those offended by her swastika stunt a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s time to hire a better PR team, Miz Ciccone.

An Annotated Guide to Madonna’s Dance Lesson With JMMY FLLN

Ageless sylph Madonna appeared in a Facebook chat with Jimmy Fallon on Saturday to teach the talk show host some dance moves. Madonna has a new album (which isn’t very good), cleverly titled called MDNA. Since this appeared on her Facebook page and not on a hi-def television, I thought it salutary to go over some visual cues you may have missed. 

1.) She appears to wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the name of her album. This would seem to violate the old chestnut, "Don’t wear a band t-shirt to a concert by the band whose t-shirt you are wearing." However, when one is the creator of the music, this Gordian knot is either cut through or tied even tighter.

2.) She’s wearing Tim Burton arm coverings, either a nod to all the guff she caught for her ripped triceps, biceps, and deltoids or to her adopted Hasidic roots. 

3.) Her face! See this clip from Brazil to realize why no more needs to be noted. 

4.) Herewith Madonna inaugurates leather pants as the new Spanx. 

5.) Here’s where she really actually is wonderful. Notice how her knees, in demi-plié, track over her second metatarsal. This ensures her against undue medial knee strain and minimizes her exposure to patellar subluxation. 

6.) Hilariously—and this might be the funniest thing Fallon has ever done—he has covered up the Apple logo with the logo of another nefarious corporation, Facebook. Is it an act of resistance, corporate boosterism, Occupy the Brand? The most layered joke the man has ever made. 

7.) Fallon, as you can see, tends to roll in his demi-plié. With his posterior stuck out and rotator muscles not working, his knee tracks over the inside of his foot, thereby increasing the chance of injury.

Here’s Madonna’s Latest Song ‘I F*cked Up’

Madonna, fresh off playing second fiddle to M.I.A.’s middle finger during the Super Bowl, has released another song from her upcoming album MDNA.  Out March 26, "I Fucked Up" follows a string of releases including “I Don’t Give A,” “Superstar” with her daughter Lourdes, and “Give Me All Your Luvin.” Take a listen.  It isn’t exactly dance floor ready but you could sway a bit if you’re so inclined.