‘Lauren Conrad is Basic!’ Says Allure Magazine, Basically

Photo: The Hills 

Former reality starlet and (queen of making her 15 minutes of fame last longer than any Hilton sister) Lauren Conrad has reached out to twitter to defend herself. Conrad took the time to call out Allure magazine for dubbing her style ‘Basic’. If you haven’t heard, basic is a word used by many to state that another person is plane-Jane-vanilla-bean-boresville.

The magazine went on to state that LC created her ‘basic’ look by wearing skinny jeans (no crime in that) and her signature hair-do that the mag describes as ‘sausage curls’. I don’t know about you, but please don’t ever refer to my hair as anything that has to do with Oscar Meyer.

The silver lining on this whole debacle is that Allure is basically calling itself basic. The glossy must’ve forgotten that back in April none other than LC herself graced the cover of the mag. Hopefully for Lauren’s sake she will look anything but basic at her upcoming nuptials.

Afternoon Links: Ai Weiwei Sets Up Live Webcams, Mary J. Blige Commercial Pulled

● Ai Weiwei has installed four live webcams in his Beijing home — including one over his bed and two at his desk — as a nod to the 24-hour police surveillance he has been subjected to since his detention last year. [ArtsBeat]

● In Glamour this month, Lauren Conrad claims that, ever since someone "zoomed in" on her cellulite years ago, she has been "just petrified" of wearing a bathing suit in public. "It was so mean," she says. [Us]

● Noted astronomer Neil deGrasse Tyson has for years been bothered by the inaccurate star-map used in Titanic‘s climactic scene, so for the 3D go-around, James Cameron changed it. "So I said, ‘All right, you son of a bitch, send me the right stars for the exact time, 4:20 a.m. on April 15, 1912, and I’ll put it in the movie,’" Cameron said. "So that’s the one shot that has been changed." [HuffPost]

● David Byrne and Will Oldham have teamed up as the Pieces of Shit — a title which no one would endue the two — for the This Must Be the Place soundtrack. [Pitchfork]

● Mary J. Blige’s commercial for Burger King chicken snack wraps ("Crispy chicken, fresh lettuce, three cheeses, ranch dressing wrapped up in a tasty, flour tortilla," she’ll tell you to the tune of her “Don’t Mind”) already seems to have been pulled from YouTube. [Gawker]

● Nick Cannon has begun documenting his recent health troubles with an online series called the NCredible Health Hustle. "Hoping this series serves as inspiration for anyone dealing with kidney disease, lupus or ANY ILLNESS to keep pushing as well," he says. [People]

‘Globe and Mail’ Caption-Writer Skewers Celebrities, Favors Occupy Wall Street

This is amazing: whoever writes the captions for the Celebrity Photos of the Week feature for The Globe and Mail apparently has a not-so-secret liberal agenda.

Below are some screenshots of some of the best photos and captions of celebrities supposedly thinking long and hard about the Occupy Wall Street movement.

FashionFeed: Hot Topics at NYFW, Tumblr Takes Heat

● So you can mingle with confidence, here’s a cheat sheet of all the current events that will be discussed this NYFW, like the Marc-Jacobs-moving-to-Dior thing. [Style] ● Tumblr’s hefty NYFW sponsorship rates are not sitting well with the fashion world. Fashionista] ● Lucky mag’s handy fashion Twitter directory will definitely come in handy this month. [Lucky]

● How do we feel about this Inez and Vinoodh-shot video for Lady Gaga’s “Yoü And I” single? [Elle] ● So, this is what Lauren Conrad has been up to. [Stylecaster] ● Last night’s star-studded event at LA’s Confederacy feted the sea-inspired charm necklaces that the boutique’s co-founder Ilaria Urbinati designed with Tim Foster of Pennyroyal in support of the THERAsurf Foundation. [Style]

Morning Links: Shaq Retires, Lauren Conrad Thinks She’s Bad at Reality TV

● After 19 years, Shaq announced he’s stepping down from pro basketball yesterday via a twitvid. He already seems to be enjoying retirement. [Twitter/Shaq] ● Lady Gaga agrees that her album, in digital form, was only worth the 99 cents Amazon was selling it for. “It’s invisible. it’s in space. If anything, I applaud a company like Amazon for equating the value of digital versus the physical copy,” she told WSJ. [WSJ] ● Justin Timberlake and Ashely Olsen have been spotted together at afterparties, art shows, and even a polo match. It must be love. [NYDN]

● Derek Cianfrance’s (of Blue Valentine fame) next project, a crime drama called Place Beyond the Pines, is coming together, with both Bradley Cooper and Ryan Gosling signed on to star. Sounds so dreamy. [Variety] ● Lauren Conrad seems to think she’s better off without a reality show. “It’s easier to launch the [fashion] line,” she says. And anyways, she wasn’t very good at it: “there weren’t any scenes of me getting drunk or fighting, so what’s the point?” [Page Six] ● Justin Bieber is happy to show you his slam dunk, so long as the basketball hoop is child-sized. [Celebuzz]

Morning Links: Kristin Cavallari Doesn’t Want LC at Her Wedding, Bear Grylls Drinks His Own Pee

● Kristin Cavallari is drawing up a careful invite list for her wedding: high-school nemeses LC, Heidi, Whitney, and Brody are out; high-school besties Stephen, Audrina, and Stephanie Pratt are in. [PopEater] ● Michelle Williams will join James Franco, Rachel Weisz, and Mila Kunis in Sam Raimi’s prequel, Oz, the Great and Powerful, as Glinda the good witch. [Variety] ● Robert Pattinson fancies himself not just a shimmering vampire but a singer, too. The New York Daily News thinks he sounds like Ray LaMontagne. We’d say that’s generous. [NDYN]

● Bear Grylls responds to an internet meme, drinks his own piss. You get what you ask for, I guess. [BearGrylls/Twitter] ● Kirk Cameron, 90s TV heart-throb-cum-aggressive-evangelical, thinks it’s pretty stupid that “the genius of Brittan” Stephen Hawking doesn’t believe in heaven, because even John Lennon maybe sort of did. “John Lennon wasn’t sure. He said to pretend there’s no Heaven. That’s easy if you try. Then he said he hoped that someday we would join him,” Cameron said. That’s one way to hear it… [TMZ] ● Lonely Island are a real rap group because Akon and Rihanna are on their album and the vodka they’ve been pushing, Rokk, is actually real. [Page Six]

Lauren Conrad Lands Three-Book Deal With HarperCollins

Our good buddy Lauren Conrad is back. Going on the strength of her YA series L.A. Candy — the first installment hit number one on the New York Times‘ bestseller list — she’s signed a three-book deal with HarperCollins. The new trilogy will be called The Fame Game and will be based on the reality TV world. Conrad told Us Weekly that “We took the mean girl of the [L.A. Candy books], spinning her off. This series is about a girl who loves everything that fame is, and that’s all she’s ever really wanted.” Click through for excerpts from L.A. Candy (via Teen Vogue), to get a sense of what we’re in for.

This is how LC does dialogue:

The guy laughed. “I’m Paolo.” “You a model?” Jane asked, pointing at the portfolio in his hand. Paolo laughed again. “No, no. I’m a photographer.” “Oh!”

This is how LC shows us she’s just a regular gal caught in a crazy world:

“What’s wrong with white?” Jane asked. “It just doesn’t look great on camera. Color looks way better.” Jane looked down at the summery white lace dress she was wearing. Crap, she thought.

This is how LC shows us inner turmoil:

Jane was taken aback by his boldness. They had met all of 60 seconds ago. Still, he did kinda look like a young Brad Pitt. Besides, when was the last time she’d been on a date? Braden didn’t count. She had met him for drinks again at Cabo Cantina over the weekend, to celebrate her being on the show and moving in to a new apartment. It had been his idea. But that wasn’t a date. It never was with him. “Sure,” she said.

Struggling MFA grads everywhere are clutching their rejection letters and crying. In fairness, teenage girls (who are the target audience) may thoroughly enjoy this, as they should. If you’re interested in reading some LC lit right away, the paperback edition of the third L.A. Candy book just went on sale.

Morning Links: Rachel Zoe Is In Labor, ‘Mad Men’ Return Delayed

● Did Rachel Zoe have her baby? Reports late last night suggested that the super-stylist had checked into Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles in labor, and her uncharacteristically quiet Twitter seemed to hint that something was up. If that was all last night, is it now safe to say she’s lost the baby weight too, right?[Too Fab] ● But really, it’s fine: Gwyneth Paltrow just likes to sing. [EW] ● You already hate her, but now you can really hate hate: Paris Hilton is racist. Neil Strauss quotes her in his new book, Everyone Loves You When You’re Dead, as saying, “I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one.” Why? “It’s gross.” [LAWeekly]

● Remember what life was like before you had to compare every man to Don Draper? You might want to star trying, because it looks like it’s going to be a while before Mad Men returns. [NYT] ● When Carey Mulligan had nothing to wear to her Great Gatsby audition, Ashley Olsen came to her rescue, sending her boxes of 30s vintage dresses from her collection. How’s that for friendship?[Vogue] ● All that will ever become of Lauren Conrad’s never-picked-up new show is this twee-as-anything intro. Cute bow! [Angela and Ithyle]

Banksy Makes Mischief in Wake of Oscar Ban

Two new Banksy works have appeared in Los Angeles, the first spotted by none other than our pal Lauren Conrad. Presumably, this is Banksy’s way of messing with the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for preemptively banning him from appearing masked onstage should he win an Oscar. He’s smart to take advantage of the buzz, but that’s classic Banksy.

The first piece to appear was the Crayon Boy. Later, a second work with Charlie Brown was spotted:

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Hyperallergic cited this guy’s tweet of a quote by street art photographer Jake Dobkin as definitive proof that the art belongs to Banksy:

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It’ll be interesting to see what else he does in the days leading up to the Oscars.