Loopy Doopy Bar Is Not a Goldman Conspiracy

The Loopy Doopy Rooftop Bar at the Conrad New York hotel might fit neatly into the general conglomerate of Manhattan rooftop bars, but for one fun fact: the building is owned by Goldman Sachs. As part of what’s been dubbed “Goldman Alley,” Loopy Doopy—named for the Sol DeWitt piece in the hotel’s lobby—goes along with the Shake Shack, Vintry Wine & Whiskey, and Salvatore Anzalone’s barbershop to form Battery Park City’s new all-inclusive comfort zone for the 8,000 Goldman employees that come and go about the company’s main tower.

“On a Tuesday night, usually, you can’t move it’s so packed,” the bartender tells me, pouring a Maker’s and soda right before closing up—at 8:15 pm—because of high winds.

“And it’s all people from this company?”

“Goldman? Well, they own the building, so they probably encourage them to come here, I don’t know.”

“And they’re cool?”

He shrugs, swapping through facial expressions until he finds one that fits. “Yeah—I mean—yeah.”

This Tuesday, it’s a mellow scene. It’s Goldman people, but even better—Goldman interns. Skinny boys in blue and pink dress shirts huddle around like asparagus, not quite certain how to hold a drink in their hand. Twentysomething girls in pretty dresses sit at the bar, looking slightly disappointed that every other male there is still a child (myself included. Though I did carry the briefcase my mom bought me that I’ve never used). 

My old friend, whom we’ll call Wes, meets me at the bar so I feel like I have some reason to be there. He happens to be an advisor (or something) at JP Morgan, and I happen to be interested in figuring out what the hell Libor means.

I won’t bother to quote, because it’s super convoluted, but the important part is, Barclays took over Lehman Brothers after the financial collapse. And now that this interest rate-fixing scandal has come to light, everyone at Barclays except the chairman, Marcus Agius, is getting in trouble. Why hasn’t Agius gotten in trouble? Because he married a Rothschild. And the Rothschilds somehow have a stake in the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, which they intend to maintain, in order to control the cost of money and the value of everything they hold.

If that sounds weird, or Ron Paul-ish, the answer is yes, you’re welcome. What else is a little weird is that this massive investment bank owns a hotel and a couple restaurants and a gym and a barbershop, and their employees are “encouraged” to patronize them and stay within a one-block radius of the office for anything they’d need. I’m not saying there’s a definite conspiracy theory to be hatched, but for such a massive company that relies on manufactured financial products and manipulated interest rates (even if indirectly), it’s sort of weird that they intend to keep their sheep so close to the shepherd, especially since New York is a fine enough pasture from tip to tip. And what I also know, from watching enough Hitchcock movies, is that if something strange and menacing has to go down, it usually happens on a rooftop. Cheers.

Unfazed by Meltdown, Lehman Bros. Exec Maintains Grip on Art

Sure, like every other top-level exec at Lehman Bros., CEO Richard Fuld is also currently an example of “hot mess” personified, but he isn’t letting that get in the way of his art-collecting. Not yet, anyway. A fixture in previous ARTNews top 200 collectors lists, Fuld and his wife both remain avid fans of contemporary and postwar works on paper, including Ellsworth Kelly’s “Wild Grape,” which was part of MoMA’s celebration of the artist’s 80th birthday a few years ago. Unfortunately, some choice items could still end up on the block at Sotheby’s if the Fulds hope to avoid selling off their Connecticut manse.

New York: Top 5 Places for Brokers & Bankers to Drink the Pain Away

Kinda nutty day, no? So much for bottle service at Cain. Corporate rounds at Tenjune? Forget it. Even a bottle of Pinot Noir at Pastis might be too much to handle for all the financial types who saw their immediate futures evaporate over the weekend. It’s no secret that when the nightcrawlers of Wall Street go out, they go big. That won’t be the case anymore, but they’ll still need to drown their troubles somewhere. New Wall Street landscape means new nightlife landscape. So employees of Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, AIG, and others — here’s some on-the-cheap bars you might want to check out, and some extra-happy happy hours you might want to jot down in that company Blackberry you’ll soon be turning over to regulators.

Since the Beatrice Inn might be out of your new price range, head around the corner to Corner Bistro for mugs of criminally cheap McSorley’s. The waterfront bar Ear Inn is one of New York’s oldest bars (est. 1817); there’s little doubt that back in 1929, your predecessors came to this watering hole to obliterate similar woes (those who didn’t jump out of their office windows, anyway). What you need is a classic East Village dive bar with some tunes to help you forget. International Bar is known for its extensive jukebox and inexpensive bevvies. Grab some whiskey, put on “What a Wonderful World,” and try and believe it.

The biggest shock might come when you suddenly realize how pricey Manhattan suddenly feels. Thankfully, there’s a whole other city across the East River known as Brooklyn, where the drinks tend to be cheaper and the females less generically hot (thank God for the cheap drinks, am I right?). An all-purpose joint you’ll never have to (or want to) leave: Bar Reis in Park Slope. Three-buck beers, garden, loft space, and cheap quesadillas make utter financial ruin seem like nothing more than a trip to the dentist. Finally, since your spouse will have left you, and no one your age will want someone whose life is in shambles, head over to Bar None in the East Village. It’s the ultimate NYU hangout, where happy hour lasts eight hours a day and drinks are cheaper than the girls you’re likely to pick up. But if both of you drink hard enough and squint hard enough, she’ll still look sophisticated and you’ll still look rich.