Now that Selena Gomez is all grown up (mission accomplished, Harmony Korine), she’s all ready to tackle real adult roles. Fresh off her Spring Breakers success, Gomez joins Anton Yelchin, Laurence Fishburne, Billy Crudup, and Felicity Hoffman in William H. Macy’s directorial debut, Rudderless. Macy, who will also co-star, co-wrote the story of a father dealing with the death of his son by forming a band to record the deceased’s unrecorded songs. The film is described as a musical drama, so I’m hoping it’s a big hit and will be nominated for a Golden Globe or two in the musical or comedy categories just to confuse everyone.
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NBC is having a lot of problems, with its really good shows ending (RIP 30 Rock) or suffering from terrible ratings (save Parks and Recreation! I don’t know what the hell you should do about Smash). In a last-ditch effort to salvage the current season, the execs at NBC have set a date for the premiere of their new thriller, Hannibal. No, it’s not about the ancient military leader; this is NBC, not HBO. No, it’s obviously about the serial killer made famous by Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs (and then, regretably, in Hannibal and Red Dragon). Featuring Gillian Anderson, Laurence Fishburne, Hugh Dancy, and Mads Mikkelsen as the titular cannibal, the show premieres Thursday, April 4 at 10 PM.
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● Foxy Brown didn’t even have to use her “underwear defense” in court yesterday, as the judge decided to drop charges related to an alleged mooning incident. The Post asked if she was wearing panties at the hearing. “To court?” she said. “No comment.” [NYP] ● Television genius Sherwood Schwartz, the man who gave us The Brady Bunch and Gilligan’s Island, passed away at the age of 94. [NYT] ● Tha Carter IV is “totally done,” but something tells us it might be a minute before we hear it. In the meantime, Mixtape Weezy’s first post-jail tape dropped last night. Sorry 4 The Wait, he says. [CoS]
● In an unlikely swap, Ted Danson will take over for Laurence Fishburne as a series regular on the ever popular CSI. [Vulture] ● Crime fighter Kelly Osbourne stopped not one but two attempted car thefts yesterday in London. “I’m in one of the poshest parts of London, and it’s like fucking Crimewatch,” she tweeted. [Us] ● He was supposed to be out tomorrow, but it looks like DMX will be getting at least an extra week in jail after failing his most recent behind-bars drug test. [TMZ]
It’s a big day for both porn lovers and fans of The Matrix. (Don’t get your hopes up, there’s still no XXX-Matrix parody, leather-bound Neo licking Trinity’s boots in the LED-lit glow of virtual dawn.) Today marks the release celeb-by-association Montana Fishburne’s sex tape. She’s the daughter of famed actor Laurence Fishburne, aka Morpheus from The Matrix, and daddy’s not pleased. He even tried to stop the tape’s distribution, but unfortunately for Papa Laurence, the having-your-friends-buy-all-one-million-copies-of-the-DVD Plan has flaws obvious to any econ major. Maybe the money would have been better spent paying his daughter to keep her clothes on.
Montana is clear on her motives: Kardashian-esque fame. Fair enough, though I wouldn’t discount the influence of a raging Dyslexic-Electra Complex. Her father can be one scary dude. Check out Abel Ferrara’s 1990 crime classic King of New York for evidence. Luckily for for Montana, mom’s got her back.
Last night, against my will, I was dragged to see the new Predators movie with Adrien Brody, Topher Grace, Alice Braga, and Laurence Fishburne. After 106 minutes of stewing in disbelief that this movie was actually made, I compiled a list of ‘Cons.’ My movie-going partner, who’s been a fan of the original Governator-starring Predator since 1987, was somehow watching the same movie and came up with a list of ‘Pros’. Two different perspectives after the jump. Spoiler alert.
Pros: -It had great references to and drew on imagery from the the first Predator. -The Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) cameo was fantastic. –That 70’s Show guy (Topher Grace) was awesomely creepy. -There’s a new breed/species of a more-advanced Predator creature in this one. -The chain machine is back (from the first movie). -The dialogue is just as complex and deep as in the first movie. -There is a great ninja fight scene with samurai swords.
Cons: -The whole human-hunting thing on a game preserve reminds me of John Leguizamo’s terrible ’90s movie, The Pest. -Wait, where’s Schwarzenegger? -It takes way too long for the Predators to appear. This tactic doesn’t build suspense, it encourages boredom and forced me to focus on the bogus dialogue. -Adrien Brody is not believable as a jacked-up, muscular, ex-mercenary leading man. I don’t buy it, Robert Rodriguez. Was Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson busy or something? -People keep saving Topher Grace and then being killed themselves. That doesn’t make sense. Topher doesn’t even have a knife, he’s just dead weight. Unrealistic. -Alice Braga makes the tie-in to the first movie by sobbingly admitting to the group that she knows what the Predators are, thanks to a massacre in her home country of Guatemala. We could have figured it out on our own. Yawn. -After Predator 2, Alien vs. Predator, and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem , it’s high time to put this one to bed. But, no, of course, the ending of this one leaves room for plenty more Predator installments for years to come.