Straight Women On Grindr Still Think All Gay Men Are Stanford Blatch Or Something

Ah, the unstoppable force of Grindr, an app so powerful its spawn are even spawning. The location-based app has led to fellow spinoffs for gay men (Manhunt Mobile, Scruff), a version for straight people (the equally shoddily-named Blendr) and even a Jewish version (Yenta, which sadly is nothing like this ad). But one unintended—but somewhat expected but still kinda gross—consequence of Grindr’s popularity has been the new trend of straight women using the service to find new Gay BFFs.

Down on the Buzzfeed farm, there’s a post featuring a number of women who are on Grindr looking for gay pals to do shopping and brunch and checking out guys together type things. The posters self-describe as “the ultimate hag” and fruit fly, and their requests aren’t much better—one user, Courtney, seeks “fun gay shopping partners! Let’s check out guys while we shop for shoes! J” Ashley’s tagline says she’s “Now accepting GBFF apps!” and that she’s “ready to talk about fashion, lady gaga, Tina turner and Zac Efron.” At least two use an outdated and hurtful term for transgender people that they probably thought was okay to use because Christian Siriano said it all the time on Project Runway that one season. So, that’s a great way to endear yourself.

As a disclaimer, the gay male population isn’t a monolith, and I don’t mean to speak for any one particular group or be offended for anybody, but I can safely say the gay men I know would probably find this pretty offensive. Having an open mind and wanting to meet new people is great and all, and it can’t be hard to find people, gay or not, who enjoy things like shopping and brunch and Tina Turner. Pretty much all people like brunch, and literally everyone loves Tina Turner. And there’s nothing wrong with looking for friends on the Internet—lots of people do that now.

But defining someone solely by their sexual orientation and choosing a friend solely based on that criteria and its stereotypical trappings, as opposed to seeing, you know, a person with goals and interests and fears and loves doesn’t make you more progressive or likable or whatever, it makes you, first and foremost, a shitty friend. And granted, certain friends do serve certain purposes, but that doesn’t mean you get to treat them like accessories. And if your perception of gay men is still the result of Sex and the City and Ryan Murphy-fronted sitcoms, then you actually legitimately do need to go out and meet actual gay people.

Come on, hasn’t Disappointing Gay Best Friend taught you anything?
 

GWAR Covers Kansas and It Is Pretty Great

It’s the middle of the week, there’s a presidential debate on tonight, the weather’s crappy and sometimes you just need something big and dumb and goofy to get you through the rest of the morning. And it’s perfect timing, because the AV Club chose codpiece-wearing, guttural noisemaking alien-shock rock group GWAR as the final band in their “Undercovers” series. And GWAR performs Kansas’ “Carry On Wayward Son.

And what compelled the theatrical metal gods to choose this, of all songs? As lead singer Oderus Urungus (the one who looks like a devil-boar) explains, “I hadn’t even heard it until they played it for me the other day. I was convinced that they’d written it. And I was like, what are you guys doing writing that derivative, ‘70s crap, crap, crap?”

He goes on: “Kansas was a big part of a time in music when bands named themselves after geographical locations, and let’s hope that never happens again. Quite frankly, those bands suck.”

What’s surprising is that despite the band having a golden opportunity to go ham and spray bodily fluids everywhere and just gurgle through the lyrics, they stay fairly close to the original. Urungus gives his best power-ballad wail for the opening, but forgets the words, later ad-libbing some new (and well-fitting) lines about being unemployed and getting a job amid quick shredding from new guitarist Pustulus Maximus. Good times, good times.


GWAR covers Kansas 

Movies Opening This Weekend, in Order of How Much We Like Their Trailers

Some people judge a movie based on reviews, other will go see something just because it features a favorite actor. Here, we’re judging this weekend’s offerings based solely on what we see in the trailers and ranking them accordingly. 

 

The Avengers: Sure, we’re being marketed to by a gazillion-dollar movie-making machine and should probably be riding our unicycles over to the Quad to see some very important documentary about the plight of koalas with body dysmorphia. But guess what? We’re sneaking some beer into the theater and watching the shit out of this superhero movie. And so is everyone else, so get on board.

Mother’s Day: Do you know how regularly the question “Whatever happened to Rebecca De Mornay?” comes up? Not irregularly. And here she is, back in a role as — shades of “The Hand That Rocks The Cradle” — a crazy mother willing to engage in a bloodbath to protect her brood. Forget flowers, church, brunch and frilly lingerie, this is how you should celebrate Mom this year. 

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel: Every so often, a movie comes along that features old and wrinkled people instead of supple young movie stars. Most of the time it’s sentimental garbage, but from the looks of this flick, which features not one but TWO dames: Maggie Smith and Judi Dench, thank you very much, they don’t all have to be that way. There will most likely be uncomfortable scenes with the elderly behaving like human beings (and perhaps having sex), but a bunch of British seniors who move to India to die? That sounds like a winner. 

The Perfect Family: Husky voiced angel Kathleen Turner in a battle for the title of Catholic of the Year? Yes please! We’re hoping against hope that some “Serial Mom” tendencies will be revisited for her character to achieve glory, but even if they don’t , this trailer has our attention. Pussywillows!

First Position: With part of the strange voyeurism that comes from watching kids give up their lives for something that takes years of practice and discipline, but with none of the guilt that comes with those God-awful child pageant shows, this award-snatching doc shows off life as a kid ballet dancer and asks questions like is this inspiring or  is this upsetting… and, when was the last time we went to the gym?

LOL: There’s something about Miley Cyrus. Perhaps it’s her drug use or maybe her adorable dog, but we can’t find it in our hearts to hate her. And even though this movie, with the dreamy Douglas Booth as a love interest, looks like something we would only watch on a blizzardy sick day when the TV was stuck on ABC Family and stayed on even after it was unplugged, that doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. Right, Miley?

Last Call At The Oasis: Erin Brockovitch and pals are looking into what George from “Six Feet Under” was always mumbling about: the impending water shortage. Now it’s not like this movie isn’t important or fascinating, but is this really what we want to spend an afternoon watching, wondering what will quench our popcorn-fueled thirst once the water is gone? No.

LOL at Miley Cyrus’s Old New Movie, ‘LOL’

A few years ago, Miley Cyrus filmed a remake of a French movie called LOL, about a teenager’s sexual awakening while dealing with typical teen drama involving, but not limited to: her no-good boyfriend, her mom’s divorce, the total non-fun of going to high school everyday. Just being a teen, you know? Anyways, the movie was shelved for whatever reason, maybe because the studio realized it wasn’t very good. As one theory goes, Miley’s real life drug experimentation cast a bad light on her fictional bad self, and it took forever to edit the film so it would seem less true to life. After all the delay, it’s back on track. A trailer was released today, promising all the Lol-ing you can stomach.

It kind of looks like a crummier cousin of Mean Girls, which has got to count for something. Yes, that’s Demi Moore as Miley’s mom, and yes, the main character’s name is Lola, shortened as LOL. The voiceover is pretty eye-rolling (Sample: "I can’t love him but I do! I feel so real with him."), but it’s definitely not your typical Miley vehicle. She’s getting naked with boys, getting drunk, failing school, and generally acting a mess. I’d write more, but having any opinion whatsoever on Miley’s career is really bumming me out, so just watch the trailer if you will.