Levi Johnston’s Wedding Was As Trashy As You’d Expect

The groom wore camouflage.

Levi Johnston tied the knot with his baby mama Sunny Oglesby in Wasilla, Alaska, last week. Inside Edition reports he was "was sweating profusely during the ceremony," perhaps because he realized that a camo bowtie and vest was not a good look on one’s wedding day.

Noticably absent from the wedding was Tripp, Levi’s four-year-old son with Bristol Palin. Levi blabbed to Inside Edition that he had asked Bristol to have Tripp for the weekend so his son could serve as ring bearer, but she refused. Same old Palins. 

Levi Johnston is now working as an electrician in Alaska and swears his "Hollywood" days are over. "You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to that place," he told the show. "It just wasn’t who I was." Might this be the last we hear from them?

Eh, probably not. 

Contact the author of this post at Jessica.Wakeman@Gmail.com. Follow me on Twitter.

Ten Reasons To Dismiss Bristol Palin’s Idiot Words

Foolish daughter of an idiot woman Bristol Palin has been in the news recently for lambasting President Obama for his courageous—if begrudingly given—endorsement of same sex marriage. Coincidentally, her terrible memoir, Not Afraid of Life, is coming out in paperback. In order so that you don’t have to read it—which would be like that machine in The Princess Bride for your brain—here are the best worst lines with which to soothe yourself from her inane arguments against Obama. Use them as mantras to calm yourself, for after all, if a person is capable of writing these lines, no credence should be given to anything she ever says, ever.  

"Seven in ten teens have had sex by the time they turn nineteen, frequently in sprite of their best intentions and moreal beliefs." 

"Arctic Cat is the manufacturer of my favorite snowmachines…and I’m not just saying that because they sponsor my dad in the Iron Dog!"

"I just loved babies—real ones!—like most girls love toys or dolls."

"Uncle Mikle prepped the Taser, and Payton started getting more and more nervous….I never really thought Uncle Mike would actually go through with it…But I was wrong." 

"In the seventh grade, my locker was right beside Levi Johnston’s."

"Once a note landed on my desk and I carefully unfolded the paper. I gasped when I read what [Levi] had written.  Will u be my gurl?"

"I thought I was headed into an evening of harmless high school fun. But really, I was headed into the deep quicksand of sexual sin, during a night that I barely remembered. The next morning I woke up…." 

"’I’m not going to show my stomach because I have a son at home,’" I told them, "’And I’m not going to show cleavage because that looks just like a butt crack.’" 

"It helps to reach out to the only one who truly offers hope in this world. No, not President Obama. Isaiah 41:10 says…."

"To Paige Adams Geller, the Wasilla girl who founded Paige Premium Deni, and who keeps my entire family looking good in PPD!" 

Morning Links: Selena Inks ‘Justin’ On Her Wrist, January Jones Petitions for Shark Meat Ban

● Is that “Justin” on Selena’s wrist permanent ink or not? Inquiring tween minds must know – there’s revenge to plot! [Huff Post] ● James Franco bought a yarn sculpture that a 13-year-old Tumblr-using fan made in his likeness, and now the girl thinks that they are “mentally married.” [CTV] ● In his new book, Deer in the Headlights, Levi Johnston says Bristol wanted to get pregnant in revenge for her mother’s pregnancy. Johnston just went along because he was “too dumb” to use protection, amongst other things. [NYDN]

● Jeremy Piven took his three Emmys for a walk through Soho in a double-wide stroller, because he has always been more than a little crazy. (He might have been filming a skit for the Emmys.) [BWE] ● January Jones says no to shark fin soup, and hopes you will do the same. Call your governor today! [Huff Post] ● Kate Plus 8 is over and fans are “devastated,” the kids are “questioning,” and Kate Gosselin is “a little scared,” she says. Reality television lifestyle addiction is apparently a very real thing, and Kate’s public withdrawal is getting sad. [EW]

Morning Links: Lady Gaga Gets ‘The Simpsons’ Treatment, Alexa Chung Gets A Lifetime Show

● Rumors had it yesterday that Will and Jada Smith were headed for divorce. The couple themselves, as well as their son Trey, went out of their way to say otherwise. This morning, a still suspicious TMZ is reporting that the family is headed on a vacation together, during which they’ll try to mend whatever it is that might be broken. [TMZ] ● According to official toxicology reports, Amy Winehouse was clear of illegal drugs at the time of her death. And while the results do indicate that there was alcohol present in her system, “it cannot be determined as yet if it played a role in her death.” [People] ● Lady Gaga is getting The Simpsons treatment. Gaga will voice a character based on herself, but is “a little bit of a slut.” “The apple doesn’t fall far from my artistic tree,” she said. [NYP]

● It girlAlexa Chung is getting a show on Lifetime called 24-hour Catwalk, wherein designers compete against one another on the runway. All of which sounds a lot like that other show where designers compete against each other, the one that Heidi Klum hosts, also on Lifetime… [Page Six] ●Despite expressed interest, Levi Johnston says he’s too busy promoting his book, Deer in Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, to actually run for mayor of Wasillia. Shame. [NYDN] ● Oxygen is canceling Paris Hilton’s latest series, Life With Paris, after just one, very unsuccessful season. [NYM]

Morning Links: Amy Winehouse Booed Off Stage, Lady Gaga Strikes Up Friendship with Slavoj Zizek

● E Street Band saxophonist Clarence Clemons passed away over the weekend due to complications from a stroke. Heaven’s being treated to an awesome sax solo right about now. [NYT] ● Yesterday’s Post asked a good question: “Fez? Really?” Just how does a waning c-lister like Wilmer Valderrama, who has been attached to everyone from Lindsay Lohan to Mandy Moore, and, most recently, Demi Lovato, keep getting the girls? Mostly, drinks. Classy! [NYP] ● To nobody’s surprise, Amy Winehouse was stumbling and sloppy — like, really sloppy — at her comeback show in Belgrade. After arriving an hour late and shouting “Hello Athens!,” she was booed of the stage. [DailyMail]

● In her upcoming memoir, Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far, Bristol Palin talks about the time she lost her virginity to “the gnat named Levi Johnston” in a cold tent after one too many wine coolers. Then they promised they would never do that sort of thing again until they were married. Which, well… [AP] ● Recently-single Lady Gaga has “struck up a strong friendship” with slobbering philosopher Slavoj Zizek, reports Page Six. She followed him to a union rally and he said he liked her meat dress and they talked about collective human creativity. Gaga has a thing for boy’s with philosophies — it could totally be. [Page Six] ● Frankie Muniz, star of Malcolm in the Middle and not much else, seems to be preparing for a career change. “I’m going to be a politician,” he tweeted. “I’m running for public office. I will be announcing soon.” Things to look forward to! [Frankie Muniz/Twitter]

Morning Links: Kristin Cavallari Engaged, Odd Future Sign to Sony

● Nobody was paying attention anymore so Kristin Cavallari went ahead and got engaged to her footballer boyfriend Jay Cutler, who proposed, appropriately, in Cabo. [People] ● Levi Johnston reveals all in his new, awesomely titled book, Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs. It’s got more heart than your average revenge thriller, though, as Johnston says he wrote it with someone special in mind: “For me, for my boy Tripp, and for the country.” [People] ● Media treasure chest YouTube is set to launch a movie-on-demand service sometime in the next two weeks, providing competition to iTunes and Netflix by streaming full-length films off the site for a small fee. [Wrap]

● What if Mariah Carey never has her “dem babies” and instead just stays pregnant forever? [JustJared] ● Word has it that Odd Future signed a record deal with Sony imprint RED, insuring a musical future that’s a little bit less odd. They won’t so quickly give up their DIY spirit, though: “There’s no cheesy hooks or fluorescent liquor product placements in the works,” said their manager. “It’s about to be fun…and different.. “ [RapRadar] ● Is Kendall Kardashian dating Snoop Dogg’s 16 year-old son, Chorde (who, fun fact, Snoop calls “Spank”)? Word has it that the two met at the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards and that they’ve been texting ever since. God bless America, right? [MediaTakeOut]

Morning Links: Snooki Snubs Senator Schumer, John Mayer Wants to Change

● “Well, he does a different party than I do,” said Snooki upon meeting Senator Chuck Schumer when the two crossed paths in a DC airport. And never the twain shall meet again. [NYP] ● Russell Brand and Chris Brown are slated to host SNL‘s February 12th episode. [NYM] ● Kings of Leon are postponing their international tour for drummer Nathan Followill, who tore his bicep while working out. It’s okay, bro, we all forget to stretch sometimes. [E!]

● John Mayer has had it with girls getting mad at him, so he’s hiring a new team to fix his image. [NYDN] ● Mercedes Johnston will follow in her older brother Levi’s footsteps by posing for Playboy. Except, rumor has it the 18 year-old is going for the full monty. Guess she won’t be running for Wasillia mayor anytime soon? [RumorFix] ● Face-tattoo aficionado Mike Tyson put things quite bluntly when Shade 45 asked him about Gucci Mane’s latest, the ice cream cone: “I like going to war, he likes being licked on.” Well, Brrr! [RapRadar]

Links: The Situation Is Really Rich, Levi Johnston Is Really Running for Mayor

● Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, the body of Jersey Shore, is on track to make about $5 million in 2010 alone, a figure sure to be employed by disaffected youth down the eastern seaboard. “But, Mom! I’m going to be like Mike.” [THR] ● Taylor Lautner’s RV was not up to par, so the Twilight actor is suing for “emotional distress.” Whoever promised him the trailer would include both Taylor Swift and Kristen Stewart was doomed from the start. [Vulture] ● 22-year-old Jimena Navarrete of Mexico was crowned Miss Universe 2010. Better luck next year, Betty White. [AP]

● Levi Johnston — currently in the midst of a Hanukkah miracle, but with fame instead of oil — has filed a “letter of intent” to run for office in Alaska. He says he wants to be mayor, but why stop there? This man could be the next President of Alaska. [TMZ] ● The Huffington Post reports: “[Elizabeth] Hurley has been rumored to have had breast implants, Botox and lip injections.” The truth — it’s out there. [HuffPo] ● Michael Lohan has advice for Mel Gibson. The universe has advice for all the rest of God’s creatures: ignore it. [Wonderwall]

Links: Levi Johnston to Run for Mayor of Realityville, Weezer Goes Big on ‘Hurley’ Album Cover

● Ever the public thorn in Sarah Palin’s side, Levi Johnston, the father of her first grandchild, will run for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska as part of a reality show he’s pitching. Behind closed doors, Palin probably respects his hustle. [Variety] ● When asked about why he has a girlfriend, Zac Efron responded, “Bathe in pussy? Yeah, everyone tells me that.” Regrets, he’ll have a few… [Details] ● Charlie Sheen’s Christmas Day fight with his wife was triggered by the Train song “Drops of Jupiter.” [TMZ]

● The latest album on Weezer’s path to ruin, their eighth LP, features a startling cover photo of actor Jorge Garcia, known only as Hurley from Lost. The album, too, is called Hurley, and will only be known for Hurley, from Lost. [Spinner] ● Justin Bieber will serve as a spokesman for Proactiv acne treatment, though from this angle he still looks like a baby… baby, baby. [PH] ● Hugh Grant hit the Standard Hotel’s Le Bain rooftop bar “with 10 girls in tow.” Never change, dude. [Page Six]